Do you ever have that reaction? You see the name on that email, and your heart just sinks. Ugh.
And of course, the email was jerky, pushed buttons, and made me ticked. I’m sure that was the desired response. So of course, I had my equally jerky response all written in my head.
“The next time you want something from me, perhaps you should choose discussion instead of declaration.” That was the nicest sentence in my reply.
I knew it would feel good to hit send. It would feel oh so good. But I also knew that sinking to their level would ultimately just let them win.
And I didn’t want that to happen.
So here is what I’ve did to not sink. (This advice is hard won after sending too many emails impulsively…)
Wait. Yes – it feels great to send off that nasty response in the heat of the moment, but it will feel even better to send a thoughtful response – or perhaps no response at all.
Pray. the reaction I have is out of the flesh – I want it to be out of The Spirit. Prayer is the only way I’m ever going to do that.
Consult. I wanted to send the nastygram. Roger talked me out of it. Roger was the one who reminded me that I needed to act Christlike even if I didn’t feel Christlike. I sent him the email and he congratulated me for taking the high road (this time.)
Any additional suggestions to not being a jerk?
Update as of 3:13 (about an hour and half after I posted this.)
OK – said person said something super-jerky in a follow-up email. And I ignored all the advice above and sent something back super-snotty. Sigh.
I am no longer engaging in the drama. This is officially being moved over to the Crazy File (a file that Roger reads before I do so that I do not escelate crazy discussions.) Sigh.
I will do better next time. I can’t promise. But I can pray.
I just did some toy shopping. I ordered a big plush version of Dory from Finding Nemo.
And I bought it for myself. (And maybe, just maybe, I will let my two toddler friends play with it if they promise to be really, really careful.) Let me tell you why I had the sudden need to have a giant stuffed fish on my desk.
Last year, I made a huge list of all the things I wanted to get accomplished in 2010. And you know what? There weren’t a lot of checkmarks.
I started to get really depressed around June. Why wasn’t I getting things done? Why was I working so hard and I wasn’t getting the checkmarks I wanted – ney! – deserved?!?
Until I realized, even though I wasn’t getting the list done, I was getting other things done. God was taking me in new and unexpected directions – it wasn’t what I’d planned on, it was better.
I love how Dory just keeps telling herself, “Just keep swimming”. Don’t get distracted.
That’s my resolution for the year – to just keep swimming. Even if I’m not heading in the direction I though, I need to keep swimming.
So Dory and I are going to be doing 2011 together. I have some things I want to get accomplished (we already made our first Goodwill and dump runs this year – talk about a cleansing ritual…) but I am also going to just keep moving – not get bogged down when things don’t go the way I want them to. I’m going to keep learning, keep seeking God, and keep discovering His plan for me.
So tell me – what is your 2011 resolution this year?
Yes. Those are the words that every mother longs to hear.
One of my kids, (who has asked to remain nameless,) had a little accident.
OK it was more than a little accident. I mean, just look that that license plate.
Thankfully, no one was hurt. No one, except for my car. (BTW, I have to give it up for my 11 year old Toyota Sienna. It has had rocks reign down on it, a tree fall on it, and taught teens to drive. That is the Energizer Bunny of Automobiles.)
All this occurred just hours before I am suppose to leave for a retreat. On peace.(Go ahead. Laugh ironically. I did before I cried.)
I have to tell you honestly. I wasn’t feeling it.
There have been work issues, family issues, and health issues. Plus, we have been moving rooms around. (Want to test a family’s peace level? Have them switch rooms around. I. Dare. You.)
I was jumpy, my heart kept racing, and I was on the verge of tears all the time.
But if there is one thing I have learned about peace it’s this: You don’t get to choose your circumstances, but you do get to choose who you let handle them.
When I respond with my oh-so-human response, I continue to be jumpy, my heart keeps racing and I am on the verge of tears all the time.
But when I finally, eventually, start praying and remembering what God has promised me, that is the only time that I can even begin to taste anything resembling peace.
The verse I go to in times like this is Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
It is conditional. I get peace because:
I keep my mind on Him
I trust in Him
And when I do those things, I have peace.
So here is my question for you: What are the verse you rely on when you need to keep the peace? Because really, I am going to paste them up in my car. When it gets back from the shop.
As you probably know from the kind of books I write, I am pretty crazy about my husband.
But, just like every other marriage, unless I am intetional about letting him know it, I can sometimes forget that little fact.
I have certain things that stress me out in our relationship:
Traveling Together
Directions while traveling
Traveling with kids
(Do you see a pattern here?)
It can be hard to remember all the reasons that Roger rocks my world on a regular basis.
So instead of silently pouting and waiting until it all gets better, (because really? I was the one with the attitude this weekend…) it’s time for my campaign to let Roger know that I love him.
So here are three simple things I am going to do to improve my relationship with my man, today.
Leaving a Post-it Y’all know I have a deep affection for my office supplies. When I can combine my love of all things form Office Depot with my love of my man, it’s a beautiful thing. So I’m going to let Roger know – via sticky note – one of the reasons I love him.
Make Him a Treat Baked goods always make Roger feel loved. I have time today to make him something (OK – so it will probably involve a mix, but still…) but if I didn’t, there is no reason I can’t get him something from Safeway.
Brag on Him It takes about two seconds to think of something great about Roger – but that does little good unless I share it. Sometimes, I need to share it with Rog, but it is way more effective to let someone he knows how much he rocks.
So today, I want you to join me in a love-a-thon. Will you do one thing to let your man know he rocks? tell us what you did (or are going to do) and I will enter you into a drawing for one of my favorite marriage-enhancing books:
Red-Hot Monogomy by Bill and Pam Farrel.
Make sure you let me know know what it is, here on the blog, by Wednesday, and I will enter you into the drawing.
Everyday, Jake the puggle (our pug/beagle mix) needs to be walked. (We live in a townhouse, and Jake is afraid of the back yard, so all official business must be accomplished on walks.) And between Roger and I, Jake gets walked, over two miles, every single day.
I walk him most mornings, and I have to tell you, generally, I really enjoy it. He is a happy dog, and except for the frequent “SQUIRREL” moments, he is pretty well behaved. I strap on my iPod, listen to a downloaded book, take a stroll in my complex, and generally enjoy my morning.
One of the drawbacks however (and trust me, I’m trying to be discreet here,) is that Jake does his business early in his walks. I, being a responsible dog owner, clean up after my dog and get to carry that little blue baggie for the rest of the .9 miles.
Here is where I am having problems.
You see, I was still enjoying our walks, blue baggie and all, until two weeks ago.
For the past two weeks, I have been carrying that little bag as I pass by a white truck. The white truck has a sticker on it that says “No Heifers – Truck May Tip Over” (Very reminiscent of the “No Fat Chicks” stickers from a couple of decades ago.)
I have to say. That little sticker evokes a lot of thoughts for me. Here are the thoughts – in numerical order:
That guy is a moron.
Why is it, no matter what time of morning I pass by the truck, is it ALWAYS there. Does moron not have a job? Did he expend so much energy picking out that oh-so-clever sticker and affixing it to the window of his car that, besides making beer runs, that is all he can manage to accomplish in life?
I hate carrying this blue baggie.
I know where I could put this blue baggie and not have to carry it any futher.
Yes, I KNOW that is not what Jesus would want me to do. And I know that even HAVING that thought is not a good thing.
But really, can you blame me?
(I comfort myself by thinking that surly Beth Moore has had some blue baggie/white truck moments. But probably not.)
Ugh.
