This week only, you can purchase the ebook for Praying God’s Word for Your Husband
Starting July 15th we will be starting a week of praying for your man, so now is an excellent time to download the book at this breathtakingly cheap price!
We are going to have a prayer revolution for our men!!!
Thanks to author Rob Tiegen for his insightful and encouraging ways to love on the dads in our lives. Be sure to check out our giveaway at the bottom for your chance to win.
As of this Father’s Day, I’ve been a father for 19 years. I have a son and three daughters (and a cute foster son), and being a dad is the most exciting, overwhelming, and challenging adventure I could ever experience. I’ve also become convinced that my relationship (and every dad’s relationship) with my kids is critical to their life and well-being. No matter how foolish and inconsequential society and the media can portray fathers to be, God knew what he was doing when he put a man and woman together to raise a family.
This is also the first Father’s Day I’m celebrating since my own dad passed away last fall. I’m feeling the loss and reflecting even more than ever on how important a father is in who a child will become. My dad taught me generosity. Loyalty. A strong work ethic. Devotion to God’s Word. That wedding vows are for life. That you can’t ever say “I love you” too many times. That families should celebrate life together. My dad loved me, my brothers, and my mom with all of his heart. What a contrast to the households without a father, where we see 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teens, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high school dropouts, 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers and 85 percent of all youth sitting in prison. (Fatherless Generation by John Sowers, Zondervan, 2010, page 36). So do you think our kids need dads? I would say yes!
But just because I’m aware of how much my kids need me, that doesn’t mean I always know what I’m doing. I can feel like I’m stumbling in the dark as I try to cultivate a healthy relationship with each of them. Not only are they each unique and complex individuals, as soon as I think I’m getting them figured out they grow a year older and their needs change yet again. I find that the encouragement I receive from my wife, Joanna, helps keep me going when I lose heart in my fathering. Wives have a tremendous impact on their husbands’ motivation to invest time and energy in their kids. As we head into Father’s Day and celebrate the dads in our lives, here are a few ways you can be a support every day of the year.
First and foremost, let them know what great dads they are! It may seem obvious, but it’s so easy in the busy day-to-day to forget to say the words that build up your husband. I do this all the time with Joanna. We fall into our routine, and I act like the clean clothes, meals on the table, and kids who arrive on time at school and piano lessons just happen by some kind of magic or by pushing a button. But NO, my wife does all these things quietly, with little complaining and few rewards or accolades. She needs to hear how much I appreciate all she does, and dads need to hear how valuable they are too. When my wife reminds the kids that their new shoes were purchased with my hard-earned paycheck, or gives me a hug and hot cup of coffee after I’ve shoveled the snow off the driveway, or thanks me for tackling an attitude issue with our teenager, it inspires me to step up even more to serve and care for our family. So tell your husband what he’s doing right—be specific and make sure you build him up in earshot of your kids, too!
A second way you can be an encouragement is to carve out time for the kids and dad to spend time together. Let’s face it, life gets really busy. And when our schedules get full, we often lose time for the most important things–the people and relationships God has given us. Men can tend to be more focused on tasks and activities than connecting with others. It can take intentional effort to connect in meaningful ways with our kids. Since it’s often the mom who manages the calendar, help him by blocking out some time each week where he can spend quality time with the kids. When you make decisions about what after-school activities or church commitments you’ll sign up for, keep your family relationships in mind so they’re not placed at the bottom of the list. Give your husband freedom to take your daughter out for pancakes on Saturday morning. Or a couple hours one evening every week to play at the park and get an ice cream cone with your son. Set aside a consistent family night where you play games, go swimming or bowling, or stay up late and watch movies in your pajamas. I appreciate that Joanna supports my commitment to time with our kids. We are seeing it pay off in lots of great memories and connections with each other.
The third way you can encourage the dads in your life is to pray for them. If you have concerns about your relationship with your own father or the way your husband is interacting with your kids, take it to the perfect Father who is Lord of the universe. Invite God’s power into your home. Seek him for wisdom and insight, especially in how to talk to your dad or husband about what you’re feeling. Ask him to soften their hearts to receive what you have to say. Ask him to strengthen them when they’re discouraged or insecure as fathers. (Kathi has wonderful insights about prayer in her book Praying God’s Word for Your Husband
Maybe some of you are reading this and are frustrated because your husband is totally disengaged at home. You would love to tell him he’s doing a good job and help him make time to spend with the kids, but he doesn’t show any interest in connecting with your family. Some dads are physically present but absent in every other way. Maybe he’s running to the job, to sports, or to projects in the garage. Maybe he’s tuning all of you out by focusing on the computer or entertainment. It’s possible your husband feels like a failure as a father so he’s running to things that make him feel competent. If he’s the go-to guy at work or at his golf league, but he’s feeling insecure or devalued at home, he’s going to go where he feels successful. You can help so much in how you set the tone at home. He’ll respond to appreciation, respect, and affection. You might not see much you admire right at this moment, but try to find any small thing you can validate in him today. And like I said before, pray hard!
Finally, I will tell you that I’m a very different parent than my wife. While we’re unified in our main goals for our kids, the way we go about parenting and interacting with them doesn’t look the same. Mom is focused on nutrition, bedtime, and if homework got done. Dad is thinking about road trips, roughhousing, and how much ice cream I can cram into the cone! I like to get rowdy (and recently broke a vase playing ball in the house) and she likes to do crafts and read books with the girls. Over the years, though, we’ve learned to celebrate each other’s way of parenting. We can see that between us the kids have a fuller range of experiences and outlooks that we’re bringing into their lives. Give your husband room to parent with his own personality and perspective. If he knows he can be himself he’ll want to be in the mix more than ever.
I’m so thankful for the privilege of being a dad. And for having a wife to share in the journey with me.
Blessings to you and your family this Father’s Day.
Rob Teigen
Friends – Rob wants to bless you and the men in your life. Just tell us one way you are going to encourage the dad in your kid’s life this weekend, and we will randomly pick five people to win his amazing book 88 Great Daddy-Daughter Dates: Fun, Easy & Creative Ways to Build Memories Together
Guest Blog from Suzanne Eller
1. You’ve been listening to many stories from women who struggle to forgive. How many women struggle with forgiveness in their marriages? 
Nearly 50% of the women who share their stories on my blog, or in person, say that their biggest struggle to forgive is in their marriage.
For many, it’s when a spouse is continually unkind, or says words that diminish her. In this instance, many women bear their soul and are told either to get out, to seek counsel, or to submit.
The first leaves a woman who desires to stay and work things out because she loves her husband and wants her marriage to succeed, with a heavier burden.
In the second, seeking counsel is wise advice, as long as it’s counsel that is skilled in helping a couple, with God’s help, find new ground in their marriage. Many times “counsel” can be someone who do not have those skills.
The third, to submit, is often shared without proper context. The word “submit” is thrown out without the beautiful framework of instructing husbands to love their wives as “Christ loved the church”. This is why wise counsel is key. Submission is respect, it’s great love, it’s working through the harder spots.
2. So, how do you begin to forgive in this instance?
It’s a blend of truth, grace, and confidence.
Truth is shared, perhaps in the setting of a counselor’s office, or perhaps in a moment where it’s not heated, after prayer and with love, and with the intent of working toward a healthier relationship.
Truth is coated with grace, knowing that we all fall short. It’s shared with wisdom and without accusation. And in some instances, it’s shared with healthy boundaries, not to punish, but to work toward the healthiest relationship possible. (A great book on boundaries that is both healthy and filled with wisdom is Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.)
Confidence comes from knowing that the Truth spoken in scripture is who you are. When I began to realize that the words spoken over me in my childhood were from a broken place in another person, it brought two things:
a) I began to see who I was to God. Words mattered, but His words carried greater weight.
b) It brought an element of compassion. This person wasn’t the enemy. The true enemy desires to rob a person of their worth, and value. Just as I was harmed by words, so was this person. It didn’t make what happened okay, but I stopped trying to fix another person (which is impossible) and began to see the greater picture, which allowed me to speak truth with grace, instead of speaking from a place of hurt and anger.
3. What about unfaithfulness?
A percentage of that 50% wrote in that they struggled to forgive because of unfaithfulness. I shared Carlie’s story, a woman whose husband left her after 29 years of marriage. In this case, the word forgive meant that God moved into the broken and raw places in Carlie left by her husband’s unfaithfulness.
He knew her. He knew her heart. She intentionally walked into a relationship with God during that painful time so that He could fill up her “temple”, residing in Her, healing her, moving in her to pray for him and even forgive, as much as was possible at that time, in those moments when she wanted nothing more than to take revenge, or lash out. In Carlie’s case, her husband went on with his new life, but she also had new life in Christ that filled her up in the harder months ahead. She was redefined in so many ways – single mom, single woman. But her role as God’s daughter was made that much more clear and concrete.
For those whose spouse asked for forgiveness and who desired to change, forgiving is key as you rebuild trust. But give yourself permission to be honest with your heavenly father, with the understanding that there is nothing in scripture that condones unfaithfulness. It’s not in God’s plan or His character. If He grieves over the fallen sparrow (Matt. 10:29), then He grieves over your marriage. He is big enough to handle your honesty while leading you to a new level of spiritual intimacy with Him and even tender vulnerability in your relationship with Him as you work through this harder aspect of forgiving.
At this moment, it may seem impossible to forgive on your own, but are you willing? That’s the only question that you need to answer. God is a Healer, and my prayer is that your marriage goes to a new place, but also that you sense God’s hand over you as you work through this difficult place, and that one day you look back and see His tender touch over you and your marriage. My prayer is also that you bring in wise counsel as you work through the past to find a stronger future.
Get the Book
Download chapter 1 or purchase your copy of The Unburdened Heart at Proverbs 31 Ministries.
About Suzie
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker and author. She’s written six books, hundreds of articles, and writes devos with Encouragement for Today that reaches over 500,000 women. Suzie is a radio co-host with Luann Prater at Encouragement Cafe Joy FM. She encourages women through two Facebook communities reaching over 20,000 five days a week. She’s been featured on TV and radio such as Focus on the Family, Aspiring Women, 100 Huntley Street, KLOVE, MidDay Connection, The Harvest Show, and many others. Most importantly, she is a wife, mom, and “Gaga” to four beautiful grandbabies. Connect with Suzie at www.tsuzanneeller.com.
Have you ever met someone and from the very first moment of that encounter you knew you’d want to become friends? I don’t have that happen often. Mainly, because the pace of my life seems to always be so much faster than I can possibly keep track. I can see it (my life, that is) running away in the distance and I’m huffing and puffing just trying to keep up.
It’s become rarer these days I am afforded the opportunity to slow down and really get to know someone. But from the moment I met Kathi, I knew I had to slow down…way down…to get to know this wonderful woman who has blessed the lives of so many.
You are among greatness. Those of you who visit this site often and read Kathi’s words. If you don’t already know, I am certain you will soon discover, you are among royalty. This post will probably be an embarrassment to Kathi but it’s simply on my heart to love on her and to encourage you to do the same.
Usually, when I guest blog on a site, I speak about a particular topic; usually marriage. That is what I write about most days on the Happy Wives Club. But as I sat down to write this blog post today, I can’t seem to think to write anything other than what a blessing it is to know Kathi. And how honored I feel to be among the thousands of women who look to her for encouragement.
In a world filled with inauthentic people, she is a breath of fresh air. In a day and age when friendships are developed based on what one can do for you, a person who gives expecting nothing in return is rare.
So please grant me this indulgence for a moment to sit among you and marvel at what God has done and is doing in the life of the woman we all know as Mrs. Kathi Lipp.
For those reading this and wondering what message God may have for you in this post, think about how He has placed Kathi on my heart to love on and encourage today. Is there anyone He has placed on your heart, maybe even at this moment, that you can reach out to by email, telephone, Facebook or any other method that connects?
Sometimes we’re looking for encouragement when we are meant to be the encourager. So I challenge you in this regard. If you take your sights off your own needs and desires just for a moment, who can you encourage today? Whoever just popped in your mind…go with it.
About Fawn
Fawn is a happy marriage advocate and the founder of the Happy Wives Club (www.happywivesclub.com) with nearly 100,000 members in more than 100 countries around the world. Fawn works daily to change the tone of the conversation worldwide in terms of marriage and the negativity often accompanying that term. The Happy Wives Club is a go to place for wives successful in their marriage to share their thoughts and advice with others hoping to achieve a happiness and contentment in their own relationship. When she’s not blogging or connecting with her online community, she is the president of ValRent Corporation.
Today’s Project: Buy (or dig out) a piece of lingerie that both you and your husband will love – then put it to good use.
Yep – we’re going to go there. It’s time to talk lingerie.
How’s your lingerie wardrobe? A little outdated? Was the last teddy you bought something you got just before your wedding?
Oh there’s so much drama around this subject. Ever since Victoria let her Secret out, you cannot walk in a mall or watch live TV without having a push-up bra or lace thong thrust in your face. And, even worse, in your husband’s face.
How am I, a suburban housewife who has birthed two kids (both weighing in at almost ten pounds) supposed to compete with Gisele Bündchen, in all of her angel, airbrushed, glory? I can’t (duh), but that doesn’t mean that I should give up all together and resort to wearing footie pajamas to bed every night.
We’ve heard over and over that every woman needs a capsule wardrobe – select items of basic clothing that can be mixed and matched and updated with trendy pieces to get you dressed with confidence and out the door in a matter of minutes. Now it’s time to think about your capsule lingerie wardrobe. A few basic pieces in your favorite colors that all go together to make you feel fabulous.
Here are the basics that every woman needs to own and love:
Consider these optional items to make things a little more fun:
Wear something sexy to sleep in. It doesn’t need to be one of Victoria’s sweet nothings. Perhaps just a silky nightshirt or a lacy camisole; the goal is to dump the Nike t-shirt that you normally sport.
Also, it’s your job to make sure that sleep is not all that happens in your pretty new nighty.
Make the extra effort to feel great about yourself — you know that some of that mood will rub off on your husband.
Tell me in the comments below when you will be pulling out the frills – any other details are up to you… (remember this is a family blog, so please keep all comments PG13…) One of you will win The What’s for Dinner Project
THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED!
“A simple word can renew hope.” Lois Mayday Rabey
Keep it simple today. Put a Post-it in his briefcase, on his dashboard, in his wallet, anywhere that he will find it. Make it fun, make it flirty, but just make sure he is the one who will find it. Wink-wink.
OK – some guys are going to think it’s hokey. But, if you can’t be hokey in your marriage, when, can you be?
All I want you to do is give him a little encouragement. I know there’s nothing more encouraging for my husband than knowing that I am on his side. Throughout his day, I want him to know that no matter how difficult things may be at work, he’s got someone at home rooting for him. All it takes is a post-it note, and about two seconds of thought.
And if you want to get the kids involved – look at what Dawn Beavers did for her husband – asking her kids why they love their daddy and putting Heart-Shaped Post-it Notes to work, she created a thing of art that would do any dad proud!
Crib Notes: 21 Post-It-Sized Encouragements
Let’s Be More Specific
I gave you that list in case this whole exercise is a challenge for you. If it feels uncomfortable leaving a note for your husband, it you get writer’s block even when the blank page is post-it note sized, just use one of the above phrases to get you started.
However, if you’re comfortable, and can get a little more personal, I would highly encourage you to do so.
“Specific praise is far better than general praise.” Gary Smalley
When leaving notes for my husband, I try to be as specific as possible about how he has blessed me. Every once in a while, I will leave him a little note saying things like,
“How lucky am I that I have a husband who makes the bed everyday. Thanks for taking care of me.”
(Hint: Men love to know that you feel “taken care of.” It makes guys feel like they’re doing their job.)
Or
“I loved falling asleep on your shoulder last night. You have a special way of making me feel safe and warm.”
Think about the ways that your husband loves you, and then put them down on paper. When you write those things down, it’s a double blessing, because:
A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11).
Your Project: Tell us what you are going to write on your Post-it, and where you are going to put it so he will see it. Tell me in the comments and you will be entered to win THE GET YOURSELF ORGANIZED PROJECT.
