I know my kids pretty well. I know that Kimberly could spend all day watching Gilmore girls while Justen would rather die than see one episode. I know that both of my kids are into Steampunk (which, when it comes to literary genres is about as far as you can get from me and my women’s fiction). I know that Justen has an affinity for numbers (the kid can remember my car’s license number off the top of his head) and I know that for some reason unbeknownst to me, both of my kids have a soft spot for our mean, cranky cat Zorro who no one else seems to like.
But, I don’t know anything about your kids. I don’t know what makes them literally squeal with excitement. What quirks they have. Or what they’d do tonight if they were given $20, ten gallons of gas and a chauffeur to drive them anywhere they wanted.
And, you’re probably wondering how I can help you to connect with your kids if I don’t know them.
I thought of that, too, and I have a plan. My friend and personality expert, Cheri Gregory has created a simple questionnaire that will help you to determine your kid’s personality type.
Thanks for visiting (And even if you’re not here from Time Warp Wife, there are still free goodies for you! So keep reading!)
Let me give you the lay of the land. Just like at Time Warp Wife, we are all about the husband love. We show that in a variety of ways: but food and prayer seem to work around these parts. Here are a couple of resources to make that easier:
To Feed His Stomach
If you want twenty of my family favorite ready for the freezer recipes, check out my Facebook Page and download the free ebook: Six Chicks Freeze and Fix – How to Start a Freezer Meal Co-op (look at the “Tabs” at the top of the page.)
Sign up for my newsletter (filled with great tips about keeping your life in order!) and you will receive my free ebook THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO MAN FOOD filled with great recipes to keep that man in your life extra happy.
And for my faithful readers, here is a new resource from my new friend Time Warp Wife: Just about the cutest Prayer Cards you have ever seen. Yes- she is giving away this free download to all my readers (and while you’re on her site, you can go ahead and just sign up for her blog. You’ll thank me later.
Enjoy the swag. We’re happy to have you as part of the family.
This is really, really hard for me to do, but I have to tell you why I can’t hang out with you anymore.
I get that marriage is hard. I do. I’ve fought with my husband (remember, when we got married, we had four teenagers, so we had plenty to “discuss” those first years of marriage,) disagreed with him, and sometimes (OK, many times) not been the wife I needed to be.
But here’s the thing: I want to do better. I want to be the wife that my husband needs. I want to speak well of him and to him. I want to improve, a little bit, everyday.
And when I’m around you, it’s hard. I feel like, because you are throwing your husband under the bus, you want me to throw my husband right under there as well.
I will not have the kinds of conversations that make men the butt of the joke, because not only am I married to a man, but I have two boys I want to respect as men as well.
I will not agree with how awful your husband is because I don’t know his side of the story.
I will not laugh at TV or movies that feature the guys as “Doofus Dads”.
I will not let you bait me into bashing husbands, yours or mine.
I’m sorry if this seems like a unexpected change up – like I’m changing to rules of our relationship. But that uncomfortable laugh that I make when you put down your husband? Gone. From now on, I’m speaking up. It’s not OK to talk about any man like that in my presence. Ever.
Now don’t get me wrong. If you want me to pray for the tough time you’re going through, if you want to cry on my shoulder and have me recommend books on how you can improve your relationship, I will bring the coffee, milk chocolate and password to my Amazon account. I am there for you friend.
But if you only want to complain, and not let God make a miracle out of your marriage, I need to step away. Because I need to be with women who support the men in their life. I want to surround myself with women who are not perfect wives, but will inspire me to be the wife that follows God and blesses her husband out of the overflow of that relationship with God.
So if you want to be that kind of girl – come on over to my house.
But if not, I’m going to need to bow out. I know that God wants more for you than what you have now. I’ll be here when you want that cup of coffee.
For those of you who have met Kathi, it will not be much of a surprise when I tell you that she is an “expressive”.
Of the four personality types (analytic, driver, amiable, expressive) it is really obvious that she is an expressive. (You could pick that out without even diving into the details of what it really means to be an expressive. The name alone kinda gives her away…) And for those of you who have met me, you will with equal certainty be able to discern that I am not an expressive. Not even close. In fact, I am the complete and absolute opposite (remember, they do say that opposites attract). I am an analytic.
Let me digress with a word of caution: personality types are not etched in stone. Our entire personality and life journey cannot be reduced to a single word. Even though I am an analytic, I am able to express myself. And my wife is pretty good at math… especially when it comes to sales at Macy’s, but that’s a story for another time. So before I go any further, please promise me you won’t pigeon hole people… especially your spouse!
For those of you lucky enough to be married to an analytic, I have a few words of advice that may make the journey go a bit smoother.
First, take some time to understand some of the keys to their thinking. Unless you are also an analytic, your spouse probably thinks very differently than you do. In the world view of an analytic, facts and accuracy are more important than feelings and perceptions.
Kathi and I were sitting down at dinner to discuss this article. She made a statement about that she sees me more as an “amiable” than as an “analytic”. As soon as she said that my brain started objecting. I know the characteristics. I know the criteria. I’ve taken numerous tests, they have all pointed to the same conclusion. I am an analytic. And of course because I’m an analytic, I needed to set the record straight.
I interrupted Kathi (wisdom is obviously not high on my list of qualities) and let her know that she was mistaken: I am an analytic.
At this point, you can see that the stage is set. The players are all in place. The plot has been developed. We can all imagine what could happen next. Rebuke. Response. Retaliate. Repeat. We’ve all been there.
Fortunately, Kathi has learned a few things about my personality that helps keep this from spiraling out of control. She has learned that facts and accuracy are important to me. So she acknowledges the fact that I am in fact an analytic, and then goes on to explain why she sees me more as an “amiable”.(I try to keep the peace in family situations, I like to just “hang” with people – I don’t necessarily need to be getting things done while we’re hanging out. All traits of the “Amiable” personality – which I also have some of.)
Just that simple acknowledgement of the facts was enough to satisfy my internal need for accuracy. With that need satisfied I was able to engage in the rest of the conversation and learned that what she was really saying is: you’re a great guy and I love you. A point that I really appreciate letting sink in every now and then. Glad I didn’t miss it.
Roger
If You’re Married to an Analytic – Hints and Tips (by Kathi…)
Being Around Other People
Roger renews his energy by being alone or just hanging out with me or our kids. It take a lot of energy for him to be “on” for other people. I needed to learn that it was OK for me not to include him in everything. He’s fine with me going out to lunch with a friend on my own. In fact, many times he would prefer it.
When I travel, every once in a while I will stay with a friend that I know so we can catch up on life. This doesn’t work for Roger. He needs to have privacy and quiet. His ultimate nightmare? Spending the night in a stranger’s home. When we are traveling together, I need to let groups know that we need a hotel. It’s nothing personal – but I want to honor my husband.
Doing vs. Chatting
Roger wants to know what his “job” is at all times. When we have people over for dinner, I’m in charge of the chatting, Roger’s in charge of the BBQing, and that’s how we like it. Don’t get me wrong – if you come over to our house for dinner, Roger wants talk with you – he just wants to do it with some grilling tongs in his hands.
His Way or the Wrong Way
So there is the Roger Way doing things, and there is the wrong way of doing things. He’s not obnoxious about it, but he’s great at analyzing the cheaper, better, faster way of doing things, getting places, and buying stuff and in the long run, his analysis of the situation usually works to my benefit. (We find that sale on vacuum cleaners, or he finds us the best reviewed cafe in a town we’re visiting, or we get to our event six minutes faster than if I had been driving.) I make sure that when he has a strong opinion, I honor that to the best of my ability. (In other words, I pick which hills I want to die on…) He can and will change his mind, but it’s best if you have your facts lined up before you try to sway him.
Are you married to an Analytic? Are you an Analytic? Tell me what above fits your marriage, and how you’re different.
One of the biggest key for the peace that Roger and I experience in our relationship is the understanding of our personality types. We understood from an early point in our marriage that opposites do indeed attract – but they can also drive each other crazy. For the next several week on Wednesdays, Roger and I will be sharing about how to be married well to each of the personalities.
But first, most of us fit into one personality more than they others. I am firmly in the Expressive camp, while Roger is Analytic. Knowing what camp you fall in (generally) and where your husband falls (generally) will help you understand how you feel loved and respected – and the same for your man.
So here are some general ways to determine what your personalities are. Once you have an idea of where you both land, tell me in the comments (ie, I’m a Driver and my husband is a Amiable…) I think that not only will this be informational, but also a whole lot of fun.
Expressive
Natural salesmen or story-tellers
Warm and enthusiastic
Good motivators, communicators
Can be competitive
Can tend to exaggerate, leave out facts and details
Sometimes would rather talk about things than do them
Driver
Objective-focused
Know what they want and how to get there
Communicates quickly, gets to the point
Sometimes tactless and brusque
Can be an “ends justify the means” type of person
Hardworking, high energy Does not shy away from conflict
Amiable
Kind-hearted people who avoid conflict
Can blend into any situation well
Can appear wishy-washy
Has difficulty with firm decisions
Often loves art, music and poetry Highly sensitive
Can be quiet and soft-spoken
Analytic
Highly detail oriented people
Can have a difficult time making decisions without ALL the facts
Make great accountants and engineers
Tend to be highly critical people
Can tend to be pessimistic in nature
Go ahead- tell me where you both land!
Join the upcoming Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study with Kathi Lipp, The Husband Project.
Find out all the details here. Sign up today because we start June 20, 2016!
For six days, we are letting our husbands know that we love ’em.Let me know what you wrote in the comments below and you’ll be entered to win one of my six books. Huzzah.
Post-It Note Challenge – Write Something Fun or Flirty for Your Man!
Ladies- are you ready to show you man a little love today? If so, here are your instructions:
I want you to grab a Post-it (cause you know how much I love a Post-it!)
Write something, fun, flirty, or a little scandalous on it – I give you permission…
Put that Post-it somewhere where only HE will find it
Tell us what you wrote on it (or if it’s Too Hot to Handle, just write TMI in the comments below)
“A simple word can renew hope.”
Lois Mayday Rabey
It can be words of encouragement, something flirty and sexy, sweet whispers and so on. Leave the post it where only he will find it. It can be in his briefcase, wallet, on his car steering wheel, underwear drawer, tool box, whatever he is going to open or use today. Below I listed 21 ideas to get you started thinking. If you need to use one from the list below or make up your own Post-It greeting.
21 Post-It-Sized Encouragements
I’m praying for you today.
Those jeans are really working for you…
I love you.
You are the best dad!
You’re the kind of husband that makes the other wives jealous.
You rock my world!
Can’t wait to see you tonight – meet me upstairs…
Thanks for working hard to provide for us. I appreciate all that you do.
You make me feel beautiful.
I thank God for you everyday.
How did I get so lucky, being married to a guy like you?
You’re great!
You make everyday more fun.
Have a great day.
You’re hot!
I feel so safe with you.
Smart and good looking – I’ve got the whole package in you!
You can be very distracting, you know…
Our kids are so blessed to have a dad like you.
That smile I wear – it is all because of you.
God have blessed me in big ways by letting me be your wife.
Remember, you have more power than you know to change the direction of your husband’s day. Go grab that Post-it right now!
