by Julie Landreth
I had to stop the insanity.
Incessantly checking my phone, posting status updates, and mindlessly scrolling through news feeds. Facebook had taken up every free, quiet moment I had.
My relationship with social media
I developed a persistent tic, a relationship with social media which was getting in the way of real life. Whether I was at a stop light or in a waiting room, I filled my time scrolling. Riding shotgun was my cue to tune out and start scrolling. If I was playing Legos with my son, I would eventually find my phone in hand, thumb scrolling. One day he even said, “Mom, I am more important than your phone.” Ouch!
I noticed something was off in my relationships. Social media, Facebook, in particular, was fueling comparison.
I struggled with friendships
I struggled to connect in friendships at a deeper level. However, when I went out and ran into other women they commented about my posts which made me feel like they knew about my life, but they didn’t want to know me.
I felt bad, maybe it was just their way to strike up a conversation, but it left me feeling judged, compared and lonely.
In time, I realized I wouldn’t make meaningful connections unless I changed my approach to Facebook. I needed to be more intentional with what I shared and how I used social media. Removing the app from my phone was a step in the right direction.
Setting boundaries
I set boundaries for myself by only posting to Facebook through Instagram. As a photographer, I love taking pictures, so I follow accounts which are visually interesting and inspiring to me. Most of which I don’t know personally so there is not much to compare.
If I post a photo it’s for one of four reasons. I either found it super cool and beautiful, it’s a memory I want to be a part of my photo album, it’s something I found funny, or something which could be an encouragement to others.
I’m more engaged
As a result, I found myself more engaged and present with my husband and son. I can just be with them without feeling the need to fill time in the car by scrolling.
Now, I only check Facebook from my laptop, which means I often forget. I am keenly aware of friends and family who gravitate towards their phone. It reminds me that I don’t want to have my face buried in my phone. I want to be present and engaged.
Now when I run into people, they tell me my posts are uplifting and encouraging.
Facebook may not be a problem for you, but ask yourself, “What is competing for my attention?”
Perhaps make one of your resolutions to investigate your own social media patterns. Do you have any thought patterns that don’t serve you well? Do your scrolling habits keep you from fully engaging with those around you?
One Small Win: Set some boundaries for 2017 and feel the freedom of truly experiencing relationships with those around you.
Julie Landreth has a passion for healthy and thriving relationships – especially in marriage and friendship. She is a speaker and a “wife coach” who loves sharing with women her passion for prayer and ways to actively cultivate a thriving marriage. She leads a growing number of women in San Jose, CA, through her curriculum: Consistency and Persistency: The Art of Praying for your Husband.
Having been married 12 years, she and her husband have cultivated a marriage filled with intentional love, effective communication, sustainable fun, and a date night every Friday night for the last nine years. She also finds deliberate ways to spend quality time with her nine-year-old son who shares many of her artistic talents. Follow her on Instagram: @julielandreth.
I totally understand!! When I finally came into modern times and got a smart phone I was obsessed with texting. One night, as we walked out of a restaurant, my husband asked if the texting I was doing during dinner was more important than him OUCH!! I leave my phone in the car or my purse when we are on a date now.
God has given me the word “Priorities” for 2017 and to start the year focused correctly called me to fast Facebook. I don’t miss it but have noticed I check my e-mail obsessively so I suppose some steps to have healthy boundaries in this area are on the list too!!
I love that!!
Thanks Julie ! Yes it can be addictive always checking Facebook . I try not to do that when I’m with Family & friends . Very rude . I agree with Cash . . Love & life is too short to miss out on relationships with those in your presence!
I just uninstalled facebook this morning. I was having some serious problems with my health. I was constantly dizzy and didn’t understand why. My blood pressure was super high as well and all the doctors told me that I was stressed. I finally recognized that instead of dealing with the stress I would go online and scroll and ignore the stress. I’m guessing I was online for 5-7 hours a day! Way too much! I finally got offline and back into exercising and I am no longer dizzy and my blood pressure is back down. I’m glad God showed me that I needed to get offline b/c I wouldn’t have changed if it hadn’t been affecting my health.
Alison, I get it! What a brave step. I hope this brings healing.
Julie, thank you for being real with us! Wow, when your son said that, it’s wonderful that you paid attention to it. Thanks Julie.
Thanks Mary Lou, he was 6 at the time which meant he was super insightful already. He still keeps me on my toes.
Thank you for sharing this post. I just “quit” facebook yesterday. I think I have to make a clean break – at least for now – it is truly an addiction. My word for 2017 is Surrender – as in let go, surrender to God, surrender to His love – and part of that is making space for Him to fill, making space to feel His Presence – making the space in my life and my heart for stillness and silence – and not constantly filling the time and space scrolling.
Tara- this is great! It was so freeing for me when I went cold turkey. You will really start to recognize when something is off. It will make you more keenly aware of that Surrender to GOD. When I get the social media itch. Now I ask myself, what is going on? What am I missing and I more readily turn to God and have Him fill the space. I am super exited for you and your Surrender.