by kathilipp | Jan 7, 2017 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Blog, Overwhelmed, Patience, Relationships |
Homework often feels like swimming in quicksand; it takes a lot of effort to make a small, microscopic bit of progress. I think my son often feels the same. His face, his voice, his delay of the inevitable all lead to a night of overwhelm, and there isn’t one of us who welcomes the arrival of it. Instead, we have had to reframe homework time in order to do more than simply survive the wade through quicksand.
Changing the homework atmosphere
In a moment of desperation, when overwhelm was about to suck every bit of joy from the house, I opted to change the atmosphere. It was time to think outside the box.
Atmosphere: Scent
Who knew that lavender essential oil was just as important as a No. 2 pencil? It was news to me but now I keep it on hand. Diffuse it or wear it on your wrists to erase overwhelm – yours and your child’s! I bet fresh baked cookies, freshly cut rosemary or flowers would work to invigorate and motivate as well.
Atmosphere: View
A clear space to work makes a big difference. It drives us all nuts to have to clear a spot or work around the syrup on the counter. Have a clear spot ready to go. Also, there’s something about a flickering candle that ushers in peace and shows overwhelm the door. The candlelight serves as a reminder of what home is – a place of peace, it serves to remind me not set a place at the table for overwhelm.
Atmosphere: Sound
Music is powerful and completely customizable! What type of music focuses and calms your child? Instrumental music, soft rock, a movie soundtrack, or white noise? One night I put on John Coltrane just as I was about to pull my hair out and the strains of the talented saxophonist melted the frustration so that we could all stay focused on what is important – our relationships with each other!
Atmosphere: Release
Sometimes everyone needs a break. “Finish that worksheet and we can go shoot some hoops.” “Let’s practice your math facts and then we can have a snack.” “Go ahead and finish that sentence and we can go dance it out.” Homework will feel less like a prison sentence when there are opportunities to blow off some steam.
Atmosphere matters in homework. I can’t do my son’s homework for him (I already passed 4th grade), but I can set the tone in our home. Homework is not always going to be fun but there can be more smiles in the midst of math, more patience in the writing of the report. It is possible to end the night tired yet satisfied, that together, we navigated homework well.
One Small Win: With a simple step outside of the box, homework becomes more than just school work – it becomes a lesson in being patient and kind while mitigating overwhelm.
You can read more from Bethany Howard at bethanyhoward.com. She writes about finding fuel for joy and growth in the details of the daily. Her greatest leadership exercise has been her roles as wife and mom to three. She is a graduate of Leverage: The Speaker Conference.
by Guest Blogger | Jan 5, 2017 | Blog, Relationships |
by Julie Landreth
I had to stop the insanity.
Incessantly checking my phone, posting status updates, and mindlessly scrolling through news feeds. Facebook had taken up every free, quiet moment I had.
My relationship with social media
I developed a persistent tic, a relationship with social media which was getting in the way of real life. Whether I was at a stop light or in a waiting room, I filled my time scrolling. Riding shotgun was my cue to tune out and start scrolling. If I was playing Legos with my son, I would eventually find my phone in hand, thumb scrolling. One day he even said, “Mom, I am more important than your phone.” Ouch!
I noticed something was off in my relationships. Social media, Facebook, in particular, was fueling comparison.
I struggled with friendships
I struggled to connect in friendships at a deeper level. However, when I went out and ran into other women they commented about my posts which made me feel like they knew about my life, but they didn’t want to know me.
I felt bad, maybe it was just their way to strike up a conversation, but it left me feeling judged, compared and lonely.
In time, I realized I wouldn’t make meaningful connections unless I changed my approach to Facebook. I needed to be more intentional with what I shared and how I used social media. Removing the app from my phone was a step in the right direction.
Setting boundaries
I set boundaries for myself by only posting to Facebook through Instagram. As a photographer, I love taking pictures, so I follow accounts which are visually interesting and inspiring to me. Most of which I don’t know personally so there is not much to compare.
If I post a photo it’s for one of four reasons. I either found it super cool and beautiful, it’s a memory I want to be a part of my photo album, it’s something I found funny, or something which could be an encouragement to others.
I’m more engaged
As a result, I found myself more engaged and present with my husband and son. I can just be with them without feeling the need to fill time in the car by scrolling.
Now, I only check Facebook from my laptop, which means I often forget. I am keenly aware of friends and family who gravitate towards their phone. It reminds me that I don’t want to have my face buried in my phone. I want to be present and engaged.
Now when I run into people, they tell me my posts are uplifting and encouraging.
Facebook may not be a problem for you, but ask yourself, “What is competing for my attention?”
Perhaps make one of your resolutions to investigate your own social media patterns. Do you have any thought patterns that don’t serve you well? Do your scrolling habits keep you from fully engaging with those around you?
One Small Win: Set some boundaries for 2017 and feel the freedom of truly experiencing relationships with those around you.
Julie Landreth has a passion for healthy and thriving relationships – especially in marriage and friendship. She is a speaker and a “wife coach” who loves sharing with women her passion for prayer and ways to actively cultivate a thriving marriage. She leads a growing number of women in San Jose, CA, through her curriculum: Consistency and Persistency: The Art of Praying for your Husband.
Having been married 12 years, she and her husband have cultivated a marriage filled with intentional love, effective communication, sustainable fun, and a date night every Friday night for the last nine years. She also finds deliberate ways to spend quality time with her nine-year-old son who shares many of her artistic talents. Follow her on Instagram: @julielandreth.
by kathilipp | Dec 20, 2016 | Christmas, Hard Stuff, Overwhelmed, Podcast, Relationships |
People Plan Options
In this podcast, they talk about three options that can help you when it comes to pre-deciding how you will behave:
- Personal Manifesto – Creating a “personal manifesto” sets up a code of ethics that helps you pre-decide what you need and want and how to ask for it. (Kathi and Cheri’s manifesto can be viewed here)
- Acknowledgment – Acknowledge a pattern and discuss it. Perhaps the person is willing to change or you can change your reaction to their actions.
- Leave – Don’t subject yourself to disrespectful behavior.
Kathi and Cheri run through multiple scenarios to help you pre-plan your responses and help you deal with the overwhelm.
Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Our new book is NOW AVAILABLE! And only until midnight on December 31, we are offering some amazing freebies. Check out all the details here.
Have you endured the Christmas Party where someone just pushes your buttons and you want to scream? Or the family dinner where Aunt Myrtle points out all the things wrong? We all have challenging people in our lives. Sometimes we can be the challenge. This is when a people plan can help. Pre-deciding how we will behave when we are in those challenging situations helps us be the best person we can be. Kathi and Overwhelmed co-author, Cheri Gregory, discuss various situations where a “people plan” can turn challenging events into less overwhelming situations.
Free Download
Creating your personal manifesto is an amazing way to pre-decide how you are going to handle certain people or situations. Check out Kathi and Cheri’s and even a few of our favorites from those that sent them in that have already read Overwhelmed.
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.”
Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and the upcoming Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.
by kathilipp | Oct 4, 2016 | Marriage, Podcast, Relationships |
Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New
“When you go through a major crisis in your marriage, you have a choice to make,” says Cindy Beall, author of Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New. “If you decide to stay together, a few simple cosmetic changes won’t do. You need to radically start over. What this means is, we faithfully and intentionally find a new way of relating to each other, a new way of spending time together, a new way of being open with one another, and new ways of nurturing and growing our marriage.”
Beall believes that God doesn’t waste pain and that a couple who has experienced healing and is moving forward can now invest generously by ministering to others in similar circumstances. Today, Chris is a campus pastor for Life.Church and Beall ministers to pastors’ wives and women in ministry. The two often minister to other struggling couples.
“God wants to give you a new marriage,” says Beall. “But that new marriage can’t happen without a new husband and a new wife. Both of you have to participate. Let me tell you, when you change and believe who you are in Christ, your marriage will change. It will be better than you thought possible. It will be beyond your wildest dreams.”
When there has been betrayal in your marriage, restoration doesn’t seem possible and rebuilding a marriage seems daunting. Many of us just wouldn’t go down that road, but other times, when God’s plan includes rebuilding your marriage, He uses it to move mountains. So how do you go from a completely broken place, to a marriage that is better than new, fully restored and more connected than you ever realized it could be? Kathi talks to Cindy Beall, a woman that has gone from shattered to restored, betrayed but now, with a lot of honesty and hard work, in a marriage that is beautiful. She is the author of Rebuilding a Marriage Better than New, and Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken. Kathi and Cindy discuss what that honesty and work look like and how life can look on the other side of broken.
Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker and mentor to women. She enjoys watching college football, hanging out with her sons, and sitting on her back porch sipping coffee with her husband, Chris. The Bealls have been married since 1993 and have spent most of their marriage in full-time ministry. They have three sons between them which means there is very little pink in their home but a plethora of air soft guns and camouflage. Cindy’s husband, Chris, serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at Life.Church and also oversees half of the OKC metro Life.Church campuses. Cindy oversees the Equipping arm on the Leading & Loving It team that ministers to pastor’s wives and women in ministry. Her first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, released in 2011.
by kathilipp | Oct 3, 2016 | Blog, Love Your Husband, Marriage, Relationships, The Husband Project |
Your first challenge is simple. All I want you to do is say something nice to your husband. That’s it. Really. Let’s just love him with words.
Because the truth is: often we wives have the power to change the way our husbands walk through the world by choosing the words we speak to them.
How you do it is up to you.
Here are a few ideas for ways to love him with words:
- Say it to him
- Text it to him
- Put it on a Post-it Note in his truck
- Call him
- Whisper it to him
- Put it in a card in his computer case
- Write it in lipstick on the bathroom mirror
Have you got your great idea of how you’re going to say it? Great. Now what to say … maybe a simple “I love you” or “I appreciate how you _______ .” Maybe you want to tell him he is sexy or handsome.
But don’t worry if you’re having a hard time coming up with something. I have you covered! Here are some additional ideas for how to love him with words. Something to get the creative juices flowing. These are from The Husband Project: 21 Post-it Note Sized Encouragements.
And remember, tell me in the comments what you did (or are planning to do) to love him with words. (And post a picture to my Facebook Page so I can share your love with the world!)
Win!
Answer the Question of the Day on Kathi’s Facebook page for your chance to win a copy of 101 Ways to Tell Your Husband You Love Him!
Today’s question: What words most encourage your husband? Scripture, I love you’s, or I appreciate you’s?
by kathilipp | Jul 26, 2016 | God, Podcast, Relationships, The Me Project |
Breaking Up with Perfect Online Study
HOW DOES THIS WORK?
WHEN: August 1-September 5
WHERE: On Amy Carroll’s blog and on Facebook too!
WHY: There are lots of great reasons to do your study online. Here are just a few:
- This is easy study format, and you can participate as much or as little as you like. Twice a week, you’ll get a lesson in your email box by subscribing here, and you can join the private Facebook page here for more interaction.
- You’ve got an irregular schedule because of work, kids, appointments, or other interruptions. You can do an online study on your own time–right on schedule with the group or at your own slower pace.
- You’re mobility is limited, and you’re at home. This is a way to connect with other women right in your living room.
- This is a safe place to build relationships with others while maintaining your privacy. You can share freely without fear of judgement. Authenticity is a cornerstone of my book, and I was very vulnerable in writing. I hope it makes you feel free to be your truest self too.
- This is a super-easy way to lead a small group. The group can meet together once a week to discuss your personal take-aways, but I’ll lead the weekly assignments. If you’d like to have a Leader’s Guide with tips, videos, and a schedule for leading your group, click here to purchase it.
10 Steps of Fun and Transformational Things You Can Do Today to Stop Trying to Be Perfect
Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Start taking steps to break up with perfect TODAY by using this FREE download from Amy. Thank you Amy!
Are you striving and trying hard to do everything right? Is this beginning to hurt your relationships with friends, spouses, even God?
Breaking up with perfect is about grace. Grace for myself and grace for others.
Join me as I talk with Amy Carroll, author of Breaking Up with Perfect as we get real about how are different personality styles affect our ability to walk beside our friends during the ups and downs of life. **Win a copy of the book Breaking Up with Perfect by Amy Carroll by leaving a comment below Mentioned in this episode: Breaking Up with Perfect Online Study Strengths Finder Share on Facebook
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FREE DOWNLOAD
Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Start taking steps to break up with perfect TODAY by using this FREE download from Amy. Thank you Amy! Click here to download.
Amy Carroll is a speaker, writer, and International Initiatives Coordinator with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She’s the author of Breaking Up with Perfect as well as the director and coach of Next Step Speaker Services. Amy and her husband live in lovely Holly Springs, NC with a bossy miniature dachshund. You can find her on any given day texting her two sons at college, typing at her computer, reading a book, or trying to figure out one more alternative to cooking dinner. Share life with Amy at www.amycarroll.org
