by kathilipp | Jul 19, 2016 | Blog, Love Your Husband, Marriage, Proverbs 31 OBS, The Husband Project |
My father-in-law regularly repeats a joke that used to do the macarena on my last nerve. “Your mom and I have a great relationship. Want to know the secret?” he’d ask my husband and me with a smirk. “Low expectations.”
As a woman of exceedingly high standards for myself and my relationships, I’d snort, roll my eyes, and think, “How sad!” Twenty six years of marriage and about a decade of personal soul searching have changed my view of the joke, however. My father-in-law is on to something.
I was the woman who dragged a whole train of expectations down the aisle with my white dress, and it hasn’t served me well. A long list of lies shot those expectations full of steroids.
Before I broke up with perfect, I said things to myself like “I always need to be my most perfect self.” That’s been replaced with a commitment to be my truest self. (Shaky sigh of relief.) I once truly believed that I could make the pictures of perfection in my head come to life, but now I’m content to live in the blessing of my reality. I used to measure the perfection of my marriage by holding it up to others. These days I focus on the gifts of the man that’s perfect for me instead!
Probably the worst lie I believed was this: I should help my beloved live up to his potential.
[Tweet “Probably the worst lie I believed was this: I should help my beloved live up to his potential.”]
It sounded so pretty when I said it with my sweet southern accent, but the heart of the lie was rotten. I suspect I’m not the only one who bought the lie, though. You know the drill. “It’s not criticism. It’s help.” “It’s not manipulation. It’s showing him the right way to do things.” “I’m just encouraging him to have high standards, don’t you know?” Mercy.
We go into a relationship because of admiration, but somehow a growing level of commitment shifts us into improvement mode. He’s wonderful, but… He’s almost perfect, if only…
When I met my husband Barry, I was most attracted to the bold and hilarious way he spoke his mind. I love to tell people that he’s reverent about God, but everything else is fair game! Barry had this “good girl” in daily gales of laughter about the edgiest things.
Somehow the switch flipped after we married, though. He didn’t change a bit, but my attitude did. I was nervous when I didn’t know what he’d say, and I thought I could make him even more wonderful by refining his verbal filter. Needless to say, that belief wasn’t very popular.
Relationships shatter when we value perfection over people.
[Tweet “Relationships shatter when we value perfection over people.”]
Sadly, it took years for me to realize the damage I was doing with my pick-you-apart methods, but thankfully my husband isn’t just funny. He’s also one of the most grace-filled people I know.
I asked Barry recently what expectations he brought into our marriage, and he seemed puzzled. “I expected to love you and for you to love me,” he replied simply, and I realized he was being honest. That’s a shocking statement for a woman who believes in the power of a life-changing tweak!
Click to Download Day One of Breaking Up with Perfect
For twenty-six years, Barry’s greatest gift to me has been that he truly lets me just be without an agenda to improve me. The trick for us reforming perfectionists is to learn to return the gift, and I’m determined that’s just what I’m going to do for Barry for the next twenty-six years plus.
This week I’m finishing up Kathi’s 21-day challenge in The Husband Project, and she’s been a huge encouragement all the way through. Almost every day in one way or another she’s urged all the participants to lower our expectations. Live in the real world. Give yourself (and your husband BTW) grace.
Kathi’s absolutely right. For about five years, I’ve been breaking up with expectations, lies, and mental pictures of perfection, and my marriage is the happiest it’s ever been.
It’s been a journey, but I’m now convinced. Low expectations add the gift of joy to our marriage. When unconditional love is elevated and perfectionism is banished, two individuals experience the freedom to grow into a bonded unit where happiness thrives.
That kind of marriage is even better than perfect, so next time, I’ll look my father-in-law in the eye, rare back, and laugh myself silly at his joke!
Author: Amy Carroll is the author of Breaking Up with Perfect and a speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives in NC with her husband and a bossy miniature dachshund. You can find her on any given day texting her sons at college, typing at her computer, reading a book, or trying to figure out one more alternative to cooking dinner.
Join Amy for a FREE online book study of Breaking Up with Perfect from Aug. 1-September 5. Find out all the details about joining in the fun and community by clicking here.
by kathilipp | Jul 6, 2016 | Blog, Marriage, Proverbs 31 OBS |
guest post by Kim Nowlin
One way we show our husbands we love them is by looking our best each day. Does that mean I am wearing a ball gown and full makeup everyday when he comes home? Not at all. In fact, there are seasons — think just had a baby — when you are lucky to get a shower each day. Let alone dress for your day! It’s about intention — “How can I look as good as possible when we come together again at the end of the day?” Sometimes all this means is you’re putting on a fresh pair of sweats and freshening up before he gets home.
As you go through The Husband Project Bible Study, I encourage you to dress each day to please your husband.
Here are some simple tips to dress to impress:
Dress for the season you are in: Looking your best does not require becoming a fashionista if that’s not your thing. The goal is to look our best in the season we are in. For example, I’m a stay at home mom who is occasionally a speaker at women’s events, so my wardrobe is primarily made up of jeans and t-shirts. The rest of my clothes dress up my everyday look — blazers, cardigans, and accessories. Nothing fancy! But my husband sees me in different versions of my “uniform” each day. And I am always dressed for my day when he comes home.
Dress for your day: Every day I “dress for my day” — somedays I am home all day doing chores, so I might have on my sweats. Before my husband comes home I make sure I take a few minutes to freshen up. On days I have dressed for being outside our home, I make sure I stay in that outfit until after he comes home and sees me before I change into something comfy.
Dress for your husband: Your husband may not care anything about fashion and may act like he doesn’t care about what you wear — dress to please him anyway. Show him you care about yourself and him by looking your best each day. If he communicates preferences, honor them whenever possible. For example, my husband loves my lips and likes to see them in red lipstick. He does not like to kiss my lipstick. Before he gets home I take off my lipstick so he has fresh lips to kiss.
Dressing for bed: I don’t know about you, but I am not into lingerie at all! I prefer t-shirts and shorts — preferably cotton. Thankfully, you can still show up to sexy time looking and feeling your best. You can find cute, comfy, sexy pajamas in a number of places — Target is my favorite. Not feeling super great about your body? Find the pieces showing off your best features in fabrics and colors making you feel great.
And remember — out of all the women in the world, he chose YOU! As Kathi says, “be visually generous” with your husband. Yours’ is the body he gets and wants to look at — dress it to please him!
Kim Nowlin is the Assistant Pastor at Valley Life Foursquare Church, in Santa Clara, and a Mentor Mom for MOPS.
With a background in fashion, most recently as a Personal Stylist for Anthropologie, Kim assists women in creating a Clutter Free Wardrobe that will enhance their true beauty in Christ.
Kim has been married to David for 15 years. They have two children, Olivia (13), and Adam (11).
by kathilipp | Jul 5, 2016 | Blog, Marriage, The Husband Project |
I’m at my mom’s house, and she’s just asked me to do the dishes.
I don’t want to.
Now don’t get me wrong; I would do just about anything for the woman who gave me life.
But doing the dishes at my mom’s house comes with a certain amount of built-in humility.
Because I know that as soon as I’m done loading the dishes into her dishwasher, she will rearrange them all.
And for the rest of the night I will seethe. Not because of wasted time or effort. But because of my mom’s deafening unspoken message: There is only one right way to load a dishwasher— my way. And you, dear daughter, have done it wrong. Again.
I’m a grown woman with four grown kids. I load a dishwasher at least once (and if I’ve actually cooked and we aren’t just washing coffee cups and cereal bowls? More than once) a day. But my mom always has to make sure that her dishwasher is loaded right.
For the rest of our visit, I’m going to be silently steaming over the dishwasher redo. Because let’s be honest; there isn’t one right way to load a dishwasher. There are about 300 “right” ways to do it.
Have you been there? You just want to love someone, serve them even, but their need to be right squashes your effort to show love?
Sadly, too many times, I’ve been the squasher when it comes to my husband.
When we first got married and blended our family, I knew the right way to run a house. I knew the right place to store the mixing bowls and the right place to keep milk in the fridge.
And I also knew the right way to discipline kids, have a happy marriage, and, well, just about everything.
What I forgot? Roger had a right way to do all of those things as well.
I’ve learned how vital it is to have our priorities in order. To ask ourselves, “Is my first calling to be right or to be in relationship?”
How can you tell? If your priority is to win, if it’s to get him to admit that he is wrong and you are right, if it’s to prove that he should always just do what you say when you disagree because, again, YOU WERE RIGHT, then clearly your priority is to be right.
In contrast, when you focus on being in relationship, you put your relationship before results. You care more about you two as a couple that any one outcome.
What about when you’re right (because I’m guessing that happens a lot,) and want to value your relationship more than the being right?
This is when the third R comes in: Respect.
You can disagree, champion your point, and be right all while maintaining the relationship as long you do so with respect.
When Roger and I are driving to the mall and clearly he is going a different direction than I think we should be heading, I’m tempted to say, “You’re going the wrong way! Again!”
Instead, I can use my favorite “Respect” secret weapon: a Clarifying Question.
Such as, “Is there someplace you wanted to go before the mall?”
And one of the greatest gifts in all of this going from right to respect and relationship is this: when there is less need to win, you both can win by being on each other’s team. You are not opposing each other; you’re linking arms to confront problems, together.
Philippians 2:3b
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Question of the day: What is one way you are going to focus on relationship over winning in your marriage this week?
GIVEAWAY TIME
Like my Facebook page, answer the question of the day on Facebook and you’ll be entered to win by book, Praying God’s Word for Your Husband.
The winner will be announced live on the live video tomorrow at 1:30PT.
by kathilipp | Jul 1, 2016 | Blog, Recipes |
Just in time for 4th of July celebrations, I wanted to share one of my favorite summer time treats with you. Enjoy!!!
Star-Spangled Ice Cream Sandwiches
-
56
Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever
(Recipe to follow)
-
1
gallon
Vanilla Ice Cream
-
Patriotic Sprinkles
-
Once cookies have fully cooled, place one to two scoops of ice cream on half of the bottom side of the cookies. Press the bottom side of each of the remaining cookies onto the ice cream scoops to form sandwiches. Use your finger or a knife to spread the ice cream evenly around the sides of each sandwich. Wrap the sandwiches individually in plastic wrap or place in a large dish and cover. Freeze at least 30 minutes before decorating. Place patriotic sprinkles in a shallow dish. Remove sandwiches from freezer and roll each sandwich in the sprinkles until covered as desired. Enjoy!
*The original blog post for The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever was for a cookie dough exchange and makes a large number of cookies. The Star-Spangled Ice Cream Sandwiches Recipe is based upon the halved recipe of The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever. If making the full recipe of cookies, you will yield 56 ice cream sandwiches and need two gallons of vanilla ice cream to make them.
The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever
The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever
The following recipe is by far the best Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe we have ever made at home. There is something about that blended up oatmeal that makes these cookies about the moistest (is that even a word?) and chewiest CCC I have ever had the delight of eating. Oh, and the dough freezes perfectly! On to the Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever!
-
2
cups
butter
-
4
cups
flour
-
2
tsp
baking soda
-
2
cups
granulated sugar
-
2
cups
brown sugar
-
5
cups
blended oatmeal
measure oatmeal and blend in blender to a fine powder
-
24
oz
chocolate chips
-
1
tsp
salt
-
8
oz
hershey bar
grated
-
4
eggs
-
2
tsp
baking powder
-
3
cups
chopped nuts
your choice
-
2
tsp
vanilla
-
Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey bar and nuts. Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees.
If freezing cookie dough, decide if you want to freeze into pre-scooped balls or ready to slice logs. Flash freeze scooped balls on a cookie sheet before packaging it. It will make it easier to handle and keep its shape better if you are freezing a lot of packages on top of it. For logs, wrap in plastic wrap and form into a log about 2 inches around.
I package my dough in large Ziploc bags. Put the dough in the bag and write the baking instructions on the bag. I like to experiment with the cookies and find out what the baking time and temp is for frozen dough as well as thawed dough.
by kathilipp | Jun 30, 2016 | Blog, The Husband Project |
Join Kathi’s Street Team!
a.k.a. The Krew
Would you like to be among the first to know about Kathi’s latest projects, launches and posts? Do you enjoy sharing helpful information with your friends, family, and followers? When you learn a new, useful tip, are you excited to share with others? If so, you’ve got the right stuff to be on Kathi’s street team.
We are forming a street team called The Krew, and we want to invite YOU to be a part of it!
What’s a “street team”?
A street team is a term used in marketing to describe a group of people who ‘hit the streets’ promoting an event or a product. (But in our case, the ‘streets’ are the social media outlets!)
If sharing Kathi’s fantastic tips and tricks and about her life-changing books and courses with your friends and followers on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and through your blog sounds like fun – then, continue reading to find out all about Kathi’s BRAND NEW Street Team!
What will The Krew do?
• Complete special missions once or twice a week through sharing on social media.
o Read and comment on Kathi’s new blog posts
o Like, comment, and share NEW Facebook posts
o Tweet / retweet the posts on Twitter
o Pin the posts on Pinterest
• Share our message, events, and blog posts with friends, family, and followers
• Share your feedback to help Kathi provide more useful content
Qualifications
All you need is a positive attitude and a love for Kathi and her message. (And a Facebook account, of course, to join the private FB group!)
So, what’s in it for you?
• Exclusive access to a private FB group
• Exclusive webinars with Kathi Lipp
• Be the first to know about book launch teams, new products, exciting partnerships, and events being held in your area
• Get a sneak peek into everything Kathi Lipp so you can be ready to share it with your friends
• And more!
Does this sound like you?
Then, go ahead and click apply and fill out the application. We’ll be in touch with you soon!
We’ll select The Krew members from the entries we receive. We’ll let you know you’ve been selected and you’ll be added to the Facebook group!
Time for another GIVEAWAY!!!
Go to my Facebook page TODAY and answer my question of the day: What is your favorite thing to cook for your man?
One person will win a copy of my book, 101 Simple Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him!
by kathilipp | Jun 29, 2016 | Blog, Marriage, The Husband Project |
I hope you are having as much fun doing The Husband Project Online Bible Study as I am. My favorite thing is connecting with you all via Facebook, during our live daily video sessions, and emails. Oh and loving on my husband of course.
And I would love to hang out with you and your friends face to face. Let’s have a girl’s night out! Or a woman’s day in! Whatever works for your group. I would love to come to your church or community event and speak on The Husband Project.
So what does a Husband Project event look like?
Who: You, your girlfriends, and me! I am an author AND a speaker. Plus, the biggest cheerleader of making marriages great. In my events, I love to brings the fun, inspiration and marriage changing practical advice. I want you to have fun and go home inspired to put in the energy to make your marriage rock.
What: The Husband Project is a two session event. Each woman will walk away with a simple to-do plan for loving on their man no matter what the state of her marriage. By challenging women to complete this marriage building exercise together, this event also impacts the relationships between the women that attend drawing them closer into community with one another with a focus on loving their husbands.
Why: We all need some time to get together as women and be encouraged in our marriages! I speak about the importance of keeping your marriage fun and your husband encouraged as couples do life together for the long haul.
So how do we get this party on the calendar? If you are interested in inviting me to your next women’s event, or creating one for the women in your community,
click here, fill out the form and I or my fabulous booking agent (we call her the VP of Love here at Kathi Lipp headquarters) will contact you within 48 hours.
