Having a Mentor Moment Finding a Mentor In Your Goal’s Field
Today: Identify the style of mentoring that could work for you and then make a list of a few people who you would like to mentor you. (Bonus points if you actually ask them!) How to Find a Mentor:
Organically – Letting God do the matchmaking
I met Debbie when I did a retreat for her church which was located in my city. After that she invited me to be part of a local group of women in ministry, I got to know her even better. Debbie has been a gift to me in so many ways; when I’ve received criticism she is the one who can talk through it with me and put it in perspective. She really “gets” the ministry aspect of what I do and can help me figure out how to balance ministering to the women I love while still serving my family.
I need someone like Debbie to mentor me. She has a couple of years on me – her kids are planning wedding while mine are planning what college courses they are taking next semester – so the wisdom is there. She has keen insight into working in a male dominated industry (the church) and how to play with the big boys (literally).
Stalking – finding someone who is doing what you want to do, and then hanging out with them
When I was first starting out in speaking and writing, I met a woman who was several steps down the path than I was. Jan Coleman was speaking at retreats and writing books – things that I knew I wanted to do when I grew up. Jan was kind enough to let me hang out at some of her events, go with her to a retreat that she was speaking at, give me an outline to one of her book proposals that I could use as a guide, and generally just answer questions that I had about how to do ministry.
Structured – through an organization or business
When my kids were little and I was a stay-at-home mom, one of my main sources of income was doing at-home parties armed only with a rubberstamp kit and a dream. My manager, one level up, was a woman who lived around the corner from me, Patti Johnston. Patti taught me about running a business and devoting a portion of each day to working my work plan.
Internships:
Several years ago, I had a little company of one where I would go into small businesses and just do whatever needed being done. I loved being a support to women who were making their way in the world and watching them run their businesses up close and personal.
One of my favorite clients, Cynthia, was a well respected local wedding photographer. She was a one-woman show with me coming along sporadically to make appointments and run errands. One of the ways that Cynthia would expand her workforce was to bring in interns to go to weddings with her. They would schlep her bags and carry her equipment, and at the same time get a front row view as to how to stage people for pictures, where to be during the wedding to get the best angles, and all that other insider information that a budding professional photographer would need.
When I first got started in speaking and writing, I would have done anything to just hang out with some of my favorite writers to see what goes on in “A Day In the Life Of…” I knew I could learn so much from these women just by watching them in action. I remember saying about one of my favorite authors, “I would be happy to clean toilets if I could just hang out with her.”
Now, if someone offers to let you clean toilets in order to hang out with them, it might be a good idea to check their motives (unless your dream is to own a house cleaning agency.) However, if there is an opportunity to carry a photographers camera bags to a wedding, do the prep and chop for a cooking teacher, or do the clean up for your favorite painting instructor, I would move a lot of things in my schedule to make that happen.
Most people who have had some success in their field are used to people asking to be mentored – the problem? Mentoring takes time – time that they probably don’t have to spare. But, if you are willing to be at the bottom and help the expert get things done, you are going to learn more, and help more, than buying them a cup of coffee.
Paid Mentoring
There is nothing wrong with having a mentor for hire. In fact, I think it is a sign that you are moving down the road to your dreams to really analyze when it is time to get some paid mentorship on board. I have hired professional mentors in a couple of different areas. I have Rob, my publicity guru who holds my feet to fire and has high standards for every part of my ministry and I can attribute a lot of my growth to his time and effort. It seems expensive to put money into coaching, but I would rather spend a little bit of money upfront to get worthwhile advice, than waste time and money over a period of years going down the wrong path.
Coaching is a huge, industry and there are a lot of people who offer their coaching services (at a significant cost) perhaps a bit prematurely. If you decide to go this route, make sure that you have some great references from others before you plop your hard-earned cash down.
My other piece of advice is don’t hire someone too quickly. If you are just figuring out what you want to do when you grow up, you probably are not at the place for one-on-one mentoring. Instead, read some books or take a class to figure out if you really enjoy stained glass window making, or if you just like the idea of stained glass window making.
There are very few things that can make a bigger difference in weather you succeed in your goal than having a mentor. That is why I want to give you a lot of ideas and avenues to pursue.
Start a list of the people who you would love to mentor you. Once you have thought of some people, start being creative on how that mentoring could work.
– Could you offer to work in their office for a couple of days doing grunt work – but getting to see the inside operation.
– Could you tag along with an event planner to see how she preps a site if event planning is your thing?
– Could you be the assistant Bible study leader to learn more about teaching techniques from someone you admire?
– How about an online relationship? Could you offer to format a newsletter so you can see her process of putting it together?
Spend some time thinking creatively of what you might have to offer to the person you want to be mentored by – time, work, talent, money? Ask them if there is a way you could help. And if you get rejected? That’s why you have a list! Ask the next person. Ask God to bring the right people to mind and just keep asking!
Some of the benefits of having a mentor:
• Shorter Learning Curve, what materials are the best, what books to read etc.
• Referrals and References It is great to have an insider who can give you the tricks of the trade – telling you what classes to take (and what instructors are only trying to sell you on their program)
• A Community of Like-Minded Devotees When Marilyn Hilton, a wonderful non-fiction writer, agreed to have lunch with me, I was thrilled. We sat at a Tex-Mex restaurant, eating our weight in chips and salsa and talking about writers’ conferences and book outlines. But the most valuable thing that Marilyn did for me that day was let me in on a little secret; there was a group of Christian writers that met once a month in one of their homes here our area. Not only did she tell me that this clan existed, but she invited me to join them. I can point to that first meeting as a turning point in my career. Here I was, surrounded by women who not only loved writing, but were actually pursuing it as something more than a hobby. The talked about what was going on in the industry, who was buying books and who wasn’t. What agents were a pleasure to work with, and those who were more of a nightmare. What conferences were well worth the money, and what books and blogs that we absolutely must be reading.
• Been There Done That Advice Why spend all of your time making the same mistakes and going down the same rabbit trails as other people in your chosen passion. Avoid duplicating the same mistakes that others have made by asking great questions: “Is there anything that you wish you hadn’t done in the first year of pursuing photography? A class that was a waste of time? Buying equiptment that was overprices and unnecessary?
• Worthy Feedback I know your mom thinks you are the next Annie Leibovitz or Ansel Adams, but it might be better to listen to a person who is actually making a living taking pictures to get your feedback from. A mentor can let you know whether there is something wrong that an untrained eye may miss.
Tell us in the comment below what your style of mentoring is, if you have a mentor and if you do not did you/will you ask a person from your list to be your mentor. you could win 2 of Cindi McMenamin’s books.
Who Are You Listening to? Deciding What Goes into Your Brain
Today: When it comes to the goal you have set for yourself, is there one voice that is holding you back? Think long and hard about the messages that you are letting into your mind. Is there a negative person in your life that you need to have better boundaries with? Are you giving yourself bad messages? Take a step to create those boundaries around your goal today.
Tossing the 8-Tracks (Getting Rid of Old Tapes)
I have struggled with weight all of my life. I go up, I go down. It is nice to know that when I get to heaven I will have a perfect body, but for now, I still have to shop in the women’s section of any department store. (At least I know I’m a Queen – my underwear says so…)
For the most part, my friends and family are an incredible support to me and love me through my struggle. They lovingly hold me accountable when I am working hard at controlling my food and exercise, and gently encourage back to health when I am slacking off. I am blessed to be surrounded by such safe and sane people.
But of course, every group has that one person. You know who she is. She may call herself “a truth teller” or is just blunt beyond what is socially acceptable. Or maybe you just call her mean.
After I had my first baby, I was talking with a group of women and said offhandedly, “Yep, time to get back to the gym, I need to lose this baby weight,” (and then some.)
One of my relatives (her name has been withheld to protect the stupid,) looked at me and said, “You know, it’s going to be harder to lose the weight now that you had a baby.” I burned inside. Hurt and angry I thought to myself (but didn’t have the guts to say,) “Really?!? Oh thanks so much for sharing with me! I think you’ve missed your calling as a motivational speaker.” I would love to say that I just brushed that comment aside, but that baby I was pregnant with is now in college and I remember it like it was last week’s episode of Project Runway.
We all have those things that were said to us or about us that stick with you.
• “Really? You are trying out for choir? Don’t you have to be able to sing to be in choir?”
• “I thought you were smarter than that.” (Actually said to my husband by a co-worker.)
• “It might be easier to work out if you lost some weight.” (Really? This has to be the craziest statement in the English language.)
Isn’t it funny how we could have 98 people tell us that we look great, did a wonderful job on that report, our kids are great, and the painting we just finished is a-maz-ing, but if two people criticize us, those are the comments that stick to our soul.
Now that you are trying to do something outside of the box – follow God in a new or different direction, try something that you have never tried before, explore a dream or passion that you have tried to ignore, I can guarantee you that those negative words that you heard last week (or maybe in 1987) are going to come back to haunt you.
Tell us in the comments below if you are having to set boundaries in a negative relationship or change your own self talk to be God honoring. If you have a piece of advice on how to do either one let us know as well. You could win the book Prayers for Life
Today: Find another area of your life that you can cut back, do less well, or give up on altogether – either permanently or just for the duration of The Me Project – in order to give you the time and space to pursue your goal.
Look at what my friend Ann had to say about her battle with perfectionism:
“If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.” My grandfather said that when I was less than 10 years old. I was sweeping the driveway to help clean the garage.
Oosh! Little did I know that the seed of perfectionism planted so early in my life would stay with me so long. I tend to want to do everything really well, an all or nothing person. I still struggle with the notion that my house doesn’t have to be perfect for company. Typically I am overwhelmed with housecleaning because it’s just too much to keep it perfect so I tend to let it go to the backburner. Someone said to me, “If you found out Mother Theresa had a messy house would that change how you view her good deeds or her as a person?” When I almost answered yes I realized I had some work to do on myself.
Lately I have learned to let go of the perfectionism. Listen to what my husband and kids really need instead of what I want. My daughter wants play dates. Okay let’s get the house picked up, but don’t stress about the overhead dusting, they are only six years old!
My struggle with perfectionism really came into focus one Sunday morning. One line from that morning’s sermon really jumped out at me: “If I could give you one thing it would be that you could see yourself as God sees you. Our loving, forgiving Father would not, I suppose, say some of the things we say to ourselves, stupid, ugly, lazy, etc. Only when we have the love of God and experience the love He has for us by forgiving and loving ourselves, not in a narcissistic way, can we truly love our brothers and sisters as Jesus taught us.”
I’m not sure why at that moment his words sank in and had profound meaning for me. (Perhaps it was because the kids were sick and weren’t with me so I could actually hear what was being said!) To love myself unconditionally the way I love my own children seemed so foreign yet so simple.
Am I still a perfectionist? Yes, I still have those urges to lift the burner pans and clean under the stove each night even though no one can see under there. The difference is now I can say, it’s okay to play tag in the house with my kids and forgive myself for leaving a pan on the stove a little while longer. I can focus on the things that are truly important, instead of responding to the unreasonable – and ungodly – self talk from before.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? I do in some areas – and I know it is all fear based and a control issue. Ugh. But if I can do ONE LESS THING that doesn’t need to be done – not only am I freeing my time – I’m freeing myself.
What do you want from me? Knowing God’s Will for all the parts of your life
Today: Spend time reflecting on the ways you have sensed God’s direction pursuing your goal. Your project for today is to write down all the ways that God has confirmed you working on this particular goal.
Whether it’s cleaning out a closet or walking a 10K for clean water in Africa, you have been nudged to put this goal “out there”. For me, the exercising 5x a week is easy – I want to finally figure out how to honor this body God gave me.
Maybe yours is simply wanting to bring order to your life. There was no big flash from the clouds, you are just longing for peace. Whatever it is, get a notebook and write it down.
Here are just some of the ways that God may be confirming this goal for you:
Other people you respect have told you to pursue it
You feel peace as you give up other activities in order to work on this goal.
Other people recognize this talent in you and want you to use it.
You everyday you have the same sense of wanting a change in this area.
You start to see “divine appointments” show up in your life. Meeting a friend of a friend who is looking for an apprentice in the field you are exploring. Just when you need a certain piece of equipment, your friend posts on your homeschooling loop that they are getting rid of said piece of equipment.
As you do your regular bible study, God keeps whacking you over the head with verses that support what you have been praying about.
Here is where I want you to spend just a few minutes writing down all the ways that God has used your past, your present, your friends, your family, your prayers and His word in order to confirm this goal: If you don’t believe you have received confirmation stop working and start praying.
Keep your notebook in your purse or on your cell phone and when confirmation comes along write it down.
What does confirmation look like for you? I asked my friend, Katie what that confirmation, that leading, looked like for her as decided to do a year-long mission to a war-torn country in 2004. Here are some of the steps that led her from a safe day-to-day job as a nurse practitioner in San Jose, CA, to traveling a world away working in a Muslim country doing relief work and church planting:
1. The seed of a thought is planted – Katie attended Urbana 2000, a mission’s conference in Urbana Illinois. At that conference she heard a missionary speak about evangelizing to the Muslim community. Until that point, Katie had always considered Muslim society closed to the thought of Christianity.
2. Paying Attention – Katie had always been interested in missions, but didn’t know what her next move should be. I love the advice that one of her friends gave her about sensing God’s direction: “Pay attention to the things you’re noticing because that is often how God speaks.”
Katie started to notice that more and more, the Muslim world stated to collide with Katie’s world. Between missionary’s letter home to the evening news, Katie couldn’t turn around without noticing her heart growing more tender toward the Muslim people.
3. Holy Curiosity – Katie said, “It was at that point I developed a holy curiosity,” I love that. She knew it was more than a coincidence – she knew that God was steering her in a certain direction and that she better pay attention.
4. Making the First Step – Katie attended a conference in Indiana in 2003 that was focused on evangelizing to Muslims.
5. Making the Decision – When Katie received a forward e-mail from a friend about the opportunity to serve overseas for a year, she was prepared. She had followed God’s leading all along the way and she was ready to take on that adventure with Him.
Most of you are not making such a long distance decision. But even those little decisions can lead to HUGE life change. Committing to family dinners three times a week can change the course of your family. Organizing your paperwork can lead to financial freedom. Don’t take lightly the “small” things that God is asking you to tend to. Those small things are the stepping stones to the big things He is preparing us for.
Oh – and for just a little more motivation, I love a good, printable calendar to dream on, and these from TomKat Studios are just gorgeous!!!
Tell us in the comments below one way that you have felt confirmed or recognized that God’s opened a door about this goal. You could win Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To
It’s the New Year and everyone on Facebook is asking you what your resolution is. Wouldn’t it be great if on February 1st you were still working toward the same goal?
Let this year be different. Join a bunch of dedicated women is pursuing your dream, one day at a time, with a 14 day running head start. Here on the Goal Girl New Year’s Kick off, you will receive one project a day for 14 days. (With little prizes along the way to help keep you motivated.) Stick with us and you will be a world closer to where you want to be in just two week.
All you have to do today is let the world know (in the comments below,) what is the one thing you want to work on, with community support, for the next two weeks. You don’t have to accomplish the goal in the next two weeks – we just want you to accomplish some great steps to keep you motivated. These projects will set you up for success for reaching your goal!
Comment below, and one Goal Girl will receive a free copy of The Me Project (which the Goal Girl New Year’s Kick Off is based on!) A winner will be drawn on Friday.
And if you’re wondering where you will get the time to do all this? Head on over to my Facebook Page. When you “Like” me, you get a free download of my article: “30 Ways to Save 30 Minutes in the Next 30 Days”
OH – And invite a friend! You are MUCH more likely to succeed if you are doing it with a buddy!
BTW – my goal is that by March 1st, I will be working out for 30 minutes, five times a week.
Whoo. I said it!
As some of you know, I’ve got some challenges in this area (recovering from whooping cough, a book due February 1st.) But I wouldn’t encourage you to do anything that I wasn’t willing to do myself. Plus, if I wait until life to be “challenge-free” I will never darken the door my my gym again.
I had two speaking engagements on Saturday; one was a breast cancer research benefit for my fellow author Susy Flory in her home about an hour away. The other was for a local church in my hometown of San Jose.
I was packed up and ready to go. In fact, I had time to stop at Starbucks with plenty of time to get to Susy’s. So I am sitting in the drive thru line at Starbucks, and realize I had left my iPod at home. No problem! I could listen to some tunes on my iPad that I had brought for my notes. (Yes. I’m like all those hipster pastors who preach from their iPads. Word.)I hooked up the iPad to my car’s stereo and…
The problem?
I touched the power button and nothing. Nada.
How could it be? I had charged it all the night before. I should have had battery to spare. But there I was, staring at a blank screen.
AGGGGHHHH
Yes, I had plenty of time to get to Susy’s. But not if I had to go back home (20 minutes) boot up my computer and print the speech (10 minutes) and then recover the lost ground, (another 20 minutes.) I would love to say that I started praying. But really, it was panic and a lot of pleading.
“God, please help me recall my speech. I will do anything if you help me remember it all. Help me, Help me…” And that’s when I heard his voice…
Andy Stanley’s voice. It was coming from the car stereo.
I couldn’t figure it out? How was I listening to one of Andy’s podcasts on leadership if my iPad was out of juice? And that’s when I made one of those “slap-yourself-on-the-forhead-it-would-be-hilarious-if-it-happened-to-someone-else-discoveries”…
I couldn’t see that the iPad screen was on the whole time because I was wearing polarized sunglasses.
All I had to do to see that the iPad was working the whole time was to take off my sunglasses.
UM – are we talkin’ metaphor or what?
It’s like my prayer earlier. God is there waiting the whole time – asking me to come to him with every single need. (Even an iPad that’s on the fritz.) But because of fear, it’s as if I can’t see Him. I just resort to fear.
And that’s usually why I can’t see God: fear. Or it’s close cousin, bitterness.
Some of the benefits of having a mentor:
