I turned the doorknob with the precision of a safe cracker and closed their bedroom door. There couldn’t be so much as a click-clack to wake any of my five napping kiddos. I was too tired. Tired of meeting needs and feeling needy. Tired of being a grump and dealing with grumpy kids. Tired of trying so hard to be a faithful example and failing so often. Tired of praying for things to get better while circumstances remained unchanged.
I tiptoed over squeaky floorboards toward my living room and accidentally kicked a mound of unmatched socks. Books I meant to read were piled on my side table. My Bible laid opened on the ottoman, with red pen scribbled across the 91st Psalm and a three-year-old’s signature scrawled over the footnotes.
Collapsing in my armchair, I began to cry. Not loudly, of course. I didn’t want to wake the nappers, which made the shoulder-shaking, headache-inducing cry that much more miserable. My overwhelming fatigue required release, but it had to be silent if I wanted to “have my cry” all alone. And I did.
I’d been reading to my kids from our Children’s Bible every night. The disconnect between the heroes of the faith we read about and the disaster of my own faith made me feel like a slimy hypocrite.
In my earliest memories of Sunday school, I sat on a thin carpet square in an echoing church classroom. The industrial carpet was brilliant turquoise and smelled of antique basement. Other children wriggled in close as my mom told the Bible story of a little boy who gave his five barley loaves and two fish to Jesus. With them, Jesus fed a meadow full of people. She distributed colorful postcards with a vivid image of the scene that transported me to that hillside, and I believed.
But over the years, my childlike my faith had become cluttered. I thought if I “did hard things” and if I “let go and let God” and if did things “right” then everything would turn out right. Inspiration plucked from coffee mugs and bumper stickers had stacked up in my soul alongside misunderstood scriptures like so many unmatched socks.
If I was obeying God in the regular work of mothering, then why did it feel so hard?
I had friends who were doing really hard things—homeschooling, parenting large families or medically fragile children, even building orphanages in Haiti!
I was barely making it to church. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the free childcare provided by the nursery may have been my main reason for attending church during that season. “Everyone else” was performing remarkable acts of faith and ministry, and I could barely fix supper.
I began to suspect that something was wrong with my faith. I was disappointed with myself, and I was certain God was disappointed in me too. The Bible heroes my kids and I read about were giant-slayers, ark-builders, and sea-crossers!
Followers of Jesus were supposed to be great examples like that.
Weren’t they?
Thumbing through our Jesus Storybook Bible, I read this shocking statement by Sally-Lloyd Jones, “the people God uses don’t have to know a lot of things or have a lot of things—they just have to need him a lot.”
Now there was a qualification I could meet. But for some reason I didn’t completely trust the “children’s Bible.” Thankfully, over the next few months I read through the gospels in my grownup Bible, and I discover the same clarifying truth.
Throughout the gospels Jesus regularly commented about people’s faith. But they weren’t the people you’d expect. They were some of the most unlikely “heroes” in the Bible. We don’t know their names. We only know them by their afflictions—the hemorrhaging woman, the Samaritan leper, the paralytic. What did Jesus notice about them when they crossed his path? Their disease? Their interruption?
Maybe.
But the thing he remarked about–even marveled at–was their faith. The fact was indisputable: they were people who knew they needed Jesus a lot. They brought him their desperate needs, and he commended their faith.
For many of us, somewhere between the carpet squares of Sunday school and the living room chair, our understanding of faith becomes cluttered. Growing up means doing things yourself, becoming independent, and achieving more. But faith in Jesus is not a matter of great, independent achievements.
The stories of those eight nameless and afflicted individuals taught me that saving faith is a matter of dependence on Jesus.
As Jesus spoke to a father with weak faith, as he lifted a woman from a pile of dirty laundry, even as he angered the religious leaders of his day by rescuing the helpless, Jesus showed himself to be the hero. And the response of the rescued person was to worship and thank him.
Jesus was not demanding that I “Go therefore and be a Bible hero.” And if I had read the stories of the ark-builders and giant-slayers more carefully, I would have seen their “achievements” were because of their dependence on God.
It was a clutter-clearing revelation for me. We are not responsible to make ourselves a “hero of the faith” or even a perfect example of great faith. Our job is to rely on Christ–to point to him as the hero. He gives rest and relief to weary Christians. Over time you might find that your children, neighbors, or coworkers are looking toward Jesus too because they saw how he rescued you. And by God’s grace you will have become the faithful example God meant for you to be all along.
Giveaway!
We are so excited to announce that Shauna has offered to give away a prize bundle of her book, Remarkable Faith: When Jesus Marveled at Faith in Unremarkable People. To enter, leave a comment below on how you have tried to be the hero of your faith or how you’ve learned to rely on God to be the hero. One grand prize winner will be chosen and two others will receive a copy of her book. Don’t want to wait? Get your book wherever books are sold. For Amazon lovers, purchase your copy here.
*US residents only.
*Affiliate links used
BIO:
Shauna Letellier is the author of Remarkable Faith: When Jesus Marveled at Faith in Unremarkable People. With degrees in Family and Biblical Studies, she teaches in her local church and writes regularly at shaunaletellier.com. Shauna and her husband Kurt are raising three sons on the banks of the Missouri River where they fish, swim and rush off to ballgames. Website: https://shaunaletellier.com/blog/
Thank you, Shauna, for sharing this. For me, it’s been a life-long struggle. It’s how I was brought up- to ‘do’ all the right things. I believe that led me to think my salvation was dependent on doing the right things. Even now that I know that’s not true, it’s a struggle. I’m more of a Martha than a Mary, who sat at Jesus’ feet to ‘be’ with Him. I’m learning and amazed to know that God loves us and desires us even when we sin. All He wants is us to be in relationship with Him, to need Him. And I do that more and more now. Sit and commune with Him. Tell Him my troubled heart, then read in His word. Such a beautiful way to live!
WOW I feel the same way..!! Thank you so much for this post!
Oh No it lost all my comment.. Prayers for Mildred, I was a single Mother and Very hard..The church was amazing..I Pray they help you! You are a Blessing to others!!
Shauna..Oh thanks! I cried with the words you wrote.as IF I was writing them.. I have a Kidney Disease and 4 children at home until a few years now 2..But the oldest didn’t get their room ready for my other 2..and I just can’t keep up.. I worked but had to quit my job I liked
.BUT GOD gave me the prayers of staying home ..I have driven across the neighborhood to simply cry.. I walk in the morning walking my Dog..& I see Beauty all around And thank & Praise GOD!! Thank you Father!! Just for us..also singing Christian songs and made up ones..Help me with my Child like Faith..Prayers to all here..I learned I pray God I Can’t but with you I can..and Without you Father I am nothing..pray for help..and ask Him to take away the Guilt I know satan Puts on me to believe.. Love and Hugs to all Praise You Jesus..Bringing me here!!
I guess I’ve done both kinds of things. Mostly I just try to do things I think God is leading me to do. I tend to be a worker bee but I do loves me a little spotlight time on occaision.
Needed inspiration and affirmation !
Yes ? So much freedom in this! Thank you for your words Shauna!
Oh such affirming words. I’m nodding along with these words because I have been right there — raising kiddoes and in other faith testing situations. Sure is painful to get to that place of desperate need, but it’s right where He wants us! Thank you, Shuana.
I have learned that I need to let go of my expectations of myself and others and let God
take care of things. He knows me so much better than myself!
I’ve learned that I need to let go of my expections and let God take over! He always
knows what I need!
I’m a work in progress learning to rely on God to be the hero!
Wow! This post really hit home with me. I constantly feel like I am failing as a Mom, and that I am not setting a great example in my faith. I have tried to work harder, but I still fall flat on my face. Parenting has shown me how much I need God, and how I can’t do it on my own. Thank you for your encouragement!
Oh my! This post really resonated with me. I struggle with so much guilt and shame. I need God to be my hero because I know I’m helpless without him.
Wow! Have I ever been in those shoes and find myself there again and again. Thinking it’s up to me to make things happen. God is showing me to trust him with my deepest longings. Definitely not easy. Good thing God is with us in this faith journey. So many times I go, “I believe, help my unbelief.”
Thank you for the opportunity to win.
Such a beautiful and timely post. Far too often I find myself thinking, “I can do this, I can do this.” When in reality, I can’t, but the Lord can if I will only ask. Thank you for your inspiring words and your generosity.
You’re so right, Katharine! So glad it was timely for you!
Wow, Shauna. This is so powerful. Thank you for the reminder that the measure of my faith is not my good works but the posture of my heart. This is so, so good and important and life-giving.
Also, if I win (I HOPE I do!) I will have this mailed to my USA address (aka: mom’s house!). 🙂
Thanks, Adriel! I HOPE you do too 😉
You’re so welcome, Kendra. Thanks for reading 🙂
I find find myself seeking His guidance constantly. Life is so overwhelming at times. Friends and family suffering, health issues, work challenges… I could certainly gain comfort with this book and it’s message. Promise to share with friends and church library!
God bless you for being obedient and writing this message and publishing your book!
Such a difficult season for you, Debbie. Thanks for sharing your heart. Hope you get your hands on a copy. 🙂
Sounds like a difficult season, Debbie. Seeking His guidance is the best place to start. If you get your hands on a copy, I hope you’re encouraged.
You have put words to what I’ve felt in my heart but couldn’t put it into words. I have felt I had lost the spiritual war of life. All I have is to hold on to Him. Yes I feel I’m stuck with loss of relationships so I numb out.
Thank you for your wisdom and the giveaway.
Keep holding on to Him, Shari. He’s holding on to you.
Thank you for these very authentic and encouraging words.
You are so welcome, Kimberly.
What a powerful reminder for me that doing everything is not always possible. I try to do more and fail. God doesn’t expect me to be a “super” woman, this is a great reminder today for me. Praying for the person that posted the link that brought me to read your posting. Thank you for your posting
So glad it was meaningful to you, Suellen. Glad you found your way to the post 🙂
Thanks for the much needed words.
You’re so welcome, Missy. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for the powerful words!
Shauna,
Thank you so much for you insights. As a single woman with no dependents and no full-time employment, things are hard. Our sermon series is on Hebrews right now at church, and it is challenging me that I too often lean on what I “should do,” rather than on my need for Christ above all. It’s especially hard when I do not see my daily needs being met in the long run.
However, what really struck me about your thoughts is that others will turn to God because of my dependence on Him. I have a friend for whom I pray regularly, and his person knows my struggles. I pray that my continued, unrelenting dependence on God is seen just as much as my struggles, and that this friend will turn to God in times of need as well, learning that Christ DOES IT ALL!
What a beautiful example you are to your friend, Mildred. Thank you for showing him that Christ is able!
So glad you posted this- even as grandmas we try to do it all.
Thank!!
So welcome, Miriam! Yep…even grandmas need Jesus a lot 😉
Oh my goodness, how I can relate. I was just thinking the other day about how I seemed to be trying to handle everything, praying and encouraging etc. and nothing seems to be changing…maybe God is telling me to really let go, just believe, worship and have faith.
I still struggle with that too, Angel. He will show you the way.
This is so powerful, Shauna! Thank you. <3