I was excited to go to game night, but also approaching it with a certain amount of dread.
Patty would be there, and that was always a whole “thing.”
Patty was smart, funny and married to one of the pastors at our church. She was a “fun-instigator.” Everyone wanted to hang out with Patty and her gang of friends.
And one day, I got the invite.
There was a game night at her house. (I know, I sound like a seventh-grade girl who got invited to the cool kid’s sleepover. And if I’m being perfectly honest, that’s exactly how I felt.)
What I didn’t understand was that there was a high cost to being a “part of the gang.”
At first, I was so happy to have friends at my church that I went along with anything they would do or say. If they were making fun of another woman at church, I would giggle along. Why not? What harm was there in just laughing?
But then, as I got more involved in the church, I was expected to bring my own morsels of gossip to the communal table. Sadly, I was so in desperate need of friends that I went against my own (and God’s) code of behavior.
When I became reluctant to share, things escalated. Patty started digging online to find out more information about me, including a bad financial transaction that has stayed on my credit report for decades. (Yes – it was that bad.)
She dropped this information in front of the whole group of women. I was there, bearing witness to what she’d done to others in secret. The public shaming of who I was and what I had done.
Patty wanted all the control of my life – not just who I hung out with, but how I felt about myself. And, I discovered, would use any means to make sure she had it.
When she would say something that was hurtful, and I let her know I was hurt, she would immediately hit back with the classic deflection. “Oh my gosh! I was just kidding! Stop being so sensitive!”
It was her way of trying to control me. And I let it go on far too long.
When it comes to putting healthy boundaries into a relationship, if you’ve had “squishy” boundaries in the past, it can feel like you are changing the rule mid-friendship. And sometimes, that’s exactly what needs to happen.
Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
For the longest time, I felt like that verse meant, “Suck it up Kathi. You just have to take what they are giving so you can avoid conflict with them.”
But here is what I’ve finally recognized: living at peace with others means that I am also at peace. If we are both at peace, that means that there are not patterns of fear, guilt or shame prevalent in the relationship. Yes, friends mess up and say stupid things. But if you have to constantly be on guard, that is not a relationship of peace.
So how do you know when it’s time to let go of a relationship? Ask yourself these five questions:
- Is it always one-sided? Do you feel “filled up” when you spend time with your friend? On more occasions than not, do you crave time with this friend because they are good for your soul? All of our friends will have points in their lives where they will need more from us than they are able to give. (Death, divorce, depression all come to mind.) But if you giving and them taking is the definition of the relationship, it’s not a friendship, it’s an agreement to build them up and that is unhealthy for both of you.
- Is fear a motivator? If you are staying in the relationship because you fear what will happen if you are no longer friends (they will turn others against you, they will be cruel to you, etc.), that is not a good reason to stay. It actually damages you and the other person.
- Are the signs all there, but you’re just ignoring them? You know this person is not good for you, but it’s hard to put your finger on. In her book, “The Seven Deadly Friendships,” Mary DeMuth defines seven toxic friendships and what to look for. It was an incredibly eye-opening read for me and helped me do a “forensic study” on some of my past relationships. I was able to determine the types of toxic these people were and feel a sense of confirmation about leaving these particular relationships. (Patty, above, was a “Predator Paige.”)
- In order to be friends with them, do you have to ignore other healthy relationships? There are some friends who want your everything: time, energy, attention, even money. Healthy friends respect your boundaries and want other healthy relationships for you.
- Do you find yourself compromising your own values to fit in with theirs? This? Is a deal breaker.
If you are having doubts about a relationship, it is worth it to not just ask yourself these questions, but to also spend some time doing the research to understand what kind of friend they are.
And then I am going to ask you to do something radical. Don’t pray about whether you should go – pray about whether you should stay. If it’s a toxic friendship, you are not doing anyone (yourself, or her) any favors by staying.
One of the things that has proven true in both my house and my friendships: when I create boundaries and get rid of the things that I was never called to in the first place, it makes more room for the life and relationships God intended for me all along.
I would love to say that I was able to sit down with Patty and have a reasoned, holy discussion about leaving the friendship – but that’s not how my life works. Instead, as I started to say no to her and put some boundaries in the relationship in small, but significant ways. We grew apart and eventually, out of each other’s lives.
I have finally discovered that with some relationships, being at peace means not having them in your life.
In the comments, tell me about a relationship you have that is life giving. You could win a copy of Mary’s book and a $50 Starbucks gift card.
And if you are struggling with a friendship, check out Mary’s book The Seven Deadly Friendships. It was incredibly helpful in pointing out the issues with one of my current relationships – and what I should do about it.
I have about 5 close friends but none of them are close to God. Two are friends from high school. I feel a lot of the friendships are just a stumbling block in my life because of gossip, negativity and standards being compromised just to fit in. My husband and I so long for good relationships in our lives. To have a Christian couple to be able to hang out with and pray with who also has kids around our kids’ ages so they can relate. (teens)
Ok Kathi.
What if you live in a small town, and the friend you are being guilted and dumped on by is actually your own family ie. your parents and sister. Surely when it comes to family it’s not as easy as just removing them from your life. How do you navigate this without causing more drama in an already dramatic guilt filled everything? I have little kids. My sister has little kids. With my parents, mine are often collateral damage and with everyone I am the doormat.
I completely understand this about family. My own sister was the CHOSEN ONE and even her kids have continued that trend. I was always fighting to PROVE myself. I eventually got a job, married and moved to another state. It was the best thing that could have happened. I was able to put real boundaries in place and see my family on my terms. I invite people I love to my home for the holidays and now that my kids are grown, we enjoy time together and invite friends.
I thank God for my friend Yolo. I can share with her my deepest struggles and I know that she won’t go off to other people and share what I am going through. I appreciate it that she always checks in with me to see how I am doing. I also like that she offers me straight forward advise that is not sugar coated because sometimes I just need to hear that.
Although I have great friendships I could highlight (praise God for his mercy in this!) I have a question: What if your “friend” is your sister? What if she is exhibiting unhealthy behaviors and can’t hear what you say to her? How do you get out of the friendship (I have already left it, for now) without causing damage to family relationships, and how do you not just be surface-fake-nice when you see each other? (Or do you, to help your family not feel the tension?) Thanks!
One of my best friends Jen is amazing! We live far away from family and their family is like another aunt and uncle to my kids. We watch each other’s kids in a pinch, grab groceries for each other sometimes when needed, are shoulders to cry on, and spur one another on to be more like Jesus!
My best friend sheri brings me happiness. I have moved about 2 hours away and the times that we are together are few and farther in between but she still brings me happiness.
My husband and I are on staff at our church and I’ve learned that ministry can be one of the lonliest jobs. People view you differently. All my family lives far away and I was desiring a friend so much! The Lord blessed me with a friend the same age as I am and with a ton of the same interests! I leave feeling encouraged when I am with her! He is so good to give us the desires of our hearts!
I have a prayer team of friends that pray and hold me accountable
When we can pick up a conversation after weeks of busyness and crazed life and waved “hi’s” as though there were no break in the dialogue, that’s my kind of friend. My friend and I are both in the raising our teenagers craziness, but when we need “woman speak” it’s there! Fresh and honest and sympathetic. God’s gift!!
I have a dear friend that I met in 2004 through church and mutual friends. Whenever we talk or hang out together each of our cups are filled. We are also accountability partners and pray for each other often. We’ve been hurt by others, but have found that being respectful, honest and God-centered has cultivated a most beautiful friendship.
My best friendships are with people who live hundreds of miles away but whom I met through church as a young adult. Those friendships have weathered time, maturing, and miles.
The best friendships I’ve had were those in which I didn’t have to stress over conversations we shared. Did I say the wrong thing? Why did she word that this way? Should I have told her that much? I hope she doesn’t tell everyone about my struggles. Etc. The best friendships have been those in which sharing my thoughts and struggles were met with “Let’s pray about that right now!” And follow up in the days or weeks to come, inquiring how things were going in that area of concern. Those friendships were a balance of give and take, even though neither of us paid any attention to the dollar amount spent, the hours “owed”, or which way the scale tipped at any given moment, because we both knew on a minute’s notice, the scale would even out or tip in the other direction for a short season. The best friendships I’ve had were those in which I didn’t need to bring my mask with me. And neither did she. Our children could bite each other as toddlers, and nobody’s panties tangled up over it. My house could be clean or a mess, and it didn’t matter to her. Having 6 babies in 6 years was celebrated as God’s favor on my life, and I wasn’t criticized and ridiculed behind my back for “having too many babies too close together”. Miscarriages and secondary infertility were mourned together. The best friendships are with those who know that God is not done molding and shaping each of us, so there is no expectation of perfection, so grace and mercy trump any notion of expectation of perfection. The best friendships make me want to know God more intimately, and point me in that direction often.
Thank you for sharing your experience with a negative friendship. I, too, have wanted strong friendships, but am finding that two of my friends cause more stress than joy and are not God-honoring in the way they talk about others or interact with others. I am going to use your prayer to discern whether God wants me to stay. I appreciate the encouragement to set boundaries and be okay with letting a friendship go.
This quote hit me between the eyes:
“But here is what I’ve finally recognized: living at peace with others means that I am also at peace.”
I needed to hear that–wish I’d heard it about 30 years ago! But better late than never :). Thank you!
I have a life giving friend that even though we don’t often get together due to distance, we pick up where we let off! She always points me to Jesus, and we pray for each other and challenge each other to grow closer to Him! She is a true gem, and a treasure!!
One of my friends that is so life-giving is Sandy! She has been a true friend through our college years and into adulthood. Even though there are now spouses and children, we still make time for each other. She always has some scriptures to encourage and challenge me. She even remembers the important dates! But I do have other relationships on my life that I would benefit from reading this book!
I am in the middle of a friendship struggle with a good Christian friend from church. It has taken some time to learn that the there were issues, but as I read through this blog, so much of it resonates with me. I often leave a conversation feeling that unless I plan exactly as she plans or do things the same way that she does, that somehow I am not holding up my end of the bargain. I am slowly learning that this friendship is not life giving for either of us. I find myself fearful and read every text and email multiple times before I send them to make sure that nothing can be taken out of context. This book sounds exactly what I need at this stage of my life.
I have had to let go of unhealthy friendships and relationships in my past. This book sounds great!
I have a dear friend that I met in Celebrate Recovery 13 years ago. She has been a source of wisdom and trustworthy advice since then. When I had an important friendship go south, she processed with me what had gone wrong and in the end said how glad she was that such a toxic person had left my life.
I am on a journey of healing from codependency, which has caused much needed shifts in unhealthy friendships. God wants me to be a healthy friend, and I am now in a better place to invest in mutually beneficial relationships. My growth is difficult but necessary and I am trusting God to provide friends.
I have an incredibly special friend that I used to teach with. Since I became a stay-at-home Mom, we don’t get to see each other much bc she is busy with her littles too. A few months ago I called her seeking Godly advice and love as I was battling postpartum depression. She made me feel heard and she also reminded me of how important it was to get back to my daily quiet time routine. She is one of those special friends who I feel like has never left my side even when we don’t get to see each other for a while.
I have struggled with a few other friendships where I feel completely used. I’m looking forward to reading this book and gaining insight on how I am contributing to allowing people to use me.
God has blessed me with a friend who’s not only lives nearby but we can connect on a variety of subjects. Family life, dreams, work, faith.
I love to meet up with my friend for coffee and if its been a month or 12…it’s like we just saw each other! I am super comfortable with her and know I can tell her anything without being judged or worried that it will get passed on to others.
My friend Martha is a bit older than I . I appreciate her wisdom so much. Even when I have been depressed, she makes sure we get together. She has seen me through extreme difficulties with my adult children. But we also laugh together and go have fun, even if it’s just to get out of town to take her dog to a groomer while we go shop 🙂
Although we weren’t born in the same decade, I’m glad God allowed Martha’s time on earth to overlap with mine . I appreciate her wisdom so much. Even when I have been depressed, she makes sure we get together. She has seen me through extreme difficulties with my adult children. But we also laugh together and go have fun, even if it’s just to get out of town to take her dog to a groomer while we go shop ?
Sorry, I don’t know why this is showing up under your comment. I apologize!
I have a precious friend who has stuck by me over 30 years! She’s the one I can call in the middle of the night when 2 of my kids were in an accident, and met me at the ER! We have shared so much in the good times, and the bad, & we cover each other w/ prayer!
I have a mentor that I have been meeting with for about 4 years now. She is an older Christian woman that I admired from afar in Bible Study and I took a chance and asked her if she would meet with me. I did not come from a Christian family and she has become a spiritual Mother to me. She told me that she learns from me too and we have become the best of friends. Sometimes we discuss a book, the Bible, or just life. It has been great to have help navigating the tough seasons of teenagers and adult children. She has also been an encouragement as a woman who stayed home with her children and never went back to work. My husband has told me I can do the same and she has been such a role model in what it looks like to always be available to your adult kids and (someday) grandchildren. What a blessing she is to me. I will forever be grateful to God for my Sister in Christ.
I’m so grateful you’ve found a kindred spirit, Julie!
The Lord has blessed me with several amazing friends in this season in my life. There are two ladies in particular that I got to know very well though MOPS leadership. They are some of the few that really know the deep struggles in my life and they always encourage me and point me back to Christ. In the past, tended to attract the “bucket dippers”…the friends that take and take and leave me feeling empty. I am so grateful for these two ladies and the others in my life that are the “bucket fillers.” As I approach 40, I am finally learning what a healthy friendship is and it is so life giving to surround myself with these friends instead of the ones who drag me down.
I love how MOPS connects moms so beautifully!
I am in the process of leaving a narcissistic relationship which has been very painful, and I didn’t realize how isolated I had become. I am learning that healthy, life-giving relationships are ones in which I have the freedom to be my real self, a safe place to express my honest feelings (direct communication), growth opportunities to resolve conflict, trust to be vulnerable, openness to hearing the truth which inspires change, an unconditional love that counteracts the fear of rejection or abandonment especially when there’s disagreement, a respect for boundaries (the freedom to say “no” without the fear of payback), mutuality and reciprocity – a balance in sharing and listening, a heart-to-heart spiritual connection…
This is the kernel of an amazing blog post, Nancy. Such good thoughts here!
For quite awhile I didn’t have many close friends. Thankfully God answered my prayer and brought me two! It’s nice to have other women to confide in. I think husband is grateful too;)
YAY for two! I love this!
J.K. your friendship is God’s good and perfect gift to me. Thank you for always pointing me to Jesus! And thank you for forwarding this. Lobe you HUGE!
e!
I love friends who point me to Jesus.
J.K. your friendship is God’s good and perfect gift to me. Thank you for forwarding this. Lobe you HUGE!
e!
I am grateful for several women in my life, but especially those that took the time during a recent challenging season of unemployment for my husband to ask how I was doing and / or show they cared in other little ways. The relationships that are most life-giving for me are ones where I feel I can be myself, and share values and / or common ground.
Yes, I so agree. When my husband was out of a job, our friends carried us through.
I have two very special friends. We know our families come before our friendship, but we try very hard to meet once a week for breakfast. We confide our struggles and pray for one another. We know that our confidences will not be destroyed and that we are not judged. We laugh and we cry together. We send texts on occasion (asking for prayers, lifting one another up and just a quick joke that might bring a smile to our friend’s face). I have another friendship that I feel is “off” and I now I want to read ‘The Seven Deadly Friendships’ to see how to handle this other ‘friendship’. God bless the godly friendships that he has put into my life and yours.
I love that you meet once a week! That’s such sweet intention!
My sister is one of my best friends. Always encouraging me and ready with a listening ear. Another great friend is one who I met over 18 yeas ago. She was a neighbor. We have both moved multiple times since then, and yet we still make time for each other. Sometimes we do book studies (reading a book together and discussing it), which of course always starts with a long chat to catch up. True friends are a real blessing, and I am blessed with quite a few.
I love that!!!
I have a friend Joanna, she is such a blessing to me. I connected with her thru my children, they were best friends with her children and we ended up being at the same events and sports etc. We used to walk and talk while the kids practiced sports or did homework, and I realized that I hadn’t had someone I could truly connect with that was a Christian as well. I have a lot of friends but when you connect with someone who truly inspires and challenges you, it is really something special. Turns out Joanna had a very close friend who moved away at the same time that I connected with her. She really needed the close friendship from a fellow Christian as well. We have been friends thru thick and thin and everything in between. When I lost my husband to cancer, she was there. When she lost her husband to infidelity I was there. The crazy thing is that I didn’t realize what I was missing in a true and Godly friendship until I met her and became close friends. There was also another revelation about a different friend of mine, and she really helped me figure out that I was being taken advantage of. She helped me realize that my friend inadvertantly possibly made herself feel better by making me feel worse about me. Anyway, this article and the comments has really touched me and I thought it might be helpful to share my experience. God bless you all!
I love those friends we meet through our children! And how cool that one good friend helped you see through a difficult/toxic one.
I have been abundantly blessed with several amazing friendships in my life. The first and longest friendship is my friendship with Jamie, and it started in the 1st grade. We grew up together and have been connected for more than 35 years! No matter where we live or how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, we always pick up right where we left off. There is a familiarity and safety that comes with such a long friendship.
My friendship with Nichole began much later in my life, but I know God put her in my life to radically change it. She was there for me during a couple of the most difficult seasons in my life. She spoke truth and taught me how a personal relationship with Jesus can really change your daily life. She has prayed me through more tough days than I can count and she always speaks truth in love.
I thank God frequently for the wonderful friends he’s blessed me with.
So great to hear about your friendships! 🙂
I have a friend with whom I can be 100 percent myself without reservation, and she with me. We share laughter, food, and the good times, but also our fears, failures, and the hardest things life throws at us. We listen, we talk, we pray. We eat….but I already mentioned that!
I love that. Especially sharing food! 🙂
Being yourself 100% is a huge blessing in a friendship, Loureen!
I have a few really close friends. One is my husband. He is my truth teller and many times can see things crystal clear when I am struggling to figure things out. I am blessed!
I am the same way, Kerri! I so appreciate my husband.
S
Don’t know what happened here 🙂
Ah, the Internet happened. 🙂
My best lifegiving friendship was with a mutual friend of both myself and my husband.
How helpful and convenient!
I was lonely for a very long time. I prayed that God would send me just one friend in whom I could confide and have a fun time. He sent me a tribe! They are there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. aim so thankful for them!
I LOVE that He sent you a tribe, Rachael.
I don’t really have any close friends where I live. I have friends from high school that I’m still close to, but I don’t live in the same state anymore and I hardly see them. Where I live, the women around my son’s school are very materialistic and snobby, plus I am very shy and quiet and my son has Autism. When I’m with a group of women, I feel nobody cares about how I feel or what I have to say. I feel invisible. I have been praying that God would bring some great Godly women into my life.
I’m so sorry, Monica. That sounds painful. I pray the Lord will give you a new, empathetic friend who will listen and carry your burdens.
I’m struggling with finding friends that will be there for me. Too often, I find myself on the giving end and then when I’m in need, there isn’t anyone that offers help, prayers, etc. Sadly, I’ve let this happen for so long that I don’t really have people I can call my close friends.
You have run into one of the seven deadly friendships: Unreliable Uma. I’m so sorry. That’s very frustrating and disconcerting.
I have a sweet friend named Kelly who is so life giving to me. She encourages and checks up on me. She prioritizes our friendship too and I love her right back. It is so refreshing to have a friendship where both people are life giving instead of having it be one sided. Glad to have found a friend like her 🙂
I LOVE THAT! We all need a Kelly.
My friend Angie is always there to listen. We can talk on the phone for hours about nothing (and everything). She is my encourager.
Five gold stars for Angie!
I have five close friends who are there when I need them. We pray together, laugh together and cry together. They are my “girls” and are a gift from God.
Tara, that’s such a blessing. I love that.
The relationships that are healthy and strong are mutually edifying, ingrained in truth and accountability, and without coddling or misundertanding. Being valued and understood by friends that say, “Yes, I get it,” AND also challenging me, “You need to remember what God says” are life-giving.
My friend kashana she’s always encouraging always listening only speaks the word to me and always praise God for everything and prays for me
We all need a Kashana in our lives. Thanks for sharing, Noelle.
I have a group of ladies at church (we all used to be in the “Newly, nearly married class” together. They have all come along-side me and we’ve lifted each other up. Whoever needs a hand, a kind word, help watching a kid, advice on a school, etc. It’s a go-to group. What I really love is that we don’t gossip, we just pray for and support one another. Even though we all do different classes now (some even go to another church) we still get together with and without families and support one another. Friendship is truly a gift from God.
I love this, Paige. How cool that you’ve stayed together through transition.
To be honest I don’t have any close friends. I only share my deepest thoughts with either my mother or sister. Girls/Women I went to school with could/can be very conniving and backstabbing. They always gossipped about others. Some bullied me throughout Jr/High School.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Julie. I’m grateful you have safe people in your family, that you can share your heart with them. As I write this, I’m praying for God to surprise you with a good, sweet, non-backstabbing friend.
I have 2 great friends who are my neighbors (across the street and down the street), and we share our crazy/messy/children filled lives together. I’m so thankful that God put us all in the same neighborhood because they are a regular presence in my life and in our family’s life. I meet with one of them for Bible study, and we all encourage each other to stay close to God. We cheer each other on!
I love this, Joylynn (also, your name is pretty). It is lovely to have friends so close!
Sadly, I understand the need to release friendships. One friend in particular, we’ll call Martha, would question character things in me and then use spiritual guidance as a reason. When I became close to another woman, we’ll call Mary, Martha became jealous and passive aggressive and would use words of guilt and hurt toward me.
God told me to take a few steps back from the relationship. It was difficult and painful as Martha played the “poor me” card a great deal.
After many years, we are still in touch but not very much as all.
Mary is the one who came along side of me and helped me by giving me actual deep spiritual advice. She is the one who prayed with and for me and Martha and encouraged me to follow God’s leading, not in a selfish way to replace Mary but for my growth in my relationship with God and listening to Him.
I will always thank God for both of these women and what their friendships taught me both positive and negative.
I love your attitude, Susan. That’s one of the things I talk about in the book–to have forward thinking, the ability to move on and learn after a difficult relationship. I love that you can glean from both friendships.
I have a small handful of friends who pray for me and speak life to me. I am so grateful that God placed them in my life after DECADES of praying for friends. I don’t need a large circle of friends like I once thought I did. I just need the right kind of friends.
YES and amen to praying friends. We all need them!
I am so lucky to have a friend that is also like a sister. We are each other’s rock and have been through a lot of good and bad together.
I love this, Lori. That kind of friend is a rare joy!
I had a similar experience.
http://lucillezimmerman.com/2015/05/21/integrity/
I have a good friend who has more strength and shares it with me in a Christ-like way. She helps me look at situations from a different perspective than what I have grown to do. Her prayers are encouraging, too. She encourages me to do things that will please God.
I love this, Barbara. Friends who lift your thinking toward Jesus are treasures!
After stepping away from toxic relationships a few years ago (freedom!!), I was so thankful to have met several women in the past few years whom I can trust. It takes time to build friendships. These friends are encouraging and do not have “conditions” or agendas for our friendships, even if my life looks different than theirs. They cheer for me & my family, walk through hards things w me, pray for me and with me. I do the same for them. Healthy friendships can be a true gift! ??
Yes, Amy, I so agree. Especially after you’ve been burned. It’s so hard to trust again. I’m grateful God put new friends in your life.
Kathi, I used to stay in one-sided, soul-draining relationships out of loneliness and fear.
Now, my best friend(s) seeks God’s best for me, listens and responds deeply, speaks His word into my life, challenges and corrects me when I head off course and best of all, wants the same Christ-centered love, trust and guidance from me. PTL for truly mutual relationships!
YES, praise the Lord for a soul-blessing friendship!
I have amazing kids. But one of my daughter’s married a very righteous, wealthy, controlling man who somehow has convinced her that she doesn’t have time or space for her parents. After 28 years of her being a wonderful family gal, she now has “PTSD” when she gets home, he disapproves of her staying here, so gets her a fancy hotel, but now even that has stopped. Texting “disturbs her day” (she text and let us know that, but it sounded like his words), she stopped instagram (now it’s not safe for their two kids to be posted), deleted her fb account, won’t return emails, won’t acknowledge gifts or cards in the mail and cannot have spur-of-the-moment visits (causes seizures) but only well-planned visits…however, we’ve noticed they are always gone when we reach out to schedule a visit. I’ve tried to contact or facetime our two grandchildren many times but now they are too busy too.
I am not sure what to do at this point but I DO know it’s his influence and her first priority is to please him. Which makes sense. Just wait it out? Or write and send a letter? Am I annoying? I have five other married children that we share time, love, laughter and communicate with often. I miss her though.
I’m so sorry, Kate. What a difficult situation. Sadly, you cannot change her (or him), but you can certainly pray, and I will pray for you as I write this, that God would open up her heart toward you.
I have a friend who I see every few weeks but we keep in contact via phone and texting. We each have had big life events go on and I know I can text with something “real” that I need help or prayer on and vice versa. She even took my kids on Thanksgiving night after my husband was in the ER–no questions asked and kept them for me until we could get everything settled at home for my husband. The fact that I can be real with her with even every day struggles is amazing. It’s even more fun to celebrate the big wins in life with her.
I love that your friend dropped everything to help you, Chris.
I feel very fortunate and blessed to have many friends that are life-giving, soul-enriching friends. Particularly, my friend Meagan comes to mind. We truly “get” each other. We laugh with each other, cry with each other, listen, give advice when needed, or just let the other vent when it’s needed. Our friendship also encompasses our families, and we truly love each other’s children and care about them. This means more than I could have ever imagined. As an added bonus, our husbands have completely synced with each other, and they have a wonderful friendship as well. As an only child myself, Meagan has truly become like a sister to me. I could go on and on about her, but I let her know often that she is God’s gift to me!
I love that Meagan is like a sister to you. This is so important! I’m an only child too, so my friendships take on new meaning.
I have a precious friend who prays for me & w/ me!
I love that. Praying friends are the best!
I have a sister in Christ who lives far away, but always makes time for me via email and messenger. She points me back to Scripture when things get crazy. We pray for each other. When I know that my friend is burdened, I shoot a message to her, asking how I can serve her…so often it’s a specific prayer request. It’s a life giving relationship because it’s not one sided. (though quite often I feel that I have the better end of the deal) I appreciate that she doesn’t back down from truth that is sometimes hard to hear, but always is done in a loving way. Likewise I appreciate that she recognizes I’m here for her, and isn’t afraid to say “I’m struggling with XYZ, will you please pray?”
I love friends who speak the truth in love, no matter how far the distance. So important.
Currently we are attending a great church and from there I have made some wonderful friends who are living giving. I think of my friend who will listen to my struggles and point me to the Scripture. This books sounds excellent.
I’m so glad to hear that, Beth!