by kathilipp | Jul 16, 2013 | Me |
Dear Super Amazing, Gifted, Friend on Facebook,
(And BTW – none of those things are sarcastic, I truly mean them,)
I am happy for you. I truly am.
I’m happy that your kids are all doing what they are supposed to be doing in life.
I’m happy that doors are opening and you are so darn grateful for everything that is happening in your life.
I’m happy that you and your husband are happy. That you rarely fight and that you wake up grateful every day for being in the same space.
I truly am happy for you. (You’re gonna think I’m not. But I promise you, I am.)
But…
But I can’t take it anymore. I promise you, I am not wishing you ill will. I want you to have those things. But here’s the thing.
I can’t hear about them anymore.
You (and a lot of people reading this,) are going to think that I’m shallow. If I could only get a little more Jesus, I could read your posts, your back door brags, every updating starting with the same phrase, “I’m so proud of___________ (insert child’s name here.)”. Maybe you’re right. But God and I are working on me, together. And one of the things I need to work on (big time) is actively working against discontent. And I’m working on it:
- We’ve adopted a Compassion child (because who can sit in a place of discontent when you can take food in the fridge and a bed to sleep in for a given?)
- Roger and I are purposely looking for ways to help people in our lives
- I write a list of gratitude once a week
- I look for things to thank God for, aloud, every single day
I’m working on it.
But every time I read a post about your seemingly perfect life, I go back to that ugly place. That gnarled, twisted ugly place where I think to myself “Why does God love her more than me?” (I told you it was ugly…)
It brings me back to 4th grade where my teacher, Mrs. B. took a weird dislike to me. (How anyone can randomly hate a nine year old is beyond me, but I digress.) Mrs. B. would pass out candy to the kids in class, but “run out” when it came to me. If a friend and I were caught talking, I would be sent to run laps out on the field, but my friend was excused. She tried to have me switched to the “Early Readers” (in other words, slow readers) class even though I was reading three grades beyond our level. I couldn’t understand why Mrs. B. seemingly liked all the other girls in class, but didn’t like me.
So I go along in my life, practicing my gratitudes. Not always getting it perfect, but definitely making progress. And then I run across a post from a friend who talks about their poor choice, or the poor choice of one of their kids, and they do it with humor and grace (because the worst choices can make the best stories,) and it encourages me, and makes me want to rally around my friend and do the dance of the sister-in-arms – we may trip, we may stumble, but because we are linking arms, and loving each other, we will not let each other fall. And I keep dancing.
But when I come to your post, about your child’s perfect grades, and this post is identical to the six posts before it, showing me the shiny side of your life? It brings me back to fourth grade. And let me tell you – once was enough for fourth grade.
I need to read your highs and your lows. I need to know that you get it. No – I don’t need your family secrets. I do need to know when your hair looks like Don King, or when you bought the ice cream after your son’s team lost the soccer match. Brag on your kids – yes – let me celebrate them with you. But balance the victories with the “growing opportunities”. Because we all have ’em.
OK so I’m not blocking you today. I’m hiding your post for a while until I get a little stronger. Let’s check back with each other in six months. We both may be different then. Maybe I can hold you up when one of those “growing opportunities” comes along.
An Update: Reopening a Can of Worms – Thoughts on Yesterday’s Post
by kathilipp | Jul 9, 2013 | Relationships |
Today, Focus on the Family is rebroadcasting a show I did with earlier this year with Jim Daly and John Fuller (two of my favorite people to talk to in the world…) on one of my favorite subjects: How to Have a Happier Husband. You can listen here on Wednesday.
On that page you can download our fun 14 Ways to have a Happier Husband Cheat Sheet, and get a great discount on an assortment of my books about how to make that man happy.
But to give you some spot on encouragement, I want to do a give away for a little fun feedback. Tell me in the comments below what was the last thing you did to let your husband know you love him, we will randomly pick five winners to win the books featured on the Focus on the Family broadcast: 
The Husband Project and Praying God’s Word for Your Husband. Go, share, and win!
by kathilipp | Jul 3, 2013 | Relationships |
This week only, you can purchase the ebook for Praying God’s Word for Your Husband
Starting July 15th we will be starting a week of praying for your man, so now is an excellent time to download the book at this breathtakingly cheap price!
We are going to have a prayer revolution for our men!!!
by kathilipp | Jul 2, 2013 | Home |
How to Make Homemade Blue Ice
My hubby Roger has been having some foot trouble lately. I think it is from an over abundance of Disney walking. So while Roger wants to have happier feet, he is not willing to give up our Disney trip in November. He is launching a full footal assault (sorry, couldn’t help it…) to restore himself to full podiatric health.
One of the recommendations by his doctor was to use blue ice on his foot several times a day. Our doctor gave him the recipe to make blue ice at home:
Homemade Blue Ice
1 part water
1 part rubbing alcohol
a little blue food coloring… just so people know it’s not drinkable water
Mix in an empty bottle or double bagged Ziplocs (be sure you leave a little “squish room” in the baggies.). It will not freeze solid. That’s the point of the rubbing alcohol. It will get crazy cold. But it won’t burst the bottle.
Warning: Science Stuff… The alcohol lowers the freezing point of the water so it won’t freeze. You can also use 2/3 water to 1/3 alcohol to save money. The mixture will freeze a little bit and expand, so fill the bottle a little less full.
We found out about this just in time for all our summer chilling needs. Great for those long trips in the car while packing a cooler, in a lunch thermal bag, or keeping drinks cool when you go to the park.
You can also wrap the lid of the water bottle with colored duct tape in order to make them “toddler-proof”.
Do you have any great summer ideas? If so, tell me about them in the comments below. If we post one on the blog, you can choose any one of my books to be sent to you!
by kathilipp | Jul 1, 2013 | Uncategorized |
See below how to win a copy of The Me Project!
We are in the midst of s series about achieving your goals (see the first post and my to-do list at Tip # 1: Make a Monday List.)
This week I want to talk about the next most important ingredient in getting things done after making a list: Accountability.
When we find someone to hold us accountability to our goals, suddenly tasks that looked like they would take hours are broken down into minutes. Goals that have been dragging on our to do list for years suddenly are dusted off and have energy around them.
If you struggle with accountability in your own life, here are a few ways to have light – and not so light accountability in your list:
Post it on Facebook This is your lowest form of accountability. Post it on Facebook and tell people what you are working on. Somebody may – or may not – follow up. But just knowing that some random friend may ask is enough to keep most of us on task. This is good for things like getting the laundry done and finishing up a school project.
Email Someone The next lowest form of accountability, email gives you a way to reach out to people and say, “I need you to check up on me!” This is good for projects that need to be completed today. Only email people who “get” this form of accountability. This usually isn’t to taxing to the person you are asking help from – and you may be able to return the favor on the spot.
Call Someone This is great for urgent accountability – You have to send an email to someone that you don’t want to “engage” with or you need to get a project started and you don’t know where to begin. A phone call with a trusted friend is a great way to be able to brainstorm and have accountability for those hairy projects – school costumes that you don’t want to leave until the last minute, asking for accountability for doing bills for an hour (and you’ll call at the end of the hour to let them know how it goes.)
Meet Up with Someone I’m sitting in the middle of a Panera sipping iced tea with my friend Cheri. We both have big projects that we need to get started, and we knew that we if we could just get together and hash it out, we would be able to hammer it out. What we budgeted for two days of work we got done in two hours because we worked on it together.
Join a Group This is high level accountability. Think about running groups and Weight Watchers.
Home Goals
Make meal plans for the month of July (including trying two new healthy menu options)
Cook ahead two weeks of meals
Relationship Goals
Plan family party for Disney World (we are getting together to discuss our plans for our trip in November)
Plan an anniversary date with Roger
Me Goals
Walk 1 Mile, 3xs
Reread A Confident Heart (this time with a highlighter and my journal)
Business Goals
Outline future book: The Good Girl’s Guide to Breaking Bad Rules
Write three chapters for current book
God Goals
Next Names of God study
Read Chapter 1 of A Celebration of Discipline
And just for my own accountability, here is how I did on my goals last time:
Home Goals
Done Make meal plans for the month of June (including trying two new healthy menu options)
Done Research backyard shade solutions
Relationship Goals
Done Plan June Birthday parties/Father’s Day
Done Plan a date with Roger for Washington
Me Goals
Done Walk 1 Mile, 3xs (Did this every week except one…)
Done Read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Business Goals
Done Finish my speaker page
Done Read Podcast Launch – A Step by Step Podcasting Guide Including 15 Video Tutorials
God Goals
Done Names of God study
Done Extended Quite Time on Wednesday
Q4U: Post one thing that you want accountability for. Just one item on your list. Put it in the comments below and one of you will win a copy of The Me Project
by kathilipp | Jun 28, 2013 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids |
A Guest Post from Kimberly Gonsalves
OK, I’ll say it: yes, it’s great to have kids out of school. And it can be hard!
Many of our support systems take hiatus during summer.
Routines change.
There’s often less external structure.
We have to create more of it ourselves.
At the same time, part of the appeal of summer is that we want to slow down, be less scheduled, relax!
I try to strike a balance between chaos and life in a barracks. Often, things that test my sanity are just a click away.
It’s day three of summer. My son, 14, is reclining on the couch, sporting his “go to” summer look: bath towel and laptop. I remember the pre-teen years, when he had an aversion to bathing. Glad we’re past that stage. I take a deep breath. He’s watching a video lesson on Kahn academy, and cursing the Muslim mathematician who invented algebra. And simultaneously playing video games, instant messaging, and listening to music.
You’re thinking, “Wow. That kid can truly multi-task!” Not so much, actually.
I am losing my religion. He is supposed to be doing math. Only math.
I ask him to turn the computer off since he’s not really studying. He ignores me.
I ask again. No response.
My reptile brain decides that prying it from his hands would be a good move…
Later, after we both calm down, I tell him I’m holding the computer until we can come up with a plan that works for both of us.
I need to make adjustments as my kids grow. Rarely is that a linear process. Technology is just one example of a slippery area. There are lots of learning tools available online, but it’s like running the digital gauntlet for a kid to stay on task. People think that because I teach Positive Discipline parenting classes, I must have this stuff nailed. I’m working through the same challenges as everyone else!
I make plenty of mistakes. Positive Discipline principles and tools act as a compass for getting back on track and focusing on solutions to daily challenges. If you’d like to
· Learn to avoid power struggles
· Make progress on reducing or eliminating some of those annoying, repetitive misbehaviors your kids are engaged in
· Improve your consistency
REGISTER for a FREE tele-class:
“Summer Parenting Solutions”
Wednesday, July 3
10:00am – 11:00am PST
We did come up with a plan together, and agreed to try it out for a week and see how it goes. I was able to recover, reconnect, and hold the limit respectfully. On the second try.
What parenting challenges test your sanity?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kimberly Gonsalves is a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer, Professional Coach, and mom to two kids, a ‘tween and a teen. She helps parents who are tired of yelling, nagging, and threats learn practical, positive discipline tools that invite more cooperation, teach life skills for the long run, and create happier families. Kimberly@parenting4thelongrun.com, http://www.parenting4thelongrun.com
by kathilipp | Jun 17, 2013 | Uncategorized |
I looked at my to do list and there was nothing on it but guilt, unrealistic expectations, and oh, did I mention guilt?
Why do I keep adding things to my list that have now business being there?
God has not given you more than you can handle, but there are so many times when things are on our list that have no earthly reason being there.
Why do we do it to ourselves? Here are a few things that creep into my list:
Ego Why do you think people start to ask of favor of you by buttering you up? “You are the only one who will get it right.” “We need someone with your leadership skills.” We love being the go to person for those to-do tasks. It gives us a tiny thrill to know that the teacher appreciation party won’t be the same without our homemade snicker doodles, that the meeting won’t be the same without our input, that your friend’s daughter only feels comfortable with you as a babysitter – no one else.
There is a special feeling that comes from feeling like you are the only one.
But when I do things to feel needed and special, I’m putting my value in other people’s hands, and not in God’s word, where it belongs.
Refusing to Ask for Help There are a few of us who feel that asking for help is a sign of failure – if I can’t do it myself, I have no value.
When I start to feel this way, I think of all the ways that my husband and I help each other. I’m more of a starter – I have the energy and excitement to carry new ideas and get other people on board. Roger is the one who can make a plan, stick to it, and actually get the project completed. We need to ake for help – there is almost no task that we are designed to do alone. God has formed us to need partners – whether it’s you husband, your co-worker, or your best friend.
Hesitancy to Say No When we say yes to someone’s request, we are often saying no to something that we should have on our list. If your list is filled with other people’s yeses, your life is probably filled with enough “no”s to make you miserable. People pleasing please people – just not you.
Fear Control issues are based in fear. When you can’t let go of the details, when you can’t trust others with what God has called them to, you are letting fear control your list – and your life
The things that are supposed to be on the list? Those are not too much for me – and for God. God – help me to keep only those things on my list that are on your list for me.
Tell me in the comments below what is on your list that isn’t supposed to be. One of the commenters will receive In the comments below, tell me one area where you feel God is calling you to step out of your comfort zone – or has in the past. I would love to give one reader a copy of my new book Praying God’s Word for Your Life
by kathilipp | Jun 14, 2013 | Relationships |
Thanks to author Rob Tiegen for his insightful and encouraging ways to love on the dads in our lives. Be sure to check out our giveaway at the bottom for your chance to win.
As of this Father’s Day, I’ve been a father for 19 years. I have a son and three daughters (and a cute foster son), and being a dad is the most exciting, overwhelming, and challenging adventure I could ever experience. I’ve also become convinced that my relationship (and every dad’s relationship) with my kids is critical to their life and well-being. No matter how foolish and inconsequential society and the media can portray fathers to be, God knew what he was doing when he put a man and woman together to raise a family.
This is also the first Father’s Day I’m celebrating since my own dad passed away last fall. I’m feeling the loss and reflecting even more than ever on how important a father is in who a child will become. My dad taught me generosity. Loyalty. A strong work ethic. Devotion to God’s Word. That wedding vows are for life. That you can’t ever say “I love you” too many times. That families should celebrate life together. My dad loved me, my brothers, and my mom with all of his heart. What a contrast to the households without a father, where we see 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teens, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high school dropouts, 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers and 85 percent of all youth sitting in prison. (Fatherless Generation by John Sowers, Zondervan, 2010, page 36). So do you think our kids need dads? I would say yes!
But just because I’m aware of how much my kids need me, that doesn’t mean I always know what I’m doing. I can feel like I’m stumbling in the dark as I try to cultivate a healthy relationship with each of them. Not only are they each unique and complex individuals, as soon as I think I’m getting them figured out they grow a year older and their needs change yet again. I find that the encouragement I receive from my wife, Joanna, helps keep me going when I lose heart in my fathering. Wives have a tremendous impact on their husbands’ motivation to invest time and energy in their kids. As we head into Father’s Day and celebrate the dads in our lives, here are a few ways you can be a support every day of the year.
First and foremost, let them know what great dads they are! It may seem obvious, but it’s so easy in the busy day-to-day to forget to say the words that build up your husband. I do this all the time with Joanna. We fall into our routine, and I act like the clean clothes, meals on the table, and kids who arrive on time at school and piano lessons just happen by some kind of magic or by pushing a button. But NO, my wife does all these things quietly, with little complaining and few rewards or accolades. She needs to hear how much I appreciate all she does, and dads need to hear how valuable they are too. When my wife reminds the kids that their new shoes were purchased with my hard-earned paycheck, or gives me a hug and hot cup of coffee after I’ve shoveled the snow off the driveway, or thanks me for tackling an attitude issue with our teenager, it inspires me to step up even more to serve and care for our family. So tell your husband what he’s doing right—be specific and make sure you build him up in earshot of your kids, too!
A second way you can be an encouragement is to carve out time for the kids and dad to spend time together. Let’s face it, life gets really busy. And when our schedules get full, we often lose time for the most important things–the people and relationships God has given us. Men can tend to be more focused on tasks and activities than connecting with others. It can take intentional effort to connect in meaningful ways with our kids. Since it’s often the mom who manages the calendar, help him by blocking out some time each week where he can spend quality time with the kids. When you make decisions about what after-school activities or church commitments you’ll sign up for, keep your family relationships in mind so they’re not placed at the bottom of the list. Give your husband freedom to take your daughter out for pancakes on Saturday morning. Or a couple hours one evening every week to play at the park and get an ice cream cone with your son. Set aside a consistent family night where you play games, go swimming or bowling, or stay up late and watch movies in your pajamas. I appreciate that Joanna supports my commitment to time with our kids. We are seeing it pay off in lots of great memories and connections with each other.
The third way you can encourage the dads in your life is to pray for them. If you have concerns about your relationship with your own father or the way your husband is interacting with your kids, take it to the perfect Father who is Lord of the universe. Invite God’s power into your home. Seek him for wisdom and insight, especially in how to talk to your dad or husband about what you’re feeling. Ask him to soften their hearts to receive what you have to say. Ask him to strengthen them when they’re discouraged or insecure as fathers. (Kathi has wonderful insights about prayer in her book Praying God’s Word for Your Husband
) Prayer works! And God can enable your husband to do more than you could ever imagine.
Maybe some of you are reading this and are frustrated because your husband is totally disengaged at home. You would love to tell him he’s doing a good job and help him make time to spend with the kids, but he doesn’t show any interest in connecting with your family. Some dads are physically present but absent in every other way. Maybe he’s running to the job, to sports, or to projects in the garage. Maybe he’s tuning all of you out by focusing on the computer or entertainment. It’s possible your husband feels like a failure as a father so he’s running to things that make him feel competent. If he’s the go-to guy at work or at his golf league, but he’s feeling insecure or devalued at home, he’s going to go where he feels successful. You can help so much in how you set the tone at home. He’ll respond to appreciation, respect, and affection. You might not see much you admire right at this moment, but try to find any small thing you can validate in him today. And like I said before, pray hard!
Finally, I will tell you that I’m a very different parent than my wife. While we’re unified in our main goals for our kids, the way we go about parenting and interacting with them doesn’t look the same. Mom is focused on nutrition, bedtime, and if homework got done. Dad is thinking about road trips, roughhousing, and how much ice cream I can cram into the cone! I like to get rowdy (and recently broke a vase playing ball in the house) and she likes to do crafts and read books with the girls. Over the years, though, we’ve learned to celebrate each other’s way of parenting. We can see that between us the kids have a fuller range of experiences and outlooks that we’re bringing into their lives. Give your husband room to parent with his own personality and perspective. If he knows he can be himself he’ll want to be in the mix more than ever.
I’m so thankful for the privilege of being a dad. And for having a wife to share in the journey with me.
Blessings to you and your family this Father’s Day.
Rob Teigen
Friends – Rob wants to bless you and the men in your life. Just tell us one way you are going to encourage the dad in your kid’s life this weekend, and we will randomly pick five people to win his amazing book 88 Great Daddy-Daughter Dates: Fun, Easy & Creative Ways to Build Memories Together
(Or, if you need a quick Father’s Day gift, you can order the Kindle version here.)
by kathilipp | Jun 10, 2013 | God |
My husband, Roger, is one of those guys who would do anything you needed – just ask. He calls himself a handyman for the 21st century: Need a network for your home? Call Rog. Want Roger’s salsa recipe? No need – he’ll make his famous appetizer for you.
As great as my husband is, though, Roger is often reluctant to “put himself out there”. He is hesitant to get involved in situations that he doesn’t know anything about. He wants to help people, but he is much more comfortable when the help is asked for.
So when I asked him how his day had gone, I was shocked when he told that he stopped at a multi-car accident on the way home.
“Yeah, it was a three car accident. The front two cars had minor damage, but the third car was totaled. No one else was stopping, so I figured I better stop. I helped the third woman, got her calmed down, and then called 911. I stayed with all three women until the ambulance, police, and fire department arrived.”
I’m not telling this story to brag on my man, (although I’m really proud of him…) I’m telling this story for a couple of reasons.
How to Help When You Don’t Feel Like Enough
- We don’t avoid helping people because we’re bad people – we avoid because it presses up against our comfort zone.
- Sometimes when we step out of our comfort zone, we are not going to get the reaction we would hope for. This just happened to me yesterday – I went up to a woman at the airport to let her know her sweater was one inside out (she was right outside of security so it would be easy to get it turned inside out.) After I told her she literally looked down her nose at me and said, “OK” in a huffy voice as if to say “How dare you bother me with such a trivial matter.” At first I felt bad and rejected, but Roger reminded me, “You would want someone to tell you. You did the right thing.”
- When we do the right thing, God will give you the words to say. You don’t have to be fully prepared before you help. You just have to show up – God will equip you for what to do and say next.
In the comments below, tell me one area where you feel God is calling you to step out of your comfort zone – or has in the past. I would love to give one reader a copy of my new book Praying God’s Word for Your Life
by kathilipp | Jun 3, 2013 | God |
I’m waiting for things to change.
I pray and I work, but whether it’s circumstances or sin, I get in a place where I’m stuck. Where I feel that things are the way they are, and they are never going to change.
Maybe for you it’s your marriage.
Or your weight.
Or that child that is living any way except the way that you raised them.
Maybe it’s money, or not being where you want to be in your career.
Or maybe it’s the feeling that things are happening for everyone else, but not for you.
It’s amazing that things can be clicking along in some areas of my life, (my marriage, my career,) but just thinking about other areas (physically, relationally,) can make me feel like my whole life is just a huge, overwhelming mess. And that’s when I want to give up.
I pray and I wait, and then I grow weary of praying, because my prayers feel like they are going unanswered. And then I feel as if God has grown tired of me and all of my wants and needs. It makes me feel like I’m that kid in second grade whose gone to the teacher just one too many times and has been asked to take her seat and quit bothering everyone.
I usually feel that way when I’m not spending time in the truth. When I’m relying on my own faulty thinking instead of relying on God’s own thoughts about what I should believe. And this is what he says to me:
“We are not hopeless. We are the children of an all-powerful savior who wants us to cast all our cares on him.” 1 Peter 5:7 ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ He love us and cares for you.
Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
In celebration of my new book: Praying God’s Word for Your Life
I will be giving out a copy a week. Just comment below and tell me one area where you are being faithful to wait on God. A winner will be chosen Monday, June 10th.
I am happy for you. I truly am.
