by kathilipp | Feb 11, 2016 | Blog, Clutter Free, Marriage, Me, Relationships |
Warning: February 14th can be a hard day for any woman not living inside the pages of a fiction novel or in an Anne Hathaway romcom.
We spend so much time here at Clutter Free talking about how to declutter your home, but we all know the truth:
Decluttering starts with our hearts and minds. When we can be focused and intentional about what emotions and thoughts we let in (and which ones we keep from taking up a chair and sitting down for a cup of coffee) it goes a long way to practicing peace.
And yes – emotions are at a high when bad things happen – a death, illness, financial trouble.
But I find that when the world tells us Valentine’s is “supposed” to be a great day — filled with flowers, poems, secret admirers, and declarations of undying love, well—that can set us up for disappointment in a way no crisis can.
This has been a struggle for me in the past.
- The friend who got 2 dozen roses delivered to work and my total haul was a card I got from a coworker.
- When I was going through my divorce and wondered if I would ever have someone to love me again.
- The time the guy I was dating broke up with me on February 13th. (True story.)
Following are five suggestions to help you begin de-cluttering your heart before Cupid’s arrow hits you between the eyes this Valentine’s Day.
1. Avoid the Comparison Trap – It’s easy to fall into the idea that Valentines’ Day “should” be a certain way. The best way to stop comparison is to disengage from social media, at least for this day. That way, you won’t be tempted to compare your situation with someone else.
2. Take the Air Out of the Holiday
Want a perfect recipe for disaster?
- Try to get a reservation on Valentine’s Day
- Pay a babysitter on Valentine’s Day
- Expect flowers on Valentine’s Day
Why not celebrate your love on a different day?
First, it lowers crazy expectations.
Second, it’s easier to find someone to help you take care of the kiddos.
Finally, you can actually get a reservation somewhere if you want to go to dinner. (Or do like we do, try a great, but cheap ethnic food place for Adventure Dining. All the romance, but my guy doesn’t have to wear a tie!)
Go for fun instead of tradition and make the holiday your own.
3. Practice Peace – Valentine’s Day can be fun, romantic, and yummy (if there’s chocolate involved), but it can also be stressful. Did I get the right card? What time is dinner again? Too many things to juggle and your joy can get zapped. Practice being mindful that God is peace. And since He lives in you, you have peace.
4. Celebrate Life Everyday – We can hype the idea that we are celebrating the day of love. But really? Are we? Showing loved ones love does not have to be on Valentine’s Day. You can show love and appreciation everyday. Celebrate the beauty of everyday joy and love.
And on this Valentine’s, instead of waiting for others to show their love, go out and create some. Bring some candy to the janitor at your kid’s school, take a balloon to your next door neighbor who lives alone, and spend some extra time snuggling your dog.
Don’t wait to be adored. Go out and create loving moments.
5. Practice Being Happy for Others – Someone else is going to have a nicer dress, a cooler card, and the bigger flower arrangement. Be happy for them. This may be exactly what they needed after a really rough time in their marriage or in their life. Practice having an inner attitude of positive feelings and thoughts about others.
If this a holiday that can be hurtful, don’t be hard on yourself. It is for a lot of women I speak to. But, don’t let bitterness ruin your day. Think on these verses that can put your day in perspective.
If you need a boost and a confidence builder for your Clutter Free lifestyle, Kickstart to Clutter Free is the 
perfect way to get started. In just 14 days, Kathi gives you simple steps in getting rid of 500 things. We’ve been hearing from people all over the country that are having great success with the Kickstart eCourse. Find out more here.
by kathilipp | Feb 5, 2016 | Friday Favorites, Love Your Husband, Marriage |
Considering something different this Valentine’s Day?
Tired of giving the same old thing?
Here are some ideas on how to show your love, devotion and creativity this February…
For Your Best Friend
- New gloves. If you live where it is cold, a nice pair of gloves is welcomed. You can include a note, “Thank for always ‘giving me a hand’ when I need it.”
- Who can resist hand-dipped chocolate covered pretzels? They are easy to make, just dip in chocolate and add heart shaped pink and red sprinkles. Wrap in a plastic bag with a red ribbon and you have a wonderful gift. Don’t have time to make your own, most grocery stores now offer similar treats.
- If you have a friend that collects things, buy something to add to her collection. My friend collects old dishes. You can often find amazing dishes at a yard sale or thrift store, I add some candy or handmade soap to the dish and tie with a
fabric ribbon.
- Purchase some Chap Stick (my favorite is Burt’s Bees brand in pink grapefruit flavor) tie it with a ribbon and a note
saying, “I’ll always “stick” by you!”
- Put a mini Hershey Bar, two graham-cracker sticks and a marshmallow in a little bag, tie with a ribbon and a note to the top that says, “I need S’more People Like You”.
- Find a picture of the two of you over the years and have it enlarged and framed. (I personally love this type of gift.)
For Your Kids
- Plan a game afternoon or night, prizes for the games involve chocolate or other valentine candy. You could also use Hershey Kisses or Miniatures as the game pieces.
- Spend time together creating a Valentine craft. Instructions for all kinds of fun decorations and skill levels can be found on Pinterest.
- Volunteer your time together at a local animal shelter or other community organization that could use some extra help. Most kids love animals and giving of themselves is a great way to give back and learn about love.
- How about treating the kids to an experience they have been wanting to participate in. Maybe bowling, roller skating, snowboarding, skiing, or other physical activity. Maybe it is going to the ballet, a movie, concert, or a play. Experiences make memories and we all want to give our children great memories.
- Speaking of experiences, how about giving them their own “Tea Party” complete with homemade heart shaped cookies and hot tea. They can invite a friend or two or just include family and the stuffed animals.
- Teenagers love gift cards to their favorite store or how about a new set of ear phones or other tech device. Maybe a new app for their phone.
For Your True Love
- Diamond stud earrings (In case my husband is reading this article….)
- A subscription to audiobooks, Netflix or Spotify.
- A handwritten letter with the reasons you love him or love being married to him.
- Create a work of art for his desk. You can find lots of ideas on Pinterest.
- Tickets to his favorite event, sporting match, or game. Whatever he loves, get tickets and go with him and enjoy.
- Make a home-cooked meal. Spend time making the food he enjoys and set the table for the event. Make it a special occasion.
- Make his favorite snack. Whether it is chocolate chip cookies or homemade fudge, make a batch just for him.
- Cover his mirror with red post it notes with reasons why you love him.
- Plan a special weekend. Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday. If your budget allows include a hotel. If it doesn’t, no big deal just plan events throughout the weekend the two of you can do together. But you make all the plans and reservations. It could include doing something you both love, visiting a place you both have been talking about, eating out, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company for a whole weekend.
Valentine’s Day is a time to show the people you love a little extra attention. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune. Just be sure you take the time to celebrate the “day of love” with them.
*Photo credit to Robin O’Neal Smith
Want more ways to build up your marriage?
My newest book just came out this week! I teamed up with my friends (who just happen to be relationship authors and speakers) Fawn Weaver, Shaunti Feldhahn, Sheila Wray Gregoire, Renee Swope, Crystal Paine, Michele Cushatt, and others, to bring you
101 Simple Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him that will inspire you to nurture your man and foster a lasting, loving, and fun-filled relationship.
by kathilipp | Feb 4, 2016 | Love Your Husband, Marriage, Relationships |
When I talk to women about what they want to improve in their lives, so many say something along these lines: “I want to focus on my husband this year. And I want to finally get organized. And lose weight!”
OK – so I may not be able to help you with the weight thing. But what if told you that you could improve both your marriage and your home at the same time?
It turns out that the state of our clutter and the state of our marriage could be more closely tied than we ever imagined.
In my book Clutter Free: Quick and Easy Steps to Simplifying Your Space I site a study from researchers at UCLA’s Center on Everyday Lives and Families (CELF) that looked at the relationship between thirty-two California families and the thousands of objects in their homes.
To the surprise of no woman reading this, clutter has a profound effect on our mood and self-esteem. CELF’s scientists found a link between high cortisol (stress hormone,) levels in female home owners and a high density of household objects. In other words: [Tweet “The more stuff, the more stress. #clutterfree”]
And we all know, if I’m not happy, that is going to have a profound affect on my marriage- and my husband.
There are some areas of your marriage where it takes two to pull off a big relationship boost – but when it comes to clutter, one person can make a huge difference.
If you are just starting this decluttering journey, let me tell you the two areas to concentrate on right now:
- The space that you greets you when you come home.
My hope for every couple is that their home is a haven for your marriage. I want you and your man to walk into your house after a long day fighting the battles of the world, and land in a soft place – your home.
But that only works if you don’t have chaos and distraction greeting you as you hit the door.
Wherever your first glimpse of home is at the end of the day, make sure that is rises up to greet you.
- Your bedroom.
If your home is your haven, I want your bedroom to be your nest. That place that blocks out everything from the world and is all about you and your man. That’s hard to do when you have to unbury your bed every time you want to cuddle up.
Don’t rearrange clutter, get it out of your house.
Clutter is anything that hasn’t earned the right to be in your home.
Create a home that is a haven for your marriage.
Want more ways to build up your marriage? My newest book just came out this week! I teamed up with my friends (who just happen to be relationship authors and speakers) Fawn Weaver, Shaunti Feldhahn, Sheila Wray Gregoire, Renee Swope, Crystal Paine, Michele Cushatt, and others, to bring you
101 Simple Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him that will inspire you to nurture your man and foster a lasting, loving, and fun-filled relationship.
by kathilipp | Apr 22, 2015 | Blog, Marriage, The Husband Project |
5 Ways to Tell Your Hubby You Love Him without All the Words by Paula Tobey
Have you ever been in a rut in your marriage where you find it tough to ‘talk’? Maybe you argue or you’re just not connecting as well as usual. Maybe you find yourself not in the same place of love like you were a few years back. Whatever it is, friend, I am here to tell you it is okay. There is always something you can do to help get out of that rut, and it starts by doing one small thing at a time.
Today, I will share with you five ideas of things that you can do to show your hubby you love him without all those words, because let’s face it, he probably doesn’t want to hear them anyway.
Marital connectedness is so important in a family. It helps the kids in many ways to feel secure, not to mention setting a positive example for them as they grow and enter into their own relationships. Parents have a responsibility to model for their kids behaviors and attitudes that help establish positive development. One of the best things we can do for our children is teach them love and respect. There are lots of ways you can teach this without preaching or teaching with words. Your behavior and actions will show them better than any words can how you feel, so go ahead, win him over without words teaching your kids how to show love and respect for your husband!
- Dressed to Impress – Complimenting your Hottie on how good he looks in his dress shirt. This is one thing that I have not been very good at, but it means so much to my husband when I tell him that I like how he looks. Words of Affirmation go a long way for some, but even saying that you like how soft his shirt is, can be just the kind of compliment he needs to hear. After I have said a statement like ‘I like how soft that shirt is, it looks great’ I will undoubtedly receive a text a little while later thanking me. Take it from me, you hubby likes to know you are still attracted to him after all these years.
- Get Your Own Box – Cheeze It’s are one of my husband’s favorite snacks. I cannot eat them because I’m gluten free, so I tend to buy things for the family that we can all eat. However, my husband told me about a year ago that he really loves it when I buy those for him because he knows that I went out of my way to get him something that I would not normally buy. It is not something that I will get often, and as a matter of fact, I save those for things like an Easter Basket gift, but when I do get them, his face lights up like a kid getting candy! For that reason alone, I will make sure he gets his own box!
- Precious Post It Note’s – When I go out of town for a few days, I like to leave my husband (and daughters) little notes to tell them that I love them. When we were getting ready to move a few months back, I was cleaning out my husband’s medicine cabinet in the master bath, and I found a piece of paper taped to the inside of the mirror with all kinds of post it notes I had left him over the years. It made me smile to see that not only had he kept them, but that he wanted to be reminded often how much I love him. Because I smiled, I am pretty sure he does too. I did not quite realize just how much those little precious notes were to him until then.
- Shopping Cart Surprise – Once I was on Amazon, and I noticed that my husband put an item in the Wish List. It was just a book, and it was not expensive, but I went ahead and ordered it for him. To his surprise, the exact book he had been looking at mysteriously showed up! It was cute when he asked if I had ordered it for him, and I just gave a little grin like ‘I don’t know what you are talking about – who me?’ He then gave me a nice big hug and kiss. It was fun. Sometimes it is the little things that add up to make the big things not so big!
- Good To The Last Drop – Every morning my husband is up before me. He does not need as much sleep as I do, and he enjoys his quiet time to read the paper and drink his coffee in the mornings. One work day this last week, he was actually still in bed, and I was awake, so I got up and made him some coffee. I wanted to be sure he had some because I figured he must have been pretty tired to still be in bed. When he came out and I had the coffee out for him, he was so surprised, he asked me who I was. J It was very unusual, but I do know that if I continue to do little things like that, he will be happy to drink every last drop!
For more great ideas on making your marriage more connected and fulfilled, come on over to my Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/ParentingCoachPaula and check out the posts, books and videos.
Paula Tobey is founder of PheMOMenal Life Ministries a community for women to go get encouraged and equipped to be the best mom’s they can be to their children by living a healthy balanced life and by becoming all that God created them to be. For more information go check out her website here www.PheMOMenalLife.com
by kathilipp | Jun 3, 2014 | Marriage, Podcast |
This first podcast is for earbuds only – no listening in the minivan with the kiddos in back (unless they are plugged into their own listening device…)
A conversation with Sheila Wray Gregoire, the author of The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) and blogger extraordinaire over at To Love Honor and Vacuum.
Kathi and Sheila have a fun, but frank conversation about sex in marriage. Here are some of the areas where they just go there:
• Women love talking about sex, but when you ask them about their sex lives, there is always a groan. What’s the deal?
• What is the difference between sex and making love?
• What can I do during the day to make me ready for sex at night?
• Sheila’s best piece of advice when your sex life is stalled out.
• What do you do if you are one of the 30% women who have a higher sex drive than her husband?
• Sheila’s word to women whose husbands are addicted to porn.
Fun informative, and hopefully for your husband, a little motivating.
Let’s Talk About Sex (Baby…)
FREE DOWNLOAD
When we’re dating we flirt. We wink at him. We take his hand. We give him that “come hither” look. But when we’re married, too often we stop flirting. Why flirt when you’ve already got him? And if you flirt, you may give him the idea that you’re definitely going to deliver tonight. You wouldn’t want to promise anything like that.
But there’s a problem with that strategy. For women, our primary sex organs are our brains. For us to get in the mood, our brains have to be engaged. Take flirting out of the equation, and you take away one of your primary tools for boosting your libido!
So we’re going to turn it up a notch, and look at 16 ways to flirt with your husband! Just as playing with your husband helps you laugh together, flirting helps you to laugh–and binds you together because you share a relationship with your spouse that is totally unique. Here are some ideas to get the fun rolling.
Click here to download.
Sheila Wray Gregoire is a Christian author of 7 books and a frequent speaker to women’s groups and marriage conferences.
Learn more @ http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/.
by kathilipp | Nov 12, 2012 | Marriage, Relationships, The Husband Project |
UPDATED: July 14, 2016: In the midst of The Husband Project online bible study with Proverbs 31, I wanted to share this older article with all my new friends working hard to love on their husband. It can be especially hard to know how to love on our men when he’s having a hard time. It can be depression, being overwhelmed, overly stressed, health issues, etc. As wives we CAN help even when we feel helpless.
I get some variation on this question a lot when I’m speaking: What should you I do when my husband is overwhelmed?
It could be because of work – or finances. Or there’s stuff going on with his parents, or in your family. Whatever the reason, we all know when it’s happening. Maybe he get’s really quiet and withdrawn. He may be in a place where talking about it (or just about anything,) is overwhelming. He’s exhausted, so either he sleeps all the time, or he doesn’t sleep at all.
You know what it looks like for your man. But when you see it happening, don’t just wait for the wave to pass. There are things you can do actively help your man during this difficult time.
Here are five things you can do right away when you realize that your husband is overwhelmed:
1. Lighten His Load
Are there things around the house that your husband normally does, that you, (or an older child) can do for him right now? Even hiring a teenager to mow the lawn could be just what your husband needs to know that you’ve got his back.
2. Pray for Him
Here are eight verses you can pray for your husband, right now, as he’s feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s important to let your husband know that you’re praying for him. Roger walks with new confidence when he knows that I’ve got his back, prayer-wise.
3. Feed Him
I don’t want it to seem like I’m making our guys into cavemen, but there is something about knowing where his next meal is coming from that can really make a man feel more secure. If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter, you can right now and receive my e-cookbook The Ultimate Guide to Man Food for some inspiration.
4. Sex or Physical Touch
Again – not trying to go caveman here, but sex is (for most men,) the biggest tension reliever he will experience. Setting aside some time (and even asking your parents if the kids can have a sleepover,)will do more for your husband than just about anything else. However, if he is in a place that sex is even an area of discouragement, offer a no-strings-attached massage, or head, hand or foot rub.
5. Words of Encouragement
One of the reasons your husband may be feeling overwhelmed is that he is feeling undervalued. What can you say to make him know that he is valued and respected?
- “Thanks for working so hard to provide for us. I appreciate all you do.”
- “I feel safe when I’m with you.”
- “You take such great care of me and the kids.”
- “I love how you lead our home.”
- “God blessed me so much by letting me be your wife.”
Want more ideas? Download my 21 Post-it-Note Encouragements.
Giveaway: July 14, 2016
Go to my Facebook page and respond to the question of the day for your chance to win a copy of Praying God’s Word for Your Husband.
Question of the day: How do you help your husband when he is overwhelmed by life?
