#645 Reclaiming Your Space: Your First Steps to a Clutter-Free Life

#645 Reclaiming Your Space: Your First Steps to a Clutter-Free Life

645 – Reclaiming Your Space: Your First Steps to a Clutter-Free Life

Hey there, friends! Have you ever struggled with an overwhelming burden of household clutter?

There is hope!

In this episode of the Clutter Free Academy podcast, hosts Kathi Lipp and Tonya Kubo dive deep into the challenges of managing household clutter and offer practical solutions to help listeners reclaim their spaces and find peace. They discuss the emotional toll that clutter can take. They share personal stories of their own clutter battles, including Tonya’s experience of renting dumpsters multiple times per year to clear out excess items.

Listeners will discover:

  • Research that shows cluttered homes can contribute to chronic stress and depression in mothers.
  • The importance of “pre-deciding”
  • How to create clutter-busting routines
  • The difference between their free Clutter Free Academy community and the more intensive Clutter Free for Life membership

By the end of the episode, listeners will be inspired to take the first steps towards a clutter-free life, whether that means joining the Clutter Free for Life program or simply implementing 15-minute daily decluttering routines.

A big shout out to CF4L member Natasha Berridge for the before and after pics used in the title graphics!

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Join Clutter Free For Life

While Clutter Free for Life comes with a plan of action to keep you moving forward in your decluttering journey day after day, the true magic of this membership program is in the community. It’s a program FOR cluttery people BY cluttery people.

It’s a family of cluttery people who want better for themselves and for you. We all understand the emotional weight of clutter and the physical barriers it causes. Clutter Free for Life members have a team of experts who know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed as their guides. Want to see whether the membership is right for you? Check out our info page Clutter Free For Life.

What are some of the biggest triggers that tend to cause clutter build-up in your home? 

Share in the comments!

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Meet Our Guest 

 

Tonya Kubo

Tonya Kubo is the illustrious and fearless leader of Kathi Lipp’s Clutter Free Academy Facebook group and the Clutter Free for Life membership program. A speaker and writer, Tonya makes her home in the heart of California with her husband, Brian, their two spirited daughters, and one very tolerant cat. Visit her at www.tonyakubo.com.

Tonya Kubo Picture
Transcript
Kathi (00:01.794)

Well, hey friends, welcome to Clutter Free Academy, where our goal is to help you take small, doable steps to live every day with less clutter and more life. And I am here with my co-clutter warrior, it’s Tonya Kubo. Hey, Tonya.

Tonya Kubo (00:15.794)

Hey, Kathi.

Kathi (00:17.95)

Okay, so this may sound like the basic of basic podcasts, but I think when people get overwhelmed by clutter, we do have to go back to the basics because you know that one of my pet peeves is somebody says, I’m gonna do your clutter program. I’m like, awesome, but I’m also doing Marie Kondo’s and I’m also doing the fly lady, and I’m also doing.

I’m like, please leave me out of this. Because what cluttery people tend to do is we tend to take the easiest part or the most attractive part from each system. Then we don’t understand why. Because let’s be honest, every system has their hard part.

Tonya Kubo (01:00.263)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (01:11.859)

Yes, that is 100 % true.

Kathi (01:15.584)

And so I wanna talk about why you may be completely overwhelmed right now when it comes to clutter. We’re recording this when Halloween is on its way out, Thanksgiving and Christmas are on their way in. I was just at, where was I? I was at Walmart and the amount of real estate that is dedicated to

Tonya Kubo (01:24.083)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (01:45.23)

I shouldn’t be surprised. I shouldn’t be surprised if we start to see Christmas in July.

Tonya Kubo (01:48.177)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (01:53.317)

Yeah, no, I have something to say about that because so we walked into Lowe’s like a week ago and Abby started cackling, and I was like, what? And she’s like, look at that, mom. And they had like an aisle of Halloween decorations. And of course, it’s Lowe’s, so it’s a lot of yard stuff. And it’s facing this whole section of Christmas. And it looks like Halloween is facing off with Christmas because it’s like,

Kathi (02:12.771)

Yeah.

Tonya Kubo (02:22.291)

a blow-up Santa, like an inflatable Santa, opposite an animatronic Grim Reaper. But it didn’t look like, my gosh, it looked like from like Lord of the Rings when they’re like facing off before the big war. And I had to take a picture of it because it was funny. I’ll have to post that to social. But yeah, Abby was just like, this is so funny. It’s like the war for Christmas.

Kathi (02:28.909)

my goodness.

Kathi (02:41.549)

Yeah.

Kathi (02:47.66)

Yeah, and fall is my favorite time of year. And I’m like, let me just enjoy fall. But the Christmas stuff is out. Well, I can’t even imagine what the temperature is where you’re at right now. But it’s still 100 degrees here. Yeah. Yeah, it’s just gross. Okay. But if we start to talk about Christmas and the holidays, there’s some anxiety over that. And you’re like, my house isn’t ready. And you want to do a deep dive.

Tonya Kubo (03:00.711)

yeah, same. Yeah, same.

Tonya Kubo (03:11.091)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (03:16.206)

on all the clutter in your house, but there just doesn’t feel like there’s time. So we’re gonna try a bunch of patch-it solutions. Like, I’m just gonna stick this pile of papers here for now. But I’ll totally remember where it is when I need to dig out that tax bill or whatever it is. And then, you know, we…

Tonya Kubo (03:28.839)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (03:34.064)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (03:38.9)

unearth all these memories, having to apologize for the state of our home, telling people don’t open that closet. For me, a long time, I felt like I had to take people out instead of having them over because my house wasn’t in a state where I could entertain people. But then when I take them out, because it was my idea, I felt like I had to pay. You know, there’s a real financial cost.

Tonya Kubo (03:54.087)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (04:04.327)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (04:08.056)

To clutter. Rebuying things. I don’t know if that’s ever been something you’ve had to do, Tonya, but I can’t find the cupcake liners that I bought two weeks ago, so I need to go buy more Valentine cupcake liners or Christmas.

Tonya Kubo (04:09.501)

Yeah.

Tonya Kubo (04:25.971)

That comes up, actually, that is a very acute common pain point in our Facebook group and Clutterfree Academy. Very common, both from a, I need this thing. I know I bought it. It’s somewhere around here. I can’t find it. I’m trying not to go out and buy it, right? To, holy cow, I thought I bought these things and now I just found where I stashed them.

Kathi (04:33.166)

Hmm

Tonya Kubo (04:54.713)

after I just bought them all over again.

Kathi (04:56.128)

Of course. Yes. I’m the person who will leave little notes for myself on my calendar. Like I leave breadcrumbs to say, this is where this thing is. And I leave, I leave also little hints in September. Do not buy Christmas wrap. You have plenty, Kathi. You know, do not buy tape or ribbons or

Tonya Kubo (05:02.3)

Yeah

Tonya Kubo (05:18.555)

Yes.

Kathi (05:23.35)

The little car like you don’t need any of that stuff. But also I know that one of the things that is the most clutter-producing are events and change. Tonya, you know, I live a pretty clutter-free life. We are not we are not by any means picture-perfect all the time. But this week I’m like, Roger, what has happened to our lives?

Tonya Kubo (05:33.511)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (05:41.213)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (05:50.808)

What has happened to our lives? Why is there so much stuff? Like our house was looking pretty good a week ago and kaboom. And he said, well, remember last week we had nine people living in our house. And I’m like, yeah, but I recovered from that. And he goes, yeah, but you launched a book on Tuesday. Like any time there’s this big event, even though it doesn’t feel like it should be so cluttery.

Tonya Kubo (05:57.203)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (06:03.687)

Right, you had to retreat.

Tonya Kubo (06:09.447)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (06:17.352)

things get left out, things get missed. Anytime that our patterns are interrupted, it’s harder and that is what the holidays are. Yes, so we talk about, know, how anything, have you had any of these things in your household in the past three months? Disaster, we’re recording this right about the time.

Tonya Kubo (06:26.213)

Mm-hmm. That is very true.

Kathi (06:41.588)

as we’ve just had major hurricanes go through a large part of the country. You we’ve had two. One specifically working its way through Florida right now. Sickness, the Kubo household, the plague befell you.

Tonya Kubo (06:47.187)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (06:55.013)

my gosh, it has been a year and then some. And you know, it’s not that far in the school year, but yes, plague.

Kathi (07:01.51)

Yes. A death in the family or close friends, you know, that is a major upheaval. Moving. I never want to move again. I want to be buried out in the North 40. Like I never want to move again. And then also we have a lot of our friends who are in Clutter-free for Life and Clutterfree Academy who deal with challenges with their mental health, whether it’s depression, ADHD,

Tonya Kubo (07:27.261)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (07:30.19)

We have a lot of people who are working through some of those challenges.

Tonya Kubo (07:33.585)

Yeah, well I would say actually, to be more accurate, it’s health issues. We see that all the time in Clutterfree Academy, the free group, right? When you join the group, you’re asked to answer several questions. And one is, what gets in the way of you and your decluttering goals? And one of the choices is health issues. And all the, like that gets picked probably five out of 10 times every single week. It’s health issues.

Kathi (07:38.988)

Yeah. Yes.

Kathi (07:49.646)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (08:01.489)

get in the way of my best efforts. And then we see a larger percentage of those individuals in Clutter Free for Life, a paid membership program, because quite honestly, they do not have the physical, mental or emotional bandwidth to decide what to do next. And so they join our paid program. So we do the decision-making for them. But yeah, I would say that those health issues, mental and physical, is a major barrier for our people. Major barrier.

Kathi (08:22.04)

Great.

Kathi (08:30.794)

So I want to give some really practical tools, whether it’s health issues, chaos in your family, sickness, whatever that is. What are some really practical things that we can do as we’re fighting clutter in our lives? And I think you just hit on such a huge one, that pre-deciding. Tell me, Tonya, how you’ve seen that live out in our groups that

Pre-deciding has helped them with this clutter battle.

Tonya Kubo (09:04.783)

Yeah, well, how many examples can I give you? Because I have a lot, Kathi, and this will help me prioritize in my brain. Say three, three. OK, I can do three. So the first one. So if you’ve been listening to the podcast for any length of time, you know that our clutter. Not it’s not 100 percent accurate, right, because context matters in many cases, but in general, the reasons behind our clutter fall into two areas.

Kathi (09:07.884)

Hahaha!

Kathi (09:12.206)

let’s say three. Three is good.

Tonya Kubo (09:34.637)

One is the acquisition of stuff, the amount of stuff that comes into our home. The other is in minimizing the stuff. You’re the one who taught me, Kathi, you must minimize before you organize, right? So that is getting the stuff out of the home. And I refer to that as managing the ebb and flow of stuff in our home or managing the ebb and flow of our possessions. And some people quite honestly struggle on both ends of that. I don’t know what you call that.

both ends of the relationship with clutter. And so in pre-deciding, one of the most powerful decisions I’ve seen made, and we’ve got one member and she has given me permission to talk about her publicly. Her name is Jackie. You know, she struggles with both sides. Yeah, both ends of the spectrum are hard for her, but she made a decision the first of this year that involved the acquisition of stuff. She was gonna really focus.

Kathi (10:05.261)

right.

Kathi (10:18.05)

We love Jackie. We love Jackie.

Tonya Kubo (10:30.931)

on minimizing how much came into her home. And one of those decisions meant that if she got a message from somebody, because she’s part of like by nothing groups and sort of these restoration groups, if somebody gave sent her a message of like, my gosh, there’s this incredible whatever over here on the side of the road, she was gonna say, you know what, I can’t think of anything to do with that. I’m gonna have to pass.

She pre-decided that, you know, she knows what days of the week people tend to put stuff out on the curb. She made, she pre-decided that she was not going to drive down certain streets on those days during those times of days because she knew early in the year, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to pass by certain things. She just knew it, right? Like if I pass by that, if I see a thing like that, it’s going in my truck.

Kathi (11:02.67)

Yeah.

Tonya Kubo (11:22.043)

and it’s going in my garage because in my mind, if I put it in my truck, I save it from a landfill. I don’t have the self-control to say no, but what I do have the self-control to do is not drive in that part of town on that day of the

Kathi (11:36.293)

my goodness, I had not heard this story. That is amazing. I’m so proud of her.

Tonya Kubo (11:41.095)

So, I am proud, Kathi, I could weep, and you know I’m not that emotional of a person, but I could weep daily over the growth that I see in our members because the thing is, is I remember it all. I remember them when they first joined. They don’t remember how far they’ve come. So the first thing I would say is, previous society, think of what Jackie did. Can you make a decision involving your routine?

Kathi (11:57.698)

Right.

Tonya Kubo (12:08.977)

that eliminates five other decisions. Because that’s a big one. The other thing I would say is, know, meal planning. It’s so funny. We are not a food group. We cannot sell you meal plans. don’t, well, we can sell you Sabbath soup, which has meal plans. But if you join Color Free Academy, I don’t have meal plans in there to sell you. I’m sorry. But, you know.

Kathi (12:13.614)

Yeah.

Kathi (12:25.656)

Yes, please.

Kathi (12:31.33)

Right.

Tonya Kubo (12:34.759)

The idea of a meal plan, of pre-deciding this is what we’re eating every day, prevents over buying a food, which prevents food waste. It does so much to save time at the end of the day when you’re tired and your energy is often at the lowest. And so by pre-deciding what you’re gonna eat, we’ve seen this in our house particularly. If I know what we’re having for dinner, I know exactly when to get started in the kitchen cooking and…

Because I’ve made so many mental decisions, I still have physical energy to clean up the kitchen after we eat.

Kathi (13:10.35)

Tonya, I really do think that meals need to become a bigger part of what we do in Clutterfree for Life. It’s just, it’s, you know, every day I spend about 15 minutes doing something towards my meal plan. You know, on Mondays I make my menu, on Tuesdays I make my shopping list and I order my groceries, on Wednesdays pick them up, Thursdays prep.

Tonya Kubo (13:20.101)

yes, definitely.

Tonya Kubo (13:28.761)

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Kathi (13:39.63)

You know, doing all those vegetables, you know, everything that involves a quiz and art or I pre-ground some meat or something like that. then Friday and Saturday I cook. It makes such a so I spend about 15 minutes doing that and I spend about 15 minutes decluttering every day. And then I, you know, specific rooms, you know, Monday I’m doing my kitchen Tuesday, I’m doing my living room. And then I spent about 15 minutes doing some kind of cleaning.

Tonya Kubo (13:40.723)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (13:57.767)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (14:08.822)

That is a little above and beyond and just by making those three decisions and those decisions are Predecisions like this is what I’m doing and this is what I’m going to do It’s changed the rhythm of my home. It’s made such a difference Tonya, I want to come back And I want to talk to the women You know, we have some guys who are here. We’re welcome, but you know what? I’m just going to be honest

Tonya Kubo (14:11.059)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (14:24.409)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kathi (14:39.086)

we are talking to women here because we have different kinds of pressures and different kinds of things we do and I want to talk about For the woman who feels perpetually behind Who just feels like she can’t catch up. We’re gonna come back and have some really practical solutions for you So stay tuned we’re gonna pay some bills and we’ll be right back

Tonya Kubo (14:51.495)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (15:03.104)

Okay, friends, we are back. I’m back with Tonya Kubo, who is not only our co-host, but the leader of all things clutter-free. And I just want to talk about what are the emotional tolls of clutter. You know that I often refer to this UCLA study that says, first of all, one in 11 Americans have so many possessions that they are currently paying for

storage space outside their home. Now this study is 10 years old at least 10 years old, and They haven’t stopped building storage units There are more storage unit businesses in the United States than there are McDonald’s and Subways combined that’s a lot. That is a lot and

Tonya Kubo (15:33.639)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (15:40.306)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (15:52.445)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (15:57.501)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (16:00.462)

In 2009, UCLA found that mothers who described their homes as cluttered, they self-described, they self-identified that their homes are cluttered, have a stress hormone profile indicative of chronic stress. And chronic stress, left untreated, turns into a chronic illness. That is the path. When you are constantly stressed, when you constantly feel your heart racing when you constantly feel

Tonya Kubo (16:09.127)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (16:30.612)

These things and these moms also tended to have more depressed moods throughout the day. Like clutter is affecting our mental health. It is making us sad and depressed. They’re more tired in the evenings. And I think about this. So, Tonya, I am no longer in the thick of it. I do not have kids at my house. When kids come to my house, what they do is they come by to steal food, steal wine.

Tonya Kubo (16:38.332)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (16:52.231)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (16:59.424)

and then go to their friends’ parties in Lake Tahoe. That’s what my kids do when they come to that. But you’re in the thick of it. Describe to me what your house feels like when it’s clear because you had a real clutter issue when your kids were little.

Tonya Kubo (16:59.795)

You

Tonya Kubo (17:08.519)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (17:18.355)

Yes, and because my kids are growing up, we still have clutter issues. They look different, right? I’ve I share this and I’ve been teaching in Clutter-Free for Life recently and I share this with them all the time. It’s like there is always one part of my house that I feel like is absolutely out of control. The difference is, is that in 2014, when I discovered Clutter-Free for Life, or actually 2015, it was my whole house, right? And so now

Kathi (17:23.924)

Right. Yeah.

Kathi (17:37.165)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (17:46.582)

Right. Right.

Tonya Kubo (17:48.207)

I have just accepted that in this phase of life, one part of the house being constantly chaotic is still growth and a win compared to where I used to be.

Kathi (17:59.182)

Tonya, Tonya, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is still growth?

Tonya Kubo (18:05.253)

It is still growth!

Kathi (18:07.522)

This is such a huge victory, friend. I know it may not feel as different, but what you have done for your kids and for your own mental health is indescribable. It’s huge.

Tonya Kubo (18:10.972)

you

Tonya Kubo (18:18.024)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (18:22.937)

Yes, and it is a victory, but like we say in clutter free, right? It’s not one and done. It never is, right? So many people think, like, if I could just take a whole week off of work and get my house completely decluttered, it’ll be fine. I’ll never have to do it again. And I just feel like it’s so important to point out that for some of us, the goal is to just be better than we were when we started and to be on the path to be better a year from now than where we are right now.

Kathi (18:27.991)

Right, 100%.

Tonya Kubo (18:51.827)

constant state of improvement.

Kathi (18:51.98)

So Tonya, when you were first working the clutter free program, how often were you renting a dumpster?

Tonya Kubo (18:57.704)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (19:02.609)

Well, I had never rented one before we started, but that was like when we recognized we had no space. So we rented one, we could get one. I remember we could get one at a special deal once every three months. And so that’s what we did. The first year was four times. The second year was three times. And then we went to twice a year for a good chunk of years, maybe three years, until we bought this house.

Kathi (19:06.371)

Right?

Yeah.

Kathi (19:25.87)

For a long time, yeah.

Tonya Kubo (19:29.383)

We bought this house and we got one and that’s when they doubled the price. I was not happy, Kathi, at all. They doubled the price. We got one and then we kind of looked and we were like, we had enough for one dump because the way that our town had done it at the time is you would rent it for a month or four empties. And so initially we were filling it four times and then it went to where we’d fill it only like two to three.

Kathi (19:35.498)

I agree.

Kathi (19:48.941)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (19:53.004)

Mmm.

Tonya Kubo (19:56.775)

but that last time we actually did not have enough stuff to fill it once. It was still worthwhile because I still truly appreciate having the immediate free space, but it was huge progress. But what I want to also say is, you when we talk about stress and clutter, if you hear nothing else in this episode, this is what you need to hear. Yes, clutter causes stress and stress causes clutter.

Kathi (20:01.87)

That’s amazing.

Kathi (20:07.874)

Yes.

Kathi (20:24.42)

Yes, ex- go-

Tonya Kubo (20:25.507)

It goes both ways. I don’t want anybody listening to be like, well I’m stressed out because I’m failing at my decluttering because it is the most vicious cycle ever. And it’s one that I am living right now. Now it’s not throughout my whole house, but it’s my desk. So I am in a period of travel, which I don’t love doing during the school year. And when I cannot contain all that I have to do, I start writing everything on sticky notes and color coding them. And I,

I stick the sticky notes all around my, I kid you not, 27 inch monitor. And then when I have filled the edges of my monitor, I start just sticking them in random places all over my desk. And there was a point in time last week where you couldn’t see my desk because there were so many sticky notes of things. Now I will tell you this week, super empowering to be able to get rid of a stack of sticky notes every single day before I go to bed.

Kathi (21:12.504)

Yeah.

Kathi (21:20.258)

Nice So Tonya here’s what I would say too because I don’t want anybody to join us in the free group or potentially be in the clutter free for life group and think This is how I get my house perfect because let me be honest with you I Would still like ten more minutes before somebody comes over like I but but I don’t need

Tonya Kubo (21:45.299)

Amen. Brian would like 10 to 14 business days if you could arrange that for him. That would be his preference.

Kathi (21:55.384)

But here’s the thing, Tonya, and we’ve had this happen before, where friends have been in crisis and they need a place to sleep. And I say, come on down. And we can do that. You can’t do that because you have no room in your house.

Tonya Kubo (22:03.581)

Mm-hmm. Yup.

Tonya Kubo (22:09.381)

I was gonna say I only have as many beds as I have people in this house and well that oftentimes one of us is on the couch.

Kathi (22:17.452)

Yeah, but if somebody needs to come over and grab something to make their dinner, you could let them into your house and you can do that. And that’s the big difference, my friends, you know, that I live in a space that doesn’t stress me out every time I come downstairs. And I, you know, right now my garage is organized like, you know, miracles abound friend. Okay.

Tonya Kubo (22:21.139)

Mm-hmm.

yeah. Yeah.

Tonya Kubo (22:34.973)

Mm-hmm.

Tonya Kubo (22:41.405)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (22:49.27)

You know, we’ve talked a little bit about Clutterfree Academy, which is our free group that everybody is welcome into. You have to answer a few questions so we know that you’re not trying to one, try to teach other people because you were born organized and you know how to do it because we reject you in the name of Jesus Christ.

Tonya Kubo (23:08.347)

I will say this one more time, we are the kindest quarter of the internet except for that particular type of person.

Kathi (23:14.4)

Yes, yes. But also, we have our Clutter Free for Life group. here’s something I’ve been thinking about recently, Tonya, and a way I’m going to start teaching it in Clutter Free for Life. There are a lot of organization programs out there. And those programs are like

trimming your rose bushes, trimming your plants, like they may look good for a while, but you’re not getting to the root of the problem. And yeah, yeah. No.

Tonya Kubo (23:58.557)

Well, that’s the ultimate issue, isn’t it, Kathi? Please continue. But I mean, that really is the heart of it, is so many initiatives we have tried to solve our problem of clutter is bandaging a deeply infected wound.

Kathi (24:14.966)

Yeah. Yes. And what I want to do is I want you to get to the root of this problem. I want you to get to the place where you are pulling that rose bush that is not producing great roses anymore, but you keep trimming it and hoping it’ll come back and no, we’re just going to pull it out by the roots. And that’s what clutter free for life does, because what we want you to do is we want you to spend

Tonya Kubo (24:39.111)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (24:45.526)

Few minutes 15 minutes every day getting to the root of the issue and that means getting the stuff out of your house getting it out of your space because if You get it out. You never have to deal with that particular item again But if you keep it and organize it and put it into a folder or buy a plastic tub for it You’re gonna have to reorganize it and reorganize it and reorganize it

Tonya Kubo (24:55.324)

Yes.

Tonya Kubo (25:04.167)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (25:15.65)

Dozens of times and if you’re not going to use it, it’s time to remove it

Tonya Kubo (25:21.091)

Mm-hmm. 100%.

Kathi (25:22.766)

So, Tonya, can you explain a little bit of the difference between Clutter-Free Academy, our free group, and Clutter-Free for Life, which is our paid group? And let’s just be honest, we’re doing this podcast because we want to introduce, some of you just need the band-aid every once in a while. But most of the people who are searching out, decluttering, those kind of terms,

Tonya Kubo (25:30.685)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (25:52.65)

on Facebook looking for that kind of help often need deeper help and that’s what clutter free for life does.

Tonya Kubo (25:56.903)

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, I could fill four episodes with everything that is involved in our Clutterfree Academy program and our Clutterfree for Life membership program. But here’s what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna give you some differences from the perspective of Grace Church. She is the community manager of our Clutterfree for Life, our membership program. And she just says it so well.

First things first, the free group is huge, depending on your relation with size. But it’s inching up towards 16,000 members now. And so it’s huge. So if you are the type of person that really feels like you are all alone in the world, you are the only person who has clutter, you’re the only person who hasn’t figured out how to get on top of your stuff, please by all means come into the free group and see that you have.

roughly about 15,900 close personal friends who also think they’re the only person in the world. If you need to know you’re in good company, by all means go there. If you are somebody who likes a big, busy group, lots of activity, talking about all sorts of different things, all that fall within the spectrum of clutter, Clutterfree Academy is a great place for you. And if you have just like one or two questions about clutter,

Kathi (26:59.977)

Right.

Tonya Kubo (27:21.841)

Like, my gosh, my mom just passed away. We’ve got this milk glass and we have no idea what one does with milk glass. Who here knows? We’re pretty good resource for that kind of thing, too. Excellent resource. However, if you are somebody who prefers a smaller, more intimate group that is action oriented because our free group has people, some people actually don’t believe they have any issue with clutter and they come into the group to prove

Kathi (27:31.381)

Excellent resource.

Tonya Kubo (27:51.461)

somebody in their life wrong, right? Somebody told them they were cluttering. They’re like, I’m not cluttering. I’m gonna go join this cluttering group and prove to you how uncluttery I am. Those folks are in there. Some folks are in there just because their clutter is situational. We get a lot of teachers, for instance, who are changing classrooms, changing jobs, and they’re just in there for some help in getting rid of some of the stuff that they’ve stockpiled. Clutter-free for life is for the person on a mission, right?

They know they have a clutter problem. nobody joins Clutter Free for Life because they’re curious on whether they have a clutter problem. They join because they know what? They have a problem. They want to be in company with other people doing, with the same shared goal, I should say, because not everybody is working on the same thing at the same time, but they all have the same mission. And they like more direct help.

Kathi (28:21.934)

Mm-hmm, right.

Tonya Kubo (28:42.577)

Some of our folks in Clutterfree Academy love the information we share. They binge this podcast. They go through, they pour through the website, but they are not ready to be visible yet, right? They don’t want Kathi to know what they look like. They don’t want Kathi to know them by name. Nobody’s scared of me. Everybody’s happy knowing me by name, but you know, Kathi, they really look to you as a mentor and as an expert. And so in Clutterfree for life is when they’re ready to be seen. We meet on zoom every single week.

Kathi (28:53.485)

Yeah.

You

Kathi (29:09.976)

Yeah.

every single week.

Tonya Kubo (29:12.741)

and we talk through these issues. Now there was a time where the calls on Zoom were just Q &A’s like, come and give us your clutter problems and we’ll answer. And what we have discovered is our people do not appreciate that. They come, they want us to pre-decide, they want us to look at what’s going on, what the theme is, and let them know what’s most important for them to know to take immediate action, and then support them in whatever obstacles are along the way. And so to do all that,

We have a calendar with a day-to-day decluttering plan for you. We do separate it in monthly themes because we have been at this long enough, Kathi Lipp has been at this longer than me, but we’ve been at this longer enough to know those rhythms and routines of where clutter rears its ugly head most often. And honestly, we’re just the nicest stinking people you could ever hope to be with our members. Like I get emotional every time I lead one of our weekly calls.

because they are so generous and so kind and so giving. And there is nobody who will ever answer your question with a, well, what you gotta do is, because all of us are aware that we are no more of an expert on the solution than you are, but we are experts on the journey.

Kathi (30:31.02)

Yes. And it is a journey. It takes time. This is not, like you said, a one and done. This is constantly keeping up on it and reframing how you think about your stuff. That’s a lot of what we do is help you reframe how you think about the things. Because many of us were raised by parents that if you give it away, that means you’re wasteful. Or, you know, that we have these tapes in our head.

that we don’t need to keep. And so we really try to give every, we lend each other our bravery to be able to say, you can get rid of it, it’s gonna be okay. Or, hey, you may need to hold onto that for another three months until you are ready to get rid of it. But in the meantime, here are the other things you can do. So friends, Clutter Free for Life, you can join it any time of the year. It’s 299.

Tonya Kubo (31:25.043)

Mm-hmm.

Kathi (31:27.63)

for the entire year or $24.99 per month or right now we’ve got a sale going on and we do this because we want you to be able to try this out and you guys it’s such a good sale it’s $118 for the entire year which is is pretty stunning

Tonya Kubo (31:30.163)

or $24.99 per month.

Kathi (31:55.022)

And you get all the same things that you get when you join at full price But I will say there is a limit to this because we have to hand process each of those ones So we are only offering this price through December 10th 2024 and You will be let into the group. You will get immediate access to our resources in there You’ll be able to look at all the past teaching. So if you’re like

I don’t have a lot going on for Christmas, then what you can do is you can start watching the videos. You can start being a part of the discussions. And can I just tell you this clutter free Academy is the kindest corner of the Internet. Clutter free for life is the kindest corner of the kindest corner of the Internet. You will never be shamed. You will never be said, you know, told, that’s what your house looks like because we’ve all been there.

Tonya and I were both raised by hoarders. My dad was a hoarder. Yeah, Tonya’s, my dad was a hoarder. Tonya’s mom was a hoarder. We get it, friends. We get that this, this is really hard, but we want you to be a part of it. So if you want to be a part of Clutter Free for Life, all you have to do is go to the show notes. We have a link there. It’s kathi.link/CFL and

Tonya Kubo (32:55.539)

Yeah, nothing ever surprises me. Nope.

Kathi (33:21.567)

You will get all the information you need. We would love for you to come and join. You can bring your clutter burdens to us. We will talk about it. Plus, you’re going to have hundreds of other people in there who have been through this journey and can give you the advice you need, not just the advice, the encouragement. So I want you to come check it out because it is a pretty spectacular place to be. Tonya, any final words of encouragement for our friends here?

Tonya Kubo (33:52.173)

You know what? It is not a personal failing to need help with your clutter. When I think back to a lot of our new members or a lot of the conversations I have with people in the free group who are thinking about joining the membership, what I hear a lot of is like, I should be able to do this, right? And I’m like, I’ve got a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree and a whole lot of life experience and I need help.

Even if I wasn’t on the team, I’d be paying to be part of this group because I need the plan. I need to know what the next step is and I need support in getting there and it’s okay if you do too.

Kathi (34:31.63)

We need support from each other. We just need support from each other to continue on the journey. Tonya, thank you so much for your wisdom today. Friends, thank you for being here. You’ve been listening to ClutterFree Academy. I’m Kathi Lipp. Now, go create the clutter free life you’ve always wanted to live.

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Hey friends, today’s episode is a powerful and important one. But be advised, it’s also a sensitive subject. Kathi Lipp will be diving deep into the topic of depression and suicidality with her dear friend and author Chris Morris.

You’ll hear how Chris hit his lowest point and the transformative experiences that followed. He opens up about the pivotal moments that set him on a path of healing and the vital role his wife and community played in that journey. Whether you’ve personally battled depression or suicidal thoughts, or you’ve walked alongside a loved one facing these challenges, Chris’ story and insights offer hope and practical wisdom, such as:

  •  How to come alongside someone struggling with their mental health
  • The importance of finding the right therapist, and it might not be the first one you find!
  • The importance of communicating effectively and clearly that they are needed and loved

This episode will move you, challenge you, and ultimately inspire you to show up for those you love who might be struggling in ways you can’t fully understand. So grab a cozy spot, and let’s dive into this powerful conversation together.

Interested in more of Chris Morris’s story?
Click this link. Resilient and Redeemed: Lessons About Suicidality and Depression from the Psych Ward
And sign up for his newsletter at chrismorriswrites.com

Click here to be notified when the next episode of Clutter Free Academy is released.

Also, stay up to date and sign up here to receive our newsletter.

The Accidental Homesteader: What I’ve Learned About Chickens, Compost, and Creating Home

Homesteading [hohm-sted-ing]
noun
1. an act or instance of establishing a homestead.
2. the act of loving where you live so much that you actively ignore the fact that your house is trying to kill you on a regular basis.

For Kathi Lipp and her husband, Roger, buying a house in one of the most remote parts of Northern California was never part of the plan; many of life’s biggest, most rewarding adventures rarely are.

Kathi shares the hard-won wisdom she’s gained on her homestead journey to help you accomplish more at home, gain fresh perspective, and give yourself grace in the process. Here’s a handful of the lessons Kathi shares:

  • Prepare before the need arises
  • Everything is always in process, including us
  • Your best household solution is time and patience
  • You don’t have to do everything the hard way
  • Be open to new and better ways of doing things
  • A lot of small changes make a huge difference.
    Highly practical, humorous, and inspirational, The Accidental Homesteader will encourage you to live with more peace, joy, and contentment.

Order your copy of The Accidental Homesteader: What I’ve Learned About Chickens, Compost, and Creating Home here.

How has Chris’s vulnerability in sharing his story impacted your own understanding and perspective on mental health challenges?

Share them the comments!

Let’s stay connected

To share your thoughts:

  • Leave a note in the comment section below.
  • Leave an honest review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read each one.

Subscribe on iTunes or subscribe to our newsletter now.

Meet Our Guest 

 

Chris Morris

Chris Morris is a certified mental health coach dedicated to promoting understanding of mental health issues within the church. Because of a lifelong struggle with depression and suicidality, Chris became committed to breaking down the stigma surrounding mental health and encouraging others to seek after holistic health.

As a writer and speaker, Chris has shared his personal story and insights with audiences across the country, inspiring many individuals to take control of their own health, break free from poor theological teaching placed upon them, and seek the support they need. He has published several books on mental health, the most recent being Resilient and Redeemed. His work has been featured in a number of media outlets, including CrossWalk, The Mighty, and Fathom Magazine.

Visit him at chrismorriswrites.com

Follow Chris on social media: Facebook @chrismorriswrites and Instagram @chrismorriswrites 

Tonya Kubo Picture
Transcript

Hey friends, welcome to Clutterfree Academy. Today I am having a beautiful and important conversation with my friend Chris Morris, resilient and redeemed. We’re gonna be talking about some pretty tough topics about depression and suicidality.

Friends, if those are triggering for you, you may want to skip this episode or you may wanna listen to it with a friend or a family member who’s safe. And if you’ve got little kids in the car, cause I know a lot of you listen to this podcast when you’re on your way or back from school, you may wanna listen to this at another time. Or if you just need to skip this episode altogether, hey, we will be back next week talking about your clutter. But I just wanted to give you a heads up. It’s a great conversation, but I also know I want you to feel safe and I want you to know what’s coming up. So please listen to my conversation with Chris Morris.

 

Kathi (00:00.861)
Well, hey friends, welcome to Clutter-Free Academy, where our goal is to help you take small doable steps to live every day with less clutter and more life. And guys, I am very excited to dig deep into this episode. I am here with one of my good friends and savior in some ways, because he also does our taxes and keeps me out of jail. So I am deeply appreciative. It’s Chris Morris. Chris, welcome to the podcast.

Chris Morris (00:39.886)
Thanks for watching!

Chris Morris (00:45.986)
Thank you so much for having me, Kathi.

Kathi (00:48.113)
Oh, Chris, I have been looking forward to this. We’ve had this on the books for a while because you are an expert. I would say, I don’t know if you would call yourself a reluctant expert, but we’re talking about mental health today and some of the aspects of that go with Clutter. But could you just tell us a little bit about your journey into becoming, to writing on the subject to sharing about this and opening up your own story.

Chris Morris (01:20.91)
Sure, I guess the first thing I’d say is that I am maybe not an expert in the way that you could consider it on the one hand, because I am not a psychiatrist, I’m not a social worker and I’m not a pastor, but I am an expert because I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidality for the last 30 years. So reluctance is a great term to add, because I certainly wouldn’t wish that on anyone, including myself.

Kathi (01:30.465)
Right? Yeah.

Kathi (01:38.434)
Right.

Kathi (01:44.781)
Right. Yes. And yeah.

Chris Morris (01:47.606)
But I started writing about it because I realized that a lot of people, myself included at times, have gotten stuck specifically in our faith and in the ability to make forward momentum. And over the last four or five years, I’ve figured some of those things out for myself. I can’t promise that what I figured out is will work for everyone, but I’m in a much better mental space than I’ve been in a long time.

Kathi (02:11.696)
Right.

Kathi (02:15.841)
Well, and I feel like this podcast, yes, we talk specifically about clutter, but so much of what we talk about is hope, hope for change, hope for living in new and different ways. And I feel like the last four years of your life have been a huge reflection of that because you and I have been working together. And when I say you and I, you mostly work with Roger because the money part is scary to me and I don’t avoid it. Well, okay, I don’t embrace it.

But I am very grateful because you’ve helped Roger and I really figure out the money aspect of not just our business, but our home, all those kind of things. And you’re an incredibly talented person. But you’ve gone through some really big struggles in the time that I’ve known you and also have experienced some tremendous healing.

Chris Morris (03:13.138)
I have so probably the low point of my life in 2020. I know 2020 was rough for everyone, but it was terrible. For me, I actually had a suicide attempt. And I landed in a psych ward for about a week. Part of that time that I was there, I was angry that my suicide attempt didn’t work. And it’s sort of in a weird

twisted way it became one more thing that I was not good at. Oh great Chris you can’t even kill yourself properly. Which is really wicked frankly and pretty close to demonic.

Kathi (03:51.045)
It’s, yeah, right. It’s a very, very dark way, but.

I think, you know, so many of us, if we cannot relate to that particular portion of your story, we have had people that we love. We have had people that we’ve worked with or gone to school with. You know, suicide touched my life very early in that somebody I worked with when I was 16 took his own life.

And yeah, you know, and it, I think about the people who were close to him and the, yeah, I think about how much it affected me and, you know, we just knew each other. And so I think about, I think about not only you, Chris, but also your wife and your family and the people who love you like I do and how…

Chris Morris (04:22.542)
I’m sorry.

Kathi (04:51.325)
how heartbreaking that is. What I wanna do in this episode, and I’m so grateful that you are so honest and so raw about your story. I wanna talk to our listeners about if you are,

if you love somebody, if somebody in your family is in these spaces, how can we best come alongside? And one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you about this is the clutter where it is an issue for a lot of people, but for people who are struggling with their mental health.

this can also be a catalyst and a symptom. It can keep people down and it can be a real struggle. And so what I wanted to ask you about is, I know you have a wife who desperately loves you. I know you have a lot of people who care about you. And I wonder how can we come alongside somebody who is struggling so much in this area?

Chris Morris (06:08.142)
That’s a really important question. I’m glad you’re talking about this. Thank you for asking it. The biggest thing that my wife and I have learned through this process is just being radically honest. So, you know, even in marriages, we can get into that space. How was your day? Oh, it was fine. And we’re not answering very transparently.

Kathi (06:13.135)
Yeah.

Chris Morris (06:36.95)
You know, so sometimes it’s as simple as, well, you said it was fine. Are you sure? And then with my wife, yeah. I was very stubborn personally and my mistaken belief that I had my life put together pretty well when I really didn’t. So it took my wife.

Kathi (06:42.569)
Mm-hmm. Mm. But one more question. Yeah.

Kathi (06:57.873)
Okay, so what did that look like? What did that look like for you, that you felt like your life was together, but finding out it wasn’t?

Chris Morris (07:08.414)
Um, what it looked like for me in the context of where we’re going is asking that one more question didn’t accomplish anything. Like my wife would have to get almost aggressive with me. Like, Chris, you’ve not been yourself. And you seem really down. I know that you struggle with depression. Are you struggling with it right now? And that was Yeah, that was very hard for her.

Kathi (07:19.782)
Oh wow.

Kathi (07:32.548)
So being super direct.

Chris Morris (07:37.514)
She’s a middle child, so that means she doesn’t like conflict. And I’m an only child, which means I’m always right.

Kathi (07:41.815)
Right.

Kathi (07:47.292)
Oh, don’t you love how God knits these relationships together, right?

Chris Morris (07:51.634)
Yeah. So so it ended up I would love to tell you that they were all super happy conversations, but some of them were sort of aggressive. They were you know, we got in some arguments over it, where I was telling her I’m really okay. And she’s like, you’re really not. And she’d always she’d always source it or center it in her love for me. Over and over. She’d say, Chris, I want the best for you. And you’re not living your best right now.

Kathi (08:11.413)
Mmm.

Kathi (08:17.061)
So is that what you needed to hear? That you were deeply loved and she wanted more for you?

Chris Morris (08:26.43)
Yes. Yeah, there’s this there is at least for me or there was it’s less so now this intense fear that if I let people into the darkness that’s within my soul, they’re going to go, Oh, I don’t want any of that. So the best one of the best things my wife did was say, I’m committed to you no matter what. And I think there’s more for you.

Kathi (08:51.981)
Right, right. Mm-hmm.

Chris Morris (08:55.222)
But you have to, you have to want it. Let me help you want it.

Kathi (08:59.863)
Yeah. Were you seeing somebody at this point? Were you in therapy? What was the situation? Did you have somebody that you could be completely honest with?

Chris Morris (09:15.074)
Um, on and off, I’ll be honest with you, Kathi. I had a couple really, really bad experiences with counselors where they were actually adding to my trauma rather than helping me process. So in the, the darkest times, part of my problem was that I wasn’t seeking professional help.

Kathi (09:18.721)
Yeah.

Chris Morris (09:39.902)
and my reasoning somewhat made sense. I had someone who told me that my Christianity was a crutch and I was gonna be depressed as long as I continued to believe in God.

Kathi (09:50.094)
What?

Chris Morris (09:51.742)
Right. So I looked at that and went, well, I don’t need that. And that’s not a wrong statement, but, but I did need counseling.

Kathi (09:56.957)
Right. No, it’s not a wrong statement. But two things, yeah, two things can be true at the same time. That was a wrong statement, but you still needed help. But that was not the help you needed, yeah. I find, yeah.

Chris Morris (10:05.951)
Yes.

Chris Morris (10:09.79)
Yes, exactly. Right. So part of this too, look like my wife saying, I think you need to get into counseling again. Well, you remember the last time that happened? Yes, I do. But I still think you need to get into counseling again.

Kathi (10:20.599)
Yeah.

Kathi (10:26.829)
Yeah, and what I’ve learned is the first counselor isn’t always the right counselor. That sometimes it’s the second and third, but that has to be really hard when you are struggling so deeply to be persistent in that. I mean, you must have needed your wife’s support even more at that point. I don’t know. How did you, were you able to find somebody or is that still an ongoing struggle for you?

Chris Morris (10:34.485)
Mm-hmm.

Chris Morris (10:57.934)
So after my suicide attempt, there were some things that happened in the psych ward that maybe we’ll get to, maybe we won’t. But there were some shifts that happened in the deepest part of my soul when I was in the psych ward. And I recognized that everything my wife had been saying to me about needing to find support and needing to produce change in my life and needing to have healthy habits.

Kathi (11:05.016)
Okay.

Chris Morris (11:25.278)
All of those things did indeed have to happen or I was gonna end up in the same place again.

Kathi (11:30.805)
Right, right. And I will say, I, you know, just for my own mental health journey, I’ve done some online therapy. And one of the best things that I heard was, you know, you can, you know, you can be matched with somebody. And I wasn’t necessarily matched with a Christian. But it was somebody who

Kathi (12:00.719)
and believed that my faith was an important part of who I was.

And so that was a beautiful statement to me. I found the right counselor because I’ve been struggling with some situational depression and needed to see somebody for a few months and to have that option and be told, no, we honor who you are, including your faith was huge for me. We need to go to a commercial. I wanna come back.

Chris Morris (12:10.08)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi (12:36.197)
And I want to ask you, Chris, about

How do you ask for the help that you need when you’re in that, or can you? And so I wanna explore that topic with you because some of us are coming alongside somebody, but some of us are the ones who are suffering. And I wanna ask you, you know, where, how did you get to the point where you could ask or maybe you didn’t? So I wanna go into more of your story there. We’re gonna take a quick break and we’ll be right back.

Guys, we’re here with author Chris Morris. His book is resilient and redeemed. Chris, can you give me the subtitle to your book?

Chris Morris (13:21.902)
Sure, it is lessons about suicidality and depression from the psych ward.

Kathi (13:28.421)
Yeah, okay. So you talked a little bit about that some things fundamentally changed for you while you were in the psych ward. You know, were you able to ask for help? Or was the suicide attempt? Was that the ask? I don’t know. I’m probably asking the wrong questions here, but I would love to hear your answer.

Chris Morris (13:53.362)
I don’t think you’re asking the wrong questions. I mean, how do you dive into, so how was the suicide attempt? That’s not an easy question. But that, cause that sort of sounds like how was the stake, but.

Kathi (13:59.089)
Yeah, how is-

Kathi (14:04.673)
Right, and I only left because you’re here and you’re with us and you’re you know You’re reaching out your hand back out to people who they are struggling and there are so many families who are dealing with this situation right now So how did you get the help you need? Did it have to come to it had to come to the psych ward? Didn’t it for you?

Chris Morris (14:27.942)
It really did. I was very stubborn and convinced that I was handling things okay. And the circumstances behind my suicide attempt and what happened when I was in the psych ward sort of laid the foundation for a different direction for me. Let me explain what I mean by that.

Kathi (14:46.983)
Yeah.

Chris Morris (14:48.138)
We immediately before my suicide attempt, we were as a family downstairs, having a good time watching some television show. And I had this random thought pop into my head that said, things are never going to get better. You should just go take those pills right now. And I didn’t process that. I was sort of so stunned that it came that I just sort of went with it. And I went upstairs, grabbed a bunch of pills.

and tried to kill myself by suicide. And, you know, I needed, when I came into a better place, I realized I need to make sure that the next time that thought pops into my head, because it’s gonna come again, I need to be prepared to manage that better. And what that looked like for me was needing to have

transparent relationships with three or four people who I know will be able to, at a moment’s notice, sort of drop everything and help me reframe things. I have that now in my life. Finding a counselor, I have that now in my life. And then the thing that shifted for me in the in the psych ward was a spiritual reorientation. I’m going to tell you a quick story here.

Kathi (15:53.713)
Yeah.

Kathi (16:11.353)
Yeah, please, yes.

Chris Morris (16:13.822)
So I was sitting in the psych ward watching a cinematic masterpiece, something like Rambo 17. Yes, yes, life changing stuff. And I felt this quickening in my spirit, like God wanted to say something to me. I didn’t know exactly what he might want to say to post-suicidal psych ward Chris. But anyway, couldn’t say it well.

Kathi (16:21.285)
Something with deep meaning to you. Yes, go ahead. Right.

Chris Morris (16:39.562)
while sliced along was blowing up the world. So I went into my room, and I sat down and I just waited. And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me almost like an audible voice. It wasn’t but almost like that clear. Chris, I still love you. And I and I and I argued with him. You don’t understand who I am and what I’ve gone through and how dark things are. I don’t even love me. You can’t love me. And I was ready for an argument.

You know, it’s never a good thing when you think you’re going to argue and win with God, but that’s a side point. Instead of engaging me in that, the Lord just repeated himself. He said, no, Chris, I still love you. And it hit different for me the second time. And it’s like something shifted in my spirit in a really deep way. If the creator of the universe who knows better than anyone else exactly how messed up I am.

Kathi (17:09.485)
Right. Yes.

Chris Morris (17:37.13)
is still willing to engage with me and still see something worthwhile that maybe I ought to as well. So that’s sort of part one of the restoration of my soul. Part two came the next day, my pastor came and visited me. I I’ve had a lot of gaslighting in my life from pastor so I was super nervous. I almost didn’t show up. Because I’m like I

I don’t think I can handle one more person tearing me down one more time. I’m already in a psych ward. I can’t, but it can get worse.

Kathi (18:07.53)
Right. Oh, absolutely. Yes.

Chris Morris (18:10.682)
And we small talk for a little bit, you know, how’s the food? It’s fine. Are you enjoying yourself? What? He didn’t ask that question. I’m kidding.

Kathi (18:19.67)
I was like, oh, he needs some training. OK, good. He did not ask that question.

Chris Morris (18:24.063)
No, we just small talk for a while. And then I saw his posture change. And in my, and internally I went, Oh no, here it comes. Here’s where he’s going to tear me down. But he didn’t. Instead he said, Chris, we can’t have this happen again. God’s not done with you yet. And our church needs you. And those two things helped me understand not only is not only was he affirming what

Kathi (18:30.243)
Yeah.

Chris Morris (18:49.482)
had happened through the Holy Spirit the other day, but he was telling me, you have a home and we miss you in this home.

Kathi (18:57.789)
To know, to say, we want to know you more deeply, and you’re needed is huge, is huge. And that’s what you needed to hear, is what you’re telling me, is that you were wanted and you were needed. And yeah, I think sometimes we forget.

Chris Morris (18:58.21)
deeply transformative.

Chris Morris (19:06.733)
Yes.

Chris Morris (19:17.002)
Mm-hmm.

Kathi (19:22.941)
to show up for our friends, for the people that we love in that way and say the simple things. And you talked about your three or four friends. I call that my short sucker list. If I’m, it doesn’t matter where I’m at, at 2.30 in the morning, I’ve got a handful of friends who won’t ask a question, but will show up and just, you know, because they know I need them. And we all need that.

that short list in our lives. Chris, there are people who are listening right now who are going to deal with, they know somebody who is hurting right now. What do they need to tell that person that they love so deeply, who are struggling so much, that they are needed and they’re wanted? What else did you need to hear?

Chris Morris (20:21.654)
I’m gonna go someplace weird to give you an answer to this question. I’m going to go to the book of Job and his friends. No, normally when Pete, when you talk about Job’s friends, you think about, well, once they open their mouth, all sorts of stuff, we’ll use the word stuff. I could use other words, all sorts of stuff tumbled out of their mouth. That was really unhelpful and really harmful and really hurtful. But the first thing they did.

Kathi (20:23.709)
Please, please.

Kathi (20:27.946)
Okay.

Kathi (20:39.94)
Yeah.

Right.

Kathi (20:46.809)
Yes.

Chris Morris (20:52.338)
is amazing. And it’s the best thing that anyone could have done for Job in the midst of his tremendous, terrible, unbelievably awful circumstances. They came and they sat with him and they mourned with him for a week and they didn’t say anything. They offered him the ministry of presence.

And I think that is something that so many hurting people desperately need. That’s something that I desperately needed and still need sometimes for someone to come alongside. What that looks like sometimes is this menu situation really stinks. I don’t have an answer for you, but I’m here for you. I’m here to listen. If you want, if you want, I can grab some pizza and we can watch a movie. You know, I just want to be with you.

Kathi (21:39.61)
Right.

Chris Morris (21:48.978)
and acknowledge that what you’re going through is hard, and that there aren’t easy answers for it. And that’s important because a lot of times as Christians, we feel like we have to defend God for the circumstances that our friends find themselves in. And that never goes well.

Kathi (22:05.533)
Mmm. Ah.

It’s so true. And we all want to be that person who says the magic thing that makes it all better. And there is no magic thing. There’s nothing. There’s nothing we can say to, you know, you look at Job’s circumstances. He lost his family. He lost, you know, he lost everything. There was nothing to be said, but you’re right, that ministry of presence to just say, you are worth spending time with, you are worth.

Chris Morris (22:19.447)
Right.

Kathi (22:37.329)
loving you are worth mourning with it. You know, I feel like, you know, we have, as I think Americans, we have. And sometimes as Christians, we don’t have the right rituals around these really hard things. We don’t know how to show up.

Chris Morris (22:59.159)
Mm.

Kathi (23:02.373)
And to realize, you know, it took me until my 50s to realize that, you know, when my friend’s parent dies, even if I didn’t know the parent, I show up and mourn with them. I’ve lost nothing, but the person I love has lost so much. And I don’t know why it took me so long to really understand and realize that.

I think just because you show up for people that you know who died, but to come alongside, I guess it was in my 40s that I figured that out. But I hate that you’ve gone through this. And I love that you’re reaching a hand back to help others to say, people are going to go through this. And we need to figure out how to be present for them.

Chris Morris (23:46.626)
Hmm.

Kathi (23:58.237)
Um, Chris, I would love your most practical advice for the person who loves somebody who’s going through this. What, what is the, is there, you know, is it the suicide hotline? Is it grief grocery? Like, what is your most practical advice?

for somebody who’s going through this when you need to show up for a friend. I love the ministry of presence. Is there something really practical we could do as well?

Chris Morris (24:35.81)
That’s a tough question because every person is sort of wired a little bit differently. Um, I, I think it comes back to some of what we’ve already talked about. The idea of communicating as.

directly and as clearly as possible. Hey, I’m for you and I love you, not because of the specifics of how you’re built necessarily. Like I don’t love you only because I think you’re well put together right now. I love you because of who you fundamentally are and no circumstances are gonna change that. My…

Kathi (25:14.547)
Right.

Chris Morris (25:23.638)
My friend Mary says it this way, no matter what, I’m always on Team Chris. And I love that language of being on Team Chris.

Kathi (25:29.249)
Yes, I love that.

Kathi (25:34.173)
Team Chris, oh, 100%. Let me ask you one last question. You went through this and how do people show up for the people you love when you’re in this crisis? How did you want people to show up for your wife, for your family?

Chris Morris (25:58.638)
Don’t worry. You know, I’ll be honest.

Chris Morris (26:06.238)
My wife carried the lion’s share of the load through the darkest times that I had. And for her, it was…

you know, simple things like not saying how can I help, but people showing up with a mop and a brush and saying I’m, I’m going to clean your house because I know that having a clean house is important to you. Or show it or just bringing a meal, not being on a meal train, but just unexpectedly doing something and showing up. I think those were the moments that were really meaningful for my wife, Barbara.

Kathi (26:37.625)
Yeah.

Kathi (26:43.087)
Right?

Kathi (26:47.929)
and just saying it’s here. Okay, awesome. And Chris, how are you doing today? How’s Barbara doing today? How’s your family?

Chris Morris (27:00.362)
We’re in good shape. Still healing, but we’re in good shape. Yeah, healthier than we’ve been in a long time.

Kathi (27:03.042)
Yeah.

Kathi (27:07.033)
I’m so grateful to hear it. You guys, the book is Resilient and Redeemed by Chris Morris. And I’m going to encourage you to pick it up. I don’t normally say, could you go pick this up? But here’s what I know. If your family is not currently going through something like this, we just thank God. But there’s a family you love who is. And…

Chris Morris (27:09.014)
Me too.

Kathi (27:36.325)
Chris is gonna give you some spiritual applications and practical application and how do we maneuver and how do we love well through all of this. Chris, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Chris Morris (27:51.658)
It’s been a pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Kathi (27:54.209)
And guys, we’re gonna put the resources for how to stay in touch with Chris. If this is something that you or somebody you love is dealing with, he has an email list that I would love for you to get on and we’ll have the link to the book in our show notes as well. I know it’s a good, I’ve read the book, I love the book, and I can highly recommend. Well friends, you have been listening to Clutterfree Academy, I’m Kathi Lipp.

Go create the clutter free life you’ve always wanted to live.

 

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