I hated to see that name come up in my inbox.
Do you ever have that reaction? You see the name on that email, and your heart just sinks. Ugh.
And of course, the email was jerky, pushed buttons, and made me ticked. I’m sure that was the desired response. So of course, I had my equally jerky response all written in my head.
“The next time you want something from me, perhaps you should choose discussion instead of declaration.” That was the nicest sentence in my reply.
I knew it would feel good to hit send. It would feel oh so good. But I also knew that sinking to their level would ultimately just let them win.
And I didn’t want that to happen.
So here is what I’ve did to not sink. (This advice is hard won after sending too many emails impulsively…)
- Wait. Yes – it feels great to send off that nasty response in the heat of the moment, but it will feel even better to send a thoughtful response – or perhaps no response at all.
- Pray. the reaction I have is out of the flesh – I want it to be out of The Spirit. Prayer is the only way I’m ever going to do that.
- Consult. I wanted to send the nastygram. Roger talked me out of it. Roger was the one who reminded me that I needed to act Christlike even if I didn’t feel Christlike. I sent him the email and he congratulated me for taking the high road (this time.)
Any additional suggestions to not being a jerk?
Update as of 3:13 (about an hour and half after I posted this.)
OK – said person said something super-jerky in a follow-up email. And I ignored all the advice above and sent something back super-snotty. Sigh.
I am no longer engaging in the drama. This is officially being moved over to the Crazy File (a file that Roger reads before I do so that I do not escelate crazy discussions.) Sigh.
I will do better next time. I can’t promise. But I can pray.
I was a JERK. I neglected and dismissed their needs. All I care was to use them. They got angry I understand now that is normal for a human to be angry when dismissed the way I did. I was too selfish to explore ways that could repair conflict together. I thought communication was wrong. I label them as the problem when they were the only one trying to find a solution. I was a real JERK.
Hi, I’m a jerk and can’t help it
I was glad to see you weren’t p.o’d at me 😉 It sounds like this person was intentionally nasty and stirring the pot, not just unintentionally lacking social graces. Good job on holding back – and seriously, i’m sure your reply after the second email was still less than it could have been an hour+ before. Those are prefect reasons I am so thankful for the dear husband God gave me too. You & Roger make a great team.
Awww… I’m so sorry someone is being MEAN. I hate meanness. And, I am totally impulsive and would totally do a quick (and equally nasty) reply before stopping to think. Hope things are going better!
Thank you for coining a new term for my stockpile: nastygram. That just made my day. I feel ya!
I feel your pain. And I can taste the sweet revenge. Props to you for being the bigger person! (at least for a little while) Love you, friend. As MY wise hubby always says, “Anything worth doing is worth getting criticized for.” So you much be doing something worth doing. 🙂