by kathilipp | Nov 12, 2012 | Marriage, Relationships, The Husband Project |
UPDATED: July 14, 2016: In the midst of The Husband Project online bible study with Proverbs 31, I wanted to share this older article with all my new friends working hard to love on their husband. It can be especially hard to know how to love on our men when he’s having a hard time. It can be depression, being overwhelmed, overly stressed, health issues, etc. As wives we CAN help even when we feel helpless.
I get some variation on this question a lot when I’m speaking: What should you I do when my husband is overwhelmed?
It could be because of work – or finances. Or there’s stuff going on with his parents, or in your family. Whatever the reason, we all know when it’s happening. Maybe he get’s really quiet and withdrawn. He may be in a place where talking about it (or just about anything,) is overwhelming. He’s exhausted, so either he sleeps all the time, or he doesn’t sleep at all.
You know what it looks like for your man. But when you see it happening, don’t just wait for the wave to pass. There are things you can do actively help your man during this difficult time.
Here are five things you can do right away when you realize that your husband is overwhelmed:
1. Lighten His Load
Are there things around the house that your husband normally does, that you, (or an older child) can do for him right now? Even hiring a teenager to mow the lawn could be just what your husband needs to know that you’ve got his back.
2. Pray for Him
Here are eight verses you can pray for your husband, right now, as he’s feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s important to let your husband know that you’re praying for him. Roger walks with new confidence when he knows that I’ve got his back, prayer-wise.
3. Feed Him
I don’t want it to seem like I’m making our guys into cavemen, but there is something about knowing where his next meal is coming from that can really make a man feel more secure. If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter, you can right now and receive my e-cookbook The Ultimate Guide to Man Food for some inspiration.
4. Sex or Physical Touch
Again – not trying to go caveman here, but sex is (for most men,) the biggest tension reliever he will experience. Setting aside some time (and even asking your parents if the kids can have a sleepover,)will do more for your husband than just about anything else. However, if he is in a place that sex is even an area of discouragement, offer a no-strings-attached massage, or head, hand or foot rub.
5. Words of Encouragement
One of the reasons your husband may be feeling overwhelmed is that he is feeling undervalued. What can you say to make him know that he is valued and respected?
- “Thanks for working so hard to provide for us. I appreciate all you do.”
- “I feel safe when I’m with you.”
- “You take such great care of me and the kids.”
- “I love how you lead our home.”
- “God blessed me so much by letting me be your wife.”
Want more ideas? Download my 21 Post-it-Note Encouragements.
Giveaway: July 14, 2016
Go to my Facebook page and respond to the question of the day for your chance to win a copy of Praying God’s Word for Your Husband.
Question of the day: How do you help your husband when he is overwhelmed by life?
by kathilipp | Nov 11, 2012 | Christmas, Home |
Yes- I’m excited to announce that by popular demand The Christmas Project is back. Starting Tuesday November 20th, we will be breaking down our Christmas – one day at a time In our time together we will:
- Get your Christmas cards created and sent out
- Get your Christmas gift list together
- Wrap your gifts
- Get you menu together
- Freeze up some cookie dough
- Get your gifts in the mail
- Plan your family celebration
- Never forgetting that Christ is the center of it all
If you’re not already subscribed to this blog, go ahead and do so now so you won’t miss one project:
(Subscribe Here Now…)
I’m not saying don’t do anything before the 20th – (I was on Etsy.com just today trying to find some hand-crafted gifties for some very picky people in my family,) but what I am saying is that even if you feel like you are desperately behind, don’t worry. Starting on November 20th, you will still be able to get everything you need done.
Besides joining us on the 20th, there is one other thing you can do to make the holidays a bit better: ask a friend to join you in the Project. You know I’m all about accountability and fun, so having a friend there to help and encourage each other is the best gift you can give yourself as you plan.
Q4U: What is your biggest challenge when it comes to preparing for Christmas? I would love to hear both the practical and the spiritual.
Looking forward to a more sane and sacred Christmas…
Kathi
by kathilipp | Nov 8, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Relationships |
Fifteen Dollar Family Fun Night
Try This:
Plan a Family Fun Night for some time in the next week.
Making the Connection
Is it really possible to feed a family of six and have fun, all for fifteen dollars? I dare you to find out! When my kids were young, we didn’t have the financial capacity to blow hundreds of dollars on family adventures. We never had front row seats to Broadway plays. Or season tickets to the 49ers. Or fancy dinners at those restaurants where you get to cook your meat over a little grill in the middle of the table.
Instead, we would have “Fifteen Dollar Family Night.” One family member (sometimes it was a kid, sometimes a parent) was in charge of the planning. The chosen planner would get fifteen dollars to feed and entertain the troops. Our family experienced everything from a bake-at-home pizza and a DVD of The Princess Bride to a home-packed picnic at the duck park followed by an afternoon at the local nickel arcade.
And while these adventures aren’t as glamorous as front-row tickets to the Taylor Swift concert, they ended up being experiences that we laughed and talked about for years to come.
We found many benefits to setting aside some time for family fun:
- Not only did Family Fun Night give us an opportunity to spend time together, it forced our kids to plan, budget, and take other people’s likes and dislikes into consideration.
- We found that giving the kids the chance to plan the event helped them enjoy this time a whole lot more. Our kids really got into it. Sometimes the event was a surprise to the rest of the family. On another occasion, Kimberly made invitations for everyone in the family so they would know what the evening held (as well as appropriate dress code).
- Having a limited budget has a special magical quality. With such limited funds for a night out, there was no resorting to a dinner out for everyone at your favorite family restaurant followed by the latest movie in the theaters.
Make Connecting Fun
Perhaps the best part about Family Fun Night is the unlimited number of variations. It doesn’t have to be fifteen dollars. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t even have to be at night. You plan according to your family’s schedule and budget. Remember, the goal is to have a meal and some entertainment.
Check out Kathi’s Facebook Page for a Free Download of Fifteen Dollar Family Nights.
by kathilipp | Nov 7, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Relationships |
Write Your Child a Note
Try This:
Write your kid a love note.
Making the Connection
Back when my kids were younger, we kept a small, lidded basket better known as the “family mailbox” in the middle of our cluttered kitchen counter. And inside it, I’d often find sticky notes with the words “I love you, Mom,” written with green glitter pen in my daughter’s best nine-year-old cursive.
Our family mailbox was a great way to encourage each other and brighten our kids’ days. Even when my kids grew past the age of wanting notes in their brown-paper lunch bags where their friends could see them, they never minded finding a note or a small treat in the family mailbox.
Since then, I’ve learned that a handwritten and heartfelt note can go a long way to make someone feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. So for this connection, I want you to write your kid a love note and leave it somewhere where she’ll find it.
Make Connecting Fun
Here are a few ideas to get the ink flowing.
- Start a family mailbox. All you need is a basket, a pad of paper, and a pen. You can start the ball rolling by writing notes to each member of your family. You could start with a note of encouragement or maybe a Bible verse. End the note with a question, such as, “If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?” I promise you will get some fascinating mail in your little basket.
- Welcome your kid home with a note. I saw this on Pinterest. Use dry-erase markers to write “Welcome home! I love you!” on a china plate. Then prop up the plate on a plate stand and put it on the counter for your kids to see when they get home from school.
- Send notes in your kid’s lunch. In her book Love Notes in Lunchboxes: And Other Ideas to Color Your Child’s Day, Linda Gilden tells about the day her daughter said: “You know, Mom, I don’t really remember what you said in all those notes you wrote in my lunches. But I remember you wrote them and they always showed you cared. Some days I think all you said was, ‘Have a good day’ or ‘You are special,’ but it meant a lot. Just to know that you took the time to write a note and that you thought it was an important part of my lunch made my day. Most kids only had food in their lunch bags!”Yes, food is an essential part of the lunchbox. But even more important than the food for our children’s bodies is the food for their spirits. And it doesn’t have to be dispensed in a lunchbox. There are plenty of ways to encourage and affirm our children.
- Write out an acrostic using the letters of your child’s name. Hang it on their door or on the fridge so they can see how great you think they are.
J ust so funny
E nergetic
R eady for anything
E veryone loves him
M y favorite person to watch cartoons with
Y ou are a great kid!
- Send Scripture notes. Can’t think of what to write? God gave us a whole book of love notes. Just borrow one of His! Then add a few words of your own.
God’s Note: “Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always” (1 Chronicles 16:11).
Mom’s or Dad’s note: Always trust God. He knows what’s best for you, and He is bigger than any problem you may have.
- Write a list. Jot down a quick list and leave it on a sticky note on the bathroom mirror where your child can see it when they brush their teeth or get ready for school. Try “Top Three Reasons I Love You” or “Top Five Reasons Our Family Is the Greatest” or “Top Five Reasons You Are My Favorite Lunchbox Kid.”
A Chance to Win:
Tell me what you’re going to write to your child and I’ll enter you in a drawing for a copy of 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids!!! (Entries close at midnight on Friday PST.)
by kathilipp | Nov 6, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Relationships |
Pray for Your Kids
Try This:
Start a prayer journal to help you intentionally pray for your kids.
Making the Connection:
A few years ago, Amanda was engaged to someone who wasn’t right for her. It was obvious to Roger and me, and everything in me wanted to open my mouth and talk some sense into her. I wanted to explain what I thought. I wanted to beg and plead. I wanted to write out a list of all the godly characteristics that I envisioned for her future spouse. But I didn’t. Instead, we shut up and prayed.
It took almost a year (yes, an entire year!), but they broke off the engagement. We now joke that if your kid is dating someone who isn’t right for them, call us. We have a ministry of praying the wrong guys out.All joking aside, praying for your kids is powerful. I can say without hesitation that it is the number one most valuable thing I have done for my children. And that’s why I want to encourage you to start a prayer journal that will help you intentionally pray for your kids every day.
Make Connecting Fun:
Starting a prayer journal is actually really easy.
Step 1: Pick up a journal. I like mine to be small enough to fit into my purse so I can bring it with me when I’m traveling and pretty enough to display on a bookshelf. But really, anything—from a 99-cent spiral notebook from the dollar store to an iPad with a stylus—will work.
Step 2: Pick a time to journal. If you’re anything like me, you probably start every day with the best intentions. But by the time you’ve managed to feed the kids, walk the dog, make the coffee, do carpool, clean the dishes, sweep the floor, and switch the laundry (all before 9:00 a.m.) even your best laid plans get derailed. So set aside time every day — set a daily reminder on your iPhone if you have to — so that praying for your kids becomes a daily priority.
Step 3: Talk to God on paper. Your prayers don’t have to be eloquent or full of poetic language. Just talk to God about your kids. One thing I’ve found to be really helpful is to use a verse from the Bible to pray for my kids. Here are a few of the verses I’ve prayed over my kids over the years:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen (2 Peter 3:18).
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. (Psalm 25:21)
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. (Proverbs 3:3)
I cling to you; your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63:8)
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
by kathilipp | Nov 5, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Relationships |
Brag on Your Child According to Their Personality
Try this: Tell someone else how great your kid is in a way that best suits his or her individual personality.
Make the Connection:
Let me just say: My son Justen is an excellent writer. Well, he is. He’s great. I love reading his stories. I literally beam with pride every time he finishes a story and have to stifle the impulse to call my friend at the bookstore and warn her that a bestseller is on the way. He’s that good.
I could go on and on about how great he is… but I just can’t tell him. Why? Because he hates it.
A few weeks ago, I said to him, “I love what a creative writer you are!”
He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I don’t even know why you’re telling me this.” As if it were causing him grief to have to spend the energy listening to me.
Justen is part amiable, part analytic: He’s thoughtful and adaptable and nurturing… but he’s also very pensive and private and slightly mortified to hear his mom go on and on about his work. So, I’ve learned that a well-timed “nice job on that” says a lot more than hours of gushing.
My gushing was well-intentioned — I was proud of him and he really is a great writer. But, my delivery? Well-intentioned or not, it didn’t work. So instead of beaming with pride at my words, he scoffed. I now know that for him, less is more. Timing is everything. And my gushing on and on only makes me seem insincere.
I want you to brag on your kids in a way that really makes them proud of their accomplishments — and in a way that is best received by their individual personality type. So for this challenge, I want you to brag on your child in a way that makes them feel loved, appreciated and proud.
Make Connecting Fun:
It’s one thing to brag about your kids. It’s an entirely different thing to brag about them in the way that they best understand affirmation. In their personal brag language, if you will. My friend Cheri Gregory explains exactly how to do that for each personality type in this free download Bragging on Your Child Based on their Personality. A little cheat sheet, if you will, to help you brainstorm on how best to encourage your child.
Download it Now:
Brag On Your Child — According to Their Personality Cheat Sheet
by kathilipp | Nov 4, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Relationships, Uncategorized |
Day 1: Connecting with Your Kid’s Personality
I know my kids pretty well. I know that Kimberly could spend all day watching Gilmore girls while Justen would rather die than see one episode. I know that both of my kids are into Steampunk (which, when it comes to literary genres is about as far as you can get from me and my women’s fiction). I know that Justen has an affinity for numbers (the kid can remember my car’s license number off the top of his head) and I know that for some reason unbeknownst to me, both of my kids have a soft spot for our mean, cranky cat Zorro who no one else seems to like.
But, I don’t know anything about your kids. I don’t know what makes them literally squeal with excitement. What quirks they have. Or what they’d do tonight if they were given $20, ten gallons of gas and a chauffeur to drive them anywhere they wanted.
And, you’re probably wondering how I can help you to connect with your kids if I don’t know them.
I thought of that, too, and I have a plan. My friend and personality expert, Cheri Gregory has created a simple questionnaire that will help you to determine your kid’s personality type.
So, to get started, answer the questions below about your child on this simple quiz at: Discover Your Child’s Personality Type
by kathilipp | Oct 29, 2012 | Relationships, The Husband Project |
Thanks for visiting (And even if you’re not here from Time Warp Wife, there are still free goodies for you! So keep reading!)
Let me give you the lay of the land. Just like at Time Warp Wife, we are all about the husband love. We show that in a variety of ways: but food and prayer seem to work around these parts. Here are a couple of resources to make that easier:
To Feed His Stomach
If you want twenty of my family favorite ready for the freezer recipes, check out my Facebook Page and download the free ebook: Six Chicks Freeze and Fix – How to Start a Freezer Meal Co-op (look at the “Tabs” at the top of the page.)
Sign up for my newsletter (filled with great tips about keeping your life in order!) and you will receive my free ebook THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO MAN FOOD filled with great recipes to keep that man in your life extra happy.
To Feed Your Soul
For Setting Up a Quiet Time Routine and Praying Scripture When Your Husband is Overwhelmed Downloads, check out my book page for Praying God’s Word for Your Husband.
And for my faithful readers, here is a new resource from my new friend Time Warp Wife: Just about the cutest Prayer Cards you have ever seen. Yes- she is giving away this free download to all my readers (and while you’re on her site, you can go ahead and just sign up for her blog. You’ll thank me later.
Enjoy the swag. We’re happy to have you as part of the family.
by kathilipp | Oct 28, 2012 | Relationships, The Husband Project |
Dear Friend,
This is really, really hard for me to do, but I have to tell you why I can’t hang out with you anymore.
I get that marriage is hard. I do. I’ve fought with my husband (remember, when we got married, we had four teenagers, so we had plenty to “discuss” those first years of marriage,) disagreed with him, and sometimes (OK, many times) not been the wife I needed to be.
But here’s the thing: I want to do better. I want to be the wife that my husband needs. I want to speak well of him and to him. I want to improve, a little bit, everyday.
And when I’m around you, it’s hard. I feel like, because you are throwing your husband under the bus, you want me to throw my husband right under there as well.
I will not have the kinds of conversations that make men the butt of the joke, because not only am I married to a man, but I have two boys I want to respect as men as well.
I will not agree with how awful your husband is because I don’t know his side of the story.
I will not laugh at TV or movies that feature the guys as “Doofus Dads”.
I will not let you bait me into bashing husbands, yours or mine.
I’m sorry if this seems like a unexpected change up – like I’m changing to rules of our relationship. But that uncomfortable laugh that I make when you put down your husband? Gone. From now on, I’m speaking up. It’s not OK to talk about any man like that in my presence. Ever.
Now don’t get me wrong. If you want me to pray for the tough time you’re going through, if you want to cry on my shoulder and have me recommend books on how you can improve your relationship, I will bring the coffee, milk chocolate and password to my Amazon account. I am there for you friend.
But if you only want to complain, and not let God make a miracle out of your marriage, I need to step away. Because I need to be with women who support the men in their life. I want to surround myself with women who are not perfect wives, but will inspire me to be the wife that follows God and blesses her husband out of the overflow of that relationship with God.
So if you want to be that kind of girl – come on over to my house.
But if not, I’m going to need to bow out. I know that God wants more for you than what you have now. I’ll be here when you want that cup of coffee.
by kathilipp | Oct 23, 2012 | Me |
I’ve packed and repacked my same black suitcase about five times. Usually, packing is a snap for me (I go on about fifty trips a year, so if I don’t want to dedicate a large portion of my free time to packing. a girl learns to keep it simple.)
I would like to take an outfit for each day, and a backup after I see what everyone else is wearing, just to make sure I fit in.
I have (so far) resisted an “emergency” trip to Macy’s hoping to find the right outfit to make sure I fit in.
But as you may suspect, this goes a little deeper than wardrobe issues.
Tomorrow I board a plane to go to “The Hip Conference”. Really cool, deep, spiritual girls are getting together to teach each other – and learn from each other – how to talk about Jesus better. And normally, I would be really excited. Except I’m “The New Girl”.
I’ve never been to this conference, and I’ve let my brain run amok.
In my mind:
- These women all know each other and are best friends waiting for their once a year reunion
- It will be like a scene from “Mean Girls” and no one will sit with me at lunch
- They will mock me behind my back for my pathetic attempts to fit in
Obviously, I’ve watched too many commercials for Gossip Girl.
And this doesn’t just happen for conferences. No – I feel it all the time.
- At a new Bible Study
- Visiting a new church
- Going to a new hair dresser
- When my kids went to a new school
- Hanging out with my husband’s co-workers
People assume since I’m an extrovert that I LOVE diving into situations like this. No. Not at all. All the weirdness and fear pop up and I feel like the kid sister my older sister was forced to take to the movies with all of her cool friends.
I don’t write this to have you encourage me (I know, I know, they will love me once they get to know me. but thanks!) but to say if a super-extrovert like me feels this, I’m guessing that about 90% of you have some of the same feelings. So I wanted to share my plan of attack. I mean my godly plan for managing my anxiety.
Step 1 – Pray for the Event: When I take my eyes off myself and think about what the event is trying to accomplish – and then praying to that end – it gives me the perspective I need. I’m just one person, hoping to be useful, and to follow what God is telling me to do. I’m now praying for the event organizers (cause you know they might just be losing their minds right about now…) praying for the safety of those who are traveling, and praying I can get what God wants me to get out of the experience.
Step 2 – Realize I’m Not the Only New Girl: There are going to be loads of people there who are newbies. We will be the ones who look like racoons staring at an oncoming Mack Truck. I will find these people and make them my friends.
Step 3 – “My Name Is… Here to Serve” No, I’m not officially on the committee, but every single one of these conferences, God has put someone in my path that needed to be loved, encouraged, or just needed some well-timed milk chocolate. If I focus on the needs of others, God always gets around to what I need out of the conference. I’ve never left feeling “I wish I hadn’t helped that person so much. I missed ______” Nope, God’s told me to “feed His sheep”. That’s my job. He takes care of the schedule nitty-gritty.
Step 4 – Bring Things to Give Away No, not advertising for my new book. Things people want. Like that well-timed chocolate.
So tell me your coping mechanism for being the new girl. Spiritual. Practical. I want to hear it – and I want you to share it with all the other new girls.
(BTW – the word on the street is all these ladies are lovely and I’m going to have a great time. I’ll report back…)
