by kathilipp | Jun 22, 2016 | Blog, Marriage, The Husband Project |
Are you excited about starting the project portion of The Husband Project? I am excited for you to get underway, and I’m so thankful to be partnering with Proverbs 31 this summer. It is going to be a summer of fun and life-giving to your marriage. But, like anything in life, it requires you to put your whole self into it. To make the most out of The Husband Project, and for the best chance at success (you know, actually doing the projects) a little prep work is highly recommended.
In the spirit of successfully accomplishing what you have now signed up to do, I’ve compiled 5 Steps help you prep for The Husband Project:
1. Find at least one friend (two is better!) to help keep you accountable for the duration of the project.
2. Look at all the projects and come up with your own personalized schedule based on upcoming travel plans, visitors, holidays, etc. (Check out the the info below on how to get the official Husband Project calendars!)
3. Share your plan with your accountability partner(s). Ask them if they have any feedback.
4. Grab your supplies! After you fill out your calendar, create a list of supplies for the activities you want to do. To be budget-conscious, you can create weekly lists ahead of time to help you prep well but also stay in your budget.
5. Pray! For your heart, for your attitude, and for your husband to be blessed through it all.
We put together handy calendars to help you prep the projects you want to do, including a filled-in and blank version of the calendar. To get your calendar, sign up for the newsletter! (and if you are already signed up to get the newsletter, your calendars should already be in your inbox!)
IT’S NOT TOO LATE!
Sign up for The Husband Project over at Proverbs 31. Even if you don’t have the book, you can follow along with us and bless your husband’s socks off for the next three weeks! Join us!
by kathilipp | Jun 20, 2016 | Marriage, Podcast, Proverbs 31 OBS, The Husband Project |
Do you realize the power you have as a wife to change the way your husband walks through this world? How much care and confidence you can give him?
Intimacy is much more than a physical act in your relationship with your husband. For him, it is also emotional.
As we prepare for Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study of The Husband Project, Erin and I talk with the author of Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn, in order to better understand how men’s brains are wired for intimacy. When we know what is important to men and why, it helps us to better understand how we can best help them to make a stronger marriage.
The Husband Project Online Bible Study starts today, June 20th. Sign up HERE.
FREE DOWNLOAD
Do you want to enjoy a fantastic relationship with your spouse or significant other? Maybe you’ve sincerely tried, but there’s still too much conflict or confusion. Or maybe you have a good relationship, and want it to be great.
Relationships can be transformed when we suddenly “get” something we just didn’t realize before! Below is a sampling of some key “aha moments” about men, women and marriage from Shaunti Feldhahn’s 10 years of research with 10,000 men and women. There are always exceptions, though, so the key is to learn your partner. (Note: this simple overview doesn’t address deep systemic problems such as abuse or addiction.)
Click to download this free resource today!
Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher and best-selling author.
Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 22 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.
Where the “Only” series revealed the often-unseen needs of men and women, her multi-year research project, published in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, investigates the process of what makes great relationships.
by kathilipp | Jun 16, 2016 | Blog, Happy Habits for Every Couple, Marriage, Proverbs 31 OBS |
Friends, we are only a few days away from launching The Husband Project with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies. Each relationship and individuals are unique creations, so the Husband Project will look a little bit different from relationship to relationship. We have a fun way for you to personalize the projects in The Husband Project! The projects within the book are flexible enough for you to personalize for your man! Learning more about your guy can knock this experience out of the park for you both.
Download this personality quiz (without telling him why you are doing it, of course!) to find out a little more about your guy so you can make each project a special, intimate experience for you both. You’ll probably learn something new about your man, and maybe even yourself, no matter how long you have been together!
Join us!
If you haven’t signed up yet, please join us for this Online Bible Study! Find out more @ http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/.
by kathilipp | Jun 13, 2016 | Blog, Guest Blog, Marriage |
guest post by Cheri Gregory
My husband is a disagreeable giver!
I know, I know.
Doesn’t sound like one of the most romantic thoughts crossing my mind after more than a quarter century of marriage.
But it’s certainly one of the most important.
This epiphany hit while I was listening to Adam Grant’s Global Leadership Summit* talk, “Give and Take: A New Perspective on Leadership,” in which he describes four types of people:
- Agreeable givers
- Agreeable takers
- Disagreeable takers
- Disagreeable givers
Agreeable givers are everyone’s favorites, to the point they often become doormats. Agreeable takers are “fakers” who can fool us into treating them as givers. Disagreeable takers are pretty quickly labeled as jerks.
But it’s the disagreeable givers who, according to Grant, are the most misunderstood and undervalued.
They invest endlessly in the people and causes they care deeply about.
They just don’t care about how they come across.
What Happens When I Get Hung Up on How
A few weeks ago, a scenario that’s played out thousands of times in our marriage started to run according to script.
Daniel and I were in the kitchen, and he said something that ticked me off. I started to react, but in the nick of time remembered I’m trying to ask myself what problem is he trying to solve?
Which forced me to recognize I was all set to react without knowing the facts. (And while I may be a Highly Sensitive Person, I’m an HSP who scores high in analytical reasoning. I expect my emotions to be grounded in data, thank you very much!)
As Proverbs 18:13 so bluntly puts it
To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame.
So I asked myself, If I’m not about to react to facts, what I am I about to react to?
The answer was simple:
I’m about to react not to what Daniel said.
Or even why he said it.
I’m about to react to how Daniel said what he said.
I’m waaaaaaaay too hung up on how.
Focus on Why and What Before How
Now, I’m not suggesting that how other people speak to us isn’t important.
I am simply confessing I have been way too hung up on how, to the exclusion of why and what.
When I paused in the kitchen to ask myself why did he say that? I knew, without even asking Daniel, that the over-arching answer would be:
- because he loves God, and/or
- because he cares about what’s right, and/or
- because he is committed to me and to our family
And when I asked myself, what did he actually say? the answer was something simple and reasonable.
Sure, it’s important in any relationship* that we discuss how we communicate with each other. But how doesn’t deserve top billing, at least not for me.
I’ve become convicted that my knee-jerk reaction to my husband’s how prevents me from hearing his why and what.
When I find myself getting all bent out of shape over how — and I start gearing up to turn lawyer, judge, and jury — I’m telling myself:
Don’t react without the facts.
Ask why.
Ask what.
Only then, ask how.
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is equipping women to relate and create with less drama, more delight.
Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and the upcoming Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri is the host of “Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules,” a podcast for women tired of trying so hard to measure up. She blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.
*Note: This blog post reflects one woman’s experiences, reflections, and insights in a marriage between two well-intentioned but flawed individuals. It does not attempt to speak to any relationship that includes abuse, addiction, adultery, abandonment, and/or apathy. Such relationships are beyond the scope of this post and may need the intervention of a trained counselor.
The Husband Project Online Bible Study starts in just one week!
Sign up now and get your book from Proverbs 31 and join the thousands of women all over the world ready to bless the socks off of our husbands!
by kathilipp | Jun 8, 2016 | Blog, Love Your Husband, Recipe |
If you’re looking for a way to spoil Dad this Father’s Day without spending your entire day in the kitchen, we’ve got you covered! BBQ for Dad, and the ease of the slow cooker for you, make for the perfect celebration. This delicious meal is so simple, you might even have time to make a special dessert or cocktail. Bonus points! (You can thank us later.)
This is a recipe I posted back in 2012 but it’s so good I had to share it with you again (or for all my new friends!).
When Freezers and Slow Cookers Collide
I love when I find other food nerds out there. It is a title I use – and embrace – lovingly. It’s very different than food snobs who want to tell you that you are using the wrong knife or look down their nose at you if your cheese isn’t aged properly. Food snobs can get away with cooking once a week and call themselves a gourmet, but a food nerd is always looking for new ways to make food better and easier – we are the ones who trade recipes at MOPS meetings and steal (with permission) each other’s freezer tips for getting dinner on the table.
Let me introduce you to fellow food nerd Kelly Rankin. Kelly and I met at an event I was speaking at, and we became friends through my blog. Kelly has taken the concept of freezer meals and slow cooking and done a mash up – freezer/slow cooking.
I am also a freezer/slow cooker, but Kelly’s ingenuity of stretching her meals and leaving no leftover left behind is admirable. I asked Kelley to share her plan for using her freezer and slow cooker for maximum savings of time, energy and stress: Some of her favorite slow cooker to freezer recipes are things like soups, stews, and chili. You can double or – in a 6-quart slow cooker – triple a soup-like recipe and, after it cools, bag it up into gallon bags to be re-heated another time.
Slow cooker Smoked Pulled Pork BBQ
By Kelly Rakin
Four Simple ingredients and a day of slow cooking lead to an amazingly simple, economical, and delicious pork BBQ. No smoker needed, and the leftovers freeze beautifully for a later meal. The liquid smoke and beef bouillon are the essential keys to this simple recipe, giving the pork a great flavor with minimal BBQ sauce. Perfect for a large gathering!
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 7-9 hours
Yields: 10 servings
Ingredients:
5-lb. pork sirloin tip roast
2 T. liquid smoke (typically found with condiments)
2 T. beef bouillon (not Broth)
1/3 cup water
Serve with your favorite BBQ Sauce, to taste
Directions:
Place pork roast in a large slow cooker. Pour water, liquid smoke, and bouillon on top of pork roast. Cook on high for 7-9 hours, flipping roasts once during cooking, if possible, to allow the juices to simmer all sides of the meat. Meat is finished cooking when it easily pulls apart with a fork. Remove roasts from slow cooker and pull pork apart. Return pork to slow cooker and add BBQ sauce to taste, or serve BBQ sauce on the side. Great on sandwiches or by itself.
To freeze: Place cooked BBQ in 1-quart freezer bags, removing air. Thaw, rewarm, and serve. Keeps in freezer up to 6 months.
by kathilipp | Jun 2, 2016 | Blog, Love Your Husband, Marriage, The Husband Project |
The Day I Stopped Shoe Shopping at Safeway: A Marriage Metaphor
For many years, I did my shoe shopping at Safeway.
This was difficult, because the Safeway near my home doesn’t sell shoes, only groceries. But I’ve never been one to let a challenge stop me! I became all the more determined to do my shoe shopping at Safeway.
Every week, I scoured the aisles: no shoes.
Every week, when the cashier pleasantly asked me, “Did you find everything today?” I responded loudly, “No, I did not. I came here for shoes, like I do every week, and I still haven’t found any shoes.
Every week, I filled out a complaint form at the so-called “Customer Service” counter: Why are there no shoes in this store?
Eventually, I became so focused on shoe shopping at Safeway that I started going daily, just to see if they’d finally set up a shoe aisle.Day in and day out, I experienced nothing but disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.
I grumbled about Safeway to my friends. Soon, complaining about the lack of shoes at Safeway soon became my sole topic of conversation.
It all seemed so unfair.
The Day I Discovered Payless ShoeSource
Then, one day, I happened to drive by a Payless ShoeSource. As I walked in, I could not believe my eyes: shoes! Aisles and stacks and end caps of shoes! I bought two pair on a BOGO sale!
My next stop was Safeway. As I walked in, I could not believe my eyes: so many beautiful groceries! Fruits and vegetables … breads and cakes … cheeses and deli meats … I filled my cart and headed to check out.
The cashier nervously asked, “Did you find everything today?” and when I responded, “Why yes, I did, thank you!” She looked shocked. The manager seemed surprised when I walked by the customer service comment box with a friendly wave.
The day I stopped doing my shoe shopping at Safeway was the day I started enjoying grocery shopping at Safeway.
A Marriage Metaphor
Okay, so I made all of that up.
I would never be silly or downright foolish enough to go shoe shopping at Safeway, would I? Well, in the early years of my marriage, I stubbornly “did my shoe shopping at Safeway” by expecting Daniel to meet some of my needs he was entirely unequipped to meet.
The more I demanded he meet these specific needs, the more hyper-focused I became on his failures. The more I focused on his failures, the more I ignored his myriad strengths. Sadly, for many years I acted as if everything he did bring to our marriage and all the ways he did meet my needs were worthless because I was so fixated on a few failures.
After years of frustration (for both of us!), I was convicted that 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 applies to the gifts our husbands bring to marriage:
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”
When we continually downplay the gifts our husbands brings to our marriages, we discount the work of the Holy Spirit.
On the flip side, when we take responsibility for the needs we’ve been trying to pawn off on our men, we may be astonished to discover all the ways they truly bless us.
Perhaps it’s time for you to stop shoe shopping at Safeway, too?
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.”
Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and the upcoming Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.
More about being an HSP!
