One of the tenants of The Husband Project is that every job is more fun when your friends are involved. One of our wives, Sugga-Lamb, (love the nickname, teehee) gave me a sample of the letter she sent to get her friends on board.
“Hello ladies,
Hi Project Managers – I know many of you will not see this post until tomorrow, as you’re in the kitchen basting and microwaving at this very moment. (MY husband is making his world famous salsa which requires a great deal of counter space, so I thought I would clear out for a moment.)
It doesn’t matter when you see the post, because this whole project is like one big Thanksgiving Day. We are learning to be grateful for the guy we already have, instead of looking over the fence at the guy who takes the garbage out without being reminded.
We of The Husband Project are actively seeking to change our marriages, not waiting around for the men in our life to change before we do. It is the extreme version of marital chicken – seeing who is going to blink first before we will be nice. Not for us – we are choosing to be nice, everyday.
One of my favorite quotes in the world is from George Bernard Shaw:
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I can think of no higher service in life than to make the most important man in our life feel special.
I pray that you choose to have a blessed and peaceful Thanksgiving.
Kathi – Your Project Coordinator
Hi project managers –
I know life is crazy and paying attention to your guy can go by the wayside. If you have fallen off the project wagon and cannot get back up, it is time to get back in the saddle. Missed a day (or a week)? No prob. Just start where you are and do what you can. This is not about perfection, it is about progress.
Are you running out of ideas? Here is a plan for week 2 from a brand new mom. She has done a great job in planning because she KEPT IT SIMPLE. Do what you can, when you can.
MM – thanks for the great ideas – we will be hearing from more guest bloggers in the coming days.
Bonus day: since I’m up in our cold house nursing at night, I’ve been sleeping in yoga pants and a t-shirt for really practical purposes. So, I vamped it up by trading the t-shirt for a tank top. And you know what? He noticed! I think it’s the big nursing cha-chas!
Day 8: I did day 8 on day 10, but I made a batch of caramel corn for a women’s event at church and we doubled the caramel and made extra for him. He got a bunch of it, and was happy. Location didn’t matter. 🙂
Day 9: I HATE leftovers and trash. So, I emptied the mystery Tupperwares of old food and dumped the trash too. J noticed.
Day 10: J got me a maple leaf necklace when my son was born, so I wore it. It poked the baby in the head, but that’s all right!
Day 11: to remove stress, I scheduled and facilitated getting J’s car serviced. Worked out getting the car dropped off, picked up and dealt with. He HATES car repair people, so he thanked me and mentioned how much easier it was for me to do it. Hahaha.
Day 12: noticed his great stuff…..I do this anyway. I think my husband is fantastic.
Day 13: I called and told him I loved him and sent a naughty text.
Day 14: tonight I will rub his shoulders as he has had the baby in a front pack most of the evening and I’ll bet they hurt.
Wow – things are moving fast and furious here in Projectland.
I love our new look – thanks to webmaster extraordinaire Roger. (Of course, he’s not reading any of the posts, just making us all look more beautiful in the process. Isn’t that what every girl wants?)
Please continue to roll with me and the Project as I figure out all the bells and whistles of blogging. Trust me, we are going to have fun.
Kathi – Your Project Coordinator
Order at:
The Husband Project
The Purpose of The Husband Project is to spend 21 Days loving and supporting our husbands, on purpose.
1. Download the First Week’s Projects
2. Find two other friends to hold you accountable on The Husband Project. It doesn’t matter if they’re phone friends, internet buddies, or if you all decide to meet at the Starbucks down the street. Location is not important. Consistency is.
3. Have your two friends send an e-mail at editor@21dayproject.com and sign up here on the blog. We will get the introductory e-mails out to them.
4. Decide on a Start Date. It can be tomorrow, or two weeks from now. I would really suggest starting within the next week so we can all go along as a group, but do what works best for you.
5. Look over the first week’s “Projects” and come up with a plan. (By the way, this is a secret from your husband, so don’t tell him what you are up to.) YOU decide how you are going to bless your husband each day. I have offered ideas, but it’s up to you to decide how that day’s project will be carried out. Plus, I need you to share your ideas (either by e-mailing us at editor@21dayproject.com, or by going to the blog and posting at www.21dayproject.com).
Write down in advance what you’re going to do for each day. (There is a space provided on each day’s form.) I have recently lost a bunch of weight. One of the key elements in doing this (besides putting down the chocolate) has been to write down what plan to eat, not keeping a log of what I ate. Put purpose and a plan into work – that is how you will see results.
You will also need to make some other plans along the way. Is there a night when you’ll need babysitting? Is there a special candy that you can only get online and need to order now for next Saturday‘s project? Order it in advance so you will be ready.
6. Share your Project Plan with your accountability partners and with the rest of the 21 Day community. Who knows, they may have some great, creative ideas to share.
7. Be Flexible. If one of the projects doesn’t line up with your husband’s schedule, swap it for another day. If food does nothing for him, find another way to treat your hubby – this is all about you connecting with him. The intention of the Husband Project is not to make you crazy, but to find new ways to bless and support your husband. Just do something, everyday.
8. Send me your feedback.
Let me know what is working, and what isn’t.
Let me know if something is not clear.
Let me know if your heart attitude changes in any way during the 21 Days.
Let me know if your husband is blessed at any point during the process.
If your comments can be posted for the world to see, go to: www.21dayproject.com and list your ideas under the appropriate day – hopefully you will inspire some other wife.
Otherwise, e-mail us at editor@21dayproject.com for any other comments that may be too personal for a website.
Can’t wait –
Kathi
It’s time to talk about sex, ladies.
Your man needs and wants sex, probably more than you do.
If a man feels like he’s desirable to you, the love of his life, the other areas that he may be struggling in (work, parenting, etc.) seem somehow more manageable.
One time this week, it’s your job to initiate sex. For some of you, this is going to be way beyond your comfort zone. Do what you can – if it means snuggling, do that. The idea here is to take the first step and be open and tender.
In my experience, it’s better to shoot for earlier in the week to “make your move,” so that if things come up (he has to work late, sick kids, etc.) you still have some time to check this off your list.
In preparation for your romantic evening, I encourage you to pick up a book on the subject. Let it be your inspiration in case things have become a little predictable (or downright non-existent).
Two of my favorites, both written by Dr. Kevin Leman
“Sex Begins in the Kitchen” & “Sheet Music”
Most husbands are pretty visual creatures. They love to be proud of the way you look.
Is it possible (just maybe…please don’t take offense here) that you might not be putting forth the effort that you once did, when it comes to looking your best? Do you get dressed to the nines to go out for dinner with your girlfriends, but put on the same old sweatshirt to grab dinner with your man? I know, I know. Life is busy, you have a million things to do everyday, and not one of them is looking like a Barbie Doll every time you two run out to the grocery store.
The problem is our men want to be proud of us. Doing our hair, putting on the cute jeans instead of the super-comfy (read: butt-ugly) sweats, or even just putting on lip gloss shows that you care and are thinking about his needs as well. The next time the two of you leave the house together, put some extra effort in an area that you know is important to your guy.
Prayer for Today
Dear God, help me to see myself through my husband’s eyes. Help me to be creative and have fun so we can both find enjoyment in my appearance.
Getting Creative
Take ten minutes and pull three outfits together; ones you know you look hot in. (If you don’t own anything like that, then it may be time to take two hours and go shopping with a trusted friend, and find some clothes that make you feel smokin’.) Hang the pants, shirts and accessories all together on the same hanger so you have three cute at your fingertips the next time you’re heading out for dinner.
Every girl needs a pair of “go-to” jeans – those great ones that fit just right and look amazing with a pair of high-heels or boots. Make sure your “go-to” jeans are clean and ready to go at a moment’s notice.
One time this week: Time to clear out the house. If you have kids, send them to grandma’s for the night. If you have a regular bunco game, skip it. Cancel appointments with your friends and make one with your husband. Let him know early in the day what you would like to do tonight. This could be one of his better workdays in a long time.
Prayer for Today Dear God, sometimes I see sex as a burden instead of the gift it is for our marriage. Please help me feel confident in the area of our sex life.
