Today’s Project: Say something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom.
As cliché as it may sound, our husbands want to be our heroes. More than they want to know that we love them, they want to know that we respect them. They need to know that they’re never the butt of our jokes, that they’re the go-to-guy in every story we tell.
Make an opportunity today to spread some great gossip about your man. It doesn’t matter if it’s one of your friends or one of his; let that somebody know how blessed you are to be married to your guy.
Some key phrases you may want to put on index cards to help you remember:
? “I feel so lucky to have a man who knows how to do his own laundry.”
? “You know when I knew that my husband really loved me? When he could remember my order at Starbucks.”
? “I just love the way he is with our kids.”
? “He makes the best lasagna on the planet.”
Steering the Ship
A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it (James 3: 3-4 The Message). That’s what great gossip is all about.
As wives, we are often the ship’s captain, while our husbands are that huge ship. Words spoken in encouragement and love can go a long way to building our men up. But the opposite is true as well. There is nothing that can determine the direction of our husband’s day quicker than the words that are spoken to him in the morning.
Sometimes as wives, we forget the role we play in our husband’s lives. We all remember that great line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, spoken by Toula’s mom, “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. She tells him which way to turn.”
OK, I don’t tell my husband which way to turn, but I do have an influence about how he navigates through his day.
I know that I need to be especially careful about my tone. Sometimes I think I am just oh-so-witty, when really it’s coming off as sarcastic and biting. It’s not enough to just say kind and encouraging words. I need to make sure that whatever words I choose only build up my husband, never tear him down.
That’s what great gossip is all about.
Death to the Dufus Dad
Our world encourages us to define our husbands by what is lacking in them. Need proof? Just turn on your TV.
Watch any channel for more than ten minutes and you’re almost assured of seeing some man playing the role of the dufus dad. You know the one; his wife is always right, his kids don’t respect him, and he’s the punch line of every joke, accompanied by a laugh track. Even his best friend, the dog, thinks he’s kind of a moron.
I feel like it’s time for a man revolution in our generation. No, I don’t want to go back to the times where women were tethered to the oven by their ever-present strand of pearls. But, I do want to see a place where men are allowed to be men and they can be respected for it.
My warrior cry will be, “Death to the Dufus Dad!”
But I digress.
OK – so you have bragged on your husband, now what?
Once you have done your bragging, let your husband know what you said, and to whom. He needs to know that he is the good guy in every story you tell.
With our friends, we have a lot of influence over the “tone” of our speech. Here’s how my friend, Michelle, puts it when it comes to steering away from complaining about her husband, Rick:
“I love this Project and have practiced it for years, even when I was irritated with my husband. Sometimes hearing yourself point out the good stuff gives you the power to change your own perception of something that’s annoying — of course, not that Rick is EVER annoying.
Another thing I think about… how women can help other women. When a woman is complaining about her husband (not confiding, because I think there’s a difference and we should be there for our buddies), but when it’s a light-hearted complaint, where a friend may be stuck in a rut, thinking about something in regard to her husband, I try and gently encourage her to see the goodness in her husband. I might say something like, “Yeah, he likes to watch football, but think of how he’s also bonding with your sons by sharing something they have in common!” You know, I try to find the silver lining and ‘illuminate’ that for my friend.”
While your greatest need may be for your husband to tell you that he loves you, most guys are programmed differently. He wants, at his very core, to know that you respect him. He wants to know that you are proud of him and that he is the one you would choose again if given the chance.
This goes a long way to solidifying you as a team, as well. There’s no way that anyone in my family would ever say a word against
my husband. They know that I’m on his side, and it’s a gossip-free zone around me (unless the gossip is about how great he is.)
So to be entered into today’s giveaway: 1. Tell us something awesome about your husband, and then tell your husband that you bragged on him.
And what will you win? A copy of The “What’s for Dinner?” Solution. Food and flattery – does it get any better for a guy?
Today’s Project: Let him win the media wars as you suggest an action-packed-car-chasing-things-exploding thriller – a guy movie.
“What is it with men and The Godfather?” wonders chick-flick princess Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. Tom Hanks’ response? “It is the I Ching. It is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather answers all of life’s questions. What should I pack for my summer vacation? ‘Leave the gun, take the cannoli.’”
One of the most marriage-testing conversations a couple can have takes place in the aisles of your local video store (or on Netflix, or on Amazon…). You want romance and subtitles – he wants guns and grunts.
Movies are an important ingredient of “The Husband Project”. There are many projects where you, as the wife, are called upon to put your husband’s wants and desires before your own, and in no area of marriage is it harder to “die to self’ than when picking what you’ll be watching on a Friday night.
The good news? Choosing to watch a “guy flick” with your man reaps double benefits – not only are you loving on your husband in a tangible way, you’re also doing research at the same time. The more Rambo-esqe cinema you take in, the deeper a peek you’ll have into your man’s inner life.
If you ever doubted that your husband’s deepest desire was to be your hero, just check out the kinds of movies he watches. Most male-movie fare is all about being a stand-up kind of guy, doing the right thing, no matter the circumstances. (Think Bruce Willis in Die Hard and Mel Gibson in The Patriot.)
Here is how my pastor, Scott Simmerok, put it when I asked him why he likes the kind of movies he does:
“Action thrillers and motivational/inspirational are the way I roll. Not scary stuff but suspenseful, who-done-it, and also underdog type movies when the little guy wins. Except I wasn’t a fan of Sea Biscuit and I’ll never admit to shedding a tear in that flick.”
So in the interest of public service to the wife community, I’ve compiled a list of guy movies for you to choose from.
This list is a compilation of the best dude movies as voted on by my guy friends. You may not like, or even approve of, every title on this list, but at least you’ll have a working knowledge of guy movie culture, plus a go-to guide the next time he leaves it up to you to fend for yourself at the video store.
Thanks to my guy friends for their insight and comments. They have preformed a great service to women everywhere.
Guy Movies
Anything with Al Pacino
Anything with Marlon Brando (pre-Don Juan Demarco)
Anything with Bruce Willis
Sports
Field of Dreams
“Baseball. Need I say more?” Steve
We are Marshall
“Inspiring, true, sports story,” Scott
Action
Back to the Future trilogy
Steve says,” I’ve always been interested in time travel. The only think that would have made it better would be a cameo by Molly Ringwald.”
Mission Impossible 1,2,3
Bourne Supremacy and all the sequels
The Net
Lord of the Ring: The Return of the King
“Great story, great action, worth sitting through three hours.” Karl
Violence
Gladiator
“Total macho movie, lots of action, however good plot and I love the soundtrack. This is one of the few movies where you don’t mind being the guy wearing the skirt.” Karl
Saving Private Ryan
Steve says, “Groundbreaking cinema, pro-military without being pro-war.”
The Shawshank Redemption
“Morgan Freeman and good over evil. What more could you ask for?” Charles
(Note from Kathi: While these are the hardest movies for me to watch, they do give me ample opportunity to bury my face in my husband’s shoulder.)
Humor
Young Frankenstein
“Seriously funny movie, quotes are memorable and make me laugh out loud whenever I think about that movie.” Karl
Oceans 11
Romance
(This was a trick category – if you think this falls under guy movies, you are still thinking like a chick.)
Movies Both Guys and Girls Like
This is a magical list. Every Hollywood producer is looking for that mystical intersection of entertaining males and delighting females. Here’s a group of movies that, from my research, is a pretty sure bet for both of you:
Princess Bride – Don’t let the title fool you – even the teenage boys in our home love this movie.
What’s Up, Doc?
Indiana Jones (1 and 3 – but don’t even bother with 2)
City Slickers
Field of Dreams
Shrek
Chick Flicks
Only to be watched with girlfriends and large supplies of tissues and chocolates.
An Affair to Remember
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Steel Magnolias
Fried Green Tomatoes
Say Anything (John Cusack declaring his eternal love with a boom box? It’s the fantasy of many a girl and the impossible-to-live-up-to standard for every guy.)
Anything with Meg Ryan
Anything written by Jane Austin
So tell me – what kind of movies are your guy’s favorite? And for this week’s project, are you going to let him pick, or are you going to surprise him with a movie of his choice. Let me know in the comments below, and you will be entered to win TWO COPIES of the Marriage Project (one for you, and one for your man!)
THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED!
That’s just two things:
What kind of movies does your guy like?
When are you going to watch a movie he would like this week?
Today’s Project: Get a food treat for him that he’s not required to share with you or any other family member.
It’s time to think about food, glorious food.
My husband goes positively bonkers over a candy called Cherry Sours. As a leftover from his Florida childhood (from, what I can tell, was spent largely at Walt Disney World) he was first introduced to this candy and has great memories associated with them. The candy in question is a little red sugar ball – and my guy is desperately, inexplicably in love with mass quantities of them.
Which totally confounds me. They taste like the stuff your dental hygienist uses to rinse your mouth out after a particularly painful and thorough cleaning.
But, he loves ‘em, so I search for Cherry Sours whenever I can. They can be hard to locate, so when I do, I try to stock up, without Roger knowing.
When he’s having a rough time at work or I want to say congratulations for a job well done, I break out the Cherry Sours.
Is there a treat that you personally find revolting that your husband absolutely loves? Get it for him, letting him know through this small act, “This is all for you, baby…” (and if you truly don’t like the treat, he won’t feel obligated to share.)
Even if you do love it, insist that it’s all for him. Don’t let him share with you. This is something special that does not require him to share with his neighbor. (It’s perfectly acceptable to get a matching treat for yourself.)
Stumped for ideas? Here are some thoughts:
•Get his favorite pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
•Is there a certain cut of meat that your husband loves? How about having the butcher cut something just for him?
•Learn how to make his favorite dish from childhood.
•My guy loves the smell of baking almost as much as he enjoys eating the treat. Have some brownies in the oven when he gets home from work or working out. (I know, it negates the workout, but isn’t chocolate always worth it?)
Let me know what you’re going to do for your man in the comments below and one of the lucky winners will receive a “My Husband is a Hottie” T-shirt! If you want one for a treat for him for Valentines Day, order it from my store Monday by 2:00 and you’ll have it in time for the holiday!) THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED!
UPDATED 2016: We know it is not Valentine’s Day, but a spicy marriage isn’t just for the holiday. Create a summer lovin’ kit for the long summer nights to celebrate you and your man! Surprise your husband with a love kit and make it a summer to remember.
I know that Valentines is over a month away, but I like to imagine that I’m a planner and not going to try to pull everything together the night before. So, if you’re interested in adding a dash of spice to your marriage this Valentine’s Day (and beyond) here is a project you can have as much fun putting together as you will have using. (OK, hopefully you’ll have a little more fun using it. But I digress …)
The Container
Find a decorated box, fabric bag, or any cute container that’s about the size of a shoe box. To do this on a budget, you can use a shoe box, but wrap it “soap opera” style. (Where you wrap the lid and the box separately with wrapping paper so it can stay pretty and be used over and over again.)
What to Fill it With
This is a list of items that can go into the box. Pick and choose those things you and your husband will love. Be playful! Have fun with packing it (and opening it)!
Candles
Candy hearts
Pieces of cute paper with Notes of “I Love You Because…” ***
Lotion
Chocolates
Sparkling cider
Mixed CD of Great Love Songs
And if you wanted to make sure that your husband’s Valentines wish is fulfilled, (and you have someway for the kids to be occupied,) here are a couple more suggestions of some items to add:
Sexy briefs (his or hers or both)
Massage oil
A rubber ducky
A couple of thoughts:
You could do a much simpler, stripped down version for a MOPS craft project.
I’m a big believer in not cheaping out on things like lotion. I don’t want to use anything from Target’s dollar bin on my skin. Get something you will use all year long.
Same thing for chocolates. If you’re going to spend the calories, get something you love.
Make sure you put a few things in there that make you feel great – a favorite lip gloss, a candle that you love. This is a basket for both of you.
*** The notes in the mailbox are all reasons I love my hubby. Here is my list. Feel free to totally plagiarize any of these for your own purposes.
You make sure that my Tivo shows are never interrupted by Star Trek reruns
You love my mom
You are smart. And smart is sexy.
You are a great father.
You let me keep the kitten we found. And you change the litter box.
You tell me I’m beautiful even when I have plenty of evidence to the contrary.
You fix my printer. Every.single.time.
You never let me pump my own gas.
You are the best barbecuer I’ve ever experienced.
You love me on my bad days.
And thanks to Fawn over at The Happy Wives Club for inviting me to link up today. Love her stuff. Check her out:
We are so excited to team up with Proverbs 31 Ministries as they feature our very own The Husband Project for their online Bible study, June 20-July 22. Be Sure to sign up for the online Bible study HERE!
Hey Friends – this is Kathi. My friend, Jill Davis, was a valuable contributor to my latest book 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids. Jill offered great advice as the single mom of several kids in that book, and I’ve asked her to talk about the special challenges of single parenting and the holidays.
Even if you’re not a single parent, I think we have a real opportunity to reach out to a single mom this season and offer support in the ways that we can. Look at this list and see how you can support.
What I Wish I Knew My First Christmas as a Single Mom. Guest Post by:Jill Davis
“Don’t let busyness replace deep human connection.” I heard these words recently from a close friend and it took me back to my early single mom days. I spent so much time trying to create the magazine picture perfect Christmas experience, I missed out on what my children truly needed; to be connected as a family. Six years later, I have made lots of mistakes and learned lots of lessons.
What I wish I had known my first Christmas as a single mom.
1. Don’t try to do everything you’ve done in past years.
2. Ask your children what they most want to do this year. Then choose just one or two of them, not all 127 of them. Make sure to include one of your favorite traditions as well.
3. Remember Christmas is busy enough just through regular activities. It is in building relationships with our children that true joy happens.
4. Don’t unwrap your family ornaments with the children around. Take the time to sort them out first. It can be extremely painful the first few years. Sort through what you want to keep for yourself and the kids. Pack the rest away in a box marked “look at in two years”. A lot can happen in two years and it will be easier to look at those old memories then.
5. Let others help you. It’s really ok. You don’t have to be super single mom. Let them take the kids to do special things. You really don’t have to do it all.
6. If you are alone over Christmas choose how you want to spend the time. If you are invited somewhere and you really want to be around people GO! Or if you really want to be alone, say no. It’s ok to enjoy the time by yourself.
7. Remember some years are just going to be difficult, whether you are single or not.
8. A hot bath, a good book and a full night’s sleep will heal most exhaustion. Participate in extreme self care this time of year.
9. Don’t over spend or over eat, it will make January much harder and no one will be any happier.
10. Most of all, take the time to listen. Listen to your children, to yourself, to friends, and to the joy of the season. Let go of the busyness and relish the joy of being with your family.
For over 20 years, Jill Davis has helped others identify and fulfill their dreams. By using her own life challenges as the mother of four, a military wife, an abusive in marriage, a divorce survivor and building a successful career, she is able to create belief in others. She understands the difficulties others encounter both in the world and within themselves. Her energy and determination are an inspiration and a highly developed intuition provides her with the ability to touch a nerve in everyone she encounters. Her goal is to help others find inside themselves their own personal path to joy.
Trained in Personality Principles and Coaching Strategies, Jill continues to make her own dreams come true by harnessing her unique skills and reaching out to the women she encounters to encourage, inspire, and guide them toward their own fulfillment. Jill’s website is Ask Jill Davis
OK – so I get a little bossy when I’m blogging. But I really feel like all of us girls who are REALLY working hard to make our marriages better need all the love and encouragement we can get.
You already read my blog. And for that I’m glad, cause I’m all about taking those small steps to a great marriage. But as much I want to be all things to all married women, I cannot.
Here are a few people I’ve met along the way who encourage me in my marriage…
Why I love her: Fawn has literally traveled all over the world to talk with happy wives and see why they are that way. Her insights are fascinating, her writing smart, and her ideas practical. Love that.
Why I Love Her: Cheri is an expert on the personalities. (She helped me write 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids focusing on the personalities.) She is married to someone with her opposite personality, and in her blog she talks about the real stuff of marriage. I always come away a little marriage smarter after reading her blog.
If there was every a girlfriend to give it to you straight (with enough humor to make you keep listening..) then Sheila is your woman. Love, love love her.
Why I love her: Darlene Tackles all the issues of marriage (kids, house stuff, sex,) with love, grace and godly wisdom. You will be encouraged, and you will change something you’re currently doing.
Why I Love Them: Dineen and Lynn have a great ministry to women (and some men) who are married to spouses who are not followers of Christ. I love their gentle, biblical approach to honor and love.
Q4U: Is there a great marriage blog that I missed that I should include in the next list? Tell me in the comments below so I can take a look!
Today’s Project: Say something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom.
