Having a Mentor Moment
Finding a Mentor In Your Goal’s Field
Today: Identify the style of mentoring that could work for you and then make a list of a few people who you would like to mentor you. (Bonus points if you actually ask them!)
How to Find a Mentor:
Organically – Letting God do the matchmaking
I met Debbie when I did a retreat for her church which was located in my city. After that she invited me to be part of a local group of women in ministry, I got to know her even better. Debbie has been a gift to me in so many ways; when I’ve received criticism she is the one who can talk through it with me and put it in perspective. She really “gets” the ministry aspect of what I do and can help me figure out how to balance ministering to the women I love while still serving my family.
I need someone like Debbie to mentor me. She has a couple of years on me – her kids are planning wedding while mine are planning what college courses they are taking next semester – so the wisdom is there. She has keen insight into working in a male dominated industry (the church) and how to play with the big boys (literally).
Stalking – finding someone who is doing what you want to do, and then hanging out with them
When I was first starting out in speaking and writing, I met a woman who was several steps down the path than I was. Jan Coleman was speaking at retreats and writing books – things that I knew I wanted to do when I grew up. Jan was kind enough to let me hang out at some of her events, go with her to a retreat that she was speaking at, give me an outline to one of her book proposals that I could use as a guide, and generally just answer questions that I had about how to do ministry.
Structured – through an organization or business
When my kids were little and I was a stay-at-home mom, one of my main sources of income was doing at-home parties armed only with a rubberstamp kit and a dream. My manager, one level up, was a woman who lived around the corner from me, Patti Johnston. Patti taught me about running a business and devoting a portion of each day to working my work plan.
Internships:
Several years ago, I had a little company of one where I would go into small businesses and just do whatever needed being done. I loved being a support to women who were making their way in the world and watching them run their businesses up close and personal.
One of my favorite clients, Cynthia, was a well respected local wedding photographer. She was a one-woman show with me coming along sporadically to make appointments and run errands. One of the ways that Cynthia would expand her workforce was to bring in interns to go to weddings with her. They would schlep her bags and carry her equipment, and at the same time get a front row view as to how to stage people for pictures, where to be during the wedding to get the best angles, and all that other insider information that a budding professional photographer would need.
When I first got started in speaking and writing, I would have done anything to just hang out with some of my favorite writers to see what goes on in “A Day In the Life Of…” I knew I could learn so much from these women just by watching them in action. I remember saying about one of my favorite authors, “I would be happy to clean toilets if I could just hang out with her.”
Now, if someone offers to let you clean toilets in order to hang out with them, it might be a good idea to check their motives (unless your dream is to own a house cleaning agency.) However, if there is an opportunity to carry a photographers camera bags to a wedding, do the prep and chop for a cooking teacher, or do the clean up for your favorite painting instructor, I would move a lot of things in my schedule to make that happen.
Most people who have had some success in their field are used to people asking to be mentored – the problem? Mentoring takes time – time that they probably don’t have to spare. But, if you are willing to be at the bottom and help the expert get things done, you are going to learn more, and help more, than buying them a cup of coffee.
Paid Mentoring
There is nothing wrong with having a mentor for hire. In fact, I think it is a sign that you are moving down the road to your dreams to really analyze when it is time to get some paid mentorship on board. I have hired professional mentors in a couple of different areas. I have Rob, my publicity guru who holds my feet to fire and has high standards for every part of my ministry and I can attribute a lot of my growth to his time and effort. It seems expensive to put money into coaching, but I would rather spend a little bit of money upfront to get worthwhile advice, than waste time and money over a period of years going down the wrong path.
Coaching is a huge, industry and there are a lot of people who offer their coaching services (at a significant cost) perhaps a bit prematurely. If you decide to go this route, make sure that you have some great references from others before you plop your hard-earned cash down.
My other piece of advice is don’t hire someone too quickly. If you are just figuring out what you want to do when you grow up, you probably are not at the place for one-on-one mentoring. Instead, read some books or take a class to figure out if you really enjoy stained glass window making, or if you just like the idea of stained glass window making.
There are very few things that can make a bigger difference in weather you succeed in your goal than having a mentor. That is why I want to give you a lot of ideas and avenues to pursue.
Start a list of the people who you would love to mentor you. Once you have thought of some people, start being creative on how that mentoring could work.
– Could you offer to work in their office for a couple of days doing grunt work – but getting to see the inside operation.
– Could you tag along with an event planner to see how she preps a site if event planning is your thing?
– Could you be the assistant Bible study leader to learn more about teaching techniques from someone you admire?
– How about an online relationship? Could you offer to format a newsletter so you can see her process of putting it together?
Spend some time thinking creatively of what you might have to offer to the person you want to be mentored by – time, work, talent, money? Ask them if there is a way you could help. And if you get rejected? That’s why you have a list! Ask the next person. Ask God to bring the right people to mind and just keep asking!
Some of the benefits of having a mentor:
• Shorter Learning Curve, what materials are the best, what books to read etc.
• Referrals and References It is great to have an insider who can give you the tricks of the trade – telling you what classes to take (and what instructors are only trying to sell you on their program)
• A Community of Like-Minded Devotees When Marilyn Hilton, a wonderful non-fiction writer, agreed to have lunch with me, I was thrilled. We sat at a Tex-Mex restaurant, eating our weight in chips and salsa and talking about writers’ conferences and book outlines. But the most valuable thing that Marilyn did for me that day was let me in on a little secret; there was a group of Christian writers that met once a month in one of their homes here our area. Not only did she tell me that this clan existed, but she invited me to join them. I can point to that first meeting as a turning point in my career. Here I was, surrounded by women who not only loved writing, but were actually pursuing it as something more than a hobby. The talked about what was going on in the industry, who was buying books and who wasn’t. What agents were a pleasure to work with, and those who were more of a nightmare. What conferences were well worth the money, and what books and blogs that we absolutely must be reading.
• Been There Done That Advice Why spend all of your time making the same mistakes and going down the same rabbit trails as other people in your chosen passion. Avoid duplicating the same mistakes that others have made by asking great questions: “Is there anything that you wish you hadn’t done in the first year of pursuing photography? A class that was a waste of time? Buying equiptment that was overprices and unnecessary?
• Worthy Feedback I know your mom thinks you are the next Annie Leibovitz or Ansel Adams, but it might be better to listen to a person who is actually making a living taking pictures to get your feedback from. A mentor can let you know whether there is something wrong that an untrained eye may miss.
Tell us in the comment below what your style of mentoring is, if you have a mentor and if you do not did you/will you ask a person from your list to be your mentor. you could win 2 of Cindi McMenamin’s books.
At the present I do not have a set mentor. I talk with a few older ladies that I trust but I need to ask one or two of them to mentor me. I am going to put this on my prayer list and ask them soon.
I don’t currently have a mentor but I have two women in mind. The first one is an accountant and a close friend. I am thinking that she will be able to help me on the financial end. She is great with money. I am meeting with her tonight to prep for our once a month bible study and will ask her tonight. The other one is on the career end. I have decided I am going back to college for a degree in Criminal Justice: Victim Advocacy. I am super excited about this and believe that God has led me back around to what I have always wanted to do! I am going to ask a local DFS employee (who I know from a friend) to see if she would be willing to talk to me about things. I am praying to God to give me the courage ask these women. And if they are not right, to give me someone else that can mentor me. Also, I want to pray to God to give me someone to mentor. I think that He could use me in amazing ways!
I don’t really have a mentor since so many women have let me down more times then I can count. But there are women that know how to do certain things that I will ask them to show me that one thing so I can learn a new skill or something like that. As for being the mentor, I am with 1 friend that is having a lot of marriage issues and Im the only one she trusts. Do I think im the right one for the job, not at all! I have only been married for 5 years and never been with a guy that treated me like he is treating her. But I feel that even though I don’t know what to say sometimes, God comes in and talks through me.
Update: today at church, a younger lady asked me to be her mentor. I am humbled and suprised by this request. Can you please pray that I would be God’s hands and feet to her? Thank you.
That’s amazing Cari – she knows a good thing when she sees it!
There are a lot of women I admire in the blogging world; several of whom I would love to have as personal mentors. Unfortunately, none live in my neck of the woods. I have teamed up with DIY Ministry (http://tinyurl.com/diyministry) and am learning from them.
Great ideas on how to find a mentor. This is going in my to-do list.
I have been fortunate enough to have two mentors: one in the real estate industry and one in the Christian realm. They are both gracious Southern ladies who continue to inspire me.
In my teaching career, I had the privilege of having a fantastic mentor, a veteran teacher who had been teaching at the same inner-city school for over 15 years. He was “officially” my mentor for my first year on staff, but I went to him with every question I ever had for the entire 5 years that we taught there together and learned so very much from him!
Now, with my freelance writing career, I have had to seek out my own mentors. I have joined several online groups and subscribed to several blogs which are maintained by writers who are MANY steps down the road that I am just embarking on. Every week, I find encouragement, suggestions, and resources to use in duplicating their success. And much like this blog 🙂 , I feel I am getting the best mentoring available right in the comfort of my own home office!
I do have a wonderful mentor/coach! 😉
I’ve had the privilege of being a Mentor Teacher several times. Since my natural “style” can be quite bossy and overwhelming, I tried to be available but not intrusive. I have a massive collection of books, DVDs, and other educational resources, so they quickly discovered that with any problem, question, issue, etc. they could “just ask Cheri” and I’d happily share my experience and resources.
Since I’ve spent SO much time flat on my face from making every possible mistake in the book, my goal as a mentor is to help my mentees either avoid making the same mistakes or recover from them with dignity and forward momentum.
What a great question! I definitely do have mentors in so many areas of my life, but I don’t know that I’ve called them that to myself. Women whose ministries inpspire me, women whose homemaking is an example, women who are living out their lives in ways I want to emulate. I love being surrounded by them!
Part of my goal this year to to learn to cook. I’m 42 years old and will celebrate my 25th anniversary in 5 weeks. But I never learned to cook. (Hubby cooks well. My MIL does most of the cooking now.) I have reached out to FB and blog friends to get some ideas. I don’t have a specific mentor, but I did get an e-mail from an author named Kathi 🙂 who shared some insight and resources……
I’d love to have someone to sit at the kitchen table with me and help me plan—as well as stand in the kitchen and guide me there.
Thank you for this well timed blog. I hadn’t thought seriously about this being a part of achieving my goal.
I typically learn better with hands on. There isn’t anyone in my local area that does what I want to do (part of my motivation since there is a need in the area). I have successful friends in similar fields in other states that I brainstorm and talk with regularly that are excited to help me achieve my goal and succeed.
I meet twice a month with a friend. She also served on the mission field and understands my struggles to re-acclimate to life in the US like no one else can. Sometimes we work formally on goals, other times we just share our hearts. Either way, I love our time together.
Watching your ministry, Kathi, even from a distance, is a sort of loose mentorship of my speaking ministry. You keep me believing in the dream. You have been very generous to help when I’ve asked, and I know that you will be there for advice down the road as I need it. Thank you! I only wish I lived closer.
I have already ready your book Project me so this was one of my projects there. So I went to the largest Spa in my area (they do not have any hair services so there is no compitition with me) I have been going there as a client for 3 years so they know me well. I asked to speak to the owner whom I have become to know well and I asked her to be my mentor. She agreed and we have set up a date for me to pick her brain and a co-marketing project for us to work on.
Auugh my auto correct made my name James in the comment above!!! Janea not James!!! Lolol
Though it has nothing to do with my goal this time, I did/ do have a mentor for my photography. I have loved photography all mg life and took a college class when I got older. Then I met a woman who is just wonderful. She held a “class” for a few of us ladies who she befriended and I learned more in that two hours I spent in her presence than in that semester long class. And even now if I ever have a question she is always willing to give me advice, a pep talk, whatever she can. She was truly a blessing sent from god. I even got to help her one day for a photo shoot! One of the best days ever!
I do have a ministry mentor. We used to live closer together, so it was a closer relationship. Now, I live 2 hours away from her, so we only get together once a month, if that. We talk via text, cell, or email. I have wondered if I needed to seek a new mentor that lives closer to me in order to have that one on one relationship. I don’t know anyone from my area that is doing what I want to do(am doing very part time). I am praying that the Lord will send someone my way. I have a young lady that I mentor through the program at church. It has been a fun ride and I have made a friend for life!