One of the biggest challenges I have had as a speaker (besides getting rid of all my “Umms”) has been setting healthy boundaries when it comes to when and where I speak. It is such a total and complete honor to be asked to speak to a group, so I have been really reluctant to say no to anyone. This year, with the book The Husband Project having come out I have spoken over 40 times since January 1st. (I often don’t know what city I am in – thank God I have a navigational system that just tells me where to go.)
While it’s been the right decision to speak a lot to promote the new book, I probably haven’t made the best choice when it comes to a couple of groups I have said yes to in the past. (“You want me to come speak to your group?! For free?! And pay for my own gas?! And provide a breakfast casserole?! I am so there!”)
So this year I have had to commit to being Boundaries Girl – able to set healthy parameters in a single bound!
The problem with that, I have to say no a lot. I hate saying no. You see, I want you to like me. I am the Sally Fields of Christian speakers. But if the author of The Husband Project wants to continue to have a husband, I knew I needed to make a change.
My marketing guru, Rob Eagar, suggested (really, bullied me into) reading The Power of A Positive No by William Ury. This book can at just the right time – and has given me the tools to set great boundaries without all the guilt.
The whole key to this system is to figure out what your BIG YES is, in order to have your Positive No. In my case, my Big Yes is to having a personal life. So it makes it easier when someone calls and wants me to take a gig that doesn’t work for me or my family, to say a good healthy no.
So you are thinking to yourself – “Who cares? I am not a speaker, I don’t need to turn down speaking at a Moms group.” OK – but what about that committee at your kid’s school that the PTA president is trying to guilt you into taking? Or when your boss asks you to take on an additional project that you know is going to require a LOT of time away from your family? Do you know what your Big Yes is?
This has been a very freeing experience for me – to say yes to the right things and no to those things that aren’t healthy.
And don’t worry – this doesn’t mean that I won’t be speaking to Moms groups – but I probably won’t be bringing the casserole…
This past Saturday was the For Women Only Conference hosted by Girlfriends in Ministry and featuring Shaunti Feldhahn. If you have never heard Shaunti speak, or have never read her book, For Women Only, type really fast (or just click on this handy link: www.shaunti.com) and check out her website. I wish every one of the women I know could have been there – it was like taking a Master’s class in men.
Some of the best things I heard from Shaunti:
“Many men feel like they are in a boxing ring with the lights shining down on them and everyone watching to see if they will mess up.”
“Men have mental rolodexes of sexual images. One of the best things you as a wife can do is to fill up the rolodex yourself.”
“The most powerful thing a woman can say to a man is “I’m proud of you.””
There were tons more, but you just have to read the book – it is super short, super easy and super eye opening.
It has been a wild and wooly week around the Lipp household. Not only was the For Women Only Conference this Saturday, (which besides me speaking at, Roger was producing,) but we have also made multiple trips to the ER for my youngest, Kimber. We have finally got it nailed down (bad, nasty strep) and now we are hunkering down with a bunch of girl movies and Jamba Juice smoothies….
So, to catch up on all of you fab winners, I went over to random.com to figure out the winners for all of the giveaways. But don’t worry, if you didn’t win, I have MORE giveaways this week.
Frozen Gourmet Sandie Allan
The All About Us Series ckhuggins
Women of Confidence Kathryn Bechen
For Women Only and The Husband Project Karen Q
So Long Status Quo North
If you did win, send me an e-mail at info at kathilipp.com with your address and we will get it right out to you.
OK – you have to know my bias up front. I love Susy and am one of the endorsers of her book. But, I think that just means you will love her and her book. Today is your chance to win a copy of So Long Status Quo: What I Learned From Women Who Changed the World. Leave a comment below and I will pick a winner on Friday. If you have a group of cool, thinking, love-a-good-discussion-kind of friends, this would make a great book group pick. Susy even has some group discussion questions you can use at her website www.susyflory.com
INTERVIEW WITH SUSY FLORY
Author of
So Long Status Quo: What I Learned From Women Who Changed the World
Q. You describe your middle class suburban life as safe, boring, and predictable—like staying curled up in a comfortable couch. That sounds pretty good! Why were you so dissatisfied with your life?
A. I loved my comfy couch, and my safe life, for a long time. But at some point it became like a trap, like a safe warm cocoon that I couldn’t break out of. Do you remember when you were a kid and you longed for summer vacation? During those long hot days of school just before break you dream about summer and can’t wait for school to be over so you can sleep in, play with friends, relax, and enjoy yourself. Then summer comes, and it’s wonderful, and you get to do those things you were dreaming about, but after a while it goes on too long. You get bored, and there isn’t much of a routine or purpose to your days, and all of a sudden you can’t wait for school to start again. Do you remember that feeling? That was my safe-on-the-couch life. I yearned for something more.
Q. So what became the “something more”?
A. First, I studied a group of amazing women who changed the world, like Mother Teresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Mary Magdalene. I immersed myself in their lives and tried to get to know them better. Who were they? What were their lives like? Why prompted them to step out and make a difference in the world? Then, for each woman, I created a little adventure in order to follow in her footsteps and live out one of her ideals or values. So for Rosie the Riveter, I went into a metal shop and learned how to weld. For Eleanor Roosevelt, I traveled to Cuba on a secret humanitarian mission to work with children. For Mother Teresa, I went on a fast. Now that one was hard!
Q. So Long Status Quo highlights nine amazing women who changed the world. Of those nine, who is your favorite?
A. My absolute favorite was Harriet Tubman. She had so many obstacles to overcome. She was born into slavery. She was illiterate. She suffered a brain injury when she was young that caused her to go into a coma. She had slave catchers after her. She had no money. She worked all alone. Yet, she accomplished unbelievable things. She never quit. Even after she had been a conductor on the Underground Railroad – she led 300 slaves to safety, to freedom, without losing one – after that she became an army scout, a spy, and an army nurse during the civil war. She was unpaid, just a volunteer. When she was an army nurse she was the first line of care and would care for the soldiers lying on the battlefield. They were just lying there, suffering and in pain. She took care of them with her own money, her own supplies, and no one to really help her. She was doing it on her own. And, at night, when she would go back to her room, she would bake 50 pies; she would make homemade gingerbread and homemade root beer from actual roots she got out in the woods.
Q. In the book you talk about the particular project where you sold jewelry for fresh water. You took an inventory of the things you owned and were surprised by all that you have. Now, have you found the clutter level climbing back up? Are you more proactive about reducing your purchases or consumption of goods?
A. After I wrote that chapter I went through my closet. And it’s not that I’m a huge shopper, but when I did count my shirts and my underwear and my shoes, it really showed me that I had way more than I thought I had, and, definitely way more than I needed. So I did give away a bunch of stuff. I think we can accumulate things sometimes for emotional reasons, almost like overeating. So my closet is on a diet!
Pastor John at our church sent Roger (my hubby and the Programming Director at our church) an e-mail saying we needed to re-think our worship style and here is something to look at:
BTW, if you have never explored the vast array of adult diapers available at your local Target, now may be the time to walk the aisles and invest…
I have no words.
Oh wait, yes I do.
If you stopped watching before you got to the line about how Jesus is like the Mounties, stop here and go back.
Don’t listen to this more than once, because if you do, your husband will threaten to divorce you, the author of The Husband Project, if you break into “Jesus is a Friend of Mine” one more time on the six hour drive from San Jose to Southern California.
Don’t miss the back up singers. They make me so happy.
I can just hear the lead singer asking, “Mom and dad, I need a couple of backup singers for this great gig I have coming up.”
The For Women Only Conference is in one week and I get to give away a pair of tickets! OK so what if you don’t live in the Bay Area? That’s OK – I am still giving away the books from the conference!
Yes – I am super excited that I get to speak with Shaunti Feldhahn author of For Women Only. She is my Bono – the speaker author rock star that I want to be when I grow up.
The For Women Only Conference is next Saturday, May 2nd, at Calvary Los Gatos Church in Northern CA. To win tickets to the event, or the pair of books, Leave a comment about why one of the men in your life rocks. Could be your son, your husband, a coworker, your dad. We love men and want to see them bragged on. Also put in your comment if you live in N CA and can attend the conference, of just want to be in the drawing for the books.
For more information about the conference (which in my estimation, if you have a man in your life, any man, not just a husband, you NEED to hear Shaunt talk,) go to Girlfriends in Ministry to get more information and to register. The drawing will be on Tuesday.
Oh, and the men have a conference on Firday May 1st for a whole two hours- says a lot, doesn’t it…
I am so excited, after coming back from Willow Creek’s Leadership conference to be offering Super Author Pam Farrel’s Book Woman of Confidence as today’s give away!
Pam is not only giving away her fab new book, she also has a trip give away on her website (see below!)
I will be giving away this book to someone who leaves a comment on today’s blog (the winner will be picked next Thursday.) Now, here is a little bit more about the book:
Discover typical confidence killers and how to over come them
Move your life from ho-mum to highly meaningful
Walk your adventure through step by step from idea to reality
Create a positive adventure team to accomplish goals
Conquer fears and frustrations to move to confident living as a natural lifestyle
Expand your view of God and the potential of an exciting, filling life that is God empowered
Build into your relationships with family and friends in a healthy way
Overcome obstacles to confident living and find practical tools for dealing with a world where fear, uncertainty and unpredictable events are common place
Create inner strength, determination, perseverance and tenacity needed to positively handle life in today’s fast paced, ever changing, and negative world
Use the unique STEP plan to discover and step into God’s personal adventure for your life:
Speak the Adventure How can you use God’s truth to move your life forward? Team Up for the Adventure Who are the key people you need in life as a successnet? Energize the Adventure What are the vital keys to actually live the adventure? Push the Adventure What do you do if you hit an obstacle or life is hard?
Everyone who orders Woman of Confidence will be entered in a drawing for a San Diego Adventure vacation to be given away at a book release party May 11 in San Diego. To order book, or to register for the May 11 event at the Handlery Hotel visit www/farrelcommunications.com/may11.
Confidence Tip: For Women of Confidence, I interviewed a host of very successful people and one common trait that they all had was the habit of standing on God’s Word. I have a few habits that help me find then stand on the truth. I listen to an audio version of the Bible on my iPod (often on the plane or as I go to sleep); I print favorite verses and they surround my mirror where I put on my make up each day; I review the traits of God before I get out of bed in the morning; when I exercise, I pray through God’s names A to Z to remind myself who my Helper is. I prayer walk and use verses with my name and those I love placed right in the verse to personalize Scripture. I play encouraging music (Scripture set to music) in my office and car. If you are feeling fearful, turn up the truth in your life and layer it into every hour of your day. Post it , pray it, proclaim it out loudly over your world. Click here for a sample of “Winning Words” of confidence to pray over your life or those you love.
Today I spent a very long, but good day listening to Nancy Beach and Nancy Ortberg discussing the topic of women in leadership in the church. (And I know that many of you were there as well, as we had deep, deep discussions re: Steam Punk.
I loved the day – not just because the two Nancys are so right on, but I got to spend some quality time with Jane Liddle (the Worship leader for one of Menlo Park Prez’s campus churches, and the leader of Tapestry – the rockin’ chick band) and Debbie McDonald, a cool chick pastor from Westgate church in San Jose.
Oh, women in leadership… I so wish that you all could have been there not only to listen to these two ladies who have been-there-done-that in the church, but to be in a room with maybe 300 women who love God and love to lead.
For those of you who were not able to be there – here is a list of the eight best things I heard at the conference.
Help! I am a leader trapped in a woman’s body.
Nobody ever calls little boys bossy.
We need to learn to wait well.
John Ortberg Re: Women serving in the church: “It is not an option for 50% of God’s kingdom to be sitting on the sidelines.”
Leaders need to be the most self-aware people in the room.
We want to keep making mistakes, just different ones.
Almost every issue is a team issue.
You don’t get the right answers unless you ask the right questions.
If you were there, I would love for you to share any bit of wisdom that I missed.
If you weren’t there, what is the best thing you have heard about women in leadership in the church.
Later on today I will have the give away for today.
Recently, my kids (Justen,18 and Kimber 16) and I had an opportunity to go to a Steam Punk Ball.
Yep, I didn’t know what it was, either.
Here is what Wikipedia says about it: “Steampunk is a sub-genre of fantasy and speculative fiction that came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s. The term denotes works set in an era or world where steam power is still widely used—usually the 19th century, and often Victorian era
England—but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy, such as fictional technological inventions like those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, or real technological developments like the computer occurring at an earlier date.”
Here is what a Steamtop Computer would look like:
We were invited to the ball by Young Adult Fiction author Shelley Adina, creator of the All About Us Series of books. My kids fell in love with Shelley – Kimber because she got to dress up in all of Shelley’s Victorian garb, Justen, because she shares the same agent as Jim Butcher, his favorite author. Here is a picture of the girls before the ball:
So the other cool thing is that Shelley is giving us three of her books in the All About Us series. I will be giving away all three of the books to one of the readers who leaves a comment on today’s post.
These books are great for the young ladies in your house, but I have to let you know, they are a guilty pleasure for me as well. (Think Gossip Girl without the smut…) You can find out more about Shelley and all of her books at: Shelley’s Website
How cool is that? Not only could you win a set of books for your girl, you can shock her by knowing with Steam Punk is…
One of the biggest challenges I have had as a speaker (besides getting rid of all my “Umms”) has been setting healthy boundaries when it comes to when and where I speak. It is such a total and complete honor to be asked to speak to a group, so I have been really reluctant to say no to anyone. This year, with the book The Husband Project having come out I have spoken over 40 times since January 1st. (I often don’t know what city I am in – thank God I have a navigational system that just tells me where to go.)
This past Saturday was the For Women Only Conference hosted by 
Here is what a Steamtop Computer would look like:
:
