Kathi Lipp (00:13)
Well hey friends, welcome to Clutter Free Academy where our goal is to help you take small doable steps every day to live with less clutter and more life. And I have a very special treat here today. As many of you know, I write for the Hallmark Day Spring organization, Encourage, and this is one of my Encourage sisters. Let’s just say I’m one of her little sisters because she has been doing this a lot longer than I have.

Kristen (00:38)
you

Kathi Lipp (00:41)
Guys, it is Kristin Strong and she is the author of the new book, Praying Through Loneliness, a 90 day devotional for women. And when I say that she is the author, we’ll talk more about that. Kristin, welcome to the podcast. I’m so thrilled to have you on here.

Kristen (00:54)
you

thanks for having me, Kathy. I’m so happy to be here too.

Kathi Lipp (01:02)
You know, it’s when we were originally talking about this book and I’m very excited because I got to be a part of this book and we’ll talk a little bit more about that later on. But, you know, I was like, I don’t know about praying through loneliness as necessarily a podcast episode just because I want to keep it centered on decluttering. My people show up for decluttering. I want to serve them for where they need. But the more I thought about it,

the more, you know, what kept coming to my mind is this phrase over and over again, clutter isn’t just about stuff, it’s about separation. And as I thought about it, you know, before I really went on my decluttering journey and got a little bit of freedom from all of this clutter, I remember it was very isolating. One of my, it’s a joke, but it’s not a joke, that 20 years ago,

If you showed up unexpectedly at my house for coffee, I would have served you on the front porch. I would often be embarrassed. Now, if I wanted to throw a party as long as I had two weeks notice and I killed myself, I wouldn’t say necessarily decluttering, but hiding all the clutter, I could do that. But I just found that…

Kristen (02:07)
you

Kathi Lipp (02:27)
I was in a place of shame and I was in a place of discouragement and fear that people would find out. And I think that a lot of people are in that circumstance that people don’t want to invite people over.

Kristen (02:31)
Mm.

you

Kathi Lipp (02:45)
or they don’t necessarily want their kids to invite friends over. Now, I’m guessing that clutter isn’t a struggle for you as much as it might be for some of my listeners, and maybe that’s not true, but I think we’ve all felt places of isolation and loneliness. What caused you to write this book? Where was the loneliness in your life showing up, Kristen?

Kristen (03:13)
Well, this may be surprising actually, the reason, how this book actually came to be is I had presented a book proposal, know, shopped it out to different publishers on a similar but different topic. the publisher really liked that. And actually that book is releasing in the spring.

Kathi Lipp (03:33)
Yeah.

Kristen (03:39)
But they, I thank you, thank you. But they, they had a, they’d already had like a couple of other books in a series of praying through serious praying through cancer, praying through infertility. And they really wanted to do a praying through loneliness. So as they read my proposal, they’re like, there’s really something here where we could.

Kathi Lipp (03:39)
Woohoo!

Mm, okay.

you

Kristen (04:01)
kind of also do a little pivot project that in line with these other two we’ve already done. And they asked me if I’d be interested in it. And you know, I’ve always really liked editing. And so I was like, yeah, I could just kind of get to get into the editing, you know, mucking the mire a little bit. And so that sounds, you know, like something I would like to do. And I felt at that point in my life really,

Kathi Lipp (04:09)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (04:28)
I’ve been a military wife for almost 20 years and certainly that brings up a recurring cycle of loneliness.

Kathi Lipp (04:32)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kristen (04:38)
But I’d also lived in my kind of adopted hometown now of Colorado Springs, Colorado for over 10 years. And I started to understand how, you you can still, you can not move every whip stitch and still be real lonely. And so, you know, kind of bringing both of those into that, you know, as well as that follow on project I mentioned, you know, was, was something I was happy to talk about.

Kathi Lipp (04:55)
Yeah.

Yeah, I it’s interesting right because sometimes we can blame our loneliness on our circumstances but sometimes it is just The deeper truth in our life that we can be surrounded by a lot of people we can be a surrounded you know, we could have all the things that make it look like they should be fine and Inside still feeling that isolation and loneliness, you know

Kristen (05:21)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Kathi Lipp (05:37)
One one

of the interesting things about this book how many different contributors did you have to this book?

Kristen (05:43)
It was north of 45. yeah, yeah. So quite a few ended up contributing. You know, yeah, just the way it worked out. You know, I wanted to post a fewer contributors, but more pieces from each one. But then the way it kind of just worked out where people were, you know, were interested in just contributing one or two pieces. Then I was like, well, then that’s more voices. So that’s, you know, that’s great. So.

Kathi Lipp (05:46)
my goodness.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. We love to hear

more voices. I think that that’s really solid. Yeah, so the piece I wrote for this book actually was about chickens. thank you so much. You know, chickens will teach you a lot. And it’s so interesting because we had three old guard kind of chickens. We call them the OG, the original gangsters.

Kristen (06:13)
Mm-hmm.

It’s one of my favorites. I love it so much.

Hahaha.

Kathi Lipp (06:39)
And I didn’t

know this until I had chickens, but there really is a pecking order. There is a pecking order that the bigger battered chickens will let the lesser chickens know that they’re in trouble. And in this particular group, we had three old guard, and then we had Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Rocky was the smallest and the one who got picked on the most. And so when it was time to open up the coop, the three big girls would go,

Kristen (06:45)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (07:08)
Into the run, you know where they could see everything and they they wanted to be the first out the door when I let them out so that they could go, you know, see if there were worms or see if there was a new blade of grass and Bullwinkle would go out with them too. But when the door would open Bullwinkle would go back into the coop and let Rocky know you’re you’re okay. It’s okay to come out and

Kristen (07:11)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (07:37)
I mean, I sit here and I think about it and it brings me to tears because I think about the way that I’ve needed some bullwinkles in my life to come back and say, you’re gonna be okay. I’m here with you. I’m not leaving you alone. I think in so many of my friends’ lives, whether they’ve been going through a divorce, whether they have

Kristen (07:43)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (08:06)
a medical diagnosis that has made them feel isolated, or in the case of many of the people who are listening here today, we just need somebody to tell us that we’re gonna be okay. And I wonder what you read from all those contributors or what you, first of all, if you’re the bullwinkle, if you’re the one who’s wanting to let somebody know they’re going to be okay,

Kristen (08:19)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (08:36)
How do you help the people who are struggling with isolation in your life? Maybe you’re not struggling, but you have a friend who’s going through a tough time. What did you learn from reading all these essays that might be able to help somebody who’s listening today, who wants to help that person who’s feeling isolated because of their clutter or because of something else going on in their lives?

Kristen (08:42)
Mm.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, I think one of the great things I learned was what you shared, Kathy. You talked about the one more question, you know, just taking that time, you know, you you might ask somebody, well, how’s it going? And they’re like, doing OK. But you know how sometimes you can just sense like they’re saying they’re OK, but none of what I’m seeing is matching what they’re saying, you know. And so just I love the idea. And I’ve thought of that so many times since reading your piece about

Kathi Lipp (09:20)
Right, right.

Kristen (09:29)
just asking one more question, like even just, are you sure like it’s going okay, you know? And I just think that gives people that extra opportunity, that permission really, you know, cause you know, you don’t want to be a burden to people. And sometimes you think like, they don’t have time right now or they got a lot going on. And so I, you know, I’ll save it for another time. But when you ask, when you take a minute to go, are you sure everything’s going okay or…

Kathi Lipp (09:34)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (09:57)
you know, just probing a smidge deeper. It does a lot to give somebody that permission to feel they can share. And I would say that’s the other thing I learned is it’s not just, or had maybe re, I relearned perhaps, that it’s not just taking the time to ask those one more questions or to check in on your people. You know, send a little text, you know.

Kathi Lipp (10:13)
Mm-hmm.

Kristen (10:22)
take the time to tell them happy birthday when you remember things like that. But also then when you are like asking the one more question, it’s incumbent on the person on the receiving end to also be like, okay, I’m gonna, I just need to be vulnerable and share and not just refuse to do that. You know, it’s kind of both parts I think are really, really important in helping those.

Kathi Lipp (10:26)
Right.

Right.

Kristen (10:47)
you know, folks that are mitigating loneliness or going through a hard season of loneliness.

Kathi Lipp (10:53)
You know, it’s so interesting. I love how

God lines things up. We had our neighbor lost her husband three months ago, very unexpectedly, very quickly with cancer. And we had asked her to come over for dinner and she said, I’m not ready. And we said, we totally get it. And then she said, I think I’m ready. And so it was planned for Monday, you know, last Monday.

Kristen (11:03)
Mmm.

Mm. Ugh.

Kathi Lipp (11:22)
Well, the week before, I was doing a day-long coaching with two women who were part of a, are, one was the founder of Jessica’s House, which helps people in grief. And as we were going through the coaching, we were talking about what their audience’s fears are. And I’m like, let me tell you my fear.

Kristen (11:38)
Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (11:47)
I fear I’m going to say something stupid. I’ve got this woman coming to dinner on Monday and she said, you know, here’s something to say because instead of asking, how are you doing? The example you used was perfect. But like when you know somebody is going through grief, instead of saying, how are you doing? You just say, I’m so glad you’re here or I’m so glad.

Kristen (12:04)
Right, right.

Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (12:15)
that I get to spend time with you tonight. And it was, it got, and then she said, the other thing to do is to mirror the person in front of you. So if she’s crying, it’s okay to cry. But if she is telling stories about the person she loves, and she said, go with that, ask, how did you guys meet? How, you know, where were you living when you met?

Kristen (12:27)
Mmm.

Mmmmm

Kathi Lipp (12:43)
And it gave me ways to get connected and to bridge that awkwardness that I think so many of us, when we know somebody maybe is hurting or is maybe feeling isolated because of circumstances, I love that God lined that up for the Thursday before the Monday. And I got to go in with a game plan. And that’s what I feel like so much of your book is, is people who have said, I have been lonely, so.

Kristen (12:57)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Kathi Lipp (13:12)
this is what I needed and I’ve had people in my life and this is how I reached out. So here’s what I wanna do. We’re gonna take a quick break and we’re gonna come back and I wanna talk about when you are that person is isolated. How do you take those next steps? So we’ll be back with Kristen Strong in just a moment.

Kristen (13:29)
Mm.

Kathi Lipp (13:38)
Okay, friends, we talked about if you are the person who’s reaching back, if you’re the bullwinkle in the situation, you’re going back into the chicken coop and saying, it’s okay, Rocky, you can come out, they’re not going to terrorize you. But what if you’re the one who’s feeling isolated? It’s hard to be around people, especially, let’s talk about in the aspect of clutter, if you are feeling like what, so I want to give a couple of suggestions and then Kristen, I’m going to ask for a couple of suggestions.

Kristen (13:51)
you

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (14:07)
from you. So one thing is, I would love to see you create one clutter free space. Your house does not have to be perfect. In fact, perfect makes people uneasy. It really does. But is there a little space in your house? Could it be two chairs at the dining room table? Could it be one couch in your living room that has a little coffee table there?

Kristen (14:14)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (14:34)
and you could just bring out some coffee. And you know what? If it needs to be your front porch right now, let it be the front porch. Unless you’re in one of those cold places in the United States right now. But if you’re saying my clutter feels ice laying, then I’m gonna ask you, you know what? Get a gift card to Starbucks and say, you know, I’ve got this $20 gift card to Starbucks. I would love to share it with you. Can we meet at the one over on Bollinger and Miller?

Kristen (14:42)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (15:03)
You know, set

up a space. If you’re feeling isolated and you’re feeling like, I don’t even know if I reach out, I’m scared to reach out because I wonder if I’ll be rejected. How do you start to get brave enough to do that, Kristen? Or what is one step that somebody who is feeling isolated could take?

Kristen (15:20)
Mm-hmm.

I think, well, can I give like a tiny story with it? So, and I wrote about this in that subsequent project I mentioned, but when I was a newer military wife, I had two young, I had twin, I don’t know, they must’ve been two year olds at the time. And we lived on base in Albuquerque, New Mexico. when you, listen, when you live on base, like picture the most un…

Kathi Lipp (15:28)
Yes, please. I would love it.

Kristen (15:51)
sexy housing, know, it’s like, you know, it’s like wall to wall linoleum and there’s no carpet even there’s just like the linoleum floors that are for mica cabinets. Anyway, I invited our some of the group in the neighborhood I was we were getting to know I invited them over for dinner. And then I panicked to the day before I was like,

Kathi Lipp (15:53)
Right. Yeah.

Kristen (16:14)
my house is not up to snuff for company. So I asked the girl I was the most close with, Rebecca, we’re still good friends today, but I asked Rebecca, I said, if I bring all the food over, can you just have everybody at your house? I essentially invited, you know, with kids, like 25 people to her house. And so she graciously said yes, but you know.

Kathi Lipp (16:18)
you

Yeah. my goodness.

Kristen (16:41)
like I really put her on the spot there and just realized like that was not a friend move right there. Especially in we all have the same house. like it was extra silly of me. But I say all that to say that I get like being scared to invite folks over. And I just think that like anything in life, if the more you practice it, the more you get successful at it. And, you know, I there I

Kathi Lipp (16:58)
Right?

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (17:10)
I used to have this quote on our refrigerator and I think it was by I think maybe Irma Bombeck, but it said like, if you’re coming to see me, come on over. If you’re coming to see my house, call ahead, you know, and I just think, you know, I think most folks are coming to see you. It’s like you alluded to, Kathy, you know, I don’t want to go to a museum for dinner. I’m not going to relax. I’m going to be real tense the whole time. But I want, yeah, I I feel like a little bit of mess just

Kathi Lipp (17:22)
Right.

Right. Yes.

Kristen (17:38)
makes me like relax more and know that, you know, people don’t care.

Kathi Lipp (17:41)
Right.

especially if you’re bringing kids or, you know, it’s going to be, and I always think, you know, find that one spot in your house. Maybe it’s your backyard. Maybe it’s the kitchen table where you can just lean in and connect because here’s what I know. If you’re feeling lonely, there are other people around you who are feeling that same thing.

Kristen (17:46)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (18:07)
and

so desperately needs somebody to reach out. And so, yeah, it doesn’t have to be in your house. It could be, let’s meet at the park and I’ll pack a picnic lunch for the rest of us. Do you have, right? It doesn’t have to be in your home, but at the same time, maybe saying, okay, if I can get my living room to where I know that nobody’s gonna sit on anything sharp, we’re good to go. Like, you know, that’s…

Kristen (18:12)
Yeah.

Mm-mm.

absolutely.

Yeah!

Kathi Lipp (18:36)
The baseline, that’s the baseline. What have you discovered about loneliness that you didn’t know before this project?

Kristen (18:38)
Yeah.

I think just how many different kinds of loneliness there are before this project. You know, and even when the publisher and I were going over it,

Kathi Lipp (18:51)
Hmm

Kristen (18:58)
it was very loneliness in terms of friendship, which is certainly a big valid kind of loneliness. But when I started talking with authors and they’re describing loneliness through chronic illness or loneliness because a close loved one died, the loneliness of looking different, the loneliness of being an empty nester, there’s just so many very, there’s so many.

Kathi Lipp (19:02)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (19:25)
kinds of loneliness. And the interesting thing is, is though we all experience loneliness, you know, often in different ways, the pain in the midst of it is the same. So then the help you can get from it, even if you’re reading a devotional in the book that, you know, you may not identify with what the author exactly went through, you will glean a lot from the takeaways that she offers.

Kathi Lipp (19:36)
Mmm, yeah.

You know, we’re talking a lot about loneliness and some very actionable steps. I really like practical solutions. But prayer is part of this as well. And, you know, for me, the prayer, what prayer does is even if I’m not being fully honest with anybody else, maybe I’m not even being honest 100 % with my husband because I don’t want him to carry my burden.

I don’t want my mom to carry my burden, but I can always be fully authentic with God and say, this is where my pain’s coming from. And I love that God is the God of creativity and may come up with solutions that I wouldn’t even think to broach. How has prayer broken that stronghold of loneliness in your life?

Kristen (20:19)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

think because it really does show me how when you have nobody else around to help with to help just to help you feel less lonely when you have nobody else around God’s presence is enough and you can never get to that point of knowing it’s enough unless you know he’s he’s

the only one you really have. And I don’t mean to say that. I don’t mean to exaggerate. know, you know, Corey, Corey Tinboom said in when she was in the concentration camp, you never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have. I’ve never been that lonely. Thank you. Thanks the good Lord. But, but I have had times where, and a story I write about in the book where I was worried I was having a miscarriage. My husband,

Kathi Lipp (21:14)
Yeah. No.

No, I have not either. Right.

Kristen (21:41)
was the nature of his job was unreachable at the time. I’m going to the ER by myself, know, no family around, no friends that I feel like, you know, I can call it like about 10, 11 PM when that happened. So, you know, like I have had times when I’ve been lonely and, and yeah.

Kathi Lipp (21:44)
Yeah.

Yeah.

That is a depths of loneliness that not

everybody has ever experienced.

Kristen (22:03)
Yeah, and so but I also experienced the depth of Jesus’s presence in that moment, you know when That I wouldn’t have necessarily experienced if if I’d had a posse of people around me, you know,

Kathi Lipp (22:08)
Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. So guys,

if you are feeling that bitterness of loneliness and guys, I have been there, you I lived overseas. didn’t there was nobody who who, you know, I barely had people who spoke the same language as me because I didn’t know their language. There is loneliness there. But also, I know that when we experience that loneliness, God

Kristen (22:29)
Mm.

Kathi Lipp (22:47)
can meet us in that space and that place. And if you want to hear the stories of 40 plus other women who have been in that place and how God and others have met them, praying through loneliness, a 90 day devotional for women. Kristen, thanks so much for being on Clutter Free Academy.

Kristen (23:08)
thank you for having me. I love what you’re doing here, you and your community, and I’m grateful for you, Kathy.

Kathi Lipp (23:14)
My community is the best community. I mean, I’m not comparing, but I’m just going to say they really are the best human beings and friends. If you want to pick up this book for yourself or maybe for somebody you love, available. We’ll put the link in the show notes, but it’s available everywhere. You want to buy books. You’ve been listening to Clutter-Free Academy. I’m Kathy Lipp. Now go create the clutter free life you’ve always wanted to live.

Kristen (23:15)
You