by kathilipp | Sep 4, 2012 | Marriage, Relationships, The Husband Project |
One of the biggest key for the peace that Roger and I experience in our relationship is the understanding of our personality types. We understood from an early point in our marriage that opposites do indeed attract – but they can also drive each other crazy. For the next several week on Wednesdays, Roger and I will be sharing about how to be married well to each of the personalities.
But first, most of us fit into one personality more than they others. I am firmly in the Expressive camp, while Roger is Analytic. Knowing what camp you fall in (generally) and where your husband falls (generally) will help you understand how you feel loved and respected – and the same for your man.
So here are some general ways to determine what your personalities are. Once you have an idea of where you both land, tell me in the comments (ie, I’m a Driver and my husband is a Amiable…) I think that not only will this be informational, but also a whole lot of fun.
Expressive
- Natural salesmen or story-tellers
- Warm and enthusiastic
- Good motivators, communicators
- Can be competitive
- Can tend to exaggerate, leave out facts and details
- Sometimes would rather talk about things than do them
Driver
- Objective-focused
- Know what they want and how to get there
- Communicates quickly, gets to the point
- Sometimes tactless and brusque
- Can be an “ends justify the means” type of person
- Hardworking, high energy Does not shy away from conflict
Amiable
- Kind-hearted people who avoid conflict
- Can blend into any situation well
- Can appear wishy-washy
- Has difficulty with firm decisions
- Often loves art, music and poetry Highly sensitive
- Can be quiet and soft-spoken
Analytic
- Highly detail oriented people
- Can have a difficult time making decisions without ALL the facts
- Make great accountants and engineers
- Tend to be highly critical people
- Can tend to be pessimistic in nature
Go ahead- tell me where you both lan
d!
Join the upcoming Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study with Kathi Lipp, The Husband Project.
Find out all the details here. Sign up today because we start June 20, 2016!
by kathilipp | May 1, 2012 | The Husband Project |
Is there a treat that you personally find revolting that your husband absolutely loves? Get it for him, letting him know through this small act, “This is all for you, baby…” (and if you truly don’t like the treat, he won’t feel obligated to share.)
Even if you do love it, insist that it’s all for him. Don’t let him share with you. This is something special that does not require him to share with his neighbor. (It’s perfectly acceptable to get a matching treat for yourself.)
Stumped for ideas? Here are some thoughts:
- Get his favorite pint of Ben & Jerry’s and hide it behind the frozen chicken. Even if you buy it on Tuesday, you’ll have it ready and waiting for his special night later in the week.
- Is there a certain cut of meat that your husband loves? How about having the butcher cut something just for him? Most supermarkets will even do the marinade for you – one less thing to think about.
- Is there a certain candy that your husband loves from his childhood? Check out www.candywarehouse.com. They have all the nostalgic candy you could want (Black Jack Gum, anyone?) while also carrying any modern favorite you could be looking for.
- My husband’s family loves something called “noodles and mashed potatoes” (we lovingly refer to it as “The Starch Fest”). I learned how to make this special dish just for him.
- My guy loves the smell of baking almost as much as he enjoys eating the treat. Have some brownies in the oven when he gets home from work or working out. (I know, it negates the workout, but isn’t chocolate always worth it?)
- Our friend Scott mentioned that he loves cranberry sauce, but eats it only at Thanksgiving. His wife intentionally made the holiday treat for him this past July.
- Are you a wife who is an expert at low-cal salads and other forms of chick-food? Check out The Husband Project’s List of Guy Food for some manly inspiration.
by kathilipp | Apr 17, 2012 | The Husband Project |
How much thought do you put into what you wear or don’t wear to bed? Most probably do not think it matters, you want to be comfy and you will be sleeping anyway. However, there is a time before sleep and a time after sleep before you crawl out of bed that can be a meaningful, beautiful and wonderful way to either end or start your day? Sex!
Our man was first attracted to our appearance. That was a motivating factor to get him to strike up a conversation with us. After a few years of marriage, some kids we may not be what we once were or we have gotten to comfortable with our hubbie we are not trying to impress him much anymore. But think about those dates you go on, maybe it is only on your anniversary you go somewhere nice or over the holidays. You take the time and energy to dress up and primp to look your best for the event so why not do so for your man?
Remember the movie, Pretty Woman? One of the best scenes is after her day of shopping and she is waiting for him in the bar of the hotel in her lacy, sexy, black cocktail dress. You can feel the emotions of nerves and excitement for both of them. Have you done something like that since you married? I have a girlfriend whose husband took her to Paris for their anniversary a few years ago. Before leaving she shopped for a sexy, black cocktail dress and new heels. She knew her hubbie had made reservations for them at one of Paris’ top 5 star restaurants. The night of their dinner she did not get dressed until after her hubbie left the room. She instructed him to wait for her in the bar. She slipped on her dress (he had not seen it at all yet) put on her heels and primped her hair and make up before walking down to the bar to meet her man. He had no idea what to expect. They had a great evening and months later child #4 arrived, a baby girl named Mercie, they refer to her as their french baby.
OK, so our bedrooms are our private intimate place we share with our husband. Why not make the time we are together in the bedroom as meaningful and prepare for that time? It’s time to ditch the sweat pants, or old baggy tees. Clean out the pantie drawer and get rid of anything that may resemble what your granny would wear. Buy a matching bra and pantie combo, find more flattering pj’s and yes make sure you have a piece of lingerie or two. One way to shop for it is to think of what would look great on the floor? A pile of baggy shirts and sweat pants looks like dirty laundry and is so boring, but a small piece of lace, something silky or stringy looks sexy and fun.
You don’t have to wear lingerie to bed every night, it does not have to be silky. You can find cotton pieces that are flattering, a cami and matching panties. Heck, you don’t need anything at all either. I am sure most of us would pleasantly shock our hubbies if we showed up to bed completely naked.
Here are the basics that every woman needs to own and love:
- Silky pajamas – No, they don’t show a lot of skin, but each piece can be worn separately (the bottoms with a silky camisole, the top all by itself). Plus, you have something cute and fun that keeps you covered when your in-laws come to visit.
- Silky camisole and boy shorts – These can be mixed and matched with the above items, or worn together when a more bare-bones approach is appropriate.
- A Kimono – This style of robe looks great on everyone, covers enough to run outside and get the paper, while still looking cool and sexy.
- A Lacy Bra and Matching Underwear – Sure to be a crowd-of-one pleaser. Your choice on the style of underwear (thong, brief or full coverage).
Consider these optional items to make things a little more fun:
- Some Fabulous Heels – Heels have the magical ability to make your legs look longer and give definition to your rear end. The nice thing is that it doesn’t matter if they’re not the most comfortable shoes in the world – you probably won’t be wearing them for very long.
- A Teddy – Hides tummy issues and looks great on every figure.
- A Boa – I will leave that to your imagination.
Wear something sexy to sleep in. It doesn’t need to be one ofVictoria’s sweet nothings. Perhaps just a silky nightshirt or a lacy camisole; the goal is to dump the Nike t-shirt that you normally sport.
Also, it’s your job to make sure that sleep is not all that happens in your pretty new nighty.
by kathilipp | Apr 10, 2012 | The Husband Project, Uncategorized |
Make your husband something special in the kitchen (reservations don’t count).
It’s an unfair fact of life – men like a woman who can cook.
Most of us didn’t grow up with a mom who passed down an exceptional culinary legacy. Many of our mothers were out there bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan (or nuking it in the microwave before she had to get a bunch of kidlets off to soccer practice).
My mom worked outside the home, and is a great cook. But, like her sewing skills, natural cooking abilities skipped a generation.
In my first tiny apartment living alone, I survived for a year on takeout food and ham sandwiches. I was deathly afraid of cooking anything as complicated as chicken, fearing that I would certainly poison any partakers with a lethal case of salmonella.
When I got married, however, I quickly realized that perhaps my groom would not be quite so satisfied with a steady diet of take-out sushi, yogurt smoothies and Diet Coke. It was time for me to spend some quality time with my soon-to-be new best friend, Betty Crocker.
I decided to dedicate myself to the task at hand and learn to cook. Diving into the culinary deep end, I tackled teriyaki chicken. While the first Your Results were a bit dry, they were not lethal. This gave me a great deal of confidence to try and jump a few more epicurean hurdles.
If you’re not a cook, but you know that your husband would like for you to be, here is a fail-safe recipe that I know you can do, and that your husband will love. How can I be sure? Both our teenage boys cook and eat this recipe. If they can cook it, you can cook it. If they will eat it, your husband will eat it.
Teriyaki Chicken
I make this marinade again and again – it is much better than any prepared marinade you can find in the store.
4 each Chicken legs and thighs (or use six chicken breasts)
½ cup Soy sauce
3 Tbsp Honey
1 tsp Grated, fresh ginger
1 clove Garlic, minced
2 Green onions, thinly sliced
1. Prepare: Place the chicken in a gallon plastic bag. Mix the remaining ingredients together in a bowl. Pour the mixture over the chicken; fully coating each piece. Seal the bag.
2. Freeze: Place your bag in another gallon bag and lay flat in the freezer.
3. Serve: Defrost the chicken. Pour off marinade and bake chicken in a pan at 350° for 30- 40 minutes (or until no longer pink in the center).
Servings: 4
by kathilipp | Apr 3, 2012 | The Husband Project |
When you and your husband were dating what did he do when you guys were not together? What did he want you to do with him? And how long has it been since you have done that activity with your husband? This week initiate an activity that your husband used to love. Whether it’s his favorite hobby, sport, or pastime, it’s time for you to get involved – be his buddy today. It is a great time to get outside, days are longer and the weather is warmer. Do you need to reserves a court, schedule a tee time or offer to go to the gym with him?
Most guys don’t spend a lot of time hanging out with their buddies—you are his buddy. He married you to have a built-in friend who he can do all those fun things. (The fact that the two of you can have sex is definitely a bonus…)
It’s vital for men to build friendship into each other’s lives, and as wives, we have a responsibility to encourage our guys to hang out with other good guys. However, in most marriages, our husbands will be looking to us to do life with.
My husband loves to go to the woods, build a fire and have a cookout. I’m more of a white tablecloth kind of girl. But, you know while we were dating I was the happiest “camper” around. I prepared the food for our open flame. I bought cute hiking boots. I joined him on seemingly endless hikes surrounded by mosquitoes and poison oak. While we were dating, I would have hunted wild moose just to be with him.
Once we were married, many of my husband’s favorite activities were put on the back burner… I would love to be able to say that I encouraged him to have his “guy time,” but there was a house to clean, kids to raise, and jobs to get to. Watching all six Star Wars movies and trekking into the mountains would have to wait until our kids were grown (and possibly into early retirement…).
It’s time to think about those things your husband loves to do with you—his buddy. Maybe it’s hiking up a mountain, hanging out at Best Buy, or watching his alma mater’s football team play at the local high school. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not—your fun will come from watching the look on your husband’s face as he reclaims some of his long forgotten loves. (Video gaming anyone?)
by kathilipp | Mar 27, 2012 | The Husband Project |
What do others hear you say about your man? Is it positive, negative, embarrassing? Today start a pattern of saying something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom. Only you have the bragging rights to your man, no one else knows him better!
As cliché as it may sound, our husbands want to be our heroes. More than they want to know that we love them, they want to know that we respect them. They need to know that they’re never the butt of our jokes, that they’re the go-to-guy in every story we tell.
Make an opportunity today to brag on your husband to someone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s one of your friends or one of his; let that somebody know how blessed you are to be married to your guy.
Some key phrases you may want to put on index cards to help you remember:
- “I feel so lucky to have a man who knows how to do his own laundry.”
- “You know when I knew that my husband really loved me? When he could remember my order at Starbucks.”
- “I just love the way he is with our kids.”
- “He makes the best lasagna on the planet.”
Steering the Ship
A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it (James 3: 3-4 The Message).
As wives, we are often the ship’s captain, while our husbands are that huge ship. Words spoken in encouragement and love can go a long way to building our men up. But the opposite is true as well. There is nothing that can determine the direction of our husband’s day quicker than the words that are spoken to him in the morning
Sometimes as wives, we forget the role we play in our husband’s lives. We all remember that great line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, spoken by Toula’s mom, “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. She tells him which way to turn.”
The words we use will either bring him up or tear him down. They will make him rush to get home to us or procrastinate at work, be willing to help cheerfully around the house or look for reason to leave and be with his buddies.
While your greatest need may be for your husband to tell you that he loves you, most guys are programmed differently. He wants, at his very core, to know that you respect him. He wants to know that you are proud of him and that he is the one you would choose again if given the chance.
This goes a long way to solidifying you as a team, as well. There’s no way that anyone in my family would ever say a word against my husband. They know that I’m on his side, and it’s a gossip-free zone around me (unless the gossip is about how great he is).
Spend sometime brainstorming about all the great things your husband does, how amazing he is and so on. This will help give you the words to speak to others, it may even make you find new ways you love your man and the best part it could put you in the mood to surprise your man in the bedroom as soon as he gets home!
But first, most of us fit into one personality more than they others. I am firmly in the Expressive camp, while Roger is Analytic. Knowing what camp you fall in (generally) and where your husband falls (generally) will help you understand how you feel loved and respected – and the same for your man.
d!
