I’ve done a ton of therapy.
I’ve gone to support groups.
I’ve read the books. Done the programs. Bought the CDs.
And I’ve prayed. Oh how I’ve prayed.
But here’s the thing: I’m still fat.
Can I tell you how humbling it is to have your weakness – your sin – on the outside for all the world to see? Even before I open my mouth, share my heart, or find out one little fact about you, I have to overcome the fact that you know I’m not in control. That I’m a failure in this really huge part of my life.
If I could change anything about me, this would be it. I feel like it has “clicked” for so many others, but has never clicked for me.
Some of you may be thinking, “Well if she weren’t so lazy, she wouldn’t be fat.” or “If she could just show some self control, she wouldn’t be that way.” I used to think that as well. But here is the thing that all that godly therapy and the love of an amazing husband has shown me: I’m not lazy. (I work really, really hard in a lot of areas of my life.) I do have self-control (in many areas of my life). But this one area? I haven’t got figured out.
I’m not writing this so that you will be sympathetic. The good news is that the people who love me are going to continue loving me whether I can shop in the regular store or have to shop in the plus-sized department. The reason I’m sharing this is because there is so much shame around this for me, and if there is for me, I’m sure that my other friends who struggle with their weight (or other areas of their life,) feel that shame as well. And I’m telling you that I think it’s OK to believe with my whole heart that as I keep trying to become healthier and stronger, God loves me in my brokeness and weakness. That shame that we feel that we have to “lead with” in life so we can say to the world: “Don’t tell me I’m not OK – I already know it – I’m totally shamed so you don’t have to shame me – I’ve already done it for myself” is not what God wants for us. God wants us to live free. Not just skinny and free. Free.
I’m also not writing this as an excuse for being this way. I’m trying to figure this out because I love God and my family and want to be around for a long time. I know this will make some people angry, that I’m not going to shame myself here, but I’m OK with that. My weight is between me and God. For some reason, fat people make a lot of other people angry. That’s about them – not the overweight person they are shaming.
I’m going to choose to believe Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
I don’t know why I overeat. Oh I know the standard answer: I have a hole in my heart that only God can fill, but I’m filling it with food. But here’s the thing: That is shaming, and I don’t think shaming people gets them to change. (At least it’s never worked in my life.) In the past ten years I have been fifty pounds heavier than I am now, and I’ve also been fifty pounds lighter. My weight didn’t correspond to my prayer life or my bible reading. I don’t have the answer, but I’m not going to give up trying to figure it out.
This is the thorn in my flesh. This is the most humbling thing in my life. This situation right here? This is the thing that I pray about and struggle about and talk to God about. In some ways, this has been the thing in my life that has made me run to God and fall on my face like nothing else ever has.
So here’s what I’m going to do: keep talking to God and trying to figure why I am the way that I am. I’m going to keep trying to believe that God loves me the same way that my husband does: He loves me just as I am. AND He wants His best for me. There is no “but” between those two statements. It is possible to be overweight and totally adoringly loved by God.
Am I alone in this? If you struggle with your weight, do you know that God loves you exactly as you are this very moment? Do you know He is not waiting for you to be “normal” before He will love you? I want you to know you are adored. You are cherished. You are a delight to Him who loves you more than you will ever understand or know.
I have to work on this every single day of my life – this knowledge that God loves me just like this. I pray that it becomes a reality for you and for me.
Ugh, I really struggle with this. I was told I have an eating disorder. I honestly don’t believe that because I am not anorexic. I lost about 30 pounds from 2019-2020. I put in the hard work. I counted calories and exercised. I prayed and asked God for help. But I lost it…fell off the diet wagon in October 2020 because of relationship issues so I stopped counting calories. Anyway I gained almost all of it back. I found this site by googling Does God still love me if I have gained weight. I see myself from such a human/sinful viewpoint I guess. I am seriously doubting if He loves me or can even use me because of my weight gain. Anyone other than me can probably see how silly I am. My prayer is that God can help me “get over” my weight / body image / self-esteem issues. Maybe I can be happy just the way I am? I do want to lose weight (again). I just wish I could do so without counting calories! It’s like legalism. I want to be free. Thanks for listening.
I wanted to say, as a guy, who’s not particularly “fat” or “thin,” I can already see your heart and it’s beautiful. You speak with your vulnerability openly and you’re wholesomely and in its entirety owning the parts of yourself that make you the most scared. You’re not saying “I’m absolutely perfect” or coming at this with an authoritative position of blaming others /society in general. You are also not saying to yourself I’m the problem, and hating yourself. instead you’re considering love and what it means to be loved and growing in the way you learn to love yourself and cherish your soul and I’m sure by implication others souls. I find that unique and precious. You focus where it counts and you are refreshingly real. To me, I’d without question love you over anyone who’s judges others or blames others, and lives half truths that only perpetuate deception and confusion. You’re special 100%, and you are loved 100%. Not just by god but those on this earth who embrace gods spirit. Keep being awesomely cute and be kind to yourself wherever and however you can.
I have been overweight my whole life. I have starved and worked out and lost weight only to regain the weight. I’m so tired of feeling like something is wrong with me. I love Jesus. Oh He loves me so much more. I pray that we rest in His peace. I’m not skinny up twenty pounds than my usual. The more stressed the more I get off track and the weight creeps back up again. God loves us so much!!! We are unfinished. We are beautiful inside out. Stand strong my sister.
I think God may use it to keep us humble. If I were a super skinny mom I would probably be so full of pride nobody could stand to be around me.
I enjoyed this article so much – along with ALL of the comments. This is such a huge struggle for so many. I hope this topic will be covered at next month’s Hearts at Home 2.0 conference. 🙂 I have lost 75 pounds in the last 10 months only to realize that I’m still dissatisfied with my aging body
This made me cry.
I have no trouble staying thin. But often I have trouble loving people who are fat. I judge them for gluttony. I’m repulsed by them.
But it’s really, really selfish of me and I know it, and that’s why this article made me cry. Because we both have a thorn in our side. Yours might be gluttony but mine is a lack of love, and mine’s basically the worst vice a person can have. We’re both siblings in Christ and we both struggle. (But it seems like you’re trying harder to fight your sin, and I’m so proud of you for that.) And I’m sorry to you and to any fat person I’ve ever judged. I pray God will help me to love. I’m so utterly, hopelessly incapable without his grace.
Thanks for sharing your heart on this subject. Ya’ know…Now in my mid-40’s, a thankful mother of three, I’ve been through a lot in my life – just as everyone else has as well. I’ve been a cute, skinny catch when I was younger, a very thin / fit mom of three little ones – but I have to say, when I was skinny, my heart was yucky. When I was thin, I never would’ve disliked someone because they are overweight. Back then, my god was being very thin, fit and looking good. But, as I have gotten older, I am now much heavier and most definitely overweight – but, I guess one good thing is that I no longer worship my appearance. I am not condoning being overweight, but as for me, I would rather worship God than my looks. I think that’s terrible that anyone would think poorly of fat people – we all have faults – every one of us! I think we would see life much differently if we could get a glimpse of how God sees us.
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Wow, this really touched me. At 39 I am about 45 lbs overweight and though i look in the mirror and feel disgust..I have no discipline. My children say Im beatiful, my husband says im fine..but family members who were in bikini contests and work out constantly never judge me either, at least to my face. Im sure they wonder how i went from a skinny girl to a thick girl..but they never make me feel bad. I do that. I tell myself how gross i look with shoulders that look like a line backers and a tummy made of marshamallow..God can use as at any size..its our hearts he cares about..its the sins we dont repent for, its trying to do things without Him that is the true tragedy. Thanks for this article..it was a real blessing. Go size 12!!!
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Thanks for your article. I have struggled with that myself, but I am also a woman going after God, and I’ve wondered where the line is? I don’t crave food, but I do enjoy food…love to cook, entertain, even be creative. I’ve found that when I diet, my focus goes to dieting more than God. THAT’s not good. When I lose weight, people start praising me and my thoughts go to that. I would rather be heavy than sidetracked by satan into thinking, yeah, I look good. I have a nephew who is a strong Christian who is really in to fitness. But he makes me feel like a slug. Like I don’t measure up. I did hurt my back years ago trying to barefoot ski, so it’s not like I didn’t used to be active….but my body can’t do those things anymore. Anyway, I just came across this article about just where we are and found it to be quite helpful
http://www.gracegems.org/C/eating_to_the_glory_of_god.htm
Kathi–Thank you for expressing yourself (and many of us) so eloquently. Girl, I think there is a need for a book on this very topic!
Hi Shelley just wondering if you got my message on your question? ~Rose
I posted this on my FB page last fall as God was dealing with me on this very issue. Reposting here in hopes that someone else will find it useful.
Confessions of a Food Addict…
God has been working overtime on me in one area of my life. Because it’s painful, I know it’s something that God wants to be pruned out of my life. And even though it’s difficult to talk about, I’m going to go ahead and talk, because I know someone out there has got to be feeling the same thing and I pray you can receive healing as well.
For years, I’ve struggled with the roller-coaster of weight loss and weight gain, never being able to stay at any given size for more than a year or two. Throw two pregnancies in there and it’s even worse. And with the gain comes the shame, and with the shame comes depression, and then a seemingly never-ending cycle… eat because of depression… depression because of eating all the stuff that will make it worse… and then the shame… and on and on.
Recently, out of the blue, God struck me with this thought during a pity-party, “This shame does not come from me.” Then who is it from? Yep. Satan. Then I got mad that I’d let satan dupe me all these years and convince me of shame and keep me in bondage of shame, stealing my confidence, my joy, my peace. Then God hit me today with another thought that my food addiction was no better than an extramarital affair… stay with me on this… just like the sin of an affair, satan plants the thought/ temptation, then we ruminate on it, begin to desire it, then crave it and ultimately act upon it. In both cases, satan lures us with promises to make us feel good in the moment, and then the second that moment is over, he heaps shame and condemnation upon us. Anyone stepping in this with me?? (as my all-time fav author, Beth Moore, would say!)
THEN (speaking of my fav author, I’m studying her series on James), tonight I got another bold-faced, underlined, flashing neon word from God that spoke to me and this food addiction…. Even before she addressed the same thing in the way of temptations…
James 1:13 “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
Beth pointed out in the lesson that “the word ‘desire’ translates from the Greek epithymia, which conveys a strong desire or craving.” Hmmmm… craving. And verse 15 goes right along with what God threw at me earlier today, in the middle of work and not really in the middle of any craving! (Perhaps he was priming my pump for this lesson!) The craving is acted upon and snowballs into a cycle of shame and depression, and “gives birth to death.” Death of confidence, death of dreams, death of peace and contentment, and indeed plain-old death from health issues.
Now I know I’ll never be a size 3, probably not even a 10… my genetic make-up is such that a goal like that would be foolish for me to attempt. My people are not small people. But I do know that I don’t want to live the emotional roller coaster any more. I don’t want to allow satan to keep me in bondage anymore, to keep using me to abuse myself, and in turn keep me from being the confident witness for God. First Corinthians 10:13 tells us “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” We (yes we) CAN overcome the temptation… the way out is to be deliberate, hold all our thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). That, plus a huge glass of water to quell the craving until it passes!
You may not even have the food issue I do…maybe it’s something else. Hopefully this can help in all areas of temptation (shopaholics?). Is anyone relating to this at all?
This is absolutely amazing. God is amazing.
It’s posts like this that remind me why you are so special. You’re real. You’re authentic. I love that. Interestingly enough, when I was 20, I was 150lbs (which may not seem like alot but for my tiny frame) and I lost all my extra poundage using a Christian book called Weigh Down. I don’t even know if that book is still available (it’s 20+ years old) but it blessed me greatly and I’ve not struggled with my weight since. I know you’ve done tons of books so please forgive me if this is just another piece of unsolicited advice. Just thought I’d share with you the one thing that worked for me (and maybe if you find the book it’ll work for you too :)). You are beautiful, Kathi! SO very beautiful.
Kathi – this is a beautiful post full of soul, truth, and a struggle that many of us battle. I, too, wrestle this monster in my life. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, but nonetheless, I still get in the ring. It’s hard. and tiring. and something that never ends. It’s a daily for me. I’m with you sister! Thanks for your authenticity.
Kathi – bless you. My life has not let me spend much time online, so it’s God’s gift that I read your blog this time. It’s coincidence that I’m starting Weight Watchers this week at work — not with a final goal weight in mind, but with a goal of ‘any’ improvement in my life style and leaning on God. When I see someone who’s overweight, I no longer think condemning thoughts that they’re lazy, no self-control, etc. Having experienced so much unexpected trauma in my life, emotional, physical, metabolic, I know that each person who’s walking and talking is a miracle. We can’t know what’s going on in their life, and what struggles they are facing, and what they’ve overcome that has had to come before managing their weight and what obstacles they have with their weight. I’ve felt that same self-hatred, thinking I’m weak. Then I look at the impact I’ve had on those I love, those I care for, those I lead (Yes, you’re a leader!), and I don’t feel weak, I feel powerful in where God has gifted me, and I trust God in the areas in which I’m not capable. God will use me as I am.
Oh my friend, who helps so many others find freedom! I’ve never thought of you in terms of your physical size or shape. Larger-than-life personality and abundant generosity, yes! But if I were to describe you to someone who didn’t know you, I’d tell them about your smile, your hair (envy, envy, envy), and your laugh. And your heart the size of Texas for God and His girls. 🙂
I struggle with my weight and it wouldn’t be a problem for me if it didn’t affect my health. If I could be fat and not be on blood pressure meds, and a laundry list of others I wouldn’t take it to heart so much. I have tried. I have done every iet out there and I have done groups, but the truth is I don’t want to be winded after bending over to tie my shoes. i wish there was a magic pill or a magic prayer. I don’t even have to be a size 2 or 4 I just want to be healthy and off meds!!!
Bravo for being so amazingly open and supportive of others, but most of all for loving yourself the way you are in this moment – even if you have plans to change in the future. Thanks for this post. It’s was perfect in it’s timing for me.
Thank you so much for sharing and for your honesty. God loves us no matter what Kathi. And He looks at our heart which is the important thing. This is my story. And yes, I am a distributor with this amazing system & company because of how it has impacted my entire life. I am not here to spam, so I wont say what company. Just know its my personal story & what happened to me. I grew up in an abusive home and therefore grew up with much anger, stress, etc. And although I believed in God, I did not have a personal relationship with Him. I strongly believe all the stress of dealing with the abuse took its toll on my health and eventually my weight. And this despite doing all the right things…cardio, weights, eating healthy, organic, etc. Nothing worked and my health was getting worse & the lbs just kept coming on despite. I prayed for an answer & He answered. I came across a system that totally blessed my life and unlike anything I had ever come across. I got my weight (released 7 lbs, 8 1/2 inches in the first 9 days alone and 2 1/2 dress sizes in 1 1/2 months) and more importantly my health back. And even MORE importantly, I came to accept Christ as my Lord & Savior. I firmly believe God had been calling me to Him for years and like the prodigal son (daughter), I was not listening. It wasn’t until my I got my health, including helping to get me out of my feelings of severe lows and blues and even thoughts of suicide. Sad but true. I think it was the only way I was going to get His attention. And once I started feeling better and was so happy to get my life back, I was able to be grateful & focus on what’s important…HIM!! I guess my point is NEVER EVER STOP PRAYING & BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. I’m one. Just focus on being healthy.
Would you be willing to share your information about the system?
Hi Shelly! I would love to share. Are you on FB? If so friend me or send me a pm. I don’t want to spam. Im under Rose Nino…there are two, im the one from UT & a brunette. Or feel free to email me at rosenino@hotmail.com Be Blessed~Rose
i hear ya sister. have totally felt the same way. thanks for your transparency
Thank you for sharing your “thorn” in such an eloquent and honest way. God uses our thorns for his glory, and you have used yours by writing this and touching a lot of people. But Satan also uses our thorns – like the shaming that you talk about. It’s a great tool for Satan and it helps him achieve his goal, which is drawing our attention away from God. I love the version of 2 Cor. 12:7-10 in The Message, “I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees.” (v. 7) and “I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.” (v.9) Perspective is so important when we are dealing with our thorns/gifts.
We are all living with thorns and they take many different forms. The world is telling us that we are not perfect, no matter how we look, feel, or weigh. The voices of the world are not the ones to listen to. Thank you, Kathi, for asserting the fact that God loves us deeply just as we are. What a great truth to soak in.
May we be blessed by our gifts!
Thank you and thanks for sharing 2 Cor 7-10 from the message. A great perspective….
Thank Kathi for once again being so honest and transparent. You captured my feelings (and I suspect the feelings of so many women). I too struggle with my weight and have for many years. I find it so interesting and frankly frustrating that in the church, where we should be so generous with grace, we women tend to compare and criticize each other. Thanks for the reminder that not only did God create me (and I am wonderfully made) but He delights in me just as I am. May I not only remember that for myself but may I also be generous in reminding my “sisters in Christ” of that truth as well.
I love you. I love you because you are you, and because you say things that I think in my head, but usually can’t get out of my head. Today I picked up 3 years worth of medical records. During that time my health has taken a major turn, and as I read through the papers one thing jumped off the page, about 150 pages in. “Obese 41 year old presented with….” Oh. My. I burst into tears and crumpled because I know I’m overweight but to see that word associated with ME made me feel like a failure. I sat down with my Bible to tell the Lord how frustrated I am with my life and being sick, not being able to exercise, walk or even breathe most days, and He reminded me that HE CREATED ME! Then I read this and HE CREATED YOU, TOO!! But it’s easier for me to tell you that than it is for me to remember it myself. Thank you for being honest with us. Because just reading your words….made me feel…Free!
Please be encouraged today Shawna! Not everyone has the same ability! Some struggle with health and fatigue and it makes a big difference when it comes to people’s ability to exercise. You are very pretty and please just enjoy your life and don’t be discouraged!
Dear friend, you bravely leaped into a topic so many choose to avoid. Like you, I have struggled with my weight for years. But at some point, I had to come to grips with it or release God’s calling in my life. Speaking in front of crowds gives us no place to hide our struggle, yet we keep getting out of the boat. Just like Peter. The wind and waves of shame, criticism and judgment sometimes temporarily cause us to sink. But then Jesus takes us firmly by the hand and places us back into the boat of His calling – with HIS strength. Peter knew a life-changing truth that the other 11 in the boat missed: Peter actually experienced Jesus’ rescue. He looked into the eyes of his Savior and knew complete acceptance and love. Be it physical, mental or emotional, experiencing Jesus’ rescue sets us free. “And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Cor. 3:17). Hugs to you!
thank you for the reminder of our freedom.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kathi for sharing openly and honestly on this hard topic.
Thank you for sharing this. I have struggled with my weight throughout my entire life. I just recently realized that I have been believing that I will never be the person God created me to be until I’m thin. That sounds totally normal in my head, but it’s not biblical. It helps to hear that I’m not alone in this struggle.
Kathi, the important thing here is that shame is universal… and universally terrible and painful. I think everyone has areas of shame in their lives. I SO appreciate you sharing this, because it forces each of us to confront our own areas in which we feel inferior or shamed. We feel shamed from both inside and outside ourselves.
You know the truth. You know that those of us who love you will love you no matter what! You know God loves you. You know EVERYONE has a thorn in their side. You know life’s not fair! If it was, we’d live in a society that accepts people of all shapes and sizes.
You are brave and courageous… and dare I say it… you are PERFECT just the way you are! Something is “perfect” when it’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be, and you are.
You said you were going to keep talking to God, and keep trying to figure why you are the way you are. Might I suggest that the first half of this is right on, but the second half is a road to nowhere? The “why” question doesn’t seem to help. The answer is probably something like, “Everyone’s different and that’s the way God likes it.” I don’t know if it’s worth your while to spend time on the “why.” It’s a question that God never seems to answer anyway.
When I find myself asking God “why” too much, I force myself to pull back, STOP the why, and instead ask God, “What?”
“God, WHAT do you want me to do with this?”
The answer is usually that he wants you to keep going, accept how you are made, and continue glorifying Him in all that you do.
I don’t have all the answers… I wish I could take away your pain and shame on this issue… but what I do know is that I love you and never even think about your weight! If you want to know the truth, I am always self-conscious because I am a shorty and you are so much taller than me!!
Hang in there, Kathi. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are PERFECT.
Oh my precious friend, you jus spoke my heart and battle as well. This has been my life long struggle, weight and appearance. Of all things in my life I’ve agonized over this the most. When God spoken directly to my heart on this issue, I kid you not, every time He has said, “My grace is sufficient for you.” The verse will even show up in my inbox when I slump into depression over it. LOL! Thank you for sharing this with us, Kathi! We so need it! God does love us no matter what size and shape we are (I’ve even felt unlovable a lot of years because of my height). Girl, you are so precious! Your heart is so full of God’s love and His favor on you is so apparent! Lynn and I were just talking about that yesterday. We see it so clearly! Love you dearly, my friend. So thankful for you and your voice in this world. 🙂
Yes! God does love us right where we are! And that applies to more than weight… But, He also loves us enough to not leave us where we are. When there is discontent, isn’t that a sign that He is working? I believe it’s God’s desire for us to live full and fruitful lives and to be healthy (not skinny! but, healthy). He is a Great and Loving God!
About three years ago God and I started on what I refer to as my Health Journey. I wasn’t terribly concerned about my weight (I’d been about 50 lbs + since having kids), but my doctor said my cholesterol was high and if I didn’t get it down I’d need to begin prescription drugs to lower it. That was something I wasn’t willing to do. So, I read health book, blogs and articles. God challenged my thinking about food and nutrition. I grew older in age and younger in every other way. My back which had degenerative discs is now strong. The 50 lbs is gone. I feel great. I eat what I want, when I want and as much as I want. I just want the right stuff. It didn’t happen overnight! God and I are on this journey. Journeys begin with one step in the right direction, followed by another and another.
We come in all shapes and sizes. I am short. I am small. And life isn’t perfect. I struggle with temptation. Sometimes I have low self-esteem. I argue. I don’t keep a perfect house. I’m not creative. I wish I was more hospitable. AND I know God loves me and He will guide me to be better in every way everyday.
Kathi,
Thank you…. I feel exactly the same way. EXACTLY. Thank you Kathi. You have no idea how timely this is as I was praying over this issue in my life this very morning and struggling with the same things. I am close to God but why do I struggle in this area. I love you girl. So, so much.
This is a huge area of struggle for me! I suffer from depression, and I have a major problem with food. On top of that is the fact that depression is so DRAINING. It’s impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t been there, but there is just no energy. And for me, there is a lot of shame, both from myself and from others. From myself because I know that this isn’t what God wants for me. I not only look bad, I feel bad. It’s not so much an appearance thing, but I don’t feel good. And I’m not honoring my body the way I know God wants me to, but I still feel so helpless to fix it. It’s such a hard thing.
I would suggest walking at night. I suffer from the same things you do and I have found that finding really good uplifting music to take my mind off my fatigue as I walk really helps. Maybe do it 3 times a week – they don’t have to be long walks just start somewhere. Get that heart rate going – not for weight or appearance but because exercise (any) truly does help fight depression because of the natural endorphins one releases. (It’s also good for the joints and often times wn i’ve felt like complete crap and don’t want to walk, after i do, i end up having more energy). I like to walk at night because it’s less hot and I feel I have more privacy to be in my own little world. I really wish you the best as I struggle with many of the same things you do but really – you’ve got to get that body moving and i don’t care how or how little you start out just start doing it and i promise it will help you. I’d also like to suggest spotify – a cheap rental music system for your ipod. There’s tons of cool Christian music on there and it’s easy to create new playlists all the time! 🙂
Kathi, Well-said and something I (and, I suspect, a lot of others) need to think about daily. A former pastor signed off his TV show with these words, which I think are applicable here; God loves you just as you are…and so do I.
Blessings, friend.
A great post. The only time it has clicked for me is when I utterly surrendered and wasn’t even trying. And I am NOT saying that as a tip for you. I am saying that my preoccupation with my weight was another problem- in addition to the weight. I never thought about it as my sin on the outside. That is profound, Kathi. I also appreciate you “calling out” the shaming language that is so frequently used and, as you said, isn’t correct or helpful.
Is it possible we’re just supposed to be bigger?
I’ve been where you are and tried everything. I just gave up after twenty years of dieting six months ago. I’m learning that fat does not necessarily equal unhealthy and that maybe what is “overeating” for one person is “normal eating” for another. I’ve also learned that overeating can be a normal, physiological response to deprivation and a restrictive mentality.
I think health is important, but I think we’ve been very misled into thinking only skinny is healthy (along with a whole slew of other untruths). Did you know that less than 5% of people who try to lose weight keep more than 5 lbs. off more than five years? 95% is a huge failure rate! That little fact finally clued me in that maybe the problem wasn’t me, but the diets/lifestyle changes/programs/whatever you want to call them.
I’m learning to accept heavier me, to take care of myself with movement and food the best I can, and to stop sweating it. I urge you to look into the health at every size movement. It’s saving my sanity and putting my focus back where it should be-faith, family, etc.
Yes, I think being healthy is the most important thing however sometimes I wonder if I were skinny would I have different temptations?
For me, skinny brought a mess! I was fat through my teens and early 20s, then skinny for a few years (we’re talking about a 70+ lb weight loss), and now I’m getting larger again after having two kids and hitting my mid-thirties. I can’t say I didn’t have fun at the time with it, but looking back, I see things a bit differently now.
I definitely let how I look go to my head (to the point that I almost lost the man who was to become my amazing husband), I got myself into a lot of trouble with a lot of the wrong people and I was crazy obsessed with the number on the scale to the point of engaging in really unhealthy behavior.
Sometimes I think I’m being sent the extra weight to keep me humble and grounded in reality. I’m learning a lot of good lessons!!! Things like what really matters, how incredible my husband is, my true value, and that fat does not necessarily equal unfit (I can run a mile and half-in training for a 5k!).
(By the way, not saying everyone who loses weight acts as stupid as I did-just my experience-at least some of those pounds I lost must have contained my common sense 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I struggle with my weight and I’m hypothyroid. I obsess about this everyday. This post is just what I need to hear.
Kathi, Thank you. I struggle with my weight as well. Just the other day I felt God was telling me that He was looking forward to the day when I would not place so much value on what the scale says. Your words, “Not just skinny and free. Free.” made me pause. I realized that I think freedom and skinny go together when they don’t. Thanks for helping me to get my head straight on this. Jesus came to set me free and He did. The work is already done. I am free.
Nice Comment!
Thank you. (I’m sharing on facebook, but I find it ironic that the picture that it wants to use is the cover of your book “What’s for Dinner?”) LOL
I struggle too. 2.5 years ago, after I had my first son, I started doing the Biggest Loser workouts. I already eat pretty healthy…mostly whole foods and have cut out almost all processed. For 6 weeks I did great! Didn’t lose more than a couple pounds, but my muscle tone and figure changed noticeably! I was so thrilled! Then my knee started hurting. I worked through it until it got to the point it hurt all the time and was making it hard to take care of my then 3 month old. I went to the doc. My knee cartilage is breaking down and there is nothing they can do. I wept and was depressed for a couple months. Since then I have tried yoga and pilates, but my knee starts to hurt after a week or 2. I am tearing up writing this now. I am only 34, in my opinion too young for this to happen. If I even walk too much, like going around the neighborhood or the mall, it starts to hurt. Now it crackles terribly everytime I stand up on it. I just had my second baby and I want more, but now I have gone from not being able to work out to wondering if I’ll be able to care for more babies! Sorry for the long post, this is just such a thorn in my side. I’ve had everyone I know praying for me and I weep to God about it. Also my will-power on overeating is thinning out. When my knee hurts, I get to feeling sorry for myself and overeat. I’m hungry almost all the time now. It’s this terrible snowball and I don’t know how to stop it besides prayer. I know God has a plan in all this, and I pray I can persevere through it.
Some exercise isn’t healthy. Many overweight people are fine. I’ve seen skinny people in the hospital too, you know. Think about it!
Kathi: You are a beautiful soul, so honest and truthful. Thank you for speaking up about shame. I’ve been made aware of this recently from another source — a parenting class I took talked about the difference between discipline (teaching) and punishment (causing shame, blame or emotional pain). I know I was raised with the latter; my parents were raised this way also, so they did what they knew. I’ve tried to do different with my kids, but it’s hard work to stay conscious enough and not react out of old habits. I felt I had “grown-up” and forgiven my parents for all the shame, blame and pain. I loved my parents and had a lovely adult relationship with them. I lost my dad last summer and in the process of grieving his death, I stumbled on a wonderful resource: “The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John James and Russell Friedman. It affirmed for me the truth that our society doesn’t teach us how to grieve; and that the losses we experience early in our life (and how we learned to deal with loss/grief from them) will create a method of coping that we carry on into adulthood. It has been a blessing to me. They also have a website: http://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
I hope you and this community may find it helpful.
God Bless
thank you for your kindness and the book recomendation
I could have written this myself(not as eloquently of course, but the sentiments)… I have had the exact same thoughts. It is a struggle daily that I lose most days. I am actually beginning an extreme diet Thursday. I feel like such a long time failure that I need to go to extreme. Thank you for reminding me that God Loves me… just like this… it is not something I have to change before he can use me! God Bless you sister!
I understand how you feel, I am also fat. And someone could think by looking at me that I am out of shape, but yet I exercise every morning doing an exercise program that I know others who weigh much less than I do, can not do. I know people that won’t even attempt the program, but I am the one who is fat and looked at as lazy and out of shape.
It’s great that you exercise. Movement is very good for the body!
This is fabulous and so needed. Thank you for reminding me that it is “just as I am” that He loves me. Kathi, thank you for being willing to put this out there to encourage the rest of us.
Thank you for being so honest and sharing such a personal part of your life. I know it be a blessing to many!
Thank you, Kathi, I could have written that myself, about myself, except for the encouragement part. Thank you for reminding me God loves me just as I am.
Here’s the thing Kathi people struggle with weight for different reasons. I also struggle with my weight. Yet, I don’t over eat, I don’t sit on my butt all day watching TV, I don’t eat junk food, I don’t eat fast food, I’m not a big soda or booze drinker, I don’t snack all day, I don’t suffer with depression, and I’m not lazy. I enjoy exercise, I cook healthy meals, I drink water or tea, I care about my health, I am out going, I am secure and I am happy. I feel loved, cherished and adored by God and my husband. I have tried MANY programs, stuck to them and they have failed me. I don’t see my weight as SIN manifesting itself physically. But, I feel judgement from people who don’t understand that I live a healthy lifestyle and it’s frustrating. I can’t stand the “Hey Fatty, put down the fork and run” attitude from those who have not fought this battle on a larger scale. Or the “I did it! You can do it too! Let me tell you how!” forceful encouragment from those who ate low fat, low carb, low calorie, high protien, high fiber, or whatever diet program that was the answer for them. I don’t have the answer for my own weight battle or anyone else’s. And I won’t feel guilty for eating a carb, calorie or fun size bag of M&Ms when I’m PMSing. And sitting down to rest or take a nap is perfectly acceptable after a busy day. I feel that God gives us challenges for a reason. Maybe my own weight struggle helps me not judge others so harshly from what my mere human eyes observe. There is usually more to someone’s story than what we see and we need to remind ourselves to not assume that we know all. Last time I checked God is the only true know-it-all!
Kathi you are so right. Many people have extra weight that don’t have bad habits. It is what it is.
Thank-you!