#684 – Decluttering for Real Life: Simple Steps for Busy, Overwhelmed Women

#684 – Decluttering for Real Life: Simple Steps for Busy, Overwhelmed Women

#684 – Decluttering for Real Life: Simple Steps for Busy, Overwhelmed Women

Is your clutter making a comeback…again? You tidy up, you declutter, but somehow, all those piles and projects sneak right back into your life. If you’ve ever felt defeated when the mess keeps resurfacing, this episode will speak right to your heart.  
 
Join Kathi and her guest, Tenneil Register, as they unpack the real reasons why lasting organization seems so hard—and how you can break the cycle for good. They talk through absolutely doable steps for busy, overwhelmed women, get real about guilt and grace, and reveal how faith can shift your mindset about home and stuff. 
 
Whether you’re trying the “one-drawer challenge” or just wishing someone else would do the laundry, you’ll find encouragement (with a little laughter!) and practical hope for creating peace in your home that truly lasts.  

Sabbath Soup: Weekly Menus and Rhythms to Make Space for a Day of Rest

Kathi Lipp gives readers an easy-to-follow process for meal planning and prep, so that they can enjoy a full day each week of real rest and refreshment.

Could you use a break from cooking (and everything else) once a week? Not only is rest vital for your mind and body, it’s good for your soul too. God designed us to enter into Sabbath rest one day per week, but as you know, meals still need to be made. Your family still needs to be fed.

Sabbath Soup includes convenient, seasonal meal plans that take the guesswork out of shopping and cooking. More than just a collection of delicious recipes—including main dishes, breads, breakfasts, desserts, salads, sides, and yes, soups—this is your guide to establishing a weekly rhythm and routine of meal planning and prep that allows you to have a true day off.

Do something good for your soul and experience the peace that comes with a full day dedicated to spending time with God, family, and friends. Savor your Sabbath as you proudly proclaim, “Soup’s on!”

Order your copy of Sabbath Soup: Weekly Menus and Rhythms to Make Space for a Day of Rest here.

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Meet Our Guest

 

Tenneil Register

Tenneil Register can be found creating, repurposing, decorating, gardening and welcoming guests to their reclaimed barn storefront. She and her husband, Cowboy, established rural roots for their blended family of 7 in their DIY ranch home in Iowa. Connect with her on Instagram for practical ideas to reclaim your home.

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Transcript

Kathi Lipp (00:12) 

Hey friends, welcome to Clutter Free Academy where our goal is to help you take small doable steps every day to live with less clutter and more life. And I’ve got one of my favorite humans in the world, Tenille Register, here with me today. Hey Tenille, how you doing? 

  

Tenneil Register (00:28) 

Hey Kathi, I’m doing great today. I actually just decluttered yesterday, so I can’t wait to talk today about this. 

  

Kathi Lipp (00:36) 

Yay, what did you declutter? What was your area? 

  

Tenneil Register (00:41) 

closets of non-bedrooms. like closet in the office, closet in the work out room. 

  

Kathi Lipp (00:47) 

Okay, can I just tell you I think those are the worst. I think they’re the worst We have a closet in our bedroom. That’s not our bedroom closet I don’t know how to describe that but we have like Roger has a closet. I have a closet and then we have this like utility closet and It is the worst spot in my house for sure So did you find any treasures? What like what was the big reveal from yesterday? 

  

Tenneil Register (01:04) 

Mm-hmm. 

  

that our house is now like 100 pounds lighter of the weight on the studs holding it up because of the paper trash that was removed. 

  

Kathi Lipp (01:19) 

? Yes. 

  

My goodness, it’s so true, right? It’s so true. Okay, so I want to dive into our episode today and I have you on for a specific reason Tenneil, If you guys don’t know Tenneil Register, so she’s a writer. She’s a speaker but she also owns retail businesses and I’ve worked retail I would say the first half of my life at least half of it was spent working retail 

  

And displays and storage are such a big deal. My background in training was, ? I worked for Nordstrom for years and years. I worked in their gift area. so displays were a big deal, but you own ? some retail businesses you have to think through how to make things practical and beautiful. 

  

And I can think of no greater challenge than when it comes to our jewelry. ? I have, are you a big jewelry person? I would say I am and I’m not, like I’m not an expensive jewelry person. The only really expensive thing I have is my wedding ring, but how about you? 

  

Tenneil Register (02:41) 

Yes, so in my early days, I liked expensive jewelry, but now I’m lucky to put my wedding ring on. You know, I have expensive jewelry, but I don’t really wear it very often. I do wear earrings pretty faithfully, because I believe it’s like, it accentuates your jawline. But other than that, like, it depends on the outfit. And so I would say I own 

  

Kathi Lipp (02:49) 

Yeah. 

  

Mm-hmm. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Tenneil Register (03:10) 

quite a bit of jewelry, but I wear it in phases. That’s probably the best way to describe it. 

  

Kathi Lipp (03:18) 

Yeah, and it’s so interesting. I feel like jewelry is such a touchy thing when it comes to emotional clutter. ? You know, ? I think when I was younger, I thought expensive jewelry was kind of proving, hey, if you love me, you’re giving me expensive jewelry. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just a younger thing. I know also there are people who love their expensive jewelry. ? 

  

I got very convicted. I heard a sermon one time on Matthew 621 about where is your treasure? You know for where your treasure is there your heart will be also and this woman was talking about is my treasure in my jewelry box and I I I’m making it sound more convicting than it should be because I think it’s okay to love beautiful things, but I really did hold like if you love me, you’ll buy me expensive things on 

  

I don’t know. I was very convicted by that verse in a good way that has really freed me. I see you nodding. 

  

Tenneil Register (04:23) 

Yeah, well, I’m nodding because I think in the 90s, we were definitely intentionally sold that marketing message from jewelers. And I can remember thinking that I was the more gold I had on my hand, not just the more loved I was, but the more stable that I was, accomplished, steady, things are secure. And I think we… 

  

Kathi Lipp (04:31) 

Yeah. Yeah. 

  

Mmm. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Tenneil Register (04:50) 

I think we tend to think that when people have really nice things that something about their life feels like safer and more desirable than if not. So yeah, that’s kind of what made me inside. 

  

Kathi Lipp (04:55) 

Yes. 

  

Yeah, absolutely. 

  

I think you’re absolutely right. think, you know, I was born in the 60s. You were born much later than that. But we were told if you’re loved, the ring will be big. The jewelry will be chunky. Yeah, absolutely. And I think also, you know, there are stories we tell ourselves about jewelry. Some of our jewelry is very significant. You know, you’re going to you’re going to pry my wedding ring off of my cold dead hand. 

  

Like this it means a lot to me, but there’s also sometimes false sentiment versus true significance ? I think we can honor memories or be held hostage by them ? Sometimes we’re given things like there there was a lot of jewelry in my jewelry box Probably about 15 years ago that I had worn once or twice like some some gold bracelets that I had 

  

? from a first marriage, ? things like that. And I just wonder sometimes if my, some of our jewelry boxes are full of memories or are they misplaced obligations? I just felt like because I had been given that, even though it didn’t serve me, ? I had to keep it because it was worth something. It had memories attached to it. Like I had some jewelry that was passed down from my grandmother. Now some of it I wore a lot. 

  

But some of it, it was like, okay, I’m never gonna wear it. This has nothing to do, you know, I never, it wasn’t a fond memory for me. It was just passed down. So I felt like I needed to keep it. Do you have any guilt jewelry? I guess that’s my question. 

  

Tenneil Register (06:49) 

think I do. actually keep it. This is like confession. I hope my family’s not listening. So the things that I had that I would not wear and it’s family oriented, I actually have it in our bank safe box, like at the bank. And then it’s not like in my jewelry box. But it’s there to remain part of the family estate, so to speak. And it’s not even, this stuff is not highly valuable. 

  

Kathi Lipp (07:06) 

? got it. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Tenneil Register (07:19) 

That’s just a place out of my daily life that it can be kept safe for generations to come. 

  

Kathi Lipp (07:19) 

Right! 

  

Yeah, because things do come around and jewelry is relatively small. So it’s easier to I don’t want to say hoard, but you know, for some of us, it’s hoard. And so yeah, it’s very it’s so much easier to do that. I wanted to tell I wanted to tell a story on here. You know, I had my wedding ring from my first marriage. And, you know, it wasn’t super valuable, but they definitely had some value to it. But 

  

It’s not something I wanted anymore. And I had some ? gold bracelets and things like that from that. And I was trying to think of what I could do with them. And there was a cause that was really important to me and Roger after we got married about building wells in Africa. And I said, what would you think about me selling my first wedding ring? Because you don’t really sell the wedding ring, you’re selling the gold. 

  

and the diamond attached to it if there’s a diamond on there. And so I talked about it with Roger. I talked about it with my kids. I’m like, if there’s any reason you want me to hang on to this, and my daughter said I would hawk it. And I’m like, okay, then I’m not saving it to pass down to you. And so what we did, yes. Yeah. Nope, they could not care less. 

  

Tenneil Register (08:23) 

Great. 

  

was dying to know whether the kids wanted that. I was dying to ask you that. 

  

Kathi Lipp (08:49) 

So what I did actually was I sold it and we used the money to build wells in Africa and it’s actually part of one of Susie Flory’s books I’ve never written about it, but she wrote about it in one of her books about ? I’m trying to remember the historical figure that sold a bunch of stuff to For service and that’s what we did and can I tell you I’ve never felt a day of guilt over that like that was exact 

  

it and so it’s this I Thought I might feel guilty about it. But what it really was is like no, that’s actually something You know, I’m not a huge fan of my ex-husband I have much more positive feelings towards him now than I did when we got divorced but He doesn’t even know that I did that but I still think about that’s something positive that came out of our Relationship does that make sense or am I weird? 

  

Tenneil Register (09:46) 

Wow, 

  

such a beautiful way of reclaiming something out of a difficult situation and making something beautiful. I absolutely love 

  

Kathi Lipp (09:50) 

Mmm. 

  

I do feel like there’s some redemption there. I really, really do. I, you know, I, and I didn’t want to feel judged by it about from my kids or from anybody else, but I think that there’s a stewardship aspect of this, that we can use those things. 

  

Tenneil Register (10:17) 

Yeah, so one way that I’m stewarding jewelry, think a little different, hopefully than like generations before me, like, like expensive jewelry that my husband bought me early in our marriage and I loved it and I wore it all the time. And now maybe I don’t wear it, I don’t love it as much. 

  

Kathi Lipp (10:25) 

Yeah. 

  

Mm-hmm. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Tenneil Register (10:37) 

If I wait until I pass away for my daughters to inherit that jewelry, they will probably also be at an age where they’re not wearing that sort of thing. And so I’ve started working through like jewelry that I own currently and gifting it to them like right now while they’re in their 20s and they love jewelry. And yet maybe I lose it on vacation because they’re still at that phase of life. But if it brought 

  

Kathi Lipp (10:48) 

you 

  

Yes. 

  

Tenneil Register (11:07) 

if it brings them joy, whether it’s for 13 months or the next 33 years, like that would be a better place for it than in the bottom of my drawer for them to find later. Plus, unless I’m gonna go through and label, like this one was from my first husband, blah, blah, blah. And this one was from my current husband, your dad. You know, like what is the… 

  

Kathi Lipp (11:20) 

That’s so true. 

  

Yeah! 

  

Tenneil Register (11:35) 

Who wants to leave an inventory of their jewelry? And so I would rather like give it to them while I’m alive and say like when I was your age, I loved wearing this. It’s valuable. Your dad bought it for me. Here it is. So that’s that’s one of 

  

Kathi Lipp (11:39) 

Right. 

  

love that so 

  

much. Yes. And, and yeah, jewelry is meant to be worn. It gets more beautiful, the longer it’s against skin. I mean, I love that. And so both Tenneil and I have admitted, hey, we’re, we’re not like expensive jewelry people. I’m more like, it feels weird to say costume jewelry, but let’s just say I’m in the 

  

$45 and below category for most of my jewelry, right? And so I want to talk about how do you actually organize that? because I’ve got I’m not gonna lie. I’ve got a lot of it and I want to be able to use it I want to be able to find it too. That’s another thing So I want to tell you some solutions that I have Tenneil has some solutions. So we’re gonna talk about 

  

Yeah, because we’re cheapy girls. That’s it. We’re fun. ? No, we’re gonna call it fun fashion jewelry. That’s what we’re gonna call it We’re not gonna call it costume. We’re gonna call it fun fashion I feel like putting things in order in my house gives me so much joy 

  

? To be able to find things to categorize things that kind of thing, but I will tell you until ? December of this year my jewelry was chaos I kept trying to find solutions for it so but I want my home to be a place of beauty order and peace and So I want to hear from you Tenneil, What are some? Freed because you’re a display girly and You’re good at this stuff. What are some things that you have done to really? 

  

? Just I don’t know if it’s do you display your jewelry do you hide your jewelry? What do you do? 

  

Tenneil Register (13:35) 

So I have a combo. I’m gonna be really plain, my three jewelry habits. One of them is I tend to take off my jewelry as I unwind for the day, right? So I have three significant places then that these little small piles of things like my wedding ring and earrings end up in. And so I’ve learned that that’s my habit and I have put a cute little dish in those places. 

  

Kathi Lipp (13:38) 

Okay. Yes. Yes. 

  

Yes, me too! 

  

Tenneil Register (14:05) 

so that they are corralled. I could scold myself to walk to my real jewelry box that hides a lot of jewelry, but I’m not going to. So I just have this pathway and then I pick them up from that path the next day. All right, so that’s one way. I do have a flown jewelry box with the doors that open on the side with necklaces and earrings and stuff like that. That’s kind of my catchall. And then 

  

Kathi Lipp (14:05) 

Yes! 

  

Yeah. 

  

Tenneil Register (14:34) 

I have, well I guess I have four piles. I have the mess that accumulates on top of said jewelry box, because I’m too lazy to open the drawer and put it away. And then I do have some displayed jewelry. I actually have some busts that you would see in a store. And I have those on top of a dresser for my necklaces that I wear most often. 

  

Kathi Lipp (14:51) 

Hmm? ? yeah! 

  

Tenneil Register (15:00) 

And then also like one that I don’t wear, a necklace that I don’t wear often, but I love it and I want to see it. So I have that on the bust on top of the dresser. That’s my personal style. My sister, she’s amazing. She has like a screen window that’s vintage and cute and her little earrings hang on that. And then she has a window frame with all these little hooks on it. And then all of her necklaces are on that. And I always want to be that because I think she must get so much joy. 

  

Kathi Lipp (15:16) 

Right? 

  

Tenneil Register (15:28) 

when she walks up to the wall of her jewelry that also looks like beautiful wall decor and she can pull off her pieces and wear them. But that is not my personal habit. 

  

Kathi Lipp (15:39) 

Yes. Okay. I love it. I love it so much. And ? yes, the screen is something I’ve seen before. I was going to build it until another solution came into my life, which I will talk about. I think some other things to think about guys are things like velvet trays, because everybody’s house is different, right? You may have more drawer space. So a velvet tray could be really, really helpful for you. And especially if you’re like a ring person. 

  

Like ? a or a bracelet person having those velvet trays could be really really helpful one of my friends had a cake stand and she put all of her different bracelets on it and it was so cute and then for a long time I used a pegboard where I would just hang my necklaces and things like that if If you’re a curator of things like teacups that could be really cute for you as well. What were you gonna say Tenneil? 

  

Tenneil Register (16:35) 

I actually have a cake stand in my bathroom. It’s a really pretty marble stand. And so there’s like a small plant and a little, you know, motivational saying. And that cake stand is where I can take off my daily jewelry and put it up there. And then it’s not on the counter where it can fall into the sink. It’s up on the cake stand. 

  

Kathi Lipp (16:38) 

? cute. ? huh. 

  

you 

  

Yes, okay. And here’s my thing. I like the people who just take their stuff off and go put it away. I will never understand those people. That is not me. And you 

  

Tenneil Register (17:03) 

This episode is not for 

  

you. We love you. We admire you. 

  

Kathi Lipp (17:07) 

Yes, we admire you. You are listening to the wrong podcast friend, but ? here’s what I do I I have a silver antique dish that I love but I never really knew what to do it Every day I go take it off there and it just piles up until the end of the week And then I put everything away at the same time, but it’s still I think it’s it’s a beautiful It’s a beautiful way to do it and it’s a grace based system Which I love I it just says 

  

Tenneil Register (17:11) 

haha 

  

Kathi Lipp (17:36) 

Hey, you know, we’re not looking for perfection. We’re not saying, hey, we’re gonna go put this away every day. And I will say, I do have a dish on my desk because sometimes I’m at the end of my day where I have to look cute, but I’m still working. So I take my earrings off, I take my necklace off, I put it on that little dish and it works for me. And that works for me. Another thing that you might think about is a jeweler tree. ? So it has like, 

  

holes that can stick out that you know, you can hang things off of and that’s what I did for a long time ? but I Think one thing to think about is to group jewelry with a purpose I have once I well I’ve got three sets of jewelry where the earrings they didn’t I didn’t buy them as a set but they just go together and I hang them together so that it’s just easy it’s like a capsule and I so I also keep 

  

those where for travel, they work with a lot of different things. And I’ve got this one pair of earrings, they’re just thin gold hoops that work with everything. So I have a cup, I have one set of those that I leave in our trailer, because they’re going to go with absolutely everything. actually have, I have to replace this because it went through the wash. It makes me crazy. 

  

I’ve lost so many things by leaving things in my pocket, but this is a pair of earrings made out of ? Boots like wading boots in Alaska. They go with everything. I love them So I need to order a new pair of those but I left those in our RV for the longest time because they just go with everything so I think either grouping things that go together is a great way to do that or reducing 

  

If you’re just a simple gold or silver hoop person, go for it. Or maybe you’re like, I could wear the same turquoise necklace every day of my life. I love turquoise. Never buy me, yep, exactly. I love it. Never buy me diamonds, buy me turquoise. That’s what makes me so happy. Any last thoughts, Tenille? 

  

Tenneil Register (19:42) 

to my hearing everyday of my life. 

  

I also keep a travel pack of jewelry and I actually it’s separate than my everyday jewelry. Then I don’t have to sort it all out. So I have travel jewelry. some of them are duplicates of something I own and then I there’s no back and forth with that. And then, I mean, if you’re somebody who will put your stuff away, like we’ve sold and people really love them is like the full length mirrors that open up the mirror to the jewelry inside. ? 

  

Kathi Lipp (19:58) 

Mmm. 

  

? okay. 

  

Tenneil Register (20:23) 

And many of my customers have purchased those from me and they say it’s life-changing. I just haven’t been able to discipline myself in that way. But I can see how being close to the mirror would help. 

  

Kathi Lipp (20:24) 

Yes. 

  

Okay. 

  

Yeah. So I’m going to go deep into the mirror because that is the thing that has earned a place in my clutter free home. And so I want to talk about, yeah. So I’m going to tell you the story of how this came into my life and how it has changed my life. Okay, guys, this is our segment. You know it, you love it. It is things that have. 

  

earned a place in my clutter free home and I want to tell you about my full length mirror jewelry organizer. Now, I am not the person who puts away my jewelry every day, but I have my little silver dish that goes right next to this. this is how I never seen one of these before. But my daughter, Amanda, my stepdaughter, Amanda, ? when people come to our house, they use our bath. 

  

We redid our bathroom a few years ago and guys, it’s my favorite room in the house. I love it so much. But she saw my jewelry collection and she’s like, Kathi, you are out of control. I’m like, I know, I know. But I just hadn’t really thought through how to really take care of that. And so for Christmas, all my kids got together, they each chipped in and they bought me the full length mirror. 

  

jewelry organizer and they bought me a couple of pieces of jewelry to put in this and you guys I love this so much first of all It’s a full-length mirror, which we already had but we had just a little one in our bedroom And this is full-length I love it And so you open it up you open up the mirror part and it has places for rings bracelets Necklaces and it has a whole rack for the earrings 

  

And can I tell you, so once a week, I take everything from that silver dish and I hang it back up, but it’s like going into your favorite curated store and picking out your earrings for the day. And it makes me so happy. I can’t even stand it. So you said a lot of your customers have bought that as well. 

  

Tenneil Register (22:34) 

Yes, yeah, we sold them in our shop and it’s a swivel one, you know, and so it works like in a lot of flexible places. yeah, that’s been really popular. So I think you’ve changed at least my life that the mess I put on top of my jewelry box, I’m gonna put a nice tray there. Because then I can pick them up and put the pieces off and it will feel like an official task instead of shape like the pile. 

  

Kathi Lipp (22:40) 

? 

  

Mm-hmm 

  

Yes. 

  

Yes, I love it. 

  

Tenneil Register (23:03) 

It’s just a matter of, 

  

Kathi Lipp (23:03) 

Yes, I. 

  

Tenneil Register (23:05) 

that’s a grace-based system, right? Instead of guilty myself of being messy, I have a system. I love it. 

  

Kathi Lipp (23:07) 

Right. 

  

Yes, and can I tell you I feel like this is what fancy ladies do I really do like your fancy lady mate You would take your necklace off. You would take your earrings off and then some maid would come do it now I’m the maid in this in this scenario, but it makes so much better Yeah, and guys i’ll put a link to the ? the cabinet that I have that I love ? and Yeah, my kids I love when they come together, you know wonder twin powers activate because 

  

Tenneil Register (23:23) 

And you’ll see the key. Yeah. 

  

Kathi Lipp (23:41) 

This has been so great and it doesn’t take up much room, but it lays everything out. It makes me feel so happy. And Tenille, I also need to know where you got those earrings because I may need those in my life. Don’t tell me you got them like seven years ago. 

  

Tenneil Register (23:59) 

It’s been a bit, but I think I can find you the place. 

  

Kathi Lipp (24:04) 

Okay, very very cool. If you happen to find the place we will also put it in the in our show notes because Those are super super cool. I love them. I’m also going to show for people who are watching online My favorite pair of earrings my friend carol gave these to me. I they’re they’re my favorite fun and funky earrings But ? look at those little I mean aren’t those I? There can you see them? They’re they’re very 

  

Tenneil Register (24:30) 

That macrame, right? 

  

Kathi Lipp (24:33) 

Yes, they’re macrame. They’re like a yellow gold. I cannot tell you how many things these go with they make me super happy. So ? yeah, but yours are fabulous and ? mine mine are these are made out of ? how how bone the ones that i’m wearing today and ? I they just make me super happy. So guys if We ? yes, I will i’ll see if I can find a link 

  

Tenneil Register (24:55) 

And I need to know about these ones made from boots. The ones made from boots. the parents of the kid knows that. 

  

Yeah. 

  

Kathi Lipp (25:03) 

Yeah, they’re super cute. Sadly, they don’t do well a parent leather doesn’t do well in the washing machine. Who knew right who knew? Yeah But i’m gonna find those because yeah, they make me super happy and guys You make us super happy by you just being here. I hope this gave you an idea or two for your jewelry situation because having your stuff laid out 

  

Tenneil Register (25:10) 

Oops. ? 

  

Kathi Lipp (25:28) 

to get dressed every day, add, it’s the icing on the cake. And that’s what we want for you. We want every day to have a little icing on your cake. You have been listening to the Clutterfree Academy podcast. I’m Kathi Lipp. Now, go create the clutter free life you’ve always wanted to live. 

 

 

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#661 – The Hidden Link Between Loneliness and Clutter

In this enlightening episode of Clutter Free Academy, Kathi Lipp sits down with Kristin Strong, author of “Praying Through Loneliness: A 90 Day Devotional for Women.” Together, they uncover the intertwined relationship between clutter and loneliness, offering actionable steps to create a more welcoming space and build connections within our communities. Whether you’re struggling with isolation due to clutter, life circumstances, or anything in between, this episode promises to equip you with practical, faith-driven insights to overcome loneliness. Don’t miss this valuable conversation that could inspire you to transform both your living space and your heart. 

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As mentioned by Kathi:

Sabbath Soup: Weekly Menus and Rhythms to Make Space for a Day of Rest

Kathi Lipp gives readers an easy-to-follow process for meal planning and prep, so that they can enjoy a full day each week of real rest and refreshment.

Could you use a break from cooking (and everything else) once a week? Not only is rest vital for your mind and body, it’s good for your soul too. God designed us to enter into Sabbath rest one day per week, but as you know, meals still need to be made. Your family still needs to be fed.

Sabbath Soup includes convenient, seasonal meal plans that take the guesswork out of shopping and cooking. More than just a collection of delicious recipes—including main dishes, breads, breakfasts, desserts, salads, sides, and yes, soups—this is your guide to establishing a weekly rhythm and routine of meal planning and prep that allows you to have a true day off.

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Meet Our Guest 

 

Kristen Strong

Kristen Strong is an author and speaker who specializes in writing about friendship, belonging, and navigating life’s transitions. As a military spouse married to a U.S. Air Force veteran of 26 years’ service, she brings unique insight into building community and finding belonging despite frequent moves and changes. Kristen has authored several books, including “Praying Through Loneliness,” “Friends Are Family We Choose,” “When Change Finds You,” “Back Roads to Belonging,” and “Girl Meets Change.” Originally from Oklahoma, she now lives in Colorado Springs with her husband David, and they are parents to three adult children, including twins. A regular contributor to (in)courage, Kristen’s writing focuses on helping women build meaningful friendships and find hope through life’s various seasons of change.

Tonya Kubo Picture
Transcript

Kathi Lipp (00:13)
Well hey friends, welcome to Clutter Free Academy where our goal is to help you take small doable steps every day to live with less clutter and more life. And I have a very special treat here today. As many of you know, I write for the Hallmark Day Spring organization, Encourage, and this is one of my Encourage sisters. Let’s just say I’m one of her little sisters because she has been doing this a lot longer than I have.

Kristen (00:38)
you

Kathi Lipp (00:41)
Guys, it is Kristin Strong and she is the author of the new book, Praying Through Loneliness, a 90 day devotional for women. And when I say that she is the author, we’ll talk more about that. Kristin, welcome to the podcast. I’m so thrilled to have you on here.

Kristen (00:54)
you

thanks for having me, Kathy. I’m so happy to be here too.

Kathi Lipp (01:02)
You know, it’s when we were originally talking about this book and I’m very excited because I got to be a part of this book and we’ll talk a little bit more about that later on. But, you know, I was like, I don’t know about praying through loneliness as necessarily a podcast episode just because I want to keep it centered on decluttering. My people show up for decluttering. I want to serve them for where they need. But the more I thought about it,

the more, you know, what kept coming to my mind is this phrase over and over again, clutter isn’t just about stuff, it’s about separation. And as I thought about it, you know, before I really went on my decluttering journey and got a little bit of freedom from all of this clutter, I remember it was very isolating. One of my, it’s a joke, but it’s not a joke, that 20 years ago,

If you showed up unexpectedly at my house for coffee, I would have served you on the front porch. I would often be embarrassed. Now, if I wanted to throw a party as long as I had two weeks notice and I killed myself, I wouldn’t say necessarily decluttering, but hiding all the clutter, I could do that. But I just found that…

Kristen (02:07)
you

Kathi Lipp (02:27)
I was in a place of shame and I was in a place of discouragement and fear that people would find out. And I think that a lot of people are in that circumstance that people don’t want to invite people over.

Kristen (02:31)
Mm.

you

Kathi Lipp (02:45)
or they don’t necessarily want their kids to invite friends over. Now, I’m guessing that clutter isn’t a struggle for you as much as it might be for some of my listeners, and maybe that’s not true, but I think we’ve all felt places of isolation and loneliness. What caused you to write this book? Where was the loneliness in your life showing up, Kristen?

Kristen (03:13)
Well, this may be surprising actually, the reason, how this book actually came to be is I had presented a book proposal, know, shopped it out to different publishers on a similar but different topic. the publisher really liked that. And actually that book is releasing in the spring.

Kathi Lipp (03:33)
Yeah.

Kristen (03:39)
But they, I thank you, thank you. But they, they had a, they’d already had like a couple of other books in a series of praying through serious praying through cancer, praying through infertility. And they really wanted to do a praying through loneliness. So as they read my proposal, they’re like, there’s really something here where we could.

Kathi Lipp (03:39)
Woohoo!

Mm, okay.

you

Kristen (04:01)
kind of also do a little pivot project that in line with these other two we’ve already done. And they asked me if I’d be interested in it. And you know, I’ve always really liked editing. And so I was like, yeah, I could just kind of get to get into the editing, you know, mucking the mire a little bit. And so that sounds, you know, like something I would like to do. And I felt at that point in my life really,

Kathi Lipp (04:09)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (04:28)
I’ve been a military wife for almost 20 years and certainly that brings up a recurring cycle of loneliness.

Kathi Lipp (04:32)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kristen (04:38)
But I’d also lived in my kind of adopted hometown now of Colorado Springs, Colorado for over 10 years. And I started to understand how, you you can still, you can not move every whip stitch and still be real lonely. And so, you know, kind of bringing both of those into that, you know, as well as that follow on project I mentioned, you know, was, was something I was happy to talk about.

Kathi Lipp (04:55)
Yeah.

Yeah, I it’s interesting right because sometimes we can blame our loneliness on our circumstances but sometimes it is just The deeper truth in our life that we can be surrounded by a lot of people we can be a surrounded you know, we could have all the things that make it look like they should be fine and Inside still feeling that isolation and loneliness, you know

Kristen (05:21)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Kathi Lipp (05:37)
One one

of the interesting things about this book how many different contributors did you have to this book?

Kristen (05:43)
It was north of 45. yeah, yeah. So quite a few ended up contributing. You know, yeah, just the way it worked out. You know, I wanted to post a fewer contributors, but more pieces from each one. But then the way it kind of just worked out where people were, you know, were interested in just contributing one or two pieces. Then I was like, well, then that’s more voices. So that’s, you know, that’s great. So.

Kathi Lipp (05:46)
my goodness.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. We love to hear

more voices. I think that that’s really solid. Yeah, so the piece I wrote for this book actually was about chickens. thank you so much. You know, chickens will teach you a lot. And it’s so interesting because we had three old guard kind of chickens. We call them the OG, the original gangsters.

Kristen (06:13)
Mm-hmm.

It’s one of my favorites. I love it so much.

Hahaha.

Kathi Lipp (06:39)
And I didn’t

know this until I had chickens, but there really is a pecking order. There is a pecking order that the bigger battered chickens will let the lesser chickens know that they’re in trouble. And in this particular group, we had three old guard, and then we had Rocky and Bullwinkle, and Rocky was the smallest and the one who got picked on the most. And so when it was time to open up the coop, the three big girls would go,

Kristen (06:45)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (07:08)
Into the run, you know where they could see everything and they they wanted to be the first out the door when I let them out so that they could go, you know, see if there were worms or see if there was a new blade of grass and Bullwinkle would go out with them too. But when the door would open Bullwinkle would go back into the coop and let Rocky know you’re you’re okay. It’s okay to come out and

Kristen (07:11)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (07:37)
I mean, I sit here and I think about it and it brings me to tears because I think about the way that I’ve needed some bullwinkles in my life to come back and say, you’re gonna be okay. I’m here with you. I’m not leaving you alone. I think in so many of my friends’ lives, whether they’ve been going through a divorce, whether they have

Kristen (07:43)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (08:06)
a medical diagnosis that has made them feel isolated, or in the case of many of the people who are listening here today, we just need somebody to tell us that we’re gonna be okay. And I wonder what you read from all those contributors or what you, first of all, if you’re the bullwinkle, if you’re the one who’s wanting to let somebody know they’re going to be okay,

Kristen (08:19)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (08:36)
How do you help the people who are struggling with isolation in your life? Maybe you’re not struggling, but you have a friend who’s going through a tough time. What did you learn from reading all these essays that might be able to help somebody who’s listening today, who wants to help that person who’s feeling isolated because of their clutter or because of something else going on in their lives?

Kristen (08:42)
Mm.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, I think one of the great things I learned was what you shared, Kathy. You talked about the one more question, you know, just taking that time, you know, you you might ask somebody, well, how’s it going? And they’re like, doing OK. But you know how sometimes you can just sense like they’re saying they’re OK, but none of what I’m seeing is matching what they’re saying, you know. And so just I love the idea. And I’ve thought of that so many times since reading your piece about

Kathi Lipp (09:20)
Right, right.

Kristen (09:29)
just asking one more question, like even just, are you sure like it’s going okay, you know? And I just think that gives people that extra opportunity, that permission really, you know, cause you know, you don’t want to be a burden to people. And sometimes you think like, they don’t have time right now or they got a lot going on. And so I, you know, I’ll save it for another time. But when you ask, when you take a minute to go, are you sure everything’s going okay or…

Kathi Lipp (09:34)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (09:57)
you know, just probing a smidge deeper. It does a lot to give somebody that permission to feel they can share. And I would say that’s the other thing I learned is it’s not just, or had maybe re, I relearned perhaps, that it’s not just taking the time to ask those one more questions or to check in on your people. You know, send a little text, you know.

Kathi Lipp (10:13)
Mm-hmm.

Kristen (10:22)
take the time to tell them happy birthday when you remember things like that. But also then when you are like asking the one more question, it’s incumbent on the person on the receiving end to also be like, okay, I’m gonna, I just need to be vulnerable and share and not just refuse to do that. You know, it’s kind of both parts I think are really, really important in helping those.

Kathi Lipp (10:26)
Right.

Right.

Kristen (10:47)
you know, folks that are mitigating loneliness or going through a hard season of loneliness.

Kathi Lipp (10:53)
You know, it’s so interesting. I love how

God lines things up. We had our neighbor lost her husband three months ago, very unexpectedly, very quickly with cancer. And we had asked her to come over for dinner and she said, I’m not ready. And we said, we totally get it. And then she said, I think I’m ready. And so it was planned for Monday, you know, last Monday.

Kristen (11:03)
Mmm.

Mm. Ugh.

Kathi Lipp (11:22)
Well, the week before, I was doing a day-long coaching with two women who were part of a, are, one was the founder of Jessica’s House, which helps people in grief. And as we were going through the coaching, we were talking about what their audience’s fears are. And I’m like, let me tell you my fear.

Kristen (11:38)
Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (11:47)
I fear I’m going to say something stupid. I’ve got this woman coming to dinner on Monday and she said, you know, here’s something to say because instead of asking, how are you doing? The example you used was perfect. But like when you know somebody is going through grief, instead of saying, how are you doing? You just say, I’m so glad you’re here or I’m so glad.

Kristen (12:04)
Right, right.

Mmm.

Kathi Lipp (12:15)
that I get to spend time with you tonight. And it was, it got, and then she said, the other thing to do is to mirror the person in front of you. So if she’s crying, it’s okay to cry. But if she is telling stories about the person she loves, and she said, go with that, ask, how did you guys meet? How, you know, where were you living when you met?

Kristen (12:27)
Mmm.

Mmmmm

Kathi Lipp (12:43)
And it gave me ways to get connected and to bridge that awkwardness that I think so many of us, when we know somebody maybe is hurting or is maybe feeling isolated because of circumstances, I love that God lined that up for the Thursday before the Monday. And I got to go in with a game plan. And that’s what I feel like so much of your book is, is people who have said, I have been lonely, so.

Kristen (12:57)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Kathi Lipp (13:12)
this is what I needed and I’ve had people in my life and this is how I reached out. So here’s what I wanna do. We’re gonna take a quick break and we’re gonna come back and I wanna talk about when you are that person is isolated. How do you take those next steps? So we’ll be back with Kristen Strong in just a moment.

Kristen (13:29)
Mm.

Kathi Lipp (13:38)
Okay, friends, we talked about if you are the person who’s reaching back, if you’re the bullwinkle in the situation, you’re going back into the chicken coop and saying, it’s okay, Rocky, you can come out, they’re not going to terrorize you. But what if you’re the one who’s feeling isolated? It’s hard to be around people, especially, let’s talk about in the aspect of clutter, if you are feeling like what, so I want to give a couple of suggestions and then Kristen, I’m going to ask for a couple of suggestions.

Kristen (13:51)
you

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (14:07)
from you. So one thing is, I would love to see you create one clutter free space. Your house does not have to be perfect. In fact, perfect makes people uneasy. It really does. But is there a little space in your house? Could it be two chairs at the dining room table? Could it be one couch in your living room that has a little coffee table there?

Kristen (14:14)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (14:34)
and you could just bring out some coffee. And you know what? If it needs to be your front porch right now, let it be the front porch. Unless you’re in one of those cold places in the United States right now. But if you’re saying my clutter feels ice laying, then I’m gonna ask you, you know what? Get a gift card to Starbucks and say, you know, I’ve got this $20 gift card to Starbucks. I would love to share it with you. Can we meet at the one over on Bollinger and Miller?

Kristen (14:42)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (15:03)
You know, set

up a space. If you’re feeling isolated and you’re feeling like, I don’t even know if I reach out, I’m scared to reach out because I wonder if I’ll be rejected. How do you start to get brave enough to do that, Kristen? Or what is one step that somebody who is feeling isolated could take?

Kristen (15:20)
Mm-hmm.

I think, well, can I give like a tiny story with it? So, and I wrote about this in that subsequent project I mentioned, but when I was a newer military wife, I had two young, I had twin, I don’t know, they must’ve been two year olds at the time. And we lived on base in Albuquerque, New Mexico. when you, listen, when you live on base, like picture the most un…

Kathi Lipp (15:28)
Yes, please. I would love it.

Kristen (15:51)
sexy housing, know, it’s like, you know, it’s like wall to wall linoleum and there’s no carpet even there’s just like the linoleum floors that are for mica cabinets. Anyway, I invited our some of the group in the neighborhood I was we were getting to know I invited them over for dinner. And then I panicked to the day before I was like,

Kathi Lipp (15:53)
Right. Yeah.

Kristen (16:14)
my house is not up to snuff for company. So I asked the girl I was the most close with, Rebecca, we’re still good friends today, but I asked Rebecca, I said, if I bring all the food over, can you just have everybody at your house? I essentially invited, you know, with kids, like 25 people to her house. And so she graciously said yes, but you know.

Kathi Lipp (16:18)
you

Yeah. my goodness.

Kristen (16:41)
like I really put her on the spot there and just realized like that was not a friend move right there. Especially in we all have the same house. like it was extra silly of me. But I say all that to say that I get like being scared to invite folks over. And I just think that like anything in life, if the more you practice it, the more you get successful at it. And, you know, I there I

Kathi Lipp (16:58)
Right?

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (17:10)
I used to have this quote on our refrigerator and I think it was by I think maybe Irma Bombeck, but it said like, if you’re coming to see me, come on over. If you’re coming to see my house, call ahead, you know, and I just think, you know, I think most folks are coming to see you. It’s like you alluded to, Kathy, you know, I don’t want to go to a museum for dinner. I’m not going to relax. I’m going to be real tense the whole time. But I want, yeah, I I feel like a little bit of mess just

Kathi Lipp (17:22)
Right.

Right. Yes.

Kristen (17:38)
makes me like relax more and know that, you know, people don’t care.

Kathi Lipp (17:41)
Right.

especially if you’re bringing kids or, you know, it’s going to be, and I always think, you know, find that one spot in your house. Maybe it’s your backyard. Maybe it’s the kitchen table where you can just lean in and connect because here’s what I know. If you’re feeling lonely, there are other people around you who are feeling that same thing.

Kristen (17:46)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi Lipp (18:07)
and

so desperately needs somebody to reach out. And so, yeah, it doesn’t have to be in your house. It could be, let’s meet at the park and I’ll pack a picnic lunch for the rest of us. Do you have, right? It doesn’t have to be in your home, but at the same time, maybe saying, okay, if I can get my living room to where I know that nobody’s gonna sit on anything sharp, we’re good to go. Like, you know, that’s…

Kristen (18:12)
Yeah.

Mm-mm.

absolutely.

Yeah!

Kathi Lipp (18:36)
The baseline, that’s the baseline. What have you discovered about loneliness that you didn’t know before this project?

Kristen (18:38)
Yeah.

I think just how many different kinds of loneliness there are before this project. You know, and even when the publisher and I were going over it,

Kathi Lipp (18:51)
Hmm

Kristen (18:58)
it was very loneliness in terms of friendship, which is certainly a big valid kind of loneliness. But when I started talking with authors and they’re describing loneliness through chronic illness or loneliness because a close loved one died, the loneliness of looking different, the loneliness of being an empty nester, there’s just so many very, there’s so many.

Kathi Lipp (19:02)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kristen (19:25)
kinds of loneliness. And the interesting thing is, is though we all experience loneliness, you know, often in different ways, the pain in the midst of it is the same. So then the help you can get from it, even if you’re reading a devotional in the book that, you know, you may not identify with what the author exactly went through, you will glean a lot from the takeaways that she offers.

Kathi Lipp (19:36)
Mmm, yeah.

You know, we’re talking a lot about loneliness and some very actionable steps. I really like practical solutions. But prayer is part of this as well. And, you know, for me, the prayer, what prayer does is even if I’m not being fully honest with anybody else, maybe I’m not even being honest 100 % with my husband because I don’t want him to carry my burden.

I don’t want my mom to carry my burden, but I can always be fully authentic with God and say, this is where my pain’s coming from. And I love that God is the God of creativity and may come up with solutions that I wouldn’t even think to broach. How has prayer broken that stronghold of loneliness in your life?

Kristen (20:19)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

think because it really does show me how when you have nobody else around to help with to help just to help you feel less lonely when you have nobody else around God’s presence is enough and you can never get to that point of knowing it’s enough unless you know he’s he’s

the only one you really have. And I don’t mean to say that. I don’t mean to exaggerate. know, you know, Corey, Corey Tinboom said in when she was in the concentration camp, you never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have. I’ve never been that lonely. Thank you. Thanks the good Lord. But, but I have had times where, and a story I write about in the book where I was worried I was having a miscarriage. My husband,

Kathi Lipp (21:14)
Yeah. No.

No, I have not either. Right.

Kristen (21:41)
was the nature of his job was unreachable at the time. I’m going to the ER by myself, know, no family around, no friends that I feel like, you know, I can call it like about 10, 11 PM when that happened. So, you know, like I have had times when I’ve been lonely and, and yeah.

Kathi Lipp (21:44)
Yeah.

Yeah.

That is a depths of loneliness that not

everybody has ever experienced.

Kristen (22:03)
Yeah, and so but I also experienced the depth of Jesus’s presence in that moment, you know when That I wouldn’t have necessarily experienced if if I’d had a posse of people around me, you know,

Kathi Lipp (22:08)
Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. So guys,

if you are feeling that bitterness of loneliness and guys, I have been there, you I lived overseas. didn’t there was nobody who who, you know, I barely had people who spoke the same language as me because I didn’t know their language. There is loneliness there. But also, I know that when we experience that loneliness, God

Kristen (22:29)
Mm.

Kathi Lipp (22:47)
can meet us in that space and that place. And if you want to hear the stories of 40 plus other women who have been in that place and how God and others have met them, praying through loneliness, a 90 day devotional for women. Kristen, thanks so much for being on Clutter Free Academy.

Kristen (23:08)
thank you for having me. I love what you’re doing here, you and your community, and I’m grateful for you, Kathy.

Kathi Lipp (23:14)
My community is the best community. I mean, I’m not comparing, but I’m just going to say they really are the best human beings and friends. If you want to pick up this book for yourself or maybe for somebody you love, available. We’ll put the link in the show notes, but it’s available everywhere. You want to buy books. You’ve been listening to Clutter-Free Academy. I’m Kathy Lipp. Now go create the clutter free life you’ve always wanted to live.

Kristen (23:15)
You

 

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