Today’s Project: Say something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom.
As cliché as it may sound, our husbands want to be our heroes. More than they want to know that we love them, they want to know that we respect them. They need to know that they’re never the butt of our jokes, that they’re the go-to-guy in every story we tell.
Make an opportunity today to spread some great gossip about your man. It doesn’t matter if it’s one of your friends or one of his; let that somebody know how blessed you are to be married to your guy.
Some key phrases you may want to put on index cards to help you remember:
? “I feel so lucky to have a man who knows how to do his own laundry.”
? “You know when I knew that my husband really loved me? When he could remember my order at Starbucks.”
? “I just love the way he is with our kids.”
? “He makes the best lasagna on the planet.”
Steering the Ship
A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it (James 3: 3-4 The Message). That’s what great gossip is all about.
As wives, we are often the ship’s captain, while our husbands are that huge ship. Words spoken in encouragement and love can go a long way to building our men up. But the opposite is true as well. There is nothing that can determine the direction of our husband’s day quicker than the words that are spoken to him in the morning.
Sometimes as wives, we forget the role we play in our husband’s lives. We all remember that great line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, spoken by Toula’s mom, “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. She tells him which way to turn.”
OK, I don’t tell my husband which way to turn, but I do have an influence about how he navigates through his day.
I know that I need to be especially careful about my tone. Sometimes I think I am just oh-so-witty, when really it’s coming off as sarcastic and biting. It’s not enough to just say kind and encouraging words. I need to make sure that whatever words I choose only build up my husband, never tear him down.
That’s what great gossip is all about.
Death to the Dufus Dad
Our world encourages us to define our husbands by what is lacking in them. Need proof? Just turn on your TV.
Watch any channel for more than ten minutes and you’re almost assured of seeing some man playing the role of the dufus dad. You know the one; his wife is always right, his kids don’t respect him, and he’s the punch line of every joke, accompanied by a laugh track. Even his best friend, the dog, thinks he’s kind of a moron.
I feel like it’s time for a man revolution in our generation. No, I don’t want to go back to the times where women were tethered to the oven by their ever-present strand of pearls. But, I do want to see a place where men are allowed to be men and they can be respected for it.
My warrior cry will be, “Death to the Dufus Dad!”
But I digress.
OK – so you have bragged on your husband, now what?
Once you have done your bragging, let your husband know what you said, and to whom. He needs to know that he is the good guy in every story you tell.
With our friends, we have a lot of influence over the “tone” of our speech. Here’s how my friend, Michelle, puts it when it comes to steering away from complaining about her husband, Rick:
“I love this Project and have practiced it for years, even when I was irritated with my husband. Sometimes hearing yourself point out the good stuff gives you the power to change your own perception of something that’s annoying — of course, not that Rick is EVER annoying.
Another thing I think about… how women can help other women. When a woman is complaining about her husband (not confiding, because I think there’s a difference and we should be there for our buddies), but when it’s a light-hearted complaint, where a friend may be stuck in a rut, thinking about something in regard to her husband, I try and gently encourage her to see the goodness in her husband. I might say something like, “Yeah, he likes to watch football, but think of how he’s also bonding with your sons by sharing something they have in common!” You know, I try to find the silver lining and ‘illuminate’ that for my friend.”
While your greatest need may be for your husband to tell you that he loves you, most guys are programmed differently. He wants, at his very core, to know that you respect him. He wants to know that you are proud of him and that he is the one you would choose again if given the chance.
This goes a long way to solidifying you as a team, as well. There’s no way that anyone in my family would ever say a word against
my husband. They know that I’m on his side, and it’s a gossip-free zone around me (unless the gossip is about how great he is.)
So to be entered into today’s giveaway: 1. Tell us something awesome about your husband, and then tell your husband that you bragged on him.
And what will you win? A copy of The “What’s for Dinner?” Solution. Food and flattery – does it get any better for a guy?
Today’s Project: Let him win the media wars as you suggest an action-packed-car-chasing-things-exploding thriller – a guy movie.
“What is it with men and The Godfather?” wonders chick-flick princess Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. Tom Hanks’ response? “It is the I Ching. It is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather answers all of life’s questions. What should I pack for my summer vacation? ‘Leave the gun, take the cannoli.’”
One of the most marriage-testing conversations a couple can have takes place in the aisles of your local video store (or on Netflix, or on Amazon…). You want romance and subtitles – he wants guns and grunts.
Movies are an important ingredient of “The Husband Project”. There are many projects where you, as the wife, are called upon to put your husband’s wants and desires before your own, and in no area of marriage is it harder to “die to self’ than when picking what you’ll be watching on a Friday night.
The good news? Choosing to watch a “guy flick” with your man reaps double benefits – not only are you loving on your husband in a tangible way, you’re also doing research at the same time. The more Rambo-esqe cinema you take in, the deeper a peek you’ll have into your man’s inner life.
If you ever doubted that your husband’s deepest desire was to be your hero, just check out the kinds of movies he watches. Most male-movie fare is all about being a stand-up kind of guy, doing the right thing, no matter the circumstances. (Think Bruce Willis in Die Hard and Mel Gibson in The Patriot.)
Here is how my pastor, Scott Simmerok, put it when I asked him why he likes the kind of movies he does:
“Action thrillers and motivational/inspirational are the way I roll. Not scary stuff but suspenseful, who-done-it, and also underdog type movies when the little guy wins. Except I wasn’t a fan of Sea Biscuit and I’ll never admit to shedding a tear in that flick.”
So in the interest of public service to the wife community, I’ve compiled a list of guy movies for you to choose from.
This list is a compilation of the best dude movies as voted on by my guy friends. You may not like, or even approve of, every title on this list, but at least you’ll have a working knowledge of guy movie culture, plus a go-to guide the next time he leaves it up to you to fend for yourself at the video store.
Thanks to my guy friends for their insight and comments. They have preformed a great service to women everywhere.
Guy Movies
Anything with Al Pacino
Anything with Marlon Brando (pre-Don Juan Demarco)
Anything with Bruce Willis
Sports
Field of Dreams
“Baseball. Need I say more?” SteveWe are Marshall
“Inspiring, true, sports story,” Scott
Action
Back to the Future trilogy
Steve says,” I’ve always been interested in time travel. The only think that would have made it better would be a cameo by Molly Ringwald.”
Mission Impossible 1,2,3
Bourne Supremacy and all the sequels
The Net
Lord of the Ring: The Return of the King
“Great story, great action, worth sitting through three hours.” Karl
Violence
Gladiator
“Total macho movie, lots of action, however good plot and I love the soundtrack. This is one of the few movies where you don’t mind being the guy wearing the skirt.” Karl
Saving Private Ryan
Steve says, “Groundbreaking cinema, pro-military without being pro-war.”
The Shawshank Redemption
“Morgan Freeman and good over evil. What more could you ask for?” Charles
(Note from Kathi: While these are the hardest movies for me to watch, they do give me ample opportunity to bury my face in my husband’s shoulder.)
Humor
Young Frankenstein
“Seriously funny movie, quotes are memorable and make me laugh out loud whenever I think about that movie.” Karl
Oceans 11
Romance
(This was a trick category – if you think this falls under guy movies, you are still thinking like a chick.)
Movies Both Guys and Girls Like
This is a magical list. Every Hollywood producer is looking for that mystical intersection of entertaining males and delighting females. Here’s a group of movies that, from my research, is a pretty sure bet for both of you:
Princess Bride – Don’t let the title fool you – even the teenage boys in our home love this movie.
What’s Up, Doc?
Indiana Jones (1 and 3 – but don’t even bother with 2)
City Slickers
Field of Dreams
Shrek
Chick Flicks
Only to be watched with girlfriends and large supplies of tissues and chocolates.
An Affair to Remember
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Steel Magnolias
Fried Green Tomatoes
Say Anything (John Cusack declaring his eternal love with a boom box? It’s the fantasy of many a girl and the impossible-to-live-up-to standard for every guy.)
Anything with Meg Ryan
Anything written by Jane Austin
So tell me – what kind of movies are your guy’s favorite? And for this week’s project, are you going to let him pick, or are you going to surprise him with a movie of his choice. Let me know in the comments below, and you will be entered to win TWO COPIES of the Marriage Project (one for you, and one for your man!)
That’s just two things:
What kind of movies does your guy like?
When are you going to watch a movie he would like this week?
Today’s Project: Get a food treat for him that he’s not required to share with you or any other family member.
It’s time to think about food, glorious food.
My husband goes positively bonkers over a candy called Cherry Sours. As a leftover from his Florida childhood (from, what I can tell, was spent largely at Walt Disney World) he was first introduced to this candy and has great memories associated with them. The candy in question is a little red sugar ball – and my guy is desperately, inexplicably in love with mass quantities of them.
Which totally confounds me. They taste like the stuff your dental hygienist uses to rinse your mouth out after a particularly painful and thorough cleaning.
But, he loves ‘em, so I search for Cherry Sours whenever I can. They can be hard to locate, so when I do, I try to stock up, without Roger knowing.
When he’s having a rough time at work or I want to say congratulations for a job well done, I break out the Cherry Sours.
Is there a treat that you personally find revolting that your husband absolutely loves? Get it for him, letting him know through this small act, “This is all for you, baby…” (and if you truly don’t like the treat, he won’t feel obligated to share.)
Even if you do love it, insist that it’s all for him. Don’t let him share with you. This is something special that does not require him to share with his neighbor. (It’s perfectly acceptable to get a matching treat for yourself.)
Stumped for ideas? Here are some thoughts:
•Get his favorite pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
•Is there a certain cut of meat that your husband loves? How about having the butcher cut something just for him?
•Learn how to make his favorite dish from childhood.
•My guy loves the smell of baking almost as much as he enjoys eating the treat. Have some brownies in the oven when he gets home from work or working out. (I know, it negates the workout, but isn’t chocolate always worth it?)
Let me know what you’re going to do for your man in the comments below and one of the lucky winners will receive a “My Husband is a Hottie” T-shirt! If you want one for a treat for him for Valentines Day, order it from my store by Thursday and you’ll have it in time for the holiday!)
Plus, we have the winners from January’s What’s for Dinner Challenge:
Monday Nancy Biffel
Tuesday – Sharon
Wednesday – Regena
Thursday – Nocole Blean
Friday – Jessica Lincoln
Tomorrow we’ll be announcing the winner of the What’s for Dinner Prize Pack from the blog tour in January. Stay tunned!
For all you listeners of The Kim Pagano Show here is my mom’s Pizza Fondue reciepe – as promised!
This is something we make almost every year and every one of our kids loves it – how many meals can yu say that about?
Pizza Fondue
By Connie Richerson
Ingredients:
½ lb. ground beef
1 sm onion, chopped
2 (10.5 oz.) cans pizza sauce
1 T. cornstarch
1 ½ t. oregano
¼ tsp. garlic powder
2 c. cheddar cheese, shredded
1 c. mozzarella cheese, shredded
Directions:
Brown the ground beef and onion; drain. Put meat, sauce, cornstarch, and spices in fondue pot.
When cooked and bubbly, add cheese.
Spear crusty French bread cubes then dip and swirl in fondue.
This is also delicious with bread sticks.
Serves 4-6
When I was working on my first
book, The Husband Project, I set about doing a very unscientific research project – to find out what men like.
I know, I know. If you have beenconscious for any amount of time in the 21st century, the answer is
obvious. If you are married, and your marriage was a house, the world tells you that the place your husband wants to spend his time is in the bedroom.
And that’s true. To a point.
But guess what? There’s more to that answer. The guys I interviewed? The answer was twofold – the bedroom and the kitchen.
When it came to discovering ways to make men feel loved and cared for, food was way at the top of the list.
They loved when their wives made their favorite chocolate cake for no reason
They loved when there was dinner in the oven after a long day of work
They loved it when their wives would stop by the bakery to pick up their favorite
éclair
They loved when their wives would leave little treats around the house of the candy
persuasion
I knew that food was important to my husband (he takes his steaks and his salsa very seriously,) but what was amazing to see was how as my boys grew up, how food became more important to
them as well.
While my daughter Kimber will ask “When is dinner?”–so that she can plan the rest of her very busy social life—My boys want to know “What’s for dinner?”
We regularly have EMFH (Every Man For Himself) nights when I am working out of town. (Trust me, there are always enough fixin’s in the fridge to put together something yummy,) and each of the kids can cook for themselves. But, when I’m around, all three of the men who live in this house love it when I cook.
I have come to find out that there is a special security for men when they are being fed. I love how one of my friends, Mark, put it, “My wife gets a sense of security from me bringing home a paycheck every other week. It is the same for me and dinner. When I come home and there is something cooking, somehow, it just gives me a sense of security –like everything is right in the world.”
To win Kathi’s Books THE HUSBAND PROJECT and THE WHAT’S FOR DINNER? SOLUTION: Just tell us what special treat you’re going to surprise your husband with by Monday, October 31, 2011. We will announce the winners on Wednesday, November 2, 2011.
Today’s Project: Say something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom.
