One of the most common comments I get about my life with clutter is, “Oh, you wrote a book about clutter? Is your house perfect now?”
Or people will say, “I could never have you over to my house. You’re the clutter free person. I’d be too embarrassed!”
These two statements highlight two different misconceptions:
1. Because I’ve found something that works for me, I will never struggle again.
2. I can’t remember what it’s like to be in the hardest part of the struggle.
So let me share the reality of my clutter free life:
I still struggle.
My natural tendency is towards clutter. To put things down, leave them for later.
My garage can still be an embarrassment.
My relationship with stuff has changed dramatically. I still keep stuff I shouldn’t, but it’s not households of stuff. I still have too many clothes, but it’s not closets full of them. I’m so much better, because I’ve learned some of the reasons for my struggle along the way, and I realize that even when I’m at the hardest part of my struggle, God is not a disappointed and disapproving relative waiting to love me when I (literally) clean up my act. In my struggle, God pulls me tighter, loves me hard, and doesn’t let me go.
So much of this paradigm reminds me of my struggle with depression about a dozen years ago. I felt that if I just tried harder, worked more, and wasn’t so lazy, God would be pleased with me and would make my depression go away.
I know. I know.
What crazy, faulty, thinking.
But that’s the kind of thinking that so many of us do when we are dealing with a struggle.
If only I tried harder…
I should be able to get myself out of this mess.
If God was pleased with me, He would get me out of this mess.
Recently, I had a conversation with Melissa Maimone author of The Radiant Midnight: Depression, Grace, and the Gifts of a Dark Place. (Holy cow, what a title!) What I love most about this book is that Melissa believes not only will God lead you out of darkness, He will be fully and beautifully present within it. Instead of trying to give anyone three simple steps to deal with a hard situation, she takes the radical notion that God sits with us in our pain and suffering. Instead of always looking to get out of the circumstance, she urges us to recognize that God is guiding us on a journey of surrender, suffering, rest, and restoration in the midst of what we are going through.
There is value in knowing that we don’t just have to try harder to get out of the circumstances we are in. There is value in recognizing that there is good in the hard places, whether it’s outside of ourselves (clutter) or inside ourselves. God is there, and He is good, even when our challenges are hard.
Giveaway!
The generous people over at Harvest House want to give our readers Melissa’s book, The Radiant Midnight: Depression, Grace, and the Gifts of a Dark Place! 5 people will win a copy and 1 grand prize winner will receive:
- A copy of the book, The Radiant Midnight
- A Wood Grain Folding Book Lamp, Night Light
- Weighted Silk Sleep Mask Eye Pillow Filled with Organic Lavender and Flax Seeds
Enter to win by commenting below- have you ever had a situation where you believed you had to just try harder to get out of the hard place and then you would find God rather than knowing He was right there in it with you?
The first 60 years of my life! Was there a podcast with this? I couldn’t find the link.
What a great blog and podcast. Depression is real. I am in the ‘I suffer from depression’ phase and I know it. So excited to read this book.
Hi Kristin- Welcome to the club no one wants to join! I’m with you! I promise you, there is more to this place than only pain. You are held near by the One who knows you best. I pray the book is another way for you to feel connected, seen, and known. With care, Melissa Maimone
I think this book would be helpful.
There have been so many times that I have prayed for situations or experiences to pass over me. Instead God took me into them and in those dark times I found amazing Grace. I found a loving God who upholds me and provides.
I’d like to win this giveaway for my sister, who is searching in the darkness and hasnt found her way.
Hi Nina, I’m sorry to hear your sister is hurting. It sounds like you know this journey well. She’s blessed to have you. I wish there was an easier way for us to learn God’s goodness and faithfulness, but I’ve found it is most acutely experienced when we are in hard places! Wouldn’t it be nice if we learned it best on a beach sipping an iced tea? 🙂 Thanks for sharing with us. With care, Melissa Maimone
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
Trying to find my next job was a task I worked so hard at that I made mistake after mistake and just couldn’t understand why God had abandoned me. He was beside me all the time when I stopped and listened to my wife who pointed out He was here all along.
As I walked our property, looking at the trees just to find the right one..and I did…as I sat leaning against it watching a perfect sunset
I knew this would be where I took my life…my last view would be a sunset…or so I thought..I struggled every day..little to no self-esteem or confidence, living a life putting others needs before mine, caring for others before myself, and living in a marriage with mental and emotional abuse, I was ready to die. My thought was I would not be missed And everyone would be better off with me.
Then somewhere In me I decided I deserved better and I had to live. I still struggle daily, sometimes minute to minute but I try to lean on God, wrap myself In his loving word.
I am not where I need to be but I am not where I was.
Hi Sheila, I’m so sorry to hear you were hurting so bad you wanted to end your life. I’m so grateful you’re still here with us! The Lord is indeed here for you. And as much as you are wrapping yourself in His Word, He is wrapping His sturdy, strong, safe and loving arms around you even more. He’s got you. He won’t let you go. Ever. With grace, Melissa Maimone
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
REally needed this today. Poor health keeps me from chores and then I feel guilty. The reminder God still loves me even though my situation may not change was a blessing.
Sorry for the double entry. The first one said my comment failed so I did it again.
I’m so glad it blessed you Judith! The conversation blessed me too because even though I wrote an entire book about God’s grace, I still need regular reminding too! Hugs, Melissa Maimone
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
Thank you for this podcast. I struggle with trusting God in the midst of poor health and not being able to get things done around the house. I’ve been having a lot of negative feelings about myself so needed to hear God loves me even though I may not get better and I need to trust him so I don’t block his presence.
I feel like there is an evasive “missing piece” and if I can just figure out what it is then everything will get easier.
Hi Kristine- Yes, I’ve felt that too. But I don’t think it is meant to be this side of Heaven. One of my favorite quotes is from Frederick Buechner. He wrote, “The grace of God means something like: “Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are, because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It’s for you I created the universe. I love you.”
-Melissa Maimone
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
When looking for a job I felt like I just had to try harder and then I would find God. He was definitely there all along!
Just what I need right now!
All 3 of my siblings and myself struggle with clutter and now I’m starting to see the pattern with our children. We have to stop the cycle…
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
I find it difficult to get over people leaving my church—I live in a small town and it’s very ‘public’. My family helped start the church, so I take it personally.
Congratulations! You have won! Please check your email for more information. -The Kathi Lipp Giveaway Team
This was very timely for me to hear right now.
It is much easier to trust God but sometimes that trying harder mentality wants to squeeze the trust and faith out of the picture.
Thank you for the reminder that “God’s got this”.
Thank You!
We have struggled financially a lot lately, and I thought that if I worked more it would help. Instead I should’ve just trusted God to take care of us, because we have never gone hungry.
In my life I have been in several “hard places” but none as hard as the one I’m going through with our daughter right now. I kept thinking I was being punished for something and I just kept working hard to gain God’s approval. And then I did Priscilla Shirer’s Bible study, “Discerning the Voice of God” and I grew so much in my faith and God revealed to me that I am not being punished. This is just something that is happening and He will make good from it all. All I know is that I have grown so much through this journey and my faith and trust in God is the strongest it has ever been. And that trust and faith has spilled over into other areas of my life and I have quashed fear in so many things. God is good and nothing is impossible with Him!
This is hard. Wish that at my age I would be comfortable in my own skin. Not the case sadly, which I could rewind time and do things differently so to ask capacitate my own children.
I have struggled with clutter and messiness my entire life. I have a vivid memory of watching my mother straighten up my room, placing my dolls in an orderly way. I was in awe and mystified how she got my messy room to look so good. My messes follow me everywhere (home, classroom). I generally feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to stop the piles. I am a hard worker, but when it comes to my clutter, I feel it reflects laziness.
“There are deep gifts in the hard places…”
such a needed message. Thank you!
I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. The Radiant Midnight looks like a book for me.
Thanks for the fantastic giveaway.
Our family has been through so many different battles and I have battled things since my mom past away 10 years ago. We are going through a lot with our children right now and have looked to god for guidance. When my mom passed away I was very upset with god for taking her . Now I do pray and take time to ask god to help us with what we are going through. Would love to win this book. I will even have my children read it and it might help them to!
Long time listener, first time caller.
Oh boy, did this podcast resonate with me. I’m such a pleaser that I feel like I need to do everything right & be all the things in order to be deserving of love & care. When Melissa said that the Lord “sat with her” in the things she was going through, that really spoke to me. I had a very stressful yet rewarding career before I became a stay at home mother, & I am learning to sit in this season, instead of wishing it away. I have also dealt with increased anxiety & mood swings since becoming a mom (don’t we all?!). Also, the reminder that we all have stuff & comparing our insides to people’s outsides was a great reminder.
Yet again I’ve deeply enjoyed this quick podcast! Thanks Kathi for all of your hard work & support.
Hi Ally! I’m so glad you enjoyed the podcast. I’m glad you are discovering the grace of God not just in the great places of your story, but in the places where you struggle most. It’s not grace unless we desperately need it, is it? I pray the Lord blesses you richly as you continue on this journey of faith and freedom. With joy, Melissa Maimone
I certainly feel that I need to do more often. But can’t get the motivation to actually do it. “Maybe God is not pleased with me” has crossed my mind many times. This book sounds like a good place to begin to understand better what you have stated above…
As I have grown older and now a mom to four children, the struggle to find Him in the everyday was hard. It took years for me and in growing in my faith and time in His word, I soon began to realize that God was with me every step of my day. I would thoroughly enjoy this book to spur me on because everyday presents with not only new challenges but new opportunities to grow closer to Him and to be the woman He wants me to be.
Hi Kendra, I love your testimony. Thanks for sharing! I pray this book is a way for you to deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ in practical, personal ways! With joy, Melissa Maimone
I spent many years trying harder with my focus on family members. I lost sight of myself and what I wanted or needed. It has taken me a long time to become “willing to be willing” to have God guide me. It is still hard to allow God to be the focus and allow Him to lead me. Now when God leads His plan is much better than mine.
This book sounds like a gift that keeps on giving…it’s often hard to remember that we don’t have to do it all, that God is with us every step of the way – sometimes we forget to embrace this. I’d love to read this book and I currently have a client that is experiencing a very difficult time in her life, so I’d love to share this book with her after I read it – she is truly having a hard time understanding God’s hand in her situation.
I am a hard working woman. I am currently working through a depression from carrying to much. This is uncharted territory for me.
This is definitely a struggle for me. I struggle with depression and this book sounds like a wonderful read!
I have been known to try harder when I have stress and anxiety…. the “push through” attitude.
Trying harder is how I felt with a family relationship and of course nothing is working….
I am so overwhelmed by the stuff in my garage, particularly. There are also some closets that need a massive overhaul. I disparage myself repeatedly for not making progress… letting hours, then days, then months and years go by without hardly making a dent in it. I can’t seem to break it down into bitesized pieces. I pray for help. I pray for strength. I don’t know how it will ever get done! And then I get more discouraged. Whew! I often wonder where God is. I like the idea that he is there all along. I still wish I had a physical person to help me get through this. Alas, it is just me. I take it on blind faith that God is with me throughout, because I feel very alone.
Trying harder is the story of my life. I can’t say I ever thought about how it related to my relationship with God. I know why we have struggles, disappointments, and hard times…but it’s certainly not fun!
Always looking behind or ahead, instead of abiding in Him in the moment. When we let it be, we are free and …peace abounds. May I do better at abiding and leave behind the sighing.
I’m going to try different this time, b it harder.
Thanks for sharing!
Lately, I have been fighting the depression over heavy trials my oldest daughter is going through. I’ve fought before but this time, I have taken so much strength from just saying repeatedly, “I trust you, Lord!” And telling myself all the verses I can think of in those moments. My favorite being when King Jehoshaphat was afraid after hearing they would soon be under attack but took his concerns straight to the LORD! 2 Chronicles 20:12b says, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.” This is my favorite because I never know what to do…but He fights the battle for me if my eyes are on Him.
I am so prone to the try harder mentality. It’s one of my greatest struggles to just rely on God wherever I am in life.
Thank you for this message. It came at side a good time for me. I’m in a spot right now and I needed the reminder that God is right here with me. I would love to read her book.
Thank you for this timely message. I’m in a tough place like this right now. I needed this reminder that God is right here with me. I’d love to read her book
This devotion was such a encouragement today. I do struggle with clutter and get so depressed about it sometimes. Thank you for words that helped to lift me up.
As one who has suffered with a bi-polar condition for about 8 years now, I’m learning that our Father remains “all-sufficient” and ever-present even in the darkest of valleys…valleys that are filled with the shadows of death. BUT, always He walks with me, and this is comfort for me, and now something I can share with others as well. So whether I am feeling “up” and rejuvenated; or “down” and bogged in the depths of depression…ALWAYS — HE IS THERE.
Looking forward to getting the book. This is paraphrased, “Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world”
I have a 16 yr old who battles depression. He goes to therapy but struggles with self esteem and confidence.
While I have had many times in my adult life where I have struggled with depression, I suppose I was a good enough actress to put a happy face on it, all while I was begging God to show up.
Then in January of 2010, while dealing with a critically ill father-in-law and my mother, I was diagnosed with cancer. I would love to say that my husband, family, and friends stepped up to the plate and God used them to minister to me and pull me out of the depression hole, but that was not the case. For two months prior to my surgery, I hid my cancer from most people, put a brave face on it for those who knew, all the while internally running through the five stages of grief daily, begging God to show up, and picturing my life without me in it.
I was so consumed with my failure to declutter my life, our stuff, and what would my family think of me when getting rid of it all after I had died, that I could not see God in any of this. The day before my surgery, I was in my pit of an office/craft room, throwing away things I wish now I had kept (ten years worth of prayer journals so my family wouldn’t see the hurt I felt toward them at times), and keeping things I wish I had thrown away (tons of wrapping/gift bags???).
Two months after my surgery, my husband decided to sell our house of 21 years, and we had one month to move, put our all our stuff in storage for a year, and move into my mother’s house because she was now in a nursing home. Depression? I won’t say that I was suicidal, but telling God it would’ve been better if He had taken me with cancer? Yep, I thought that many times.
God did show up. He was there all along. And when everything you thought was important gets stripped away, and you’re not surrounded by the clutter, and you realize that your need to receive support and love from people instead of God has been misplaced all along, that’s when you can actually hear God speak to your wounded, broken heart. “You’re depressed because you’ve always tried to rely on yourself.” “You see yourself as a failure. I do not.” “If you weren’t with the people you are with, who you feel have let you down, you would’ve never drawn near to me and had to rely on me.”
And knowing these truths has made all the difference. Being critical of myself is still my fall-back position, but now, I don’t fall into the pits of depression and despair. I know that God is with me, I know that I’m here for His purposes, and I know without a doubt that He loves and wants the very best for me.
My husband and I seem to be going separate ways. He wants to sit at home and drink a 15 pack of beer each night and complain about almost everything. We have been married a little over 4 years and I have gained about 20 pounds. my clothes are getting tight and at this moment I had decided to lose some weight and get back on track. I feel as if he is trying to hold me back from my goal of bettering myself. I have decided I am not going to let him hold me back any longer from the goals I want to achieve. I am a strong person and I can do things on my own.
Recently my nephew was killed .My sister was a messy I was a messy .But I knew that I had try harder and be strong .Because she told I needed do everything .Deep down inside I thought this is not going go right .My mind was spinning but then I prayed .The next day I already finished picking out casket. The next day I finish the obituary.Then the preacher called and my nephew was not member but he said we can use the church he do the eulogy .God was right there along .Then day came everything was done .I said God you did it.
If only it would be this simple. I wish it was.
I plan to order this book. I keep struggling with depression and clutter. Your books have helped me in the past I just need to read them again! Thank you for this timely post
I”f I would only try harder, God would love me more…”. wow. Nail on the head for me. Faulty thinking, yes, but so easy to fall there
It’s not in our nature to not try harder. I think as humans we believe that we have to work harder, or longer at, or do more to get out of our hardship. I am so guilty of this thought process. Thank you for your post, and reminding us that God doesn’t want that for us.
Blessings to you Tosha! -Melissa Maimone
We were just talking in our Hone Group about the journey that is Jesus’ transforming us into His likeness. Thank you for sharing!!
Would like to receive this book.
I have several struggles in my life and I always feel that I need to try harder for God …..and for family members. Thank you for your post.