by kathilipp | Jan 9, 2012 | Me |
Accountability: Peer Pressure for Grown Ups
Getting a Couple of People to Hold You Accountable
Today: Find a couple of women to hold you accountable for your goal. I could be the women you are already working this book with, or it could be women who have the same goals as you do.
The Goal Girls started six years ago when every area of my life was in transition. My marriage was falling apart and I found myself back in the job market to support myself and my kids. On top of all that, I needed to find a new place to live. I felt like everything was spinning out of control.
I knew that I also needed to makes some changes in other areas of my life. Spending time with God had become a faint memory for me. I wanted to reconnect in a real way, but I was having trouble being committed to my day-to-day relationship with Him.
I needed support that was more than a once-a-week Bible study. I needed people around me to love and guide me through this hurtful time in my life.
At the same time, my friend Vikki, a 30 year-old wife and mother, was just plain overwhelmed. With her two active kids, and another on the way, she was feeling the pressures of keeping it all together. In addition to taking care of her family, Vikki worked outside the home several nights a month, and was the women’s ministry leader at our growing church. The fast pace of Vikki’s life was threatening to swallow her up if she didn’t makes some changes immediately.
Another friend, Angela, young and vibrant at 34, had an even more desperate situation. Complicating her busy life caring for her two small girls, her health was in serious jeopardy and she knew that she had to take some radical steps including losing weight and exercising in order to start restoring herself physically so that she could lead a normal life.
All of us were longing for change. We wanted to live healthier lives, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Each of us needed help figuring out what God designed us to do, but we also needed a way of making sure that we stayed on track- someone to hold our feet to the fire.
I asked Angela and Vikki if they would be interested in trying an accountability group. I was honest and upfront,” I had no idea how it would work, but I am so frustrated and scared that I am willing to try just about anything. I guess we can just make it up as we go along?” Apparently, they were just as desperate and we decided to meet the next week.
That was eight years ago, and we are still supporting each other, praying for each other and holding each other in godly accountability.
What is Accountability?
Accountability is simply having to report to someone the progress you are making on an activity. When you work in an office, you’re accountable to a boss for the work that she assigns you. Even if you are a self-starter, most of us need that little bit of outside pressure to get our jobs done well and on time. What do you do when you‘re running a household, your own business, and your own life, and there is no “boss” to answer to? Asking other women to hold you accountable is a great way to have a little bit of that outside pressure to help you stay on track. Vikki, Angela and I sacrifice time from our overcrowded lives to stay accountable to one another because it is biblical and it works. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Being with one other and holding one another accountable keeps us focused and on task.
How is accountability different than a support group?
Generally support groups include organizations that focus either on a stage of life (including mom’s groups or after divorce groups), or a specific area to overcome (Overeaters Anonyms or Alcoholics Anonyms.) Generally these groups have up to dozens of members at each meeting. While support groups offer an environment to meet with others who are in your situation and the opportunity to learn and be encouraged, there is generally a lower level of follow up for individual members.
Accountability groups offer the chance to meet with one or two other people in order to stay focused on whatever area of their life they are trying to grow in at that time. While neither Angela nor Vikki are writers or step-mothers, they are able to hold me accountable in those areas by following-up on the goals I have set for myself and shared with them at past gatherings.
What it looks like for us
We came to our once a month meetings prepared with our goals already written out. I dedicate one sheet of paper to each area of my life. There is a page dedicated to health, another for important relationships in my life, one for household management, and so on. Sometimes my goal list will be much longer in one area than another. When one of my kids needs special attention, or I have good friend who is going through a tough time, I may have several goals on my “Relational” page, but almost none in another area. Along with each goal, we set a target date that we want to see the goal completed by. For instance, on my “Spiritual” goal sheet, I might write: Goal Date of Completion Join Bible study September 15th
When we write out our goals, we try to be specific and realistic. Instead of setting a goal of get better at cooking, I might write “Try three new main courses from the new Greek Cookbook”, or “Sign up for the Asian cooking class at the community center.” When I started to focus more on spending time with God, Angela reminded me to be specific and realistic. At first, I had written the goal down as “Spend 45 minutes every day in prayer and quiet time.” Angela graciously but firmly challenged me on my completely unrealistic goal. “Kath, how are you going to go from 0 to 45 minutes? Why don’t you start with five minutes a day and build on that.” From that five minute block of time, I have grown into having a meaningful and significant quiet time every day.
When we first started meeting eight years ago, we were in for a reality check. Over the first few months of sharing, we learned to gently say to each other, “Wow, that looks like a lot to accomplish with two kids and everything else going on in your life. Is it realistic? Is there something that you could give up or move to another month?” We have learned to protect each other from overextending ourselves, and in turn, have learned to take care of our own schedules and bodies.
The next time we get together, we give each person 40 minutes to go over last month’s goals and set out her vision for the next month. We make copies of our goals that we can pass out to the other two. That way, we have an easier time checking in with each other.
Between each meeting, we stay up to date on where each of us is in meeting our goals set out at the last meeting, as well as asking for additional support when we need it. For example, the weeks before I moved to a different city, I needed more support, what we lovingly call “kick-butt accountability”, in staying focused and on track with getting my house packed up and ready to be sold. During those pressure-filled weeks, I would receive several phone calls a day asking how my plan was going. Just knowing that Vikki or Angela could be calling at any moment gave me the extra push I needed to stay on track and tackle what had to be done.
Your accountability group can also be focused on one specific area of your life. I have separate groups for more complex goals I am currently on: health and writing. These groups give me the special support I need to accomplish bigger projects in those areas.
The Benefits of Accountability
Our group has gotten the three of us through life together. Angela and Vikki have prayed and held me accountable through the hardest time of my life. During the rough days, it was a huge comfort to know that I had two godly women who knew what I was going through and could remind me that God had designed me for a greater purpose than what I felt like at the moment.
Following my divorce, I really wrestled with the question of where God was in my life. I felt abandoned and unloved. It was Vikki and Angela who reminded me of all that God had brought me through, and pointed out all the ways that God continued to care for me even when I couldn’t feel his presence.
Getting through rough times is a blessing, but the most thrilling part of accountability is seeing the progress in each other’s lives. It’s been an honor to stand with Angela and Vikki as I’ve seen them accomplish goals that none of us would have dreamed possible just a few short years ago. From keeping our houses clean, to losing weight to opening a small business to walking a half marathon–no goal is too big to not be supported. On the flip side, no goal is too small that it is not celebrated when it is reached. Plus, the biggest honor was to have these two ladies celebrate with me as bridesmaids at my wedding to Roger. While people who attended the wedding were excited to celebrate our new lives together, Angela and Vikki were two of the people who had walked me back to a place of loving and growing in God – a place of health and healing. These women were not only celebrating the future I had with Roger, but the past that they had walked me though to get to the place where I could be part of a healthy marriage.
In the comments below tell me if you are part of an accountability group and if not if you have asked someone to be your accountability partner after reading this. You could win Cindi McMenamin’s book Women on the Edge: Turning Desperate Times into Desire for God
by kathilipp | Jan 7, 2012 | Me |
Asking for Directions
Keeping Our Goals in Front of God
Today: Check in with God with some concentrated prayer and meditation. (Talking to God, and then listening to Him.) Even if it is just for 10 minutes, get quite with God listen for His direction when it comes to your goal.
My husband Roger and I had just landed at Tampa International Airport. While the purpose of our travel was to visit Roger’s parents, we decided to sneak in some “couple’s time” before heading to the family reunion.
Roger had booked a romantic hotel on the beach only two miles from the airport. Since airlines do not provide meals anymore, our combined food intake for the cross-country journey from California consisted of three bags of peanuts and a half a box of Altoids I rescued from the bottom of my bag. We were anxious to stow our suitcases at the hotel and head out for our beach-side dinner.
As we picked up our rental car, I was eager to try out the new navigational system Roger just bought me. You see, I have a tendency to get lost while I am driving… even in areas I have been to several times. Roger said he bought the new GPS system for my safety. Really, I think he got tired of guiding me in like an air traffic controller every time I was more than three miles from the house.
I love my new mapping device – with one tiny exception. When you first turn on the display, Maggie (our pet-name for our electronic guide) needs about 15 seconds to figure out where the satellite is. This process goes much faster if you stay put. If you start to drive, it could take up to whole two minutes for her to figure out where you are.
I have never been known as a patient woman. Even 15 seconds is about 14 seconds too long. Growing weary of waiting I asked Roger, “Can’t we just get going and it will catch up with us.” Roger knew the general direction of the hotel, so we hit the road. Our destination was only a couple of miles away. What could go wrong?
After a few minutes, and a turn on to an onramp, Maggie, finally came blinking to life with directions and distance … 22.2 miles!
How did our “couple of miles away” hotel turn into a 22 mile trek? That is when I discovered something I had never experienced in California called a “causeway.”
A causeway is a road that goes over a body of water. Like the body of water between the Tampa International Airport and St. Petersburg, Florida. Because there tends not to be a convenient place to turn around while traveling over water, and the fact our car was not Herbie the Love Bug with the ability to float, we were stuck going the whole distance over the causeway. And back – 22.2 miles round trip.
If we had only taken the 14 extra seconds to wait for directions – instead of going off on our own – we would have saved time, aggravation and grief.
Soon after our ill-fated trip, I was doing my morning devotionals and this verse popped out at me: It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. – Proverbs 19:2
Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
Traveling with Maggie is a lot like figuring out the path God wants you to follow for your life and for your goals. The parallels show up for me almost every time I get lost. OK, almost every time I leave the house.
Gifts of the Maggie #1 You will be much better off if you wait for directions.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. – Proverbs 16:3
As women, we don’t have an excess of time or energy to be heading off in the wrong direction while chasing after our dreams. We need a much simpler, direct route. Time and commitment spent up-front praying and listening to God for direction will always be rewarded down the road.
Sometimes in my enthusiasm to get closer to my goals, I have an “Act Now, Pray Later” attitude. I get impatient and want to get going with all the plans and dreams I have for my life – now. When I act out of desire, enthusiasm, or trying to simply check things off my list, I usually end up wasting time, energy and emotion.
Like Maggie, God has a lot of rewards for those who wait on direction from Him. When I pray before I act, I may not have clear direction all at once. What I can be sure of is the fact that I have put my plans before God. I am honoring Him first in everything I do, every plan I make.
Gifts of the Maggie #2 You don’t need to know every turn that is coming up – you just need to know what your next step is.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:34 Don’t ever try to give me directions over the phone. I am good for about two turns and then my brain starts to think about the Discovery Channel special I saw last night, or tries to figure out when the cute pink bag I saw at the mall might go on sale. When I get directions all at once, trying to hold everything in my head about the next eight turns I need to make it is almost always a guarantee I am going to get hopelessly lost, confused, frustrated and off-track. The beauty of Maggie is that she only gives you the next turn you have to make.
As busy women, we can get bogged down by the magnitude of all we have to do. If we start to look too closely at all is involved in having a rewarding career or raising great kids and pursuing our dream, it would be very easy to get completely overwhelmed.
A better approach is to take each day as it comes. Planning for the future is great. Worrying about it will get you nowhere. Keep your final destination in mind, and concern yourself with the turn just ahead of you. God is the only one who can see around the corner.
The other benefit of just focusing on the turn right in front of you, and not worrying about the next seven that are coming up, is getting to enjoy the ride. When you have a dream that is bigger than yourself, there are many opportunities to step out in faith and see God’s hand working in your life.
I tend to miss the miracles in the moment when I am worrying about what has to happen next month. Just concentrate on the next turn and enjoy the ride.
Gifts of the Maggie #3 Trust the directions- even if they are different than what you expect. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” – Isaiah 30:21
Sometimes for fun, I will check out Maggie’s directions to a familiar place, just to see if she has a different way of getting there. Often times, she will have a shortcut I didn’t know about, or there is a new road I had yet to discover. I have learned a lot by going in different directions than I originally thought.
Today, I just want you to spend some time checking in with God. Am I going in the right direction? Do you want me to press forward on something, or wait? Learning to be sensitive to God’s leading is a skill we can develop. Tell us in the comments below how you are going to stop and spend time with God today and everyday. Is it a coffe date alone, during the kids nap time, getting up earlier, or during a lunch break? If you feel led to do so share with me what God is directing you to do, press on, wait or be still.
You could win What’s in the Bible for Women: Life’s Questions, God’s Answers by Dr. Larry Richards.
by kathilipp | Jan 6, 2012 | Me |
Having a Mentor Moment
Finding a Mentor In Your Goal’s Field
Today: Identify the style of mentoring that could work for you and then make a list of a few people who you would like to mentor you. (Bonus points if you actually ask them!)
How to Find a Mentor:
Organically – Letting God do the matchmaking
I met Debbie when I did a retreat for her church which was located in my city. After that she invited me to be part of a local group of women in ministry, I got to know her even better. Debbie has been a gift to me in so many ways; when I’ve received criticism she is the one who can talk through it with me and put it in perspective. She really “gets” the ministry aspect of what I do and can help me figure out how to balance ministering to the women I love while still serving my family.
I need someone like Debbie to mentor me. She has a couple of years on me – her kids are planning wedding while mine are planning what college courses they are taking next semester – so the wisdom is there. She has keen insight into working in a male dominated industry (the church) and how to play with the big boys (literally).
Stalking – finding someone who is doing what you want to do, and then hanging out with them
When I was first starting out in speaking and writing, I met a woman who was several steps down the path than I was. Jan Coleman was speaking at retreats and writing books – things that I knew I wanted to do when I grew up. Jan was kind enough to let me hang out at some of her events, go with her to a retreat that she was speaking at, give me an outline to one of her book proposals that I could use as a guide, and generally just answer questions that I had about how to do ministry.
Structured – through an organization or business
When my kids were little and I was a stay-at-home mom, one of my main sources of income was doing at-home parties armed only with a rubberstamp kit and a dream. My manager, one level up, was a woman who lived around the corner from me, Patti Johnston. Patti taught me about running a business and devoting a portion of each day to working my work plan.
Internships:
Several years ago, I had a little company of one where I would go into small businesses and just do whatever needed being done. I loved being a support to women who were making their way in the world and watching them run their businesses up close and personal.
One of my favorite clients, Cynthia, was a well respected local wedding photographer. She was a one-woman show with me coming along sporadically to make appointments and run errands. One of the ways that Cynthia would expand her workforce was to bring in interns to go to weddings with her. They would schlep her bags and carry her equipment, and at the same time get a front row view as to how to stage people for pictures, where to be during the wedding to get the best angles, and all that other insider information that a budding professional photographer would need.
When I first got started in speaking and writing, I would have done anything to just hang out with some of my favorite writers to see what goes on in “A Day In the Life Of…” I knew I could learn so much from these women just by watching them in action. I remember saying about one of my favorite authors, “I would be happy to clean toilets if I could just hang out with her.”
Now, if someone offers to let you clean toilets in order to hang out with them, it might be a good idea to check their motives (unless your dream is to own a house cleaning agency.) However, if there is an opportunity to carry a photographers camera bags to a wedding, do the prep and chop for a cooking teacher, or do the clean up for your favorite painting instructor, I would move a lot of things in my schedule to make that happen.
Most people who have had some success in their field are used to people asking to be mentored – the problem? Mentoring takes time – time that they probably don’t have to spare. But, if you are willing to be at the bottom and help the expert get things done, you are going to learn more, and help more, than buying them a cup of coffee.
Paid Mentoring
There is nothing wrong with having a mentor for hire. In fact, I think it is a sign that you are moving down the road to your dreams to really analyze when it is time to get some paid mentorship on board. I have hired professional mentors in a couple of different areas. I have Rob, my publicity guru who holds my feet to fire and has high standards for every part of my ministry and I can attribute a lot of my growth to his time and effort. It seems expensive to put money into coaching, but I would rather spend a little bit of money upfront to get worthwhile advice, than waste time and money over a period of years going down the wrong path.
Coaching is a huge, industry and there are a lot of people who offer their coaching services (at a significant cost) perhaps a bit prematurely. If you decide to go this route, make sure that you have some great references from others before you plop your hard-earned cash down.
My other piece of advice is don’t hire someone too quickly. If you are just figuring out what you want to do when you grow up, you probably are not at the place for one-on-one mentoring. Instead, read some books or take a class to figure out if you really enjoy stained glass window making, or if you just like the idea of stained glass window making.
There are very few things that can make a bigger difference in weather you succeed in your goal than having a mentor. That is why I want to give you a lot of ideas and avenues to pursue.
Start a list of the people who you would love to mentor you. Once you have thought of some people, start being creative on how that mentoring could work.
– Could you offer to work in their office for a couple of days doing grunt work – but getting to see the inside operation.
– Could you tag along with an event planner to see how she preps a site if event planning is your thing?
– Could you be the assistant Bible study leader to learn more about teaching techniques from someone you admire?
– How about an online relationship? Could you offer to format a newsletter so you can see her process of putting it together?
Spend some time thinking creatively of what you might have to offer to the person you want to be mentored by – time, work, talent, money? Ask them if there is a way you could help. And if you get rejected? That’s why you have a list! Ask the next person. Ask God to bring the right people to mind and just keep asking!
Some of the benefits of having a mentor:
• Shorter Learning Curve, what materials are the best, what books to read etc.
• Referrals and References It is great to have an insider who can give you the tricks of the trade – telling you what classes to take (and what instructors are only trying to sell you on their program)
• A Community of Like-Minded Devotees When Marilyn Hilton, a wonderful non-fiction writer, agreed to have lunch with me, I was thrilled. We sat at a Tex-Mex restaurant, eating our weight in chips and salsa and talking about writers’ conferences and book outlines. But the most valuable thing that Marilyn did for me that day was let me in on a little secret; there was a group of Christian writers that met once a month in one of their homes here our area. Not only did she tell me that this clan existed, but she invited me to join them. I can point to that first meeting as a turning point in my career. Here I was, surrounded by women who not only loved writing, but were actually pursuing it as something more than a hobby. The talked about what was going on in the industry, who was buying books and who wasn’t. What agents were a pleasure to work with, and those who were more of a nightmare. What conferences were well worth the money, and what books and blogs that we absolutely must be reading.
• Been There Done That Advice Why spend all of your time making the same mistakes and going down the same rabbit trails as other people in your chosen passion. Avoid duplicating the same mistakes that others have made by asking great questions: “Is there anything that you wish you hadn’t done in the first year of pursuing photography? A class that was a waste of time? Buying equiptment that was overprices and unnecessary?
• Worthy Feedback I know your mom thinks you are the next Annie Leibovitz or Ansel Adams, but it might be better to listen to a person who is actually making a living taking pictures to get your feedback from. A mentor can let you know whether there is something wrong that an untrained eye may miss.
Tell us in the comment below what your style of mentoring is, if you have a mentor and if you do not did you/will you ask a person from your list to be your mentor. you could win 2 of Cindi McMenamin’s books.
When Women Walk Alone
AND 
When Women walk Alone 31 Day Devotional.
by kathilipp | Jan 5, 2012 | Uncategorized |
No Deposit, No Return
Keeping Strong
Today: If you are feeling overwhelmed in even taking small steps to your goal, if may be that another area of your life is out of whack. Today, I want you to look at some of the strengthening areas of your life and check to make sure that you are taking good care of yourself.
Exercise and eating right are a key to a healthy life but being fit spiritually is the key to being successful.
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Zig Zigler says it this way: “The story is told of a little guy valiantly but futilely trying to move a heavy log to clear a pathway to his favorite hideout. His dad stood nearby and finally asked him why he wasn’t using all his strength. The little guy assured his dad he was straining with all his might. His dad quietly told him he was not using all his strength, because he hadn’t asked him (his dad) to help.”
Is that how you are running through your day? Working and struggling, feeling like you are expending all of your energy but not making an inch’s worth of progress? I call those days “swimming through molasses”. When I get that feeling of just going backwards when all my energy is spent trying to move me forward, more often than not, those are the days that I have been “too busy to pray”.
You are doing something pretty extraordinary over the next couple of weeks – taking some steps to start living out a God-given dream. So let’s make sure the other areas of your life are in balance. One of the beautiful things about having a specific goal is that it can give you great direction in other areas of your life. If you are goalless, it is easy to get off path. But a good solid goal out in front of you is like having a finish line at the end of a race. While you’re focused on running toward that finish line, there are only a few things you have to be concerned about, (making sure you stay hydrated, making sure you are keeping up a doable pace,) and a million things you don’t have to worry about.
Tell us in the comment below one way you are going to make sure you carve out a quiet time in your daily routine.
by kathilipp | Jan 4, 2012 | Me |
Who Are You Listening to?
Deciding What Goes into Your Brain
Today: When it comes to the goal you have set for yourself, is there one voice that is holding you back? Think long and hard about the messages that you are letting into your mind. Is there a negative person in your life that you need to have better boundaries with? Are you giving yourself bad messages? Take a step to create those boundaries around your goal today.
Tossing the 8-Tracks (Getting Rid of Old Tapes)
I have struggled with weight all of my life. I go up, I go down. It is nice to know that when I get to heaven I will have a perfect body, but for now, I still have to shop in the women’s section of any department store. (At least I know I’m a Queen – my underwear says so…)
For the most part, my friends and family are an incredible support to me and love me through my struggle. They lovingly hold me accountable when I am working hard at controlling my food and exercise, and gently encourage back to health when I am slacking off. I am blessed to be surrounded by such safe and sane people.
But of course, every group has that one person. You know who she is. She may call herself “a truth teller” or is just blunt beyond what is socially acceptable. Or maybe you just call her mean.
After I had my first baby, I was talking with a group of women and said offhandedly, “Yep, time to get back to the gym, I need to lose this baby weight,” (and then some.)
One of my relatives (her name has been withheld to protect the stupid,) looked at me and said, “You know, it’s going to be harder to lose the weight now that you had a baby.” I burned inside. Hurt and angry I thought to myself (but didn’t have the guts to say,) “Really?!? Oh thanks so much for sharing with me! I think you’ve missed your calling as a motivational speaker.” I would love to say that I just brushed that comment aside, but that baby I was pregnant with is now in college and I remember it like it was last week’s episode of Project Runway.
We all have those things that were said to us or about us that stick with you.
• “Really? You are trying out for choir? Don’t you have to be able to sing to be in choir?”
• “I thought you were smarter than that.” (Actually said to my husband by a co-worker.)
• “It might be easier to work out if you lost some weight.” (Really? This has to be the craziest statement in the English language.)
Isn’t it funny how we could have 98 people tell us that we look great, did a wonderful job on that report, our kids are great, and the painting we just finished is a-maz-ing, but if two people criticize us, those are the comments that stick to our soul.
Now that you are trying to do something outside of the box – follow God in a new or different direction, try something that you have never tried before, explore a dream or passion that you have tried to ignore, I can guarantee you that those negative words that you heard last week (or maybe in 1987) are going to come back to haunt you.
Tell us in the comments below if you are having to set boundaries in a negative relationship or change your own self talk to be God honoring. If you have a piece of advice on how to do either one let us know as well. You could win the book Prayers for Life 
by kathilipp | Jan 3, 2012 | Me |
Less Than Perfect
Lessening Your Load
Today: Find another area of your life that you can cut back, do less well, or give up on altogether – either permanently or just for the duration of The Me Project – in order to give you the time and space to pursue your goal.
Look at what my friend Ann had to say about her battle with perfectionism:
“If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.” My grandfather said that when I was less than 10 years old. I was sweeping the driveway to help clean the garage.
Oosh! Little did I know that the seed of perfectionism planted so early in my life would stay with me so long. I tend to want to do everything really well, an all or nothing person. I still struggle with the notion that my house doesn’t have to be perfect for company. Typically I am overwhelmed with housecleaning because it’s just too much to keep it perfect so I tend to let it go to the backburner. Someone said to me, “If you found out Mother Theresa had a messy house would that change how you view her good deeds or her as a person?” When I almost answered yes I realized I had some work to do on myself.
Lately I have learned to let go of the perfectionism. Listen to what my husband and kids really need instead of what I want. My daughter wants play dates. Okay let’s get the house picked up, but don’t stress about the overhead dusting, they are only six years old!
My struggle with perfectionism really came into focus one Sunday morning. One line from that morning’s sermon really jumped out at me: “If I could give you one thing it would be that you could see yourself as God sees you. Our loving, forgiving Father would not, I suppose, say some of the things we say to ourselves, stupid, ugly, lazy, etc. Only when we have the love of God and experience the love He has for us by forgiving and loving ourselves, not in a narcissistic way, can we truly love our brothers and sisters as Jesus taught us.”
I’m not sure why at that moment his words sank in and had profound meaning for me. (Perhaps it was because the kids were sick and weren’t with me so I could actually hear what was being said!) To love myself unconditionally the way I love my own children seemed so foreign yet so simple.
Am I still a perfectionist? Yes, I still have those urges to lift the burner pans and clean under the stove each night even though no one can see under there. The difference is now I can say, it’s okay to play tag in the house with my kids and forgive myself for leaving a pan on the stove a little while longer. I can focus on the things that are truly important, instead of responding to the unreasonable – and ungodly – self talk from before.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? I do in some areas – and I know it is all fear based and a control issue. Ugh. But if I can do ONE LESS THING that doesn’t need to be done – not only am I freeing my time – I’m freeing myself.
Tell us in the comments below one thing that you put on your Not-To-Do-List and why and you could win the book Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to lighten your Mother Load
by kathilipp | Jan 2, 2012 | Me |
What do you want from me?
Knowing God’s Will for all the parts of your life
Today: Spend time reflecting on the ways you have sensed God’s direction pursuing your goal. Your project for today is to write down all the ways that God has confirmed you working on this particular goal.
Whether it’s cleaning out a closet or walking a 10K for clean water in Africa, you have been nudged to put this goal “out there”. For me, the exercising 5x a week is easy – I want to finally figure out how to honor this body God gave me.
Maybe yours is simply wanting to bring order to your life. There was no big flash from the clouds, you are just longing for peace. Whatever it is, get a notebook and write it down.
Here are just some of the ways that God may be confirming this goal for you:
- Other people you respect have told you to pursue it
- You feel peace as you give up other activities in order to work on this goal.
- Other people recognize this talent in you and want you to use it.
- You everyday you have the same sense of wanting a change in this area.
- You start to see “divine appointments” show up in your life. Meeting a friend of a friend who is looking for an apprentice in the field you are exploring. Just when you need a certain piece of equipment, your friend posts on your homeschooling loop that they are getting rid of said piece of equipment.
- As you do your regular bible study, God keeps whacking you over the head with verses that support what you have been praying about.
Here is where I want you to spend just a few minutes writing down all the ways that God has used your past, your present, your friends, your family, your prayers and His word in order to confirm this goal: If you don’t believe you have received confirmation stop working and start praying.
Keep your notebook in your purse or on your cell phone and when confirmation comes along write it down.
What does confirmation look like for you? I asked my friend, Katie what that confirmation, that leading, looked like for her as decided to do a year-long mission to a war-torn country in 2004. Here are some of the steps that led her from a safe day-to-day job as a nurse practitioner in San Jose, CA, to traveling a world away working in a Muslim country doing relief work and church planting:
1. The seed of a thought is planted – Katie attended Urbana 2000, a mission’s conference in Urbana Illinois. At that conference she heard a missionary speak about evangelizing to the Muslim community. Until that point, Katie had always considered Muslim society closed to the thought of Christianity.
2. Paying Attention – Katie had always been interested in missions, but didn’t know what her next move should be. I love the advice that one of her friends gave her about sensing God’s direction: “Pay attention to the things you’re noticing because that is often how God speaks.”
Katie started to notice that more and more, the Muslim world stated to collide with Katie’s world. Between missionary’s letter home to the evening news, Katie couldn’t turn around without noticing her heart growing more tender toward the Muslim people.
3. Holy Curiosity – Katie said, “It was at that point I developed a holy curiosity,” I love that. She knew it was more than a coincidence – she knew that God was steering her in a certain direction and that she better pay attention.
4. Making the First Step – Katie attended a conference in Indiana in 2003 that was focused on evangelizing to Muslims.
5. Making the Decision – When Katie received a forward e-mail from a friend about the opportunity to serve overseas for a year, she was prepared. She had followed God’s leading all along the way and she was ready to take on that adventure with Him.
Most of you are not making such a long distance decision. But even those little decisions can lead to HUGE life change. Committing to family dinners three times a week can change the course of your family. Organizing your paperwork can lead to financial freedom. Don’t take lightly the “small” things that God is asking you to tend to. Those small things are the stepping stones to the bi
g things He is preparing us for.
Oh – and for just a little more motivation, I love a good, printable calendar to dream on, and these from TomKat Studios are just gorgeous!!!
Tell us in the comments below one way that you have felt confirmed or recognized that God’s opened a door about this goal. You could win Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To
by kathilipp | Jan 1, 2012 | Me |
It’s the New Year and everyone on Facebook is asking you what your resolution is. Wouldn’t it be great if on February 1st you were still working toward the same goal?
Let this year be different. Join a bunch of dedicated women is pursuing your dream, one day at a time, with a 14 day running head start. Here on the Goal Girl New Year’s Kick off, you will receive one project a day for 14 days. (With little prizes along the way to help keep you motivated.) Stick with us and you will be a world closer to where you want to be in just two week.
All you have to do today is let the world know (in the comments below,) what is the one thing you want to work on, with community support, for the next two weeks. You don’t have to accomplish the goal in the next two weeks – we just want you to accomplish some great steps to keep you motivated. These projects will set you up for success for reaching your goal!
Comment below, and one Goal Girl will receive a free copy of The Me Project (which the Goal Girl New Year’s Kick Off is based on!) A winner will be drawn on Friday.
And if you’re wondering where you will get the time to do all this? Head on over to my Facebook Page. When you “Like” me, you get a free download of my article: “30 Ways to Save 30 Minutes in the Next 30 Days”
OH – And invite a friend! You are MUCH more likely to succeed if you are doing it with a buddy!
BTW – my goal is that by March 1st, I will be working out for 30 minutes, five times a week.
Whoo. I said it!
As some of you know, I’ve got some challenges in this area (recovering from whooping cough, a book due February 1st.) But I wouldn’t encourage you to do anything that I wasn’t willing to do myself. Plus, if I wait until life to be “challenge-free” I will never darken the door my my gym again.
Pray for me…
Kathi
What is Accountability?
In the comments below tell me if you are part of an accountability group and if not if you have asked someone to be your accountability partner after reading this. You could win Cindi McMenamin’s book Women on the Edge: Turning Desperate Times into Desire for God 
