Do you love the excitement and intrigue of that the arrival of a subscription box brings? We do too! But are all subscription boxes equal? Can subscription boxes become just one more thing to declutter?
Join Kathi and her Tik Tok famous guest Meredith Lynch as they discuss decluttering and the world of subscription boxes. Meredith started out as a beauty influencer but pushed back on the fast fashion/fast beauty culture. She is not afraid to speak her mind and has the cease and desist letters from beauty brands to prove it! Kathi and Meredith covered so much in this episode that Kathi has labeled it an XXLarge episode of information, such as:
The origins of subscription boxes
How some subscription boxes have become a scam
The concept of White Labeling – mass producing a product and slapping a designer label on it
But we love new beauty products! Are there any trusted voices out there? YES! Meredith Lynch gives us two people to follow for authentic beauty product insight.
Don’t forget to give Clutter Free Academy a one sentence review on your favorite podcast platform! Thanks!
The Accidental Homesteader: What I’ve Learned About Chickens, Compost, and Creating Home
Homesteading [hohm-sted-ing] noun 1. an act or instance of establishing a homestead. 2. the act of loving where you live so much that you actively ignore the fact that your house is trying to kill you on a regular basis. For Kathi Lipp and her husband, Roger, buying a house in one of the most remote parts of Northern California was never part of the plan; many of life’s biggest, most rewarding adventures rarely are.
Kathi shares the hard-won wisdom she’s gained on her homestead journey to help you accomplish more at home, gain fresh perspective, and give yourself grace in the process. Here’s a handful of the lessons Kathi shares:
Prepare before the need arises
Everything is always in process, including us
Your best household solution is time and patience
You don’t have to do everything the hard way
Be open to new and better ways of doing things
A lot of small changes make a huge difference. Highly practical, humorous, and inspirational, The Accidental Homesteader will encourage you to live with more peace, joy, and contentment.
Order your copy of The Accidental Homesteader: What I’ve Learned About Chickens, Compost, and Creating Home here.
Can I talk to you for a second?” My husband peeked into my sewing room. Fifteen projects in various stages of production covered every flat surface.
I looked up from the ironing board for a second. “Hey! Yeah, sure.”
A pause. “On the couch?”
“No, no…we have to talk in here. I have to keep working or I won’t get this done in time. It’s only fifteen days until Christmas.”
He looked at me like I’d sprouted elf ears. Clearly, he didn’t understand what a magical Christmas genie I was. All I needed was time to focus.
“Please. Just for a few minutes.”
I sighed. Maybe I could do with a break.
In the living room, my husband spent the better part of twenty minutes trying to talk me out of my crazy idea.
I sat listening, glancing at the sewing room door every three seconds. Nodded and smiled. Bounced my knee.
Meanwhile, time was wasting.
He cleared his throat, a sure sign that I needed to focus back on what he was saying. “I just don’t want you to spend three days in bed after Christmas is over.”
I popped up from the couch. “Don’t worry, I won’t. Back to work.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and scurried back into the sewing room. I thought I heard him mumble something about “manic,” but I didn’t have time to ask him to repeat himself.
I could get this done. Would get this done. And it would be an epic Christmas.
I wish I could say I took my husband’s wise advice that December 10. But I didn’t.
After raising a family, I felt like I’d pulled off enough Christmases to know what I was doing. I didn’t need help! Certainly not in the form of my husband’s counsel. Besides, isn’t everyone crazy-busy around Christmas?
True to form, I exhausted myself so much that I was sick in bed from December 26 until January 2. All for one day of celebration.
Skip forward to last year, when I discovered Kathi’s Christmas Project Planner. Not only was I able to have a joyful Christmas without driving my husband crazy, but I could record notes and thoughts about my Christmas plan for this year. (I already know I don’t need to buy wrapping paper and that I’m going to feature the blue and silver decorations I bought on clearance last December 27. It was fun to go shopping instead of recovering in bed!)
Each day, I tackled that day’s project without worrying about missing something or over stressing the details. My December went from frantic to peaceful and pleasant.
One of the most impactful pieces of advice Kathi gives is to find out what Christmas traditions and foods are most important to those you’ll be celebrating with. I was able to plan for the things my family thinks are important (homemade pumpkin pie with real whipped cream) and leave out what isn’t. Who knew that once they became adults, Christmas eve pajamas wouldn’t be cool anymore?
Through the process, I learned that the Christmas season is more than one day. Life can be joyful throughout the month of December with a little planning and setting of expectations.
The other positive change was scheduling everything I needed or wanted to do. That way I could have a realistic view of when things would get done and how much I could reasonably do. (My husband was very grateful that I didn’t take on a massive December sewing project last year.) We saved a ton of money on shipping alone. Instead of last-minute priority mail, we could send packages media mail with confidence they’d get there in plenty of time for Christmas.
This year, I’m already excited to plan for Christmas. I just received this year’s planner in the mail and it’s beautiful! I love that it has a place to write lists, menus, and notes inside. That way, when we’re shopping for gifts we don’t have to try to remember if we got our daughter a toaster already — it’s written down in the book. There are even pockets designed to tuck away recipes and receipts.
Since two of our kids are flying from the West coast to visit over Christmas, we’re delighted to have a houseful. But that will take some planning and preparation. We’ve already started having conversations about what traditions, activities, and food are the most important. Like last year, everything we expect to do will be on the calendar.
I’m glad I took notes about decorations, menus, and gifts last year because I wouldn’t have remembered any of those details. That saves me work.
Speaking of memories, I’m smiling as I begin this year’s Christmas planning. This morning it dawned on me that, for the first time, all of my planning and preparations last year freed me up to focus on what’s important. I don’t remember a hectic season of frantic work, or all of the details it took to pull off a wonderful Christmas.
The memories I do have are special family times and a sacred worship service. It turns out that it would be our last candlelight communion led by a well-loved young pastor. He passed away from cancer a couple months later, leaving a wife and three beautiful daughters. I wouldn’t trade that precious time for anything, and I’m glad I wasn’t distracted by a chaotic schedule and Christmas stress.
Lyneta Smith is a writer and editor who lives near Nashville, TN with her husband and an opinionated tortoiseshell cat. They enjoy holidays and family nights with their adult daughters more than ever. Lyneta is the author of Curtain Call: A Memoir, and has been published in numerous national magazines and newspapers.
What you believe directly correlates with what you do. Sometimes our false beliefs hold us back from living the clutter-free life and being the person God created us to be.
Today we talk about a few of those misconceptions and how we can replace them with the truth.
Clutter Misconception #1
So-and-so gave it to me.
As a twenty-something, I visited my family in my home state. It took two days to drive with two little girls in the back seat. We had a wonderful visit, but as I was packing my car, an aunt insisted that I take two giant stuffed toys — a bunny and crow dressed as a scarecrow.
I said no. She ignored my request, instead buckling them into the seatbelts as if they were passengers. My twenty-something self simply shrugged and drove away. (My forty-something self would…respond differently.) I got quite a few second looks as I drove home two days through three states with a bunny and a crow riding shotgun.
A year later, after the girls were tired of keeping the oversized toys, we put them into our garage sale and sold them to good homes.
Again I made the trip back home to see family. When the topic of the bunny and crow came up with my aunt, I told her I’d sold them. She then had the audacity to scold me for getting rid of them.
And then…I died.
Kidding!
I didn’t die. I survived the awkwardness and (mostly) enjoyed my visit with family.
We’re afraid of other people’s reactions sometimes and that’s why we keep stuff we don’t love or use. But my experience with my aunt’s reaction only took a few minutes as opposed to looking at stuff we neither want nor need indefinitely.
Clutter Misconception #2
We might need it again someday.
I’ll never forget the day I pulled my beautiful rose-shaped candles out of storage. Instead of delicate pink petals and perfect, unburned wicks, I found a melted glob of cloying pink wax all over photo frames and other keepsakes. I’d never had a specific purpose for them, but I thought surely I’d use them someday.
This is the worst reason to keep an item you’re not using right now. If you don’t know for sure whether it will come in handy, wouldn’t it be best for your space (and the item) if it were being used by someone who does need it now?
To be clear, I’m not talking about a treasured, irreplaceable heirloom you have to put in storage because you don’t have room in your living space in this season of life. If you can say yes to “Do I love it?” then keep it. But if you don’t use it, love it, and wouldn’t buy it again, give someone else the pleasure of using it now.
Clutter Misconception #3
I spent money on it, so now I need to keep it even though I don’t use it.
We visited our friends in Oregon City, OR a couple of years ago. Their adult son, his wife, and four children were home on furlough from their mission in Indonesia. They gave us a special gift: nutmeg still in its shell, grown on the island where they were serving. (They looked almost like pecans.)
I kept them in a special bowl on my dresser, where they served as a pretty fall decoration. I came across the perfect kitchen tool one day in the store — a spice grater. How perfect! I would save it all for Christmas and then make my family wonderful holiday drinks with freshly grated nutmeg on top. It would make Christmas even more magical!
Well, Christmas came and went in a flurry of present buying and wrapping, post office trips, grocery store runs and aaaalllll the cooking. We had a great time but I never got around to making special hot drinks or grating my own nutmeg. The little grater sat in a drawer for months and my cat scattered the nutmeg seeds all over the house. (She thinks my dresser is her personal toy store.)
I knew where those paws had been, so there’s no way I was going to consume anything she’d batted around the floor. Every time I looked into the kitchen drawer, I saw the grater taking up space. You might say it grated on me, but that might be getting a little cheesy.
Still, I couldn’t get rid of it. I’d spent good money on it but never used it.
The next Christmas, my brother smoked some ribs for us all to have for Christmas dinner. In the process of making iced tea, I flooded my counter and all the water drained into that drawer. As I was emptying the drawer to dry everything out, my brother made fun of all my obscure kitchen tools, especially the grater, in the way only siblings can do. (Don’t you love siblings? They’re ruthless and some of your favorite people ever all rolled into one.)
That Christmas, I chose to put the grater (and some other tools) into the giveaway bin. Guess what? I haven’t felt guilty for spending money on it since then, because I don’t have anything around to remind me. By giving it to someone who would use it, I got out of the guilt cycle and blessed someone else. (Who knows? I may have enabled the next winner of Top Chef by providing the one tool needed to get to the next level!)
Clutter-Free Truths
Before you get rid of the clutter, you have to get rid of the misconceptions that make you believe you need to keep it.
Kathi’s three questions help us base every decision on the truth:
Do I love it?
Do I use it?
Would I buy it again?
Giveaway Time!*
Speaking of misconceptions, clutter isn’t the only thing we get confused about. That’s why Amanda Haley wrote Mary Magdalene Never Wore Blue Eyeshadow — to help us sort out our misconceptions about the Bible.
Thanks to the generosity of Harvest House Publishers, we have a few of these to give away to our readers!
One Grand Prize Winner will receive one copy of the book, along with some lovely things to provide a cozy reading atmosphere. Curl up with some slippers, tea, a journal, and pens to enjoy this book and dig into truths from the Bible.
Leave a comment below to be entered to win.
What clutter misconceptions are holding you back from a clutter-free life?
There are school papers and toys and permission slips and awards and backpacks and treasures and art projects and…the list goes on and on.
Having to manage their stuff while they’re living under your roof is to be expected, but what about when they’re NOT living under your roof anymore? You now have an empty nest and a full house. What do you do with your adult child’s stuff that they haven’t taken with them?
We have five young adult children. Three are married, but they all live out on their own. At one point our nest was empty, but our attic was not! It was full of our adult kids’ memorabilia, awards, sports equipment, and even some furniture.
As you walk towards the clutter-free life, what do you do about the stuff that belongs to your adult kids? Here are nine strategies we’ve found helpful:
Identify their status: are they in transition or settled in?
When you have an adult child that’s in transition, you might choose to give a little grace until they are in a more settled place. Our second oldest daughter’s husband was in the Army for four years. She moved home twice during each of his year-long deployments, so we gave some grace on keeping some of their items in our home until he left the Army and settled down. One of our sons is currently living abroad. He has two small pieces of furniture he couldn’t take with him but he didn’t want to get rid of that he asked us to keep in the attic. We were okay saying yes to that.
Give a warning.
You’ve likely been thinking about this for a while, but your kids probably have not—out of sight, out of mind—right? Every child is different, but especially if you have a “saver,” it’s important to give them a heads up that you’re going to need them to deal with their stuff in the near future.
Set a realistic deadline.
Let them know that you’re renovating the bedroom/cleaning out the attic or garage/having a yard sale on a certain date. Ask them to come get what they want to keep or sell themselves by that date. Let them know that anything that’s theirs in your house after that date will be sold, donated, or disposed of on that date. (And you’ll be keeping the proceeds from any sales!) Then do exactly what you communicated you would do.
Be prepared for your own emotional responses.
It may be hard for you, but you have to keep your eye on the target—to live light, free, and not weighed down with stuff. Getting rid of things doesn’t get rid of the memories. You always have those with you, and you don’t need their things to remember.
Adjust your expectations.
The items you thought were important to save may not be important at all to your child. That has to be okay. You have to allow your child to have differing priorities than you do. They have to have the freedom to assign a different meaning to stuff than you do. Resist the urge to try to convince your child of why something should be important to them. He or she is different than you and that has to be okay.
Understand today’s young adults.
In general, millennials (born 1981 to 1996) and GenZ (born 1997 to today) are disposable generations. They are a generation or two away from a direct influence of the Great Depression where you learned to save everything and use it in some way. Many of today’s young adults are minimalists and not very attached to their stuff. One of our daughters and her husband have sold everything and traveled full time not once, but twice! They are not attached to things at all. While I treasure some of my great-grandmother’s antiques in my own home, I may be the last generation in our family to do so, and that’s got to be okay. We have to resist the urge to pressure our kids to value something because we value it.
Use your phone.
As you are decluttering, take photos of questionable items and text them to your kids for quick decisions. Accept their answers. Remember, however, there may be special items (NOT EVERYTHING!) none of the kids want (such as their Dad’s train set) that you might choose to keep because your adult kids may not be at the age or stage of life where they might use or appreciate them. You could wait on those few things until they are further down the road of life with children of their own.
Have a plan for sentimental baby items.
Maybe you brought each of your children home in the same outfit and you’re not sure what to do with something like that. Could you frame it and put it in a wall photo collage with each child’s baby pictures? Things in boxes aren’t enjoyed. Is there a way you can enjoy the things that mean the most to you?
Think about future generations.
We’ve gotten rid of many toys over the years, but I kept my kids’ Rescue Heroes, Little People, and Legos as well as some books and other small toys they all enjoyed. Now our grandchildren are enjoying those classic toys when they visit, and they are vastly different than the toys they have at home.
One of the best parts of the empty nest is being able to reclaim the use of your house in a way that fits your passions and interests. With a little bit of communication and effort, you can make sure you’re not tripping over the past on your way to the future you’re creating.
Jill Savage is the author of fourteen books including her newest book Empty Nest Full Life: God’s Best For Your Next. You can find out more information about Jill and her resources for empty nest or close-to-empty-nest moms at www.EmptyNestBook.com.
For some people, a three-step plan for a decluttering system results in a neat and cozy home within a few months. For others, decluttering is an arduous journey. It’s not because of busyness or not having a system in place. Behind stacks of clutter, hidden spiritual and emotional issues lurk. If we’re honest, we admit that sometimes it’s just easier to keep those issues hidden in the piles of clutter.
Here are some hidden reasons for clutter:
Low self-worth
Pleasing other people
Clinging to the past/reliving our mistakes
Poverty mindset—fearing the lack
Depression/anxiety clutter cycle—If we’re constantly in the emotional part of our brain, we can’t use the logic part (where we make decisions).
Some of these reasons are chronic, while others are situational. In 2014, my eyes were opened to a long-time clutter problem in my own house.
A few months after my dad passed away, my siblings and I traveled from three different states to his house. It took us four days to clean it out, working from early morning until late evening, when we were too tired to move.
I lost track of how many giant, industrial garbage dumpsters we filled. Time and again, a driver would load it onto his truck, empty it at the dump, and bring it back again.
Anything you could think of, we threw away. (We gave a lot away too. A charity came and took what was useable to help needy families.) Stacks of old magazines, mattresses, bank papers from before I was born, and an entire drawer full of keys to who-knows-what. Sixty-seven years’ worth of stuff, and I don’t think Dad ever tossed anything besides old food.
For me, it was like looking into my future.
When I arrived home, I saw everything I had piled around my house. Even some stuff I didn’t want but kept anyway, for fear of offending the relative who gave it to me. If I didn’t do something now, I realized, my kids were going to be saddled with loads of useless stuff to deal with upon my death.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t ever learned a practical system for being clutter free. One of the books in my many stacks was Kathi’s The Get Yourself Organized Project. I’d read it and even written a review for a newspaper article.
So how did I get from cluttery mess to (mostly) decluttered and organized home business owner?
Here I share five crucial elements on my clutter-free journey.
1) Awareness.
Here’s the main difference between then and now: Today I really can’t stand clutter and work the systems from Clutter Free daily to keep it out of my house. Before, I didn’t notice it or care that my house was cluttered. I lost time, money and sanity because of my clutter, but I tolerated it because it just seemed normal to me. I didn’t consider there might be a better way to live. This is the simplest—and also hardest—of the steps.
2) A new safe space.
Since clutter is often accompanied by feelings of low self-worth, we must redefine what feels safe to us. It’s a big mind shift to feel worthy of the time it takes to improve our living spaces. Making change is hard; it’s easier to just stick with what we know. Gradually, I accepted that my new way of living was the actual safe space, and not the unhealthy condition of an overly cluttered house. Instead of making ourselves feel better by buying more things, we can enjoy the calm, peaceful feeling of an uncluttered home.
3) Treat yourself like the treasure you are.
Once I became aware of my clutter problem, I worked to keep my thoughts about it positive. I changed “I’m such a slob!” to “I’m working through Kathi’s steps to get clutter free; I didn’t get here overnight, and I won’t be rid of it all overnight, either.” If we’re constantly berating ourselves, we’ll stay stuck in our low self-worth mindset. Kathi’s mantra of decluttering being a lifestyle and not a “one and done” became my mainstay. The more kind and gentle you can be with yourself, the more progress you’ll make.
4) Deal with specific issues you’re hiding.
Among my stacks of books, I had one titled Not Marked that deals with childhood sexual abuse. I had purchased it with several other titles and dumped them into my other piles of books. At that point, I hadn’t told anyone I was suffering from PTSD flashbacks to childhood trauma. Not even my husband knew about the abuse or that I was trying to cope with overwhelming memories. Other places to hide our issues might be ridiculously messy pantries to hide eating too much junk food or crammed-full closets to hide a clothes shopping addiction. It starts with telling one friend you can trust (or a therapist) and getting to the source of whatever’s eating you.
5) Celebrate your wins by enjoying that decluttered room again.
Once I got all the piles of books out of my living room, we bought some pretty pictures and couch pillows to make it cozy. Since it looks so nice, I’m really hesitant to leave anything that doesn’t belong out in the living room. One by one, as you conquer the specific areas of your home, decorate and personalize them so that they feel complete.
Whether your hidden reasons for clutter are chronic or situational, there is hope. Establishing a system for decluttering and recognizing the hidden reasons behind the clutter is the first step. Remember, give yourself grace for whatever you’re struggling with; even if it takes longer than you hoped, you’ll get to the place where you can live peacefully in your space again.
Enter to win!
Want a chance to win a copy of Lyneta’s memoir, Curtain Call? Comment below and two random winners will be mailed a copy by March 13th. (Winners outside the U.S. will receive a digital copy.)
3 Ways to Stop Screen Time from Ruining Your Mood–and Your Marriage!
A few years ago I found myself, on pretty much a weekly basis, pondering, “How can life be so cruel?”
I’d fixate on how deplorable our culture was. I’d bemoan how awful so many men were to so many women. I’d stumble to the bathroom and brush my teeth, and drag myself to the bed and crawl under the covers, hoping to disappear.
My husband would find me like that and try to talk me out of it. He’d want me to open up and explain what was going on in my head. He’d offer to help me make a list of good things that I could focus on instead.
And I would lie there and fume. “Why can’t he just let me have my mood? Why can’t he just leave me alone instead of trying to fix me? He’s always doing that. Every week, he tries to make me see the bright side when I just need to FEEL. Every week. In fact, every Thursday he does this.”
“What’s wrong with him that on Thursdays he always has to interfere?”
Then I thought,”Wait a minute. What’s wrong with me that every Thursday I’m depressed?”
And then I realized that every Thursday, we watched Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Every Thursday, I’d get depressed. And every Thursday, I’d take it out on my husband.
Maybe the problem was not Keith. Maybe the problem was my television preferences!
So we turned off the TV and we switched off Netflix and a couple of times a week we’d find other things to fill our time and build our relationship — things that didn’t make me grumpy and hate men.
It’s not just our homes that can get cluttered. It can be our minds, too.
What we fill our minds with affects our outlook on life. And watching TV or watching a movie doesn’t necessarily build your relationship with your husband that much. Sure, it can be fun occasionally, but many of us turn to screens by default in the evenings, when there are much better options that raise our mood, make us laugh together, and build memories.
Keith and I have focused on three different things that help us. See if you can find one that can work for your marriage, too!
1. Play a board game as a couple.
Board games aren’t just for groups! Board games can be awesome as a couple, too. And we’ve discovered some great new ones, even in the last few years. It’s not all Monopoly and Scrabble and Boggle. Here are a few others that we love:
Hive: It’s like chess, but with bugs. And octagons. Or are they hexagons? Your five pieces can move in different ways, and whoever surrounds the queen bee first wins! The great part about it? It only takes about 10 minutes to play a game all the way through.
Carcassone: Here’s one of my favorites that works great with really young kids and bigger groups, as well. You get to build a medieval French countryside together, putting down tiles that create the board. Monasteries, villages, roads, rivers, and more. You rack up points by finishing a road, city, or building, or by cultivating crops. But the best part is that the board looks different every time!
Pandemic: Another game that works well in groups, but also works well just for couples! It’s a cooperative game, so you can play it with a super competitive husband and no one will get grumpy. (Although you may get killed by a wicked virus. Sometimes stuff happens.) Four viruses are spreading in the world, and you need to use the skills of scientists, researchers, medics, and more to stop the spread. It’s great strategy, and you’ll learn geography, too!
A few years ago, my husband and I watched the movie The Big Year, all about competitive bird watching (yes, there is such a thing). It was such a great movie, and right after that, we went out and bought two sets of awesome binoculars, a bird book, and started ourselves. We live near one of the best bird migration sites in North America, and it didn’t take long to start getting quite the list!
Keith’s way more into birdwatching that I am, but I still love it. We get outside. We get fresh air. We get to talk. And hey–the birds are pretty!
We also love ballroom dancing, and periodically take classes to learn more steps. We’re to the point that we can actually impress people now at weddings.
If you were to say to your beloved, “Honey, can we talk tonight?“, chances are he’d panic. But if you were to say, “Honey, how about a walk after dinner?“, he wouldn’t get his back up, and he may even agree.
When women talk to each other, we tend to like to do it face to face, gazing into our friends’ eyes. But when men talk, they tend to do it side-by-side, when they’re doing something together.
One of the best things we can do for our marriage, then, is to do something that puts you side by side with your husband. And for that, nothing beats getting outside, whether it’s just taking that walk, or taking a bike ride, or even just gardening!
When we get outside, the screen isn’t trying to pull us in so much with its promise of Netflix and movies. We’re able to be fully present and fully available. And that’s going to make you feel far closer to your husband, too!
I had to declutter my mind to see clearly that my husband is a good guy, and he can be a lot of fun. And when we added some fun things that had nothing to do with screens, we increased the laughter. (And I stopped dwelling on horrible sex crimes, too.)
Maybe, as the new school year starts up, it’s time to develop a new routine of your own. After all, no one wants to be grumpy every Thursday!
