Welcome to The Mom Project. For the next few weeks, we’ll be launching my book The Mom Project by hosting several mom friends who have tried it out for themselves. They read the book, completed a project from the book with their kids, and wrote all about it. And these are real moms. Busy moms. Unsure-of-themselves moms. Single moms. Special needs moms. Working moms. Stay-at-home moms. They do the hard work of mommy-hood every day, and have found fun ways to connect with their kids in the simple activities found in The Mom Project. Read on to hear their experience:
The Project
I’m an encourager by nature so it’s not hard for me to look for the positive in my children. But I have discovered a major weakness: undivided attention. From the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning, I am on the go – and on my phone. I check work email while I make coffee, scroll through the day’s headlines while brushing my teeth and message back and forth with friends and colleagues on social media while getting everyone else in the family up and ready for the day. I never sit down.
I can’t count the number of times my 3-year-old has asked me to just look at her. My 8-year-old has figured out that my phone is the way to connect with me. When she wants attention, she asks me to look something up on my phone or offers to show me a YouTube video. She’s even started asking if I’ll read books to her from my phone. It’s hard to look for the positive in my children when I am not making eye contact with them.
Then I started reading The Mom Project, which offers easy ideas for connecting with your kids that benefit the whole family. For our project, we adopted a phone-free Sunday, and I’m here to share the impact it’s made.
The Plan
Just the idea of this project put a pit in the bottom of my stomach. A whole day without a phone? Impossible. What if work needed me? My husband, Brian, suggested we both go phone-free with some lenience. We could be on our phones if the kids were asleep or entertaining themselves but the rest of time, we’d focus on each child individually and together as a family. Throughout the day, we would intentionally look for positive traits and actions to acknowledge and praise.
Results
My older daughter takes equestrian lessons every Sunday. Usually, Dad takes both girls while I stay home to catch up around the house. This time, we decided to divide and conquer. He’d take Lily and instead of sitting in the car while she rode, he would go to the arena and cheer her on. I would stay home with Abby and be fully present. While Brian and Lily were gone, Abby and I made muffins, cleaned the kitchen and played dress-up. At the end of the day, I made dinner while the girls spent time with Dad. Then he led bath time while I tidied up and I got the privilege of snuggles and reading bedtime stories (from real books with pages, not on my Kindle app).
What I Learned
Our girls have different personalities and needs for us to fulfill. The nuances are lost on us when we’re distracted by devices. In making muffins with Abby, I learned how important it is to do things herself. Complimenting her on taking initiative without worrying about the mess she was making with flour EVERYWHERE was hard for me but left her glowing. Her joy melted my anxiety and impatience. Her love for dress-up role-playing allowed me to observe the richness of her internal world. Until Brian fully focused on Lily’s riding, neither of us realized her fear of falling was preventing her progression. Being the dad that he is, Brian set out to solve the problem by teaching Lily to ride a bike that afternoon. After 30 minutes of encouragement and applause for getting up after every fall, Lily was riding up and down the street all by herself. Abby was jumping up and down on the sidewalk cheering for her big sister, and Lily beamed with pride.
Extra Tips
Looking for the positive is easy when your kids are compliant, but what happens when they aren’t? If you’re going to try this project at home, the first thing you’ll want to do is decide how you’ll handle the situation if your children won’t follow the plan. For instance, Lily wasn’t interested in time with me. At first my feelings were hurt. She always wants my time when I don’t have it to spare. Rejection is tough but instead of pouting, I told Lily I was proud of her for feeling free to speak her mind (she said “no thank you” – at least she used her manners).
WIN!
Ready for your chance to win a copy of The Mom Project? To be entered into the drawing, just comment on this post and you’ll be entered to win.
*Only US readers are eligible to receive the free book.
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This is written by Tonya, a full-time working mom of two spirited girls. For our readers, Tonya is offering a free download of Why You Need a Mommy Dream Team. When she’s not managing the Clutter-Free Academy Facebook group, she writes about overcoming comparison, clutter and compulsion at www.tonyakubo.com.
Tonya, this applies even to our grown children when they are home because I don’t like it when they are on their devices and not paying attention to me and I need to return the courtesy. I love that you shared what you saw about them that you hadn’t noticed before and shared that it didn’t work smoothly but instead of being hurt be thankful for a lesson learned. You guys are the best!!!
Thanks for reading, Deanna. Your encouragement means so much.
Wow I really needed to read this today. I feel like my kids as well constantly fight for my attention over my phone and we are on Spring Break. I am trying to be the best momma I can for my 3 boys but I have found that I am addicted to my phone. I need help and would love to read this book. I love the things you already wrote about and today I am making the choice to leave the phone home and take a hike with the kids. Thank you for bringing awareness to all of us and I look forward to being able to read your book.
Thanks for reading!
This sounds like such a practical book. Can’t wait to hear even mote ideas to connect with my kids.
Life is challenging at times and we are often distracted by the smallest things in life. I think it’s a wonderful idea to set an example for your children by setting limitations on the things that take away from your family, and you’re directing your focus to your family. I think it’s amazing and wonderful you and your husband worked together to accomplish a family task and everyone enjoyed their time! I love spending time with my girls as well, and with our busy schedule we too are learning how to make things work and fill everyone’s love tank!
Thanks for sharing!
Wow! I so need to put my phone down and spend time with my children. I need to find something they each enjoy doing and do it with them. Definitely need tbis book.
Good luck in the drawing!
This is amazing and starting it now will help you keep it in place when they are teenagers and they are always on their phones. I wish I had done this with my family when my kids were little because you can’t get that time back and all too soon they won’t look to you for praise, but to their peers. Making everyone unplug for a day will be more important than you could ever imagine in the near future.
What a great point. Thanks for sharing perspective from the other side.
Recognizing each kid is different and each kid responds different to either parent too.
So true…The Mom Project addresses that, too! It’s a great resource.
This is all so important to remember – – it looks like a great book!
It’s a great book, and the projects are easy for even the busiest moms.
This one hit home for me! I’m definitely going to give it my best.
Good luck!
Oh no! No phone…i need to do this, sounds amazing!
I think we are going to make it a Sunday habit. Ine day a week is better than never, right?
This book looks fabulous. Love the idea & what you learned.
Thanks for reading. It was a great experience to test out The Mom Project.
Hi Carly,
Congratulations! You won a copy of the Mom Project! I will email you for your mailing address! Thank you for participating!
I so need this book. I’ve got to put the phone down.
This is good encouragement. I find my kids get reaally frustrated if I am on my phone and distracted. MOOooooOOOM!
It’s so hard, but I think the investment in eye-to-eye contact has really paid off for us.
I’m always looking for inspiration to be my best ME and best mom and wife for my children. I’m currently battling breast cancer and need all the help and support that I can get!
Wow! I think it’s great that you’re working so hard to bring your best self to all that you do!