By Paula Friedrichsen
Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.
~ Song of Solomon 2:15
Think of your marriage as a vineyard. More often than not, it’s the little things that wreak havoc upon your relationship — those annoying little personality quirks that seemed cute when you and your husband were first dating.
It’s important to walk in forgiveness for the everyday irritations that have the potential to spoil the companionship, fondness, and romance that should be growing in your marriage. Maybe your husband always runs late—or nags you because you always make him late. Or he’s a neat freak, and you have three kids in a house that will never be picked up to his standards. Does he talk with his mouth full…interrupt you at dinner parties…pick his teeth in public?
Whatever the particular little foxes are in your marriage, they need to be met with diligent and persistent acceptance and forgiveness. Forgiveness and acceptance are like sentries stationed on the watchtower of your vineyard, and a powerful tool to keep your vineyard blooming, growing, and productive.
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Guest blogger Paula Friedrichsen is a conference speaker and the author of “The Man You Always Wanted is The One You Already Have” (Multnomah 2007). She lives in Northern California with her husband and teenaged daughter. www.PFMinistries.com
Hi Kathy,
This one is supposed to go in the “changes in him or you” from your book request! I have noticed a big change in my thinking about being a good wife to my husband. One of the big things I noticed is my desire to put myself in his shoes. Your projects about figuring out what bugs him in the house (clutter) and his need for a nap or relaxation etc. I have gotten a bit one sided in my thinking (only about what bugs me or is inconvenient for me). This may sound typical, but I am actually the “work all the time martyr type”. I think that I have gotten really burned out from my husbands very demanding work schedule over the last two years. What I have changed, is my attitude about doing things that he likes because if I don’t, I know it bugs him, to an attitude of: I love my husband, I appreciate that he works so hard for me and our family and I want to do things in our household that will make his life more pleasant and enjoyable. He is a great guy and very cheerful, and it has been good for me to look in the mirror (these projects) and see where I have let my own neglect of taking care of my own needs for rest and relaxation and I have blamed him for my overwork and feelings of burn-out. It really isn’t his fault, and I was totally blaming him. THANK YOU KATHI !!! It really made a huge difference in my attitude. It has also motivated me to find the things that I need to do to reduce my work-load and get regular relaxation so that I can enjoy my wonderful husband and children every day.
It is amazing how once I started praying for my husband, not for him to change, but for me to see him how God does, how those things that had been annoying me didn’t bug me nearly as much. I’m not saying he never annoys me anymore. However, it is much less frequent and as long as I’m having my quiet time with God I tend to be much more understanding and forgiving.