Last week, I published a list of 10 Things to Say or Text When Marriage Is Hard. The response? Overwhelming. It became one of my most popular posts of all time. And I get it – marriage is hard and we are all looking for ways to connect during the hardest times.
But as much as words mean during these times, actions can be even more important. So here is my list of what to do for your husband when marriage is hard.
- Feed Him When life is at its busiest and we just seem to keep missing each other, food can make all the difference. Cook him one of his favorites- your recipe, his mother’s, whatever food makes him feel like everything might be OK for just this one hour. Bonus points if you sit down together and eat.
- Brag on Him Let him hear you bragging on him – to your friend, to your kids, to his mom. Pick one thing he did this week (went to work on a hard day, played tickle monster with the kids,) and make sure he knows how much it meant to you.
- Unburden Him Is there one of his regular chores that you could take off his list. A few months ago, I took my husband’s car to get washed. We were both having a rough week and I knew that he hated going and having it washed. When I got home I asked my son where my hubby was. My son said, “He said he was going to go get your car washed.”
- Seduce Him Sex has an instantly relaxing power over men. It is usually the fastest way to break down tensions and meet his needs.
- Date Him Plan a date geared for him. Get a gift card to his favorite dinner spot and two tickets to a movie that involves a ball, something blowing up, or robots.
- Treat Him A Jamba Juice can improve my husband’s outlook on the world. Surprise him with a little something to let him know that you were thinking of him.
- Encourage Him When life is hard, your man may have trouble seeing his worth. Reassure him that you see it, even when everything around you both is difficult.
- Tag Him Give your man a Facebook shout out and let the world know why he is just that awesome.
- Pray for Him Set an alarm on your phone and stop and pray for your husband every single day.
- Surprise Him I have an alert on Amazon any time my man’s favorite author comes out with a new book. Surprise him with something he loves.
Make a love binder for your husband in case he does drop dead!! Put important info details acct # phone. Any agent numbers. Schedule of when to pay and how frequently. Show him where it is. Keep it updated I even have the kids school info. Doctor dentist. Emergency plan…birth certificates pass ports the whole bit. Locked up and. Nice and safe. I also made a copy for our trustee if anything should happen to both of us. My mom lost first husband at 28 I always prepare for death and worst case scenario because we have lived it. Even for monthly bills I have a to do folder (this is from Kathi’s organizing tips I believe) and it’s a brightly colored folder easy to find. Always in the same spot. Along with Archive and Do Later folder. It’s made my husband feel important and secure that he could figure it out. I try and talk with him about it every 6 months or so just he knows it’s there and what is in it.
As a guy, I would agree with most of these, but when the friction of life is causing friction in the marriage, there are some things that might not work.
Top of that list is sex. If your heart isn’t in it…don’t. Men can pick up on that, and while they can still perform, it can cause more relationship trouble down the road, because it takes the act from mutuality to a ‘treat’.
Likewise bragging him up in any way. be very, very sure it’s sincere, and best understated.
I pray for him. But the rest, on already over-scheduled, mostly fr doing things he won’t do. Won’t help him any if I drop dead from a heart attack cause he has no clue how to pay bills or take. Are of himself.